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I wouldn't be freaking out if she kissed somebody while drunk, I might have done when I was a bit younger but truth be told alcohol makes people do a lot of dumb shit.

If my (non existent) wife and I loved each other, but she drank a couple of bottles one night and had sex with another guy it would hurt but if she didn't love him and it was just one of those things, rationally I'm not so sure it would be all that bad...I might get wild drunk twice a week and expect her to pull my head out of a pile of my own puke and drag my naked ass inside in the freezing cold but she can't fuck up and have sex with somebody else?

I'm not trying to advocate being a doormat or anything, but try to think back where you grabbed a titty or something on the sly at a stag party or went to a strip club or something...is it really any different? ( if she doesn't care about the other guy?)

I guess I'm trying to say it might not be cheating if it doesn't mean anything?

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You know in the end of the day yes , drinking is no excuse .Still , everybody does stupid stuff they regret at some point ...maybe this was one of them for your girlfriend . The best thing you can do is wait until she comes back and have a deep conversation (part of wich should be that something like isnt ok with you) im a big believer in the instinct ....so you talk to her and follow what your first instinct tells you , after looking to her eyes . Sometimes people do know the truth because their personal alarm goes full on red , screaming "danger , danger" but they preffer not to hear it , for whatever reason . The feeling/vibe(whatever you chose to call it ) you will get from her , is what should guide you

Seems to me it would be very difficult for you to break up with her even if you realize she doesnt love you like she used to anymore ....so try to not to listen to your fears , try just to get the reality of things. Basic instinct on these things is good

Edited by love&hates
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1 - you owe it to yourself to cheat on her ASAP (preferably with one of her friends)

2 - after #1 is done you should break up with her. If it eventually works out in the future then so be it (but don't be made a fool again).

3 - she likely wants out (sorry!) and is too chicken-shit to break up with you

4 - you should destroy something of hers (assuming you live together) before she gets home

5 - at the end of the day a bitch is a bitch so never get your hopes up too high that they won't disappoint again

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I'm more concerned that she sent you a drunk text that she kissed another man rather than the fact that she actually kissed another man. The kiss probably meant nothing. The text on the other hand, well, that probably meant something. You can believe she discussed whether or not to send that text to you with at least one girlfriend and probably two. Now that is a problem. Chances are she's been talking about you to a few women friends. How has your relationship been going? Maybe you think it's been going wonderfully. That can be the problem with some women. Men think a relationship, especially after the two year mark, is going great, and after that two year mark, a woman is wanting the relationship to move in another direction. So, ask yourself, is your relationship just where it was two years ago. If you are happy and content, chances are she's ready to shake things up a bit. You are probably one of those really nice guys that a lot of girls would love to have. She on the other hand is one of those girls that went to a concert and left you at home. I think you should rearrange all the furniture before she comes home. I know that sounds simple and silly. But something just as simple and silly as rearranging the furniture will make her feel like there is a change in your / her home life. Plus you are establishing your dominance that way! And she needs a change. Trust me on this. She's looking for a change. Just a change of scenery in the apartment will do it sometimes. Well, for awhile anyway. And don't be a victim when she comes in. Whatever you do... don't be a victim about this, don't play hurt or she will nail you to the cross with it.

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I'm a bit surprised that some of you think her texting about the kiss was less than admirable. Is the importance of not keeping any secrets from a significant other such a foreign concept these days? Or have we simply evolved to a point where guilt that leads to voluntarily doing the right thing is no longer welcome in society?

I used to think the same as you. Now I don't anymore. I've done that once, told my boyfriend I'd kissed someone else. It was only one kiss, it meant nothing to me. But I felt guilty and told him. Our relationship basically never was the same again afterwards. While I know that kiss meant nothing, it changed everything.

If my husband would kiss another, and it was just a stupid one off thing, if he'd still love me and felt nothing for that woman at all, I'd rather he didn't tell me. It would do more harm than good. And why ? Destroy trust, a relationship for one kiss ? I'm not saying cheating is okay, because it is not, let me be clear. But sometimes it's better to just let it be, if it really meant nothing. I know a lot of my friends agree, but then, we're older, we're all in relationships of 10, 20 years. Should you throw that away over one stupid thing ? I think not.

Again, I used to think differently, I used to think you should always tell each other everything. But why hurt the one you love forever for one stupid mistake that you won't make again ? (That's important, I'm not talking about an affair that goes on, I'm just talking about a one off thing.)

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1 - you owe it to yourself to cheat on her ASAP (preferably with one of her friends)

2 - after #1 is done you should break up with her. If it eventually works out in the future then so be it (but don't be made a fool again).

