The love/sex/relationship thread

[PappyTron]

15 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

Fistus by Christopher Armlowe, i like it!

Armlowe?!! And you pulled me up about Trewellyn!!

[Len Cnut]

13 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

Armlowe?!! And you pulled me up about Trewellyn!!

Comedy gold i thought!

[spunko12345]

Trewellyn would be right if she was from Cornwall.

[Whiskey Rose]

9 hours ago, netcat said:

Begone 

HA HA! And here I thought (from lurking of course) that it was @Len B'stard and @PappyTron who were the comedic geniuses! Well thank you, I now have tea and bits of dunked oatmeal cookie spewed all over my keyboard..

[PappyTron]

You know, looking at it a second time, that priest looks more than a little like Dazey!

Edited May 25, 2016 by PappyTron
Put the wrong name in!

[DirtyDeeds]

On 5/24/2016 at 9:40 PM, Whiskey Rose said:

SoulMonster, I can see that there are a certain number of regular posters in these subforums, so I hope you'll excuse me butting in here. But I feel the need to say, if you are truly serious about meeting up with this woman, Don't. Don't do it. It is inappropriate. Why open a door that has potential danger to your wife and children lurking behind it? This is the problem with social media..everyone has the old bf or gf that they look upon with nostalgia as the previous poster said; those relationships without the weight of reality pressing in from all sides..but whereas years ago people would just get on with their lives, now there is a way to actually contact these past flames, and it can have disastrous consequences on marriages. How would your wife feel if she knew you actually, with intent, sought out another woman, and made plans to meet up with her? It is not the right thing to do, and I think you ultimately recognize this. You need to fondly lay to rest, on your own, that young boy who never proclaimed his love, and fully embrace the husband and father that you now are. Close the door.  

For what it's worth I 100% agree and I don't think it could have been said better than in this post. Very well said, indeed. SoulMonster, I think the hypothetical positive outcomes from going ahead with this are unlikely at best, but the probability for disaster is far greater. In your situation, the reality is that the best thing that can possibly happen is nothing at all, while the worst thing is major family turmoil. And in between a continuum of hurtful, negative outcomes. So don't do it. You may very well go on the rest of your life curious about this woman, wondering what if, and you know what? That's fine. Wonder about it from time to time. Accept that your curiosity will come and go. When you are feeling especially nostalgic about her, consciously accept that maybe for a couple weeks, you will suffer by thinking about her frequently, but take comfort in knowing that in a relatively short amount of time, you will go back to not thinking about her much, and your mind will go back to being at ease with a clear conscience. I really, really advise you to not meet with her. 

[Graeme]

On 23/05/2016 at 6:54 PM, SoulMonster said:

Nostalgia could definitely be a factor. I just visited my hometown, slept in my old room, ate food my mother cooked for me, ran the old routes, walked all the overgrown paths. I found myself longing for the simplicity of my life back then. And I met her. Sure, this could all be connected.

Yes, you tend to explore alternatives when you are unhappy with things. It doesn't fit my situation, though, I have never felt better about my relationship. There has been times, though, mostly in previous relationships, when it has been hard and I have found myself thinking more about how life would be with someone else. I guess we all do. And we browse for new jobs when we dislike the one we have. But again, it doesn't really fit.

The more I think about it, the more I feel nostalgia is part of the answer. Thank you!

 

Nostalgia might be something to do with it, but I've observed quite frequently that guys in particular find talking about the fact that they're completely head-over-heels crazy about someone an uncomfortable subject because it's one of the rawest sources emotional vulnerability that exists. Watch that you're not just grabbing at excuses when the simple truth is that you cared very strongly for this woman, strongly enough that there's still something residual years later even if it's not the burning all-encompassing emotion it once was. Our current psyches are a product of our memories, certain experiences irrevocably shape who we are and love is one of the most powerful emotions we'll ever feel, if she made an impression then chances are it's just bringing something of that back...

I'm aware that people on the forum are probably sick to death of hearing about my love life (or lack thereof) although, hopefully if I ever go full McCoy then you'll all tell me.

However, I have a similar story to you, when I was in 3rd year at secondary school, I was playing guitar in the music department one lunch time and some girls came up, heard me play and joined me. I was more than a little bit of a loser at school, these lassies were some of the best-looking and smartest girls in my year, way above me in whatever weird social hierarchy existed at that point in time, but we ended up talking and singing a load of songs together and I remember hearing one of them turn to another at one point and saying under her breath "I love this guy!" My confidence was non-existent at this point, so, despite being 14 and naive I didn't reckon it meant that she thought I was potential boyfriend material, nonetheless I liked that she liked me.

