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  1. More takedowns?

    Axl & a Native American came to me in a dream Saturday night, they beckoned me to follow them into a desert. I slowly walked behind them thinking it was a trifle unnecessary to see the crack in Axls arse, but followed with caution and listened as Axl and the Indian discussed how much more comfortable the Indian felt in Axls white shorts. A crow passed overhead and I overheard the Indian say “Slash” amidst the rest of his native tounge, which Axl spoke fluently it seemed. Axl responded by shouting “Nein” and kicking the old Indian in the shins repeatedly. We walked on for at least 8 minutes and Axl lit a cigarette, I asked if I could have one and he passed me a cigarette, stuck on a bic pen, I pulled this ridiculous thing off and Axl lit a match off the cheek of his ass and passed it to me after he had lit his pen. I asked Axl where we were going, he said not to ask questions, as there was no one around to sign an NDA. The Indian did however point towards the horizon and said “over there” in accented English. Thus spake the super guru.... We walked another 7 minutes and a figure appeared, hazy with the heat in the distance. Seemed like they had their hand on their hip. As we got closer I could see a blue shirt, black leather pants, brown boots and sunglasses. It was Fernando. He ran up and jumped into Axls arms. “Is he here” Axl asked, yes, around the corner replied Fernando... We’re in a fucking desert, what corner Fernando, I think to myself, when along comes Keith Richards, McBob and Melissa. Richards and the Indian crack a joke about Axls ass and then McBob says it’s ready. It appears Mellisa is some form of port key and once her hair is touched by Richards, suddenly this space/time continuum thing gets fucked and I’m vaulted forward into a room with Jim Morrison, Axl & The Indian. Jim is having a toke, I gladly accept his herb, as it beats Axls bic pen cigarettes. Immediately Morrison brings up the Izzy\Reunion conversation, Axl looks bored. It seems they have had this discussion before. The Indian looks at me and rolls his eyes. Morrison and the Indian start to speak in whispered tones, a dialect Axl appeared unfamiliar with. Frequently glancing at me and Axl. Axl sat quitely, took out a scrap of paper, wrote something down with his smoke, put the paper back in his pocket and stared out the window into the desert. Morrison and the Indian appeared to have concluded their conversation, and then the Indian stood up. If you cook them, they will come. The Indian said solemnly. Axl looked at Morrison with tears in his eyes. “It’s true” Morrison says, “The Indian speaks the true word brother” Axl just sat repeating “if you cook them, they will come” over and over. He looked distraught. What does it mean he asked me over and over. “Fucked if know, probably something to do with Taco Bell” I reply... I’ve had enough of this nonsense. I stood up, shook hands with Morrison thanked him for his refreshment, said “Toksa” to the Indian. Told Axl to get the fuck out of these stoner weight watchers meetings he had dragged me to and into the studio. I got a taxi home. Fuck the desert.
  2. Old Axl Rose Diss Track?

    I possess just about half your patience, I made it 11 seconds in...
  3. Anyone meet Slash after his solo shows?

    Met Slash once after a gig, waited out back before soundcheck and he walked straight from the tour bus to the venue. Went out back after the show and he came out about an hour later and stood and signed shit for about 50-60 people. No photos as someone mentioned, but who fucking cares. Got his autograph, shook his hand and that's more than enough for me. He was smaller than i expected him to be. Polite and quite. I think the main thing is when meeting famous people is dont be a dick and dont ask for a photo straight away. Ive met a few people from bands, and its always been smooth because I dont expect anything, not a photo not an autograph. A handshake and thanks for the tunes is enough.
  4. Happy Birthday Melissa Reese

    Look, I’m not really into you, but seeing as it’s your birthday.....