Duffs take on the Nirvana confrontation

[spunko12345]

Im posting this in this section because I feel that its relative GNR history. I am a huge fan of Duff's solo work and if anyone else has followed him in the past few years and been lucky enough to meet him you will know that he is a complete gent and someone GNr should be proud to have as part of their history.

Duff McKagan's column runs every Thursday on Reverb. He writes about what's circulating through his iPod every Monday.

​I was in a recording studio the other day and had some time to kill. If I am not reading a book or writing, I will often scavenge around for a newspaper or magazine. On this day, I came across Cobain, a tribute put out by Rolling Stone some months after Kurt's death in 1994.

I can't really pinpoint the reasons, but suddenly there in that dingy studio, I was enthralled and emotional. I read this book from beginning to end, and while of course I remember this time well, I don't think the scope of the sadness came to me until this moment. A profound sadness that stirred up a lot of emotion that maybe I haven't dealt with yet. I don't know, to be honest.

I was on the same plane as Kurt on that flight up from Los Angeles a couple of days before his death. We were both fucked-up. We talked, but not in depth. I was in my hell, and he in his, and this we both seemed to understand.

When we arrived in Seattle and went to baggage claim, the thought crossed my mind to invite him over to my house then and there. I had a real sense that he was lonely and alone that night. I felt the same way. There was a mad rush of people there in public. I was in a big rock band, and he was in a big rock band. We were standing next to each other. Lots of people stopped to gawk. I lost my train of thought for a minute, and Kurt said good-bye and left to his waiting town car. His new house was right down the street from my new house. I received a call from my manager two days later that Kurt had died.

I suppose I was numb to this sort of thing at this point in my life. I had lost two of my best friends to drug overdoses. People in my own band had overdosed multiple times. My life and addiction were spinning out of control, and my body was failing in so many different ways. It is possible that I was incapable of feeling sadness, incapable of picking up the phone and calling Krist or Dave. In truth, I had such low self-esteem at that point, that I am sure I felt my call would have no impact on these fine men.

I had been really excited back in 1991 or so, when bands from my hometown of Seattle started to rise up and get recognized for magnificent music. I was proud because I knew the scene there was truly unique and self-supporting and open to new and different ideas.

A few years later, at the MTV Awards where my band and Nirvana both performed, I blew my lid when I perceived a slander toward my band from the Nirvana camp. In my drunken haze and drug-induced mania, I heard what I wanted to hear, and I went after Krist Novoselic backstage. I had no control of myself then. And Krist, I am sorry for that day.

Krist, my colleague and friend, I am so sorry for your loss, too. I am sorry I could not be your friend back then. We had so, so many things in common. We have so many things in common today.

I am sorry that I didn't have the faculties to just come up and talk to you at the MTV Awards in 1992. I was mad and insane then. My scope of dealing with any sort of conflict had narrowed down to barroom brawling. Kim "Fastback" Warnick, my mentor, called me the day after my embarrassment and scolded me for it. I felt so low. I simply did not know how to call you and apologize then. My dream of being in a band that everyone in the world believed in had come to life. The complications that came with that dream were also making themselves present. You were dealing with the same things I was. We could have had a lot to talk about together.

I am glad that you have overcome that mad season in your life. It takes a strong man to have that sort of devastation not permanently handicap you. Your band should have been one of those that kept setting new benchmarks for what a rock band is. Your career and vision was cut short. We musicians just don't talk about this kind of stuff, thinking maybe it's a little too touchy-feely. We are expected to just get over it. Why, don't we have piles of money to make ourselves feel better with? If only people knew.

I am not trying to embarrass you, Krist. Maybe I am only trying just now to come to grips and exorcise some of my own hidden monsters. I am glad that we are now friends and I hope that this part of the story will last a lifetime.

[final_touches]

An interesting read for sure! Thx

[Carne_asaDA]

Having a rockstar show some sort of class is a breath of fresh air around here.

Edited February 11, 2010 by Carne_asaDA

[Guest Satanisk_Slakt]

Thank you for posting. Very interesting reading.

[Tater Totts]

I remember reading that Duff felt somewhat responsible for Kurt as he was one of the last people to see him before his death and said he regretted not helping him.

[Rock_And_Roll_Over]

I loved this.

Personally, I find it amazing and admirable that he's able to share his feelings on this with the whole world. I sure as hell wouldn't be able to do that.

[WhatsHerface]

Interesting indeed. Thanks for posting this!

[SunnyDRE]

nice read.

[Phanatic]

Awesome read, but I don't understand why he referred only to Krist and not Dave.

[Monty]

Awesome read, but I don't understand why he referred only to Krist and not Dave.

My guessing is he scuffled only with Krist, and not Dave.

P.S. Great read, Duff's great

Edited February 11, 2010 by Monty

[Jumpin' Jack Flash]

Very touching. I can't even begin to imagine the pain that Krist had to go through then and probably continues to go through now after having lost such a dear friend.

