ZoSoRose Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Share some of your shit here! A good place for feed back or criticism!Here's one I wrote, is it gay? It is called The Rip Tide and It's kind of a slow, but bluesy tune. I think the pre choruses and chorus need some work, but I think the verses and parts of the outro can be cool.Chords for the verse are Am, F7, C, Ethe pre chorus is Am, G, F, Eand then the chorus and outro are C, G, Am, FThe sun may still be shinin'On this wretched piece of dirtBut the current's always pullin'Till I'm battered and hurtThe waves are gettin' higherAnd the rip tide pulls me inThis ocean feels like heavenAs it splits apart my skinI'm smilin' through my teethI made another joke, ya see?You think I'm doin' fineBut we all got shit to hideSo, outside I'll show you loveBut inside I'm full of hateI'll crack one more smileBefore I finally breakBut I can't turn my backAnd walk away from youDespite this nightmareThat you want to put me throughI can't stop thinkin' bigI can't stop thinkin' bigIt's so hard to stand tallWhen you make me feel so smallI can't stop thinkin' bigI can't stop thinkin' bigI've gotta stand tallI'm not someone smallThe tourniquet will tightenLike a rope around your neckIt'll break your bonesAnd take all that you got leftSo, I'll lay on this bed of rosesI'll toss some flowers on your graveIt's funny there's a casketThat reads, "Jesus saves"But I can't turn my backAnd walk away from youDespite this hellThat you want to put me throughI can't stop thinkin' bigI can't stop thinkin' bigEven if I fallI swear to god, I'll take you allI can't stop thinkin' bigI can't stop thinkin' bigEven when I fallI'll be standin' tallI know where you can find meI'm buried beneath the wavesDon't know if I'm drowningOr if I'm hopin' to be savedI can't remember who we areOr remember where we've beenThe rip tide's pulled me underAnd its tearing through my skinI can't stop thinkin' bigI can't stop thinkin' bigI can't stopCause the rip tide's pulled me in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len Cnut Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Try maybe avoid the kinda limerick structure to the verses? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Drama Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Needs some Major 13th chords and agonised ululating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake-Pit Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 (edited) The pre chorus reminds me of the melody chorus to By The Sword by Slash and Andrew Stockdale as they both involve Am G and F. Switch that E to a D and you'd have nailed the notes dead on.Switch them around and you'd have it, but, everyone's a critic ^ (see's posts.)My poetry, by Snake-PitOneTimeAllThe fuckingTimeAnd ILove you Edited September 24, 2014 by Snake-Pit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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