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Urgent News: Fan Requests New Album from Guns N' Roses


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Urgent News: Fan Requests New Album from Guns N' Roses

March 27, 2012

LOS ANGELES, California: A Guns N' Roses fan made waves at last night's GNR concert in the House of Unrest by requesting that the band release a new album soon. Derek Carter, 29, was first heard shouting in the front rows whilst waving around a sign reading "CHINESE DEMOCRACY II IN 2012!!!"

Joel Hartmann, a security guard employed by the House of Unrest, was the first to hear Carter's message. "It was just a typical security night for me," said Hartmann, "you know, telling people to put their cameras away and stop spilling their beers on the hot chicks' shirts. But then I saw this guy waving a sign around and went to take a closer look."

Hartmann was at first taken aback after reading the sign. "I'd never heard of a Chinese Democracy II before," he said. "When I got closer I started to hear what the guy was saying. He was shouting for Axl to release another album. This seemed big, I went to go get Fernando [Lebeis]."

Fernando Lebeis, an associate of the band, arrived on the scene. "Some of the other fans were getting kind of agitated and telling the guy to shut up," added Hartmann, "Apparently he'd been doing this for over an hour. But Fernando recognized this was something big."

Fernando Lebeis got the attention of DJ Ashba, a GNR guitarist onstage. Ashba took a momentary break from playing on Rocket Queen to listen. Fernando, jumping up and down in excitement, was pointing at Derek Carter's sign and asking what to do about it. "Holy shit," Ashba is quoted as saying, "go get Beta!"

Beta Lebeis, Guns N' Roses' manager, soon appeared on a wing of the stage. Ashba pointed out the fan's sign. "Oh my god, oh my god," said Beta over and over again. "He needs to see this."

Beta approached Axl Rose, GNR's notorious front man and lead singer, and whispered into his ear. "Stop the song! Stop!" called out the singer, bringing the outro of Rocket Queen to a premature end. "Where's this guy?" he said into the stunned silence.

Beta directed his attention to the front row. Derek Carter helped identify himself by screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAXXXLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! AXL AXL AXL! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

Axl Rose moved to the edge of the stage and knelt down to examine the sign more closely. "What's the meaning of this?" he asked Carter.

"AXL! You should totally release a new album with this lineup!" cried out Derek Carter, pumping his fist in the air.

The singer stood up, silent for a moment. He plucked at the ends of his moustache with thumb and forefinger, gazing up into the Unrest club's balcony seats. "Are you saying I should release a sequel to Chinese Democracy?"

Axl seemed too lost in his thoughts to take notice of Derek Carter's frenzied affirmative cries. "That just...it just...That just makes so much fucking sense," he said, turning to face Ron "Bumblefoot" Thal, another of the band's guitarists. "Doesn't it?"

"Yeah," said Bumblefoot uncertainly, stroking his own beard in thought, "That'd be pretty cool."

"I mean, think about it," said Axl, now striding around the stage, having taken off his aviator sunglasses. "We're like, a rock band, and what do rock bands do?"

"Make music," said Tommy Stinson, the group's bassist.

"Exactly," Rose said, "So making a new album is just...just a great idea!"

"It'd be the perfect place to put all those songs we've recorded," added DJ Ashba.

"Holy shit! You're right!" said Axl Rose, "That just make so much fucking sense when you say it like that. We could take all these new songs we've been making and put them on a new record! Why didn't anyone think of that?"

Axl finally turned back to face Derek Carter, who was still shouting excitedly and bumping into the people around him. "What's your name?" asked Axl Rose.


"No, that's my name," corrected the bemused Rose, "what's yours?"


"Derek Carter, ladies and gentlemen," said Axl Rose, taking his hat off. "Did everyone else hear his brilliant idea? I think Derek Carter may really be our number one fan! Thanks to Derek, you can now expect a new Guns N' Roses album to be coming sometime soon! Derek, for your incredibly insightful, unexpected, and exceptional suggestion, do you have anything else you'd like to request?"

"CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?" shouted Carter, flipping his sign over to the other side.


The band then launched into their next song, Estranged.

Edited by Flayer
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Shut your whore mouth, Brownie.

Make me, bitch!

Worst topic ever....not fault of OP, just more cheesy than gonorrhoea.

Not a fan of fun things like The Onion?

I am. I thought the topic was actually funny but just yhe thought of something like that actually happening makes me lol and shiver in contempt simultaneously.

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