4 - you should destroy something of hers (assuming you live together) before she gets home

5 - at the end of the day a bitch is a bitch so never get your hopes up too high that they won't disappoint again

Possibly the worst advice ever for a relationship.

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I'm a bit surprised that some of you think her texting about the kiss was less than admirable. Is the importance of not keeping any secrets from a significant other such a foreign concept these days? Or have we simply evolved to a point where guilt that leads to voluntarily doing the right thing is no longer welcome in society?

Great post.

THe problem with topics like these comes when people use their own personal experience as the end-all be-all for the person asking for advice. Just because one of our past relationships ended in cheating or something like this doesn't mean that every other 8 billion people in the world have the exact same situation as we did.

Maybe these guys are fine and meant for each other and will get married and live happily ever after. Maybe the girl just didn't eat enough that day, ended up getting drunker than she normally does, and got caught up in a moment and kissed some guy. Felt instantly guilty about it, knew she messed up, and wanted to let her BF know about it as soon as possible so they could start working through it. Maybe she feels extremely guilty, is willing to cut down or stop her drinking, and wants nothing more in the world than to fix her mistake and be the best GF she can possible be.

Or, maybe she does this every times she goes out and gets really drunk.

People are giving some really extreme advice in here.

Probably the best thing they need to do is sit down face-to-face and talk about what happened. And why it happened. And what steps she is willing to do to make sure it doesn't happen again. No need to break up, cheat on her, re-arrange your house, etc. A simple conversation is the place to start.

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Maybe the girl just didn't eat enough that day, ended up getting drunker than she normally does, and got caught up in a moment and kissed some guy.

This is why you (not you specifically G) shouldn't let your gf/wife go to Vegas or Mexico with her girls.

Edited by Coma16
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I'm not really the guy to talk openly about my personal life. But there's something that's bothering me and I don't know how to deal with it.

My girlfriend is at a festival in Hungary. And she texted me that she kissed someone last night.

To be honest I'm glad she texted me and told me the truth, but I really don't know how to respond to this.

I mean. If it happens once, who says it won't happen again? My ex did the same thing, and is now together with the guy.

So I'm kinda freaking out, which is ridiculous because it's pretty childish. But what should I do? We've been together for almost 2 years now.

Anyway, sorry for taking this to the forum. But I REALLY could use some advice.

You are fine. The ones that kiss and tell are keepers. I am with someone who did something similar years ago and we have been with them now for almost 20 years now

You have to forgive though, otherwise it will be you that breaks up the relationship, then you'll probably head on a downward spiral affected by alcohol and depression, live a miserable life and have endless bitter relationships because you cannot fully trust anyone.

Think carefuly and rationally is my advice

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I'm a bit surprised that some of you think her texting about the kiss was less than admirable. Is the importance of not keeping any secrets from a significant other such a foreign concept these days? Or have we simply evolved to a point where guilt that leads to voluntarily doing the right thing is no longer welcome in society?

Great post.

THe problem with topics like these comes when people use their own personal experience as the end-all be-all for the person asking for advice. Just because one of our past relationships ended in cheating or something like this doesn't mean that every other 8 billion people in the world have the exact same situation as we did.

Maybe these guys are fine and meant for each other and will get married and live happily ever after. Maybe the girl just didn't eat enough that day, ended up getting drunker than she normally does, and got caught up in a moment and kissed some guy. Felt instantly guilty about it, knew she messed up, and wanted to let her BF know about it as soon as possible so they could start working through it. Maybe she feels extremely guilty, is willing to cut down or stop her drinking, and wants nothing more in the world than to fix her mistake and be the best GF she can possible be.

Or, maybe she does this every times she goes out and gets really drunk.

People are giving some really extreme advice in here.

Probably the best thing they need to do is sit down face-to-face and talk about what happened. And why it happened. And what steps she is willing to do to make sure it doesn't happen again. No need to break up, cheat on her, re-arrange your house, etc. A simple conversation is the place to start.

But Grogan you are giving many reasons of why she may have done this. What if it isn't about her? He said his last gf cheated on him. Maybe he should look at himself. He asked for advice and said he didn't know what to do. He can't change her as we both know. All he can do is change himself. If she wanted to sit down and talk, she would have come home to sit down and talk. Sending a text of that nature to leave him worrying when she is a long way from home is pretty cold I think.

You state, "what steps she is willing to do to make sure it doesn't happen again" ...that's putting it all on her. Besides if they do talk, many women don't say what they mean. They aren't lying, they just don't say what they mean. Not that this would happen, but it could and he would walk away with having learned nothing if he approaches it thinking it's her dilemma alone. This doesn't sound as simple as something to solve in a conversation. A change is needed. A woman wouldn't forgive this so easily. I don't think they should break up over it. That's not what I meant.

