WWEROSES Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Hello all, I'm not one to air my dirty laundry on social media. But I'm a bit lost at the moment. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 8 years now...to make a long story as short as possible. ..I've caught her cheating...again. first time was about 7 months ago, she was talking to this dude on snapchat and facebook. She had been acting funny before then. I got very ill last winter, and because we financially depend on eachother to pay our share the bills. I decided to stay on the couch until I got better to avoid getting her sick. Well once I got better, she claimed she couldn't sleep with me in the bed because the bed is too small...which was never an issue the previous 7 years..top it off, she started spending more time on her phone, spending less time with me on a daily basis. Normally I'm against snooping through someone else's phone, especially if it's your spouse..and as you can figure, I found messages and pictures. She's never been one to cheat, she's the most honest person ive ever met. To find this, just completely floored me. I eventually confronted her. We had it out and she said she has cut off connections with this guy. Fast forward to the current date, things seemed to have improved slowly..spending a little more time with eachother, going out on dates on our nights off. But she still was a little distant with me. I figured it is just a rebuilding process and not to rush anything...she still spends alot of time on her phone. Claiming to be talking to her family and best friend...and to a point, it started aggravating me that she wouldn't put the phone away during our dinner dates, at the movies and trying to have conversations with her...so today, I took it upon myself to take a look through her old phone...and behold...a ton of nude pictures of herself and a few pictures of the same dude... So I'm lost at the moment. ..I seriously love this woman with all my heart...I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her...I can't find it within myself to confront her about this...I know I'm being stupid and naive because obviously she hasn't changed...and the relationship is or has been over for sometime and I've been to blind to realize it... I don't know why I'm actually sharing this, guess its more of my way of venting.. Like I mentioned, we financially depend on eachother for our share of the bills and nither of us can afford to live on our own...especially with our jobs being so local and our families living far away..so yeah.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orsys Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 So, just going by what you are saying and not having any info from her side... If it was just about the bills, I would suggest that you get another roommate who isn't quite so damaging. There is something about catching your partner's infidelity a second time. Means it's not a fluke. You have as much evidence as you need that she is not being loyal or good to you. Time not to worry about her, and worry about yourself. Start outting your energy into putting a plan together that is about putting yourself first. ?i wonder if it would not be a good idea to see a therapist to help you see clearly while you are at a difficult place emotionally. I realize that this may be a problem , financially. The mygnr couch may help somewhat. Now, it is only my opinion.. But if you are also considering the option of trying to work it out with her, then it is not going to be any easier than breaking up, and you may go through this all again in the future. I have supported too many friends through breakups and feeling all that pain over and over again. Be good to yourself, spoil yourself. It will make you stronger! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Słash Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Im really sorry to hear about your situation, as my moms says once a cheater, always a cheater. You need to move out, I know both of you are financially dependent on each other, but you need to find a solution. @Orsys did give a great advice. Think about yourself, I know you love her, but sadly she doesn't loves you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulMonster Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Ask yourself, can you live with a woman that cheats on you? Can you accept that this is your new life now and will remain so? Can you find a way to make that work? If so, suck it up and accept it. If not, get out of the relationship as soon as possible, because things will likely not get better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classicrawker Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 (edited) Sorry to hear as I have been in your shoes and it hurts like hell.......This is not in any way justifying her actions as she should have been honest with you if she was interested in someone else but 8 years is a long time to be together as boyfriend and girlfriend...Did you two ever discuss marriage? Did she ever press you to get married? I found the women I had relationships with, that were longer than a couple of years, started getting itchy for a commitment............ Edited August 14, 2016 by classicrawker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZoSoRose Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Just dump her. You cant salvage this. Youre life will suck for a while, then it will slowly get better, then youll be ok. I made a thread like this a few years ago. Got a lot of good advice. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake-Pit Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Confront her, but at the end of the day, you don't own her and can do whatever you like; so can she. Sorry to hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WWEROSES Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 I have brought marriage before and so has she. Financially, we couldn't afford to do a few years ago. When we moved back to our home state, we both got decent paying job where we are able to save up. In the last 3 years we've been back, I've taken her to the Jewelers on several occasions to look at engagement rings and wedding bands...both times she's freaked out..and then we both discussed that being boyfriend and girlfriend is better because our love doesn't need a piece of paper to prove we're together. .plus in Massachusetts, when you're with someone for 7 years, the state views you as a common law marriage. I appreciate everyone's advice. I didn't expect such a huge glowing support for my situation. ..I expected to be made fun of honestly...and everyone's advise has given me some stuff to think about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake-Pit Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Even if you were to get married, what's to say that won't end? You need to be happy. She needs to be happy. If you two can be happy together, great, if not, then maybe you guys can find happiness? Also, make her jealous, seek another partner, don't tell her, (and then act all whatever, secretive) driving her nuts, she confronts you, confront her back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estrangedtwat Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 When she's out with her boyfriend, have the locks changed. Have all her stuff waiting for her on the front lawn. Get a new roommate. She's poison. She doesn't love you. She loves herself, attention, and her phone. Get away from her as quickly as possible. Listen to zosorose....we told him exactly the same stuff and he didn't wanna hear it either, but he's doing better than ever now. The important thing to do now is get her out of your life in every way ASAP!