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What Is Harassment?


magisme

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A student showed this video at school assembly as part of the "news". Honestly? Go fuck yourself. MAYBE there's like one instance of legit harassment in the video. Maybe.

What do you all think? Would love to hear the female perspective. P4A's city. Where you at, girl?

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So let me extend this a bit....

I walked out of the morning meeting when the video came on. I didn't make a scene out of it or anything - I was already at the back of the auditorium - but I'd already seen the video, and it pissed me off when I watched it by myself, so I wasn't going to watch it presented as some fucking group shaming exercise for the boys, for whom I'm the leader of the campus "Men's Group," btw.

So fast forward to just after lunch I'm in the faculty room and the Women's Group faculty member comes up to me and asks if I was at morning meeting. I'm squirrelly about my answer because I want to see what her angle is first. I tell her that I was there for some of it. She asks if I was there at the end. I say no. Then she starts talking about the video showing a woman "being harassed" and how a large number of the boys were giggling at the video, particularly during that segment when the guy is walking with her for like 5 minutes (fuck me, the only part of the video that is harassment and they laugh). So she tells me how she wanted to say something, but the Assistant Head of School got up there and reprimanded the boys and talked about how he has daughters and how it makes him want to cry watching a woman have to suffer such harassment and whatnot.

So I'm probably gonna have to address this with the boys, but Admin and Women's Group can fuck off if they think I'm going to go full, "THAT'S HARASSMENT! YOU'RE A BUNCH OF BULLIES!" or whatever the fuck.

Where the white bitches at? I need your opinions.

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Can't you just tell that that not all women like such attention and that that is enough reason to not do it? It doesn't matter whether it fits whatever definition YOU or I have of harassment, this is not about us, but about those girls who feel insulted by constant unwanted attention from guys. It is about having respect for others and how they feel. Kids need to learn this.

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Nah, fuck that. I don't buy into the cultural trend of "don't do anything that might bother someone else." I think that's a toxic and destructive mindset. I'm not going to tell my boys that saying, "Have a beautiful day," to a woman they find attractive is harassment. Not gonna happen.

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Nah, fuck that. I don't buy into the cultural trend of "don't do anything that might bother someone else." I think that's a toxic and destructive mindset. I'm not going to tell my boys that saying, "Have a beautiful day," to a woman they find attractive is harassment. Not gonna happen.

I agree with your first sentence, but let's say that 60 % of women would find such constant attention unwelcome, wouldn't it then be right of us to refrain from doing it to them? It is really not up to me to decide what they should think is okay, that is entirely their decision, and as soon as they have made that decision I am polite enough to try to respct that.

And I don't think it is the occasional "Have a beautiful day" that is the problem here, it is the sheer amount of various comments from passers-by. I know I would not appreciate it.

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Nah, fuck that. I don't buy into the cultural trend of "don't do anything that might bother someone else." I think that's a toxic and destructive mindset. I'm not going to tell my boys that saying, "Have a beautiful day," to a woman they find attractive is harassment. Not gonna happen.

I agree with your first sentence, but let's say that 60 % of women would find such constant attention unwelcome, wouldn't it then be right of us to refrain from doing it to them? It is really not up to me to decide what they should think is okay, that is entirely their decision, and as soon as they have made that decision I am polite enough to try to respct that.

And I don't think it is the occasional "Have a beautiful day" that is the problem here, it is the sheer amount of various comments from passers-by. I know I would not appreciate it.

Then we can have a conversation about that, where we present both sides of the experience, the woman's and the man's, and attempt to come to some understanding, because I think it's getting a lot harder for young men to figure out what they are allowed to say to girls, so many of them are just saying, "fuck it, I'll say whatever's on my mind if I'm gonna be bitched at either way," and we actually make the situation worse calling every god damn thing harassment, imo. But, like I said, a conversation, not "This is harassment! If you don't agree you're just as bad!".

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Nah, fuck that. I don't buy into the cultural trend of "don't do anything that might bother someone else." I think that's a toxic and destructive mindset. I'm not going to tell my boys that saying, "Have a beautiful day," to a woman they find attractive is harassment. Not gonna happen.

I agree with your first sentence, but let's say that 60 % of women would find such constant attention unwelcome, wouldn't it then be right of us to refrain from doing it to them? It is really not up to me to decide what they should think is okay, that is entirely their decision, and as soon as they have made that decision I am polite enough to try to respct that.

And I don't think it is the occasional "Have a beautiful day" that is the problem here, it is the sheer amount of various comments from passers-by. I know I would not appreciate it.

Then we can have a conversation about that, where we present both sides of the experience, the woman's and the man's, and attempt to come to some understanding, because I think it's getting a lot harder for young men to figure out what they are allowed to say to girls, so many of them are just saying, "fuck it, I'll say whatever's on my mind if I'm gonna be bitched at either way," and we actually make the situation worse calling every god damn thing harassment, imo. But, like I said, a conversation, not "This is harassment! If you don't agree you're just as bad!".

Striking up conversations with girls on the streets is hard, because inevitably the chances are high they are not interested, and if many do it/you do it tactlessly you will end up annoying them or even harrassing them. So maybe just chat up girls in contexts where the girl would appreciate or expect the attention/contact?

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Nah, fuck that. I don't buy into the cultural trend of "don't do anything that might bother someone else." I think that's a toxic and destructive mindset. I'm not going to tell my boys that saying, "Have a beautiful day," to a woman they find attractive is harassment. Not gonna happen.

I agree with your first sentence, but let's say that 60 % of women would find such constant attention unwelcome, wouldn't it then be right of us to refrain from doing it to them? It is really not up to me to decide what they should think is okay, that is entirely their decision, and as soon as they have made that decision I am polite enough to try to respct that.

And I don't think it is the occasional "Have a beautiful day" that is the problem here, it is the sheer amount of various comments from passers-by. I know I would not appreciate it.

Then we can have a conversation about that, where we present both sides of the experience, the woman's and the man's, and attempt to come to some understanding, because I think it's getting a lot harder for young men to figure out what they are allowed to say to girls, so many of them are just saying, "fuck it, I'll say whatever's on my mind if I'm gonna be bitched at either way," and we actually make the situation worse calling every god damn thing harassment, imo. But, like I said, a conversation, not "This is harassment! If you don't agree you're just as bad!".

Striking up conversations with girls on the streets is hard, because inevitably the chances are high they are not interested, and if many do it/you do it tactlessly you will end up annoying them or even harrassing them. So maybe just chat up girls in contexts where the girl would appreciate or expect the attention/contact?

Of course I'm not advocating tactlessness, but I'm definitely not going to side with the idea that the only times you can chat up a pretty girl are when she's expecting attention. That sounds fucking ridiculous to me.

Ladies, how about you wear a sign at all times? On one side it says, "open to male attention," and on the other, "not open to male attention." If we work hard, we can form a society where none of us speak to each other. It'll be awesome.

Well, I gotta be honest, the guy who walked by her side for 5 minutes was too much, that could be considered harassment.

Agreed.

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Unwanted attention is harassment imo. Saying hello, good morning etc is okay to me. But it's mostly the way it's said, I think.

Something similar was done by a student in Brussels two years ago. It led to a lot of discussions and even to new legislation regarding sexism. Whistling is still allowed, but obscene language isn't anymore. This is the trailer for her documentary, with English subtitles.

I hope it's clear to everyone that this is harassment.

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