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Not To Self: Change The Bong Water
The Future Is So Old
Something's Gone Wrong With This Teleportation Machine
We were too young to be calculated so fiasco was the order of the day - Johnny Rotten
My puppy died late last fall; he's still rotting in the hall. Dead puppies aren't much fun.
The blues you gave me have now turn to red
The planets have turned to bombs and space and time are erased
Telling a ugly guy to be confident is like pouring syrup on shit and calling it pancakes
It's a doggone shame my love for you makes all your lies seem true
Hit or miss, I guess they never miss, huh?
Belle Delphine is just throwing the baby out with the bathwater
If you've got half a heart Then sell me half of that
You can't even go chocolate chip
I'M 37?!?!?!?!
Jabberwocky
You know what the real tragedy is? I'm not even supposed to be here today!
soon
Happy Birthday! Age is just a number... as in everyday from now on will actually be your 38th year, not your 37th because we start at age 0
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
Towelie
Being cremated is my ONLY hope for a smoking hot body.
80/20 is real
As in the ideal ratio of meat to fat in a hamburger?
That would be ideal LOL. Actually it some sort of incel/MGTOW nonsense that 80% of women go only for 20% of men. I'd feel sorry for them but they are a toxic bunch.
Oh, haha! Ive been eating a 'everything on a hamburger bun or pizza crust' diet this week - upping my burger game in the process
Isnt MGTOW when men go for 0% of the women... dang as if dating and relationships arent tricky enough, since when is math part of it, lol
lOoKS dOn'T mAtTeR IT's aBoUt pErSoNaLiTy
Diaper butt is a real thing
Wife: How do you like your eggs?
Me: On a tampon
RIP
I'm Easily Influenced By Things I Hate
Today I Found A Toothpick Tree
My car is so old that it has Varicose veins
Len Cnut
i bet mines older
Zooted
I can't tell what's cheaper. The whisky, coke, or reefer cause I'm all fucked up