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len Cnut Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Keep shagging her and using the financial contribution and then go out shagging other birds until you find one you wanna be with then hook up with that one and sign the other one off. 3 hours ago, Snake-Pit said: Even if you were to get married, what's to say that won't end? You need to be happy. She needs to be happy. If you two can be happy together, great, if not, then maybe you guys can find happiness? Also, make her jealous, seek another partner, don't tell her, (and then act all whatever, secretive) driving her nuts, she confronts you, confront her back. You're a blackhearted little cunt on the sly eh, i knew there was a reason i liked you 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake-Pit Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I feel like Dr. Phil. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdriftatSea Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) Hang in there. Make sure you don't get pregnant at this stage in your relationship. Orsys and Soulmonster are right. But seriously, make sure you mind not getting pregnant. And do, take care of you! edit: I know you are the guy but you know what I mean when I say don't get pregnant. Right. Edited August 15, 2016 by AdriftatSea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AxlisOld Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Leave. Do not look back. Do not pass go. Do not give her $200. She obviously doesn't value you enough to not take outside dick. Everyone in a relationship is capable of cheating, it's just the assholes that follow through. If you stay, you'll never let go of the thought of her being nailed by not you, and you'll always wonder what caused her to do it. Leave. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RQRQ Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 15 hours ago, WWEROSES said: . She's never been one to cheat, she's the most honest person ive ever met. That person no longer exists. I agree with the others. Kick her lying ass out of there and get yourself a housemate to help with the bills. I don't know how people can get past something like this. Cheating is not something that just happens, there is always a build up and at some point morally they will have questioned whether to continue or not- as blunt as it sounds at no point did her feelings towards you stop her from continuing. I don't give a sh*t whether you were the worst boyfriend on earth- nothing can justify cheating. Tell her its over whether you're still living together or not. Tell her she is free to continue sending photo's of herself to her 'man', give your blessing and tell her to think of you as she presses send- that'll dampen the fire in her loins and her availability will most likely reduce her attractiveness to the low life she's sexting. All the while, keep looking for that housemate. Don't let this knock you. It could very well be the best worst thing thats ever happened to you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake-Pit Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) 1 hour ago, RQRQ said: That person no longer exists. I agree with the others. Kick her lying ass out of there and get yourself a housemate to help with the bills. I don't know how people can get past something like this. Cheating is not something that just happens, there is always a build up and at some point morally they will have questioned whether to continue or not- as blunt as it sounds at no point did her feelings towards you stop her from continuing. I don't give a sh*t whether you were the worst boyfriend on earth- nothing can justify cheating. Tell her its over whether you're still living together or not. Tell her she is free to continue sending photo's of herself to her 'man', give your blessing and tell her to think of you as she presses send- that'll dampen the fire in her loins and her availability will most likely reduce her attractiveness to the low life she's sexting. All the while, keep looking for that housemate. Don't let this knock you. It could very well be the best worst thing thats ever happened to you. Watch that get real stupid real fast; you'd see her and whoever just walk in and get cozy and there's nothing you could do about it because she's an adult. Sex is many things including a weapon, time to start using it.. I say cheat on her cheating self, (and make sure you don't tell her, so it'll drive her nuts, and maybe get her fighting for a change 'either for you or that you hurt her'); but right now, you're probably too available and so she's probably used to getting away with cr*p. Cheat on her, keep her, dump her, whatever, but you're both adults, in the eyes of the law, you don't owe each other a God Damned thing except when you kick off it'll be classed as a domestic. Even if it hurts you, hurts whoever you cheat with and hurts her, these are the casualties of a war you must fight. What finding somebody new and then cheating with them does is; Levels the playing field (in a stupid way, but it does), and maybe makes her see you in different light, as well as maybe falling for the person you cheat with and maybe allowing you to move forward with them instead of your gf. (That's why you've got to like the person you cheat with).. - So just go seeking dates with people you like/think look alright; you could look for people online, offline in real life.. Wherever. Or maybe there's nothing to worry about and she's talking to her family.. Edited August 15, 2016 by Snake-Pit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Black Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 The 7 year itch. Like others have said: just leave. There is no way this will ever turn out well. She'll probably be begging you to stay next. Just follow through and you'll find somebody that does appreciate you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 6 hours ago, Snake-Pit said: Maybe there's nothing to worry about and she's talking to her family.. You send nudes to your family? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake-Pit Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 2 hours ago, Chris1989 said: You send nudes to your family? She sounds interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgy Zhukov Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 I say get back to your right hand with your left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdriftatSea Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 4 minutes ago, Oldest Goat said: Don't stoop to her level and cheat. Just dump her and then go meet new, better girls who are not cunts like she is. You are hysterical! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalsh327 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estrangedtwat Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Ignore Snake Pit's idea about cheating to "get back at her." You can't cheat on someone who doesn't love you. She wouldn't give a shit. It wouldn't change anything except bring one more person into this mess. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdriftatSea Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 (edited) 19 hours ago, Oldest Goat said: @AdriftatSea I have a fever and I'm exhausted and just mind-fucked myself by forgetting my own reference/joke, then got confused by you and thought you were making light of the situation, so now I'm a hypocrite technically lol I'll probably have dementia when I'm older...fucking hell You won't get dementia. And not a hypocrite. No, not making light of the situation. I do hope you feel better soon! Edited August 16, 2016 by AdriftatSea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake-Pit Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 21 hours ago, estrangedtwat said: Ignore Snake Pit's idea about cheating to "get back at her." You can't cheat on someone who doesn't love you. She wouldn't give a shit. It wouldn't change anything except bring one more person into this mess. It might put him in a whole new light, make what was once plain, ordinary, dependable; all of a sudden be something new, exciting and not so dependable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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