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Really scared to put this out here. But I have to


Axl Roses Future Wife

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I'm a 33 year old First Nations woman from British Columbia Canada. I grew up in a very isolated location deep in the mountains of the Fraser Valley on our Native Reserve. I was even furthermore isolated by my mother who ruled with an iron fist and was most of the time very volatile.  I first saw GNR a month ago in Seattle. At the time I was more excited about finally getting to go to Seattle than the actual concert. I wasn't a huge fan of theirs at the time. I just really liked a few of their songs. When Appetite for Destruction came out, I was only four years old. So needless to say, Guns n Roses were before my time. My childhood was, and pardon my French, a really fucked up one. It was strict, isolated and abusive with physical, mental and sexual abuse from family members.  I first found out that my family wasn't really my real family at the young age of six, and that I had been adopted as a baby. I think that was the very first thing in my life that really messed with my mind and sense of self. Suddenly as a small child I had no idea who I was or where I belonged. That was only the beginning of my problems. As I grew up I became a very troubled person and as a result was always at the other end of my Mom's fists and demeaning words to tear me down. As soon as I hit puberty I became a victim of an entirely different form of abuse and something I knew absolutely nothing about. Certain family members were looking at me differently, communicating with me in a very uncomfortable way. I didn't understand it.  It steadily got worse with a trusted member of my family exposing himself to me, sneaking into my room at night to grope me in my sleep and being pervy every chance he got when we were left alone. I started withdrawing into myself and became very depressed and alone. I felt there was no way out. I had run away several times only to be brought back, begged other family members to help me and no one did. Finally I decided to end it at the tender age of sixteen. A bottle of pills in one hand and a knife in the other, I had finally hit my lowest point in life. My sister found me unconscious on the bathroom floor and that consequented with a trip to the hospital and then the psych ward where I would spend the next three weeks convincing people and myself I wasn't crazy. Weirdly the time spent in the psych ward is a fond memory of mine. I was safe. I didnt have my mom beating me or other members of my family who wanted to sleep with me, hounding me day and night. I was actually for the first time in my life surrounded by people who cared. I will always be grateful to that psych ward for everything they did for me.  It was at this time in my life that I had first heard Guns n Roses. It was the song 'Don't Cry'. And I am not joking when I say that this song saved my life. Every time I thought about ending my life again I would put this song on repeat and lose myself in its lyrics. I had barely any access to the Internet growing up and the tv was always ruled over by my mother, so even when I first fell in love with Guns it was only because of their music. I had no idea who the band mates were or what they looked like. I had only gained access to their music through my older sister who gave me their tapes when CD's came out. Their music gave me life. Gave me a purpose.  Gave me hope that there would be an end to all my suffering one day and that one day I would finally be happy. As I grew older Guns faded into the background as I explored many other genres of music and also for the reason that they had all broken up and no new music was being created. I never followed them, never watched their music videos or seen any concerts. So a year ago I had heard that Guns was getting back together and they were going on tour. I knew in that moment I absolutely had to go. I had forgotten about them almost completely and their reunion tour announcement brought back so many memories. Some good and others not so good. Finally the concert arrived and I was instantly and forever enamoured with frontman Axl Rose. He came onto the stage and owned it like he never ever left it. I was sitting 11th row right at the edge of the aisle in plain view of Axl and Duff and Slash. I have been to countless concerts in my lifetime but nothing hit me like this one.  I was absolutely blown away and I could not take my eyes off Axl Rose. It was like he unknowingly come mands you to look at him and you can't look away. Our eyes met once or twice during that concert I can't be certain but in those moments my heart literally stopped and a heat wave surrounded my insides like I've never felt before. The guy lit me up from the inside out. I just want to clarify to everyone that at this time I had no idea what Axl looked like in his younger years. I still hadn't seen a single Guns n Roses music video. So the concert was an epic moment in my life with the only better one being the birth of my daughter. After the concert I spent days reading and watching everything I could about the beautiful and capturing frontman of GNR. The more I found out the more I loved him and the more I hated the media for what they did to him and how they were portraying him. I immediately became protective over the man who had started haunting my dreams and taking over my thoughts. I soon found myself defending him against these so called 'haters' and got into it with quite a few of theym. Eventually I gave up because I realized Axl will always have haters but it would never change how I felt about him. I relate to him on so many levels and understand him in ways no one else can. Like him, as a young adult I had therapists give me questionnaires and diagnosed me as a manic depressive. They wanted to put me on medication but I told them there was no way I was going to give up all my emotions and feelings and become a walking zombie. I'm taking a mild antidepressive and that just keeps me from feeling the all time lows where I want to kill myself. I have to keep myself on a healthy level and balance for my three year old baby girl. She needs me and it's something that I make myself live up to every single day. She is my motivation and my toughest critic. She controls every aspect of my life and thank god for that. I don't know what I'd do without her sometimes. She is my ground. My earth my life. She also adores Axl as much as I do. Every day she wants to watch 'Her Axl' on tv. She calls him hers awwwwww. One fine day we will get to meet this amazing man we both love and who is our hero

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I empathize with you, I also struggle with mental illness.