If he doesn't want her to do it again, he should look at himself though, not sit her down and ask her to decide how she will make sure it never happens again. - my opinion though, I could be wrong. :)

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If he doesn't want her to do it again, he should look at himself though, not sit her down and ask her to decide how she will make sure it never happens again. - my opinion though, I could be wrong. :)

Sounds like you're saying if a girl cheats on a guy, it's always the guy's fault for not doing enough to make her want to be faithful to him. I have to strongly disagree. If a girl is a frequent drinker and tends to have poor judgment when she drinks, it doesn't matter how much she loves her significant other ... she's gonna cheat. And if a girl is a slut, she'll cheat no matter how much she's into her S.O.

Where is the self accountability these days? Why do we tend to blame everyone else for our problems, poor judgment and unethical behavior? :(

Absolutely not. That's not what I'm saying. I read that y'all are saying they shouldn't break up at all. I read y'all saying he should forgive her. Well, if he's going to forgive her, he's got to look at himself. Again, he's asking for help and tells us he doesn't know what to do. If he decided he wasn't going to put up with this, he wouldn't be asking for advice. I'm not going to give advice to break up when someone asks for advice on how to repair a relationship.

No, no man should put up with a woman like the one you describe nor should a woman put up with a man like that.

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I'm a bit surprised that some of you think her texting about the kiss was less than admirable. Is the importance of not keeping any secrets from a significant other such a foreign concept these days? Or have we simply evolved to a point where guilt that leads to voluntarily doing the right thing is no longer welcome in society?

Great post.

THe problem with topics like these comes when people use their own personal experience as the end-all be-all for the person asking for advice. Just because one of our past relationships ended in cheating or something like this doesn't mean that every other 8 billion people in the world have the exact same situation as we did.

Maybe these guys are fine and meant for each other and will get married and live happily ever after. Maybe the girl just didn't eat enough that day, ended up getting drunker than she normally does, and got caught up in a moment and kissed some guy. Felt instantly guilty about it, knew she messed up, and wanted to let her BF know about it as soon as possible so they could start working through it. Maybe she feels extremely guilty, is willing to cut down or stop her drinking, and wants nothing more in the world than to fix her mistake and be the best GF she can possible be.

Or, maybe she does this every times she goes out and gets really drunk.

People are giving some really extreme advice in here.

Probably the best thing they need to do is sit down face-to-face and talk about what happened. And why it happened. And what steps she is willing to do to make sure it doesn't happen again. No need to break up, cheat on her, re-arrange your house, etc. A simple conversation is the place to start.

But Grogan you are giving many reasons of why she may have done this. What if it isn't about her? He said his last gf cheated on him. Maybe he should look at himself. He asked for advice and said he didn't know what to do. He can't change her as we both know. All he can do is change himself. If she wanted to sit down and talk, she would have come home to sit down and talk. Sending a text of that nature to leave him worrying when she is a long way from home is pretty cold I think.

You state, "what steps she is willing to do to make sure it doesn't happen again" ...that's putting it all on her. Besides if they do talk, many women don't say what they mean. They aren't lying, they just don't say what they mean. Not that this would happen, but it could and he would walk away with having learned nothing if he approaches it thinking it's her dilemma alone. This doesn't sound as simple as something to solve in a conversation. A change is needed. A woman wouldn't forgive this so easily. I don't think they should break up over it. That's not what I meant.

If he doesn't want her to do it again, he should look at himself though, not sit her down and ask her to decide how she will make sure it never happens again. - my opinion though, I could be wrong. :)

My main point was that a lot of people on here are giving some pretty extreme advice, based on their OWN one personal experience with an ex who cheated. We don't know the back stories of these two, nor do we know what they are like in real life or what they relationship is really like.

I don't think the guy should do anything extreme........until she returns and they can sit down and work through it (for good or for bad). There really is not enough known about the two of them for any of us to give serious meaningful advice.

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Yeah, I have to agree with Groghan here.

I think, she just lost all boundries. I think this is what happened:

She was in another country, partying and drinking way too much. Some guy started kissing her, she kissed back. Then she realised what she had done, freaked out and texted you.

The reason, I think you don't have to worry is cause she freaked out and texted you immdiately. I would be highly suprised, if she gave you another explanation.

Like I said before, just talk to her. Personally I wouldn't make a whole big deal out of it. It was just a kiss, no sex or anything. Just make sure it was only a kiss.

Is she home yet?

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