How do you kick a family member out?

[Guest Len B'stard]

Well hes got a point Red i mean, it'd get em away from you. Whether by way of their vacating or your incarceration, it'd get the job done

Oh yeah that's just great advice innit? Want rid of a pesky relative? Well just fuck their kids and you won't see 'em for dust!

Well, it works, doesn't it? You're too picky, thats your trouble!

Edited April 25, 2014 by sugaraylen

[shades]

She is young (23), and I do love her, and I understand she going through a rough patch in life........

I feel like if I tell her she has to leave, I'll go to hell or karma will kick my ass.

read both of these things back to yourself a few times. ^^^^^

most of the advice in the thread imo, is shit and insensitive.

So her kids bother you a little, they're kids.

Ever sit and watch them sleep,

or how your sister looks at them while she's pondering what she is going to do to get out of the situation she is in

Brother up kid, it's temporary and it's the most important thing you have ever done in your life to this point is my guess.

Shit comes back to you man, either flowing up hill or flowing down, your choice.

And I've been around other peoples kids on a 24/7 deal, it is not easy I hear ya.

but man if you say something to her that makes her pack up and head out the door you wont be able to sleep.

Edited April 25, 2014 by shades

[Zint]

The issue at hand, really, is what effort is she putting in to getting her life on track.
Children being messy is temporary, that will pass, it's what she is doing with her day to resolve her situation that you might want to show concern for and talk to her about in a supportive manner.

[Patience 4 Axl]

Wow, 23 years old with 2 little ones and relationship problems...she's got a lot going on. Good job with being there for her and the children Sunny, it's an adjustment for everyone involved right now, and I commend you for stepping up the way you have.

You know when there are kids around you need to baby proof the house. Anything breakable, expensive, or that has sentimental value has to be stored away. You've been living on your own and obviously have a routine which they've unintentionally disrupted. I can't imagine how bad things could have gotten for your sister to actually feel the better option was to remove herself and her children from her own home. I'm sure she would much rather things were different, so you need to take a deep breath and be a little more patient. Right now she's not only trying to make the best decision for herself, but for 2 other little lives. Forgive her if she left a few dirty dishes in the sink.

[The Sandman]

[SR_GR]

You could take this time as a chance to get to know your sister and her kids better.

Those relatives we get to know and like while we are kids usually stay that way forever.

Is there a way to think about this situation as a blessing and joy more than a duty?

I assume she has no education and not that much money? It means that you and the rest

of the family might have to support her for many years to come while she gets herself

an education or profession. If you are a healthy man, maybe you could just clean more

around the house than usual and clean after the kids? Or if you have the money you could

have someone come over to do some cleaning and cooking twice a week. It sounds like

she needs time to figure out what to do with her life.

If you both teach the kids to return the toys to their places as part of the play, they’ll just

learn to do it as a default and do not even think about it.

[Jackie Moon]

inappropriate advances, the problem will take care of itself.

[dalsh327]

So long story short, one of my sisters has been having some issues with her husband, and since I am the sibling who lives the closest and has the most space, I said she could come stay with me until they worked it all out.

*sigh* Huge freaking mistake, I want her gone.

It wasn't so bad at first, I mean she cleaned and every now and again she would cook. The house is big, so I still have my space. Thing is over past three weeks, she has become rather messy. Really not so much her, but her two kids. They are babies still, so you can't get too mad at them, but she never cleans up behind them, and now its gotten to the point were they are breaking my sh*t.

She is young (23), and I do love her, and I understand she going through a rough patch in life.........but damn, I think I want her gone.

I feel like if I tell her she has to leave, I'll go to hell or karma will kick my ass.

Is she bringing any kind of money in, on any kind of welfare? A lot of times young women don't know what the hell to do and what kind of services are out there for them. I know some people are too proud to be on welfare, but part of that is also trying to get them on their own feet, having their own place, having a job, etc.

"Having issues with the husband" doesn't mean she should be living rent free. She should be working it out or working towards splitting up.

Does she have an exit plan? The thing is to not let her procrastinate and become settled, this is a temporary situation unless she wants to add her name to the deed and split the mortgage with you.

I mean, as far as growing up with her, how was she about doing chores, or she never did them? She shouldn't be asked, but sometimes you have to make lists up for people in what you expect to be done, don't make her feel stupid where she's just going to be hard on herself (it's too easy to make someone like that feel worse about their situation) or pissed off at you, but just give her some sort of schedule to go by.

It's too easy to become complacent and take advantage of a situation, but this is also a depressing time for her. A lot of times you have girls who are confused and were sheltered, so they wind up latching onto a guy that treats them (and their kids) badly, esp. if she had a history of dating jerks.

The goal is for her to be on her own two feet - family can enable her to wear out her welcome. We all want to get our place back to our "normal" and have the place back to ourselves. She needs to have a future to look forward to, whether that means she works the marriage out or goes out on her own, she should feel like she's creating an inconvenience, and not settled in at all.

But she has to be motivated to do it. As far as the kids go, my take is that she has all these services and benefits, but she has to be legally separated I think. She should be hitting the welfare office as much as she should be trying to get a paycheck.

[Guest Len B'stard]

Y'know, in other parts of the world, non-western, one of their cardinal criticisms of western society is that people over here can't do nothing for nobody. They can't give family a place to stay, can't be bothered to look after their mums and dads, can't help people out that are in a bind without expecting something in return, don't understand the concept of hospitality and their primary motivations are selfish. Now obviously this sort of stereotyping is as valid, in the broad wholsale sense, as bullshit like 'jews are tight' or some other such ridiculous perspective but there's something to it at least in the 'every man for himself' thing they have going on.

I don't think I could ever turn away any member of my family in terms of giving them a place to stay and some food or whatever, for however long they needed it.

I suppose the flipside of that is those other cultures do too much family-wise.

Edited April 28, 2014 by sugaraylen

[Lithium]

I suppose the flipside of that is those other cultures do too much family-wise.

Yeah, like marrying their cousins.

[Dazey]

I suppose the flipside of that is those other cultures do too much family-wise.

Yeah, like marrying their cousins.

Oi, leave Lenny's mum and dad out of this!!!! Edited April 28, 2014 by Dazey

[Guest Len B'stard]

Shit, where'd you think the 13 toes and gammy leg came from?

[Dazey]

Shit, where'd you think the 13 toes and gammy leg came from?

Cornwall?