[Scaramouche]

Loved this weeks read! I've followed that column since day one, and he just writes better and better. I love how he manage to share so much!!!

[Demon Wolf]

Great read.

And mildly related, this reminded me of something. Does anyone remember that video some months back of a guy who talked about his experiences with GNR? He discussed how he had visited Axl's house, who had been on the phone with Brian May. Axl said he'd found a doctor that could help Freddie Mercury (who was dying of AIDS at the time) but Brian replied it was too late.

I'd very much like to see that video again.

[Naupis]

It's amazing to see how some education, a wife & kids, and a little maturity have transformed him from the King of Beers to what he has become today. His column is great, and he really does have talent as a writer.

[Scaramouche]

Great read.

And mildly related, this reminded me of something. Does anyone remember that video some months back of a guy who talked about his experiences with GNR? He discussed how he had visited Axl's house, who had been on the phone with Brian May. Axl said he'd found a doctor that could help Freddie Mercury (who was dying of AIDS at the time) but Brian replied it was too late.

I'd very much like to see that video again.

Please, please, please do you remember where you watched it and what it was called? Would really like to see that one!

[SunnyDRE]

Awesome read, but I don't understand why he referred only to Krist and not Dave.

haha

so i wasn't the only one who noticed that.

I think it was on purpose.

Edited February 12, 2010 by SunnyDRE

[love&hates]

Thanks for this !

When i think of Duff , i dont see him as someone deep and sensitive ....so is good to see this side , showing me im wrong . I think we forget our idols ..... the stars in the end are just "people" ...like us . They eat , drink ...and feel they are just more exposed .

I had no idea he had any kind of connectin to krist

[dalsh327]

Prob. because they both write for Seattle Weekly, and over the years have probably become friends from the sound of it. I don't know why Duff would feel guilty over not helping Kurt, he had some serious demons he had been battling with that no one was going to be able to help him with.

It came across as "the errors of our youth". They're both much older and can have some perspective on what happened. Back then, people were in their "camps", and there was a lot more rivalry. Even though Kid Rock and Tommy Lee did have an on camera brawl over Pam Anderson.

Dave and Krist I'm sure keep in touch regarding the Nirvana catalog, and if Dave's in Seattle, they prob. get together over dinner or backstage at a Foos show, but they live thousands of miles apart. I am glad Dave is as successful as he is that he has enough power to keep Courtney in check. I don't know if she sold off her stake of Nirvana or if Kurt actually protected Frances financially, but mama's broke and someone did an identity theft on her and even in Kurt's name.

Awesome read, but I don't understand why he referred only to Krist and not Dave.

[SunnyDRE]

Prob. because they both write for Seattle Weekly, and over the years have probably become friends from the sound of it. I don't know why Duff would feel guilty over not helping Kurt, he had some serious demons he had been battling with that no one was going to be able to help him with.

It came across as "the errors of our youth". They're both much older and can have some perspective on what happened. Back then, people were in their "camps", and there was a lot more rivalry. Even though Kid Rock and Tommy Lee did have an on camera brawl over Pam Anderson.

Dave and Krist I'm sure keep in touch regarding the Nirvana catalog, and if Dave's in Seattle, they prob. get together over dinner or backstage at a Foos show, but they live thousands of miles apart. I am glad Dave is as successful as he is that he has enough power to keep Courtney in check. I don't know if she sold off her stake of Nirvana or if Kurt actually protected Frances financially, but mama's broke and someone did an identity theft on her and even in Kurt's name.

Awesome read, but I don't understand why he referred only to Krist and not Dave.

Or maybe Dave is an asshole.

Edit: Just want to elaborate.

Alot of the members of my favorite band, Sunny Day Real Estate are/where in Foo Fighters, and Dave has given them constant shit about it for years.

Edited February 12, 2010 by SunnyDRE

[feconroses]

Class act

[Demon Wolf]

Great read.

And mildly related, this reminded me of something. Does anyone remember that video some months back of a guy who talked about his experiences with GNR? He discussed how he had visited Axl's house, who had been on the phone with Brian May. Axl said he'd found a doctor that could help Freddie Mercury (who was dying of AIDS at the time) but Brian replied it was too late.

I'd very much like to see that video again.

Please, please, please do you remember where you watched it and what it was called? Would really like to see that one!

Great read.

And mildly related, this reminded me of something. Does anyone remember that video some months back of a guy who talked about his experiences with GNR? He discussed how he had visited Axl's house, who had been on the phone with Brian May. Axl said he'd found a doctor that could help Freddie Mercury (who was dying of AIDS at the time) but Brian replied it was too late.

I'd very much like to see that video again.

There it is. Thanks alot!!!

[Street_Of_Dreams]

Take notes Axl. Duff learned to apologize for his mistakes.

Duff is a class act for sure