Time went on, we became close, we sat next to each other in quite a lot of classes, we said 'fuck it' to the clique mentality of early high school, went to hang out with all the moshers, goths and general weirdos, which eventually actually became the largest 'clique' in school and the whole ridiculous system collapsed on itself. I'd say by the time I left school I was on friendly terms with everyone in my whole year group.

It would be very difficult to be a straight, single guy around this lassie and not end up having feelings for her, I'm not putting her on an unrealistic pedestal when I say that she's very sweet natured, patient, selfless, intelligent, astute, articulate, loyal, great fun, genuinely humble and naturally very beautiful. So I spent about 4 years completely in love with her and completely unable to tell her because, in my head from that first day I had 'friendzoned' myself, told myself that she would only ever love me like a brother because I had no belief in my own desirability and had seen the way she behaved around boys she ended up dating (and wasn't that fucking torture, particularly when they ended up treating her like shite?) and it was different to how she behaved around me. I felt that if I told her then I would lose her for good because there was no way on earth she'd say yes and it would just be too awkward afterwards.

University rolled around and she moved away to a University in the Scottish Borders, the middle of nowhere, she ended up having a few long-term relationships, we gradually lost touch and I got her out of my system. Then she moved to Australia and we didn't see each other for about 5 years. Last October I got on a train and there she was, literally her first day back in Scotland. It was one of those friendships where it doesn't feel like 5 years has elapsed, you're more=or-less the same people that you were. I was travelling onward down to Manchester that evening and all I could think about on the journey was how she'd touched my face and kissed it... I wasn't in love with her the way I had once been, but it became apparent that I so easily could be. I guess that's where I empathise with you the most.

We saw each other a few more times over the autumn and winter, she came to my house one night, we met up in the pub, we were at a party together on New Year's Day when I discovered she was dating a friend of mine who lives just around the corner. I talked about it on here at the time and people were saying to me "You should tell her how you feel", but I have a strong belief that when an innocent third party's feelings are involved then you have a duty to back the fuck off, I like that guy too much to try and screw up his relationship for my own gain (and even if I didn't like him, I still wouldn't have tried because I think there's no honour in that kind of behaviour whatsoever).

Then the two of us went for a drink together in January, we ended up spending nearly 8 hours in a bar, just totally absorbed in one another's company. We talked about more-or-less everything under the sun. She brought up the topic of relationships and how she wished she'd had a bit better taste in men when she was a teenager. I ran her through the gauntlet of all my insecurities, of everything that had happened to me in Mexico and since. It was amazing to feel comfortable being so honest with someone I'd always felt I needed to hide something from and I would have opened up about everything, especially since she said that she was viewing dating my friend as 'very casual and just because we're both there, really', but I had no idea if he viewed their relationship the same way, or if he was more invested in it. So I wasn't going to pull the scumbag move and throw my hat in the ring. That day I was honest about everything except the elephant which had occupied the room since day one. Nonetheless, I came away feeling completely at peace with the world.

The following day, my cousin was diagnosed with cancer in three organs.

After my cousin died, the two of us went for a walk together up at Loch Lomond, I found out that she was moving back to Australia indefinitely two days later, but may be returning in the autumn to go back to university. I ascertained that she and my friend from round the road were not taking it long distance and at that point I thought 'fuck it' and told her the whole story. One of the scariest things I've ever done (including witnessing that pyroclastic flow) but I'm so glad I did. She was so surprised and happy, I think guys have a tendency to assume that pretty girls just know that guys fancy them but I could tell that she'd actually had no idea (which is weird because back in the day everyone else seemed able to figure it out). I'll never forget the smile on her face and the understanding that we could be more if the circumstances were right... I'm not holding out for it though, that way unhappiness definitely lies. Just living life from here out.

Edited May 25, 2016 by Graeme

[Whiskey Rose]

2 hours ago, PappyTron said:

You know, looking at it a second time, that priest looks more than a little like Daisy!

lol. oh boy.. I wasn't quite sure if that Jimi spat was for real!

[PappyTron]

47 minutes ago, Whiskey Rose said:

lol. oh boy.. I wasn't quite sure if that Jimi spat was for real!

Ha! Great catch! I, of course, meant Dazey, not Daisy! I'll edit it now.

Edited May 25, 2016 by PappyTron

[netcat]

7 hours ago, Whiskey Rose said:

 Well thank you, I now have tea and bits of dunked oatmeal cookie spewed all over my keyboard..

 i hope you drink your tea no milk, no sugar, no bourbon so the damage is minimal 

[spunko12345]

7 hours ago, PappyTron said:

You know, looking at it a second time, that priest looks more than a little like Dazey!