It's good that you have things like Guns N' Roses to keep your life moving and happy. Some of us in this sub-forum forget (including me) that GN'R at one point likely held a similar importance in our lives.

On a side note, the way Axl views the treatment of bi-polar is irresponsible, immature, and dangerous. Don't take cues from Axl on your personal health. There are various pharmaceuticals out there that work wonders, and despite the incorrect pop-culture assumptions about Lithium, it is actually essentially a miracle drug for us BPD's.

Edited by Dan H.
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42 minutes ago, Dan H. said:

 

I empathize with you, I also struggle with mental illness.

It's good that you have things like Guns N' Roses to keep your life moving and happy. Some of us in this sub-forum forget (including me) that GN'R at one point likely held a similar importance in our lives.

On a side note, the way Axl views the treatment of bi-polar is irresponsible, immature, and dangerous. Don't take cues from Axl on your personal health. There are various pharmaceuticals out there that work wonders, and despite the incorrect pop-culture assumptions about Lithium, it is actually essentially a miracle drug for us BPD's.

good advice :) i have almost crippling panic attacks and my ex step mother basically told me to get over myself. a dr put me on meds and i am better but i still see the way people w/disorders are viewed as weak or flawed...and to "get over ourselves". it's inexcusable IMO.

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1 minute ago, AxlsFavoriteRose said:

good advice :) i have almost crippling panic attacks and my ex step mother basically told me to get over myself. a dr put me on meds and i am better but i still see the way people w/disorders are viewed as weak or flawed...and to "get over ourselves". it's inexcusable IMO.

Word. There's a lot of stigma out there. I think most people just never have to really think about the nuances of their own brains, and take it for granted. That can make it hard for them to understand what's happening when someone needs help.

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6 minutes ago, Oldest Goat said:

On a more serious note OP I relate to you somewhat but don't wish to reveal my own pain so I'm sorry if resorting to joking around came off as callousness.

i know this wasn't addressed to me but i just wanted to comment on your comment. i'm not going to pry but i hope your situation is better :) often times joking is a coping mechanism. sending you positive thoughts my friend!

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49 minutes ago, Oldest Goat said:

On a more serious note OP I relate to you somewhat but don't wish to reveal my own pain so I'm sorry if resorting to joking around came off as callousness. What happened to you is really messed up and awful and that's good that you're better and enjoying Guns N' Roses.

I will say this, delicately I hope, don't put too much pressure and responsibility on your kid. She's only a child and the most she should be is inspiration and motivation. All the effort you make and any progress you achieve is your own doing and not hers despite that nagging feeling that she's all you have.

I appreciate your wisdom and no I don't put any pressure on her whatsoever or responsibility. I just enjoy her and am so grateful and thankful for her every single day! I am one proud mama and she's my world. Any responsibility or pressure in my life is mine alone and I do not involve her in those whatsoever. She's only three and I protect her at all costs and make sure she's happy and enjoying life and learning everything she can. Thank you for your post it truly means a lot to me. 

13 minutes ago, triad said:

This is a pretty cool forum for supporting each other.  All the best to all of you, and welcome to the forum, @Axl Roses Future Wife.

@triad thank you so much!!!! That means everything to me ❤️

Edited by Axl Roses Future Wife
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9 hours ago, john lennon said:

Don't know what to say but I wanted to say something so... I hope you're doing better and that you and your daughter are having it good.

Oh, and welcome to the forum! 

@john lennon thank you so much and yes our lives are wonderful. I am happy with everything in my life right now ? I am very blessed to be where I am. No regrets

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9 hours ago, AxlsFavoriteRose said:

good advice :) i have almost crippling panic attacks and my ex step mother basically told me to get over myself. a dr put me on meds and i am better but i still see the way people w/disorders are viewed as weak or flawed...and to "get over ourselves". it's inexcusable IMO.

I do agree with you on this. I think Axl should have been on meds a long time ago. Thank you for your post and your honesty. ❤️

I really just want to say a huge thank you to all the wonderful amazing people who have posted their thoughts and feelings and most importantly their support and kind words to me. None of it is being taken for granted and I want you all to know how much I love and appreciate all of it. Thank you so much! Love always 

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12 hours ago, ZoSoRose said:

Lol you guys all did my job for me, so proud

 

Seriously op, i glanced at that and holy fuck. That's some seriously awful stuff. I sincerely hope you're in a better place now, glad ya had a good gig 

I am in a much better place in my life now. I am very blessed and happy. ❤️?

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1 minute ago, triad said:

Yes, on the whole it's a pretty civilized place (for the internet).  :hug:

there are a few people here who don't realize we are entitled to our own opinions and get all bent out of shape if we don't share theirs. but they are in the minority. and thank God for ignore! but yes on the whole it's pretty cool

 

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13 minutes ago, AxlsFavoriteRose said:

there are a few people here who don't realize we are entitled to our own opinions and get all bent out of shape if we don't share theirs. but they are in the minority. and thank God for ignore! but yes on the whole it's pretty cool

 

Good point!  Forgot I have like six people on my ignore list.  Goodbye to them.  :P

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