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The lyric/writing/poem thread


ZoSoRose

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Share some of your shit here! A good place for feed back or criticism!

Here's one I wrote, is it gay? It is called The Rip Tide and It's kind of a slow, but bluesy tune. I think the pre choruses and chorus need some work, but I think the verses and parts of the outro can be cool.

Chords for the verse are Am, F7, C, E

the pre chorus is Am, G, F, E

and then the chorus and outro are C, G, Am, F

The sun may still be shinin'
On this wretched piece of dirt

But the current's always pullin'

Till I'm battered and hurt

The waves are gettin' higher

And the rip tide pulls me in

This ocean feels like heaven

As it splits apart my skin

I'm smilin' through my teeth

I made another joke, ya see?

You think I'm doin' fine

But we all got shit to hide

So, outside I'll show you love

But inside I'm full of hate

I'll crack one more smile

Before I finally break

But I can't turn my back

And walk away from you

Despite this nightmare

That you want to put me through

I can't stop thinkin' big

I can't stop thinkin' big

It's so hard to stand tall

When you make me feel so small

I can't stop thinkin' big

I can't stop thinkin' big

I've gotta stand tall

I'm not someone small

The tourniquet will tighten

Like a rope around your neck

It'll break your bones

And take all that you got left

So, I'll lay on this bed of roses

I'll toss some flowers on your grave

It's funny there's a casket

That reads, "Jesus saves"

But I can't turn my back

And walk away from you

Despite this hell

That you want to put me through

I can't stop thinkin' big

I can't stop thinkin' big

Even if I fall

I swear to god, I'll take you all

I can't stop thinkin' big

I can't stop thinkin' big

Even when I fall

I'll be standin' tall

I know where you can find me

I'm buried beneath the waves

Don't know if I'm drowning

Or if I'm hopin' to be saved

I can't remember who we are

Or remember where we've been

The rip tide's pulled me under

And its tearing through my skin

I can't stop thinkin' big

I can't stop thinkin' big

I can't stop

Cause the rip tide's pulled me in

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The pre chorus reminds me of the melody chorus to By The Sword by Slash and Andrew Stockdale as they both involve Am G and F. Switch that E to a D and you'd have nailed the notes dead on.

Switch them around and you'd have it, but, everyone's a critic ^ (see's posts.)

My poetry, by Snake-Pit

One

Time

All

The fucking

Time

And I

Love you

Edited by Snake-Pit
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