Oh shit its him! Could someone please photoshop it to make the bible a pizza box and turn the cross into a can of Stella and we're there.

[Len Cnut]

There's something sort of sexual suggestive in the way he's holding that crucifix.

[Graeme]

Well, I pulled last night...  and the girl in question was sex on legs, absolute gorgeousness  my mates were in shock.

Of course I fucked it up, by not getting her details (though I'm moving out of town tomorrow so it doesn't really matter) but my ego's feeling pretty good right about now.

[Gracii Guns]

@Graeme ???????

[Len Cnut]

2 hours ago, Graeme said:

Well, I pulled last night...  and the girl in question was sex on legs, absolute gorgeousness  my mates were in shock.

Of course I fucked it up, by not getting her details (though I'm moving out of town tomorrow so it doesn't really matter) but my ego's feeling pretty good right about now.

Go on Haggis, get in there son!  

[Graeme]

5 hours ago, Len B'stard said:

Go on Haggis, get in there son!  

Haha, one did one's best. What's making me glow inside is that she could have probably had any guy in that club and she definitely picked me... One of my pals said to me afterwards "I think you're the only guy in here that could have pulled that off..." and another said "She was the kind of girl I wouldn't have even bothered trying with because there's no way I would have expected her to be single." In fairness, she did all the trying . Go me, I guess?

[Gracii Guns]

27 minutes ago, Graeme said:

Haha, one did one's best. What's making me glow inside is that she could have probably had any guy in that club and she definitely picked me... One of my pals said to me afterwards "I think you're the only guy in here that could have pulled that off..." and another said "She was the kind of girl I wouldn't have even bothered trying with because there's no way I would have expected her to be single." In fairness, she did all the trying . Go me, I guess?

See, we were right, we told you that you could pull a hot girl, and look, you did! 

MYGNRFORUM.COM love advice never fails. 

[Len Cnut]

1 hour ago, Graeme said:

Haha, one did one's best. What's making me glow inside is that she could have probably had any guy in that club and she definitely picked me... One of my pals said to me afterwards "I think you're the only guy in here that could have pulled that off..." and another said "She was the kind of girl I wouldn't have even bothered trying with because there's no way I would have expected her to be single." In fairness, she did all the trying . Go me, I guess?

I gotta say it sounds pretty skill.  Having said that, i feel like thumping you for not getting her number, fuckssake man!  I mean why would that not occur to you, was your volcano erupting that badly?!?  

Let that be a lesson to you though man, you're a sexy motherfucker, you could probably seal the deal 8 times out of 10 if you were a bit more confident about it, its always blown my fuckin' mind why you aint confident, you got everything going for ya, you're clever as fuck, you look cool, you play in a band, you seem a genuinely REALLY fuckin' nice guy from whatever a forum can tell ya, corroborated by those on here that have met ya, you must seem REALLY fuckin' un-keen to the birds to not find the back of the net.  

And who cares if you're moving out of town, you aint going to the Sudan are ya, find out who she was, was it a party or something, surely you could ask someone?  

Either way i predict some serious fuckin' clunge in your future, thats a fuckin' sign of something that is, pulling a cracker like that out of the blue, trust me, Lenstradamus aint often wrong about these things

[Lithium]

On 3.7.2016 at 1:00 PM, Graeme said:

Well, I pulled last night...  and the girl in question was sex on legs, absolute gorgeousness  my mates were in shock.

Of course I fucked it up, by not getting her details (though I'm moving out of town tomorrow so it doesn't really matter) but my ego's feeling pretty good right about now.

Was it your first time? I seem to recall you mentioning that you were still a virgin on here a couple of years ago. Anyway, well done!

[Graeme]

2 hours ago, Lithium said:

Was it your first time? I seem to recall you mentioning that you were still a virgin on here a couple of years ago. Anyway, well done!

Not quite there yet, pal. Just copious amounts of dirty dancing and winching (what non-Scots call 'making out', I believe)... Step in the right direction though!

[Dazey]

5 minutes ago, Graeme said:

Not quite there yet, pal. Just copious amounts of dirty dancing and winching (what non-Scots call 'making out', I believe)... Step in the right direction though!

See, from any other bloke I'd say that was making excuses if I didn't know you better.  Well done buddy!

[Uncle Bob]

my exgf and me broke up 2 months ago. Because I had a very stressful season with my job, so I was angry a lot of times and acted like a boor. That created a lot of conflicts and at the end we hurt each other. She was very cold in the last month of our relationship, even when we were good, but the damage was already done, she didn't feel the same, so we broke up. She doesn't love me anymore.

We have a lot of affection to each other and we want to try to be friends, after some time of healing.

I know I shouldn't have any hope, because that's worst, I don't have to be her friend just to be her boyfriend, I want to be his friend, but I can't ignore these thoughts. Because, this is our second relationship. We were together on 2012, but I broke up because I wasn't ready for a relationship (that thing only lasted a few months though). One year after, we started to meet each other weekly. For 4 months. She turned to be my best friend. But she was so good to me that we started a strong love relationship.

I wonder if there is any possibility on have her love back again. She doesn't love me anymore, but I can't stop comparing our actual situation with what happened years ago, and I can't stop thinking that there is a possibility of having her love back if she treats her resentment after a few months of not seeing me.

 

[RQRQ]

16 hours ago, Raykugen said:

my exgf and me broke up 2 months ago. Because I had a very stressful season with my job, so I was angry a lot of times and acted like a boor. That created a lot of conflicts and at the end we hurt each other. She was very cold in the last month of our relationship, even when we were good, but the damage was already done, she didn't feel the same, so we broke up. She doesn't love me anymore.

We have a lot of affection to each other and we want to try to be friends, after some time of healing.

I know I shouldn't have any hope, because that's worst, I don't have to be her friend just to be her boyfriend, I want to be his friend, but I can't ignore these thoughts. Because, this is our second relationship. We were together on 2012, but I broke up because I wasn't ready for a relationship (that thing only lasted a few months though). One year after, we started to meet each other weekly. For 4 months. She turned to be my best friend. But she was so good to me that we started a strong love relationship.

I wonder if there is any possibility on have her love back again. She doesn't love me anymore, but I can't stop comparing our actual situation with what happened years ago, and I can't stop thinking that there is a possibility of having her love back if she treats her resentment after a few months of not seeing me.

 

I have bolded the bits that jumped out at me.  I know it takes two to make a relationship work but it seems to me like you had someone who loved you very much. You had already previously ended the relationship because you were not ready for a relationship- even though you got back together that will have bruised her ego and it is probably a feeling that she will never forget. That said, she loved you enough to get back in a relationship with you because she was 'so good to you'.

Jobs & life create stress and these things happen, its how you deal with them when it does. It would seem she had had enough and decided to break up with you.

All you can do now is move on. Whether you will get back together should not be on your mind (easier said than done, I know). Space and not having contact will help ease her resentment and hurt but she will more than likely be making changes to herself and may well move on and decide the relationship is not worth a 3rd try.

Use this time to think about whether you actually do want to be with her or if you are just feeling lonely.  And think about if these problems were to arise again in any future relationships how you would act differently.

If you do get in contact with her again be sure what you want because there is nothing worse- male or female, than someone who doesn't know what they want.

Fell better soon.

Edited July 5, 2016 by RQRQ

[Whiskey Rose]

On ‎2016‎-‎07‎-‎03 at 5:02 PM, Len B'stard said:

I gotta say it sounds pretty skill.  Having said that, i feel like thumping you for not getting her number, fuckssake man!  I mean why would that not occur to you, was your volcano erupting that badly?!?  

Let that be a lesson to you though man, you're a sexy motherfucker, you could probably seal the deal 8 times out of 10 if you were a bit more confident about it, its always blown my fuckin' mind why you aint confident, you got everything going for ya, you're clever as fuck, you look cool, you play in a band, you seem a genuinely REALLY fuckin' nice guy from whatever a forum can tell ya, corroborated by those on here that have met ya, you must seem REALLY fuckin' un-keen to the birds to not find the back of the net.  

And who cares if you're moving out of town, you aint going to the Sudan are ya, find out who she was, was it a party or something, surely you could ask someone?  

Either way i predict some serious fuckin' clunge in your future, thats a fuckin' sign of something that is, pulling a cracker like that out of the blue, trust me, Lenstradamus aint often wrong about these things

Hey @Graeme I'm with Len on this one...you need to Own It! You are a volcanologist, hello! -- that is super sexy..and I just saw the pic you posted where I think you were at a wedding...you are gorgeous. You know, I can tell you are a sensitive guy, so the search for a woman who appreciates that can be a bit harder than most, but in the meantime, there is nothing wrong with having a bit of fun and exploring all the benefits of being young and single  Btw, what is happening with the girl you mentioned above..is she coming back?

[Chris1989]

Wishing you luck Graeme - if it can happen for me, it will certainly happen for you!

Just out off buying something expensive as a treat for myself, have a feeling that a ring may not be all too far away, so it's time to save in prep for next year.