Drinking Habits, Preferred Pubs/Bars and Stories of Drunken Idiocy!

[Dazey]

One of my mates never used to have any luck with girls and one night he managed to get lucky and pull someone who was willing to go back to his place that night. Me and the other two lads I was with decided to fuck things up for him cos we are cunts.

We waited till they left together and we stayed for a while longer and got shitfaced. We came to the conclusion that he would probably give her a lift back to her place in the morning so went round to his house on our way home and wiped a load of dog shit underneath the door handle of the passengers side. We were right and in the morning she got a handful of shit as she opened the door and he never saw her again.

I've also fell asleep on a train and woke up in Bristol which is technically speaking is in a different country to Cardiff. I got off the train in broad mead station not knowing we're the fuck I was and wandered into town with no money trying to calculate whether I could walk home. I ended up sat with the staff of sainsburys watching the lunar eclipse.

I didnt have a mobile at the time so I ended up reversing the charges on a friend who bought me a train ticket. He was probably feeling guilty as he was one of the twats who never woke me up at cardiff station and left me on the train.

Hahahaha! That's fucking amazing! Sounds like just the sort of shit me and my mates would pull. I once had to get a train from Cardiff to Darlington after a weekend at Reading Festival back in about 2005 I think it was. Mate of mine had driven down there but was meeting his bird in Wales on the Monday so I had to make my way from there. Anyway in a drunken haze fucknut here jumped on the west coast service by mistake and I was halfway to Scotland before I figured out what was going on. Had to get off at Preston with no fucking money and play hide and seek with the conductor on the transpenine till I could get far enough east to get a Darlo bound train for my connection to Teesside. Once woke up on a bus halfway across Belgium after a heavy sesh too but that's another story.

Edited July 25, 2012 by Dazey

[Johnny Drama]

One of my mates never used to have any luck with girls and one night he managed to get lucky and pull someone who was willing to go back to his place that night. Me and the other two lads I was with decided to fuck things up for him cos we are cunts.

We waited till they left together and we stayed for a while longer and got shitfaced. We came to the conclusion that he would probably give her a lift back to her place in the morning so went round to his house on our way home and wiped a load of dog shit underneath the door handle of the passengers side. We were right and in the morning she got a handful of shit as she opened the door and he never saw her again.

I've also fell asleep on a train and woke up in Bristol which is technically speaking is in a different country to Cardiff. I got off the train in broad mead station not knowing we're the fuck I was and wandered into town with no money trying to calculate whether I could walk home. I ended up sat with the staff of sainsburys watching the lunar eclipse.

I didnt have a mobile at the time so I ended up reversing the charges on a friend who bought me a train ticket. He was probably feeling guilty as he was one of the twats who never woke me up at cardiff station and left me on the train.

Hahahaha! That's fucking amazing! Sounds like just the sort of shit me and my mates would pull. I once had to get a train from Cardiff to Darlington after a weekend at Reading Festival back in about 2005 I think it was. Mate of mine had driven down there but was meeting his bird in Wales on the Monday so I had to make my way from there. Anyway in a drunken haze fucknut here jumped on the west coast service by mistake and I was halfway to Scotland before I figured out what was going on. Had to get off at Preston with no fucking money and play hide and seek with the conductor on the transpenine till I could get far enough east to get a Darlo bound train for my connection to Teesside.

yeh

[spunko12345]

One of my mates never used to have any luck with girls and one night he managed to get lucky and pull someone who was willing to go back to his place that night. Me and the other two lads I was with decided to fuck things up for him cos we are cunts.

We waited till they left together and we stayed for a while longer and got shitfaced. We came to the conclusion that he would probably give her a lift back to her place in the morning so went round to his house on our way home and wiped a load of dog shit underneath the door handle of the passengers side. We were right and in the morning she got a handful of shit as she opened the door and he never saw her again.

I've also fell asleep on a train and woke up in Bristol which is technically speaking is in a different country to Cardiff. I got off the train in broad mead station not knowing we're the fuck I was and wandered into town with no money trying to calculate whether I could walk home. I ended up sat with the staff of sainsburys watching the lunar eclipse.

I didnt have a mobile at the time so I ended up reversing the charges on a friend who bought me a train ticket. He was probably feeling guilty as he was one of the twats who never woke me up at cardiff station and left me on the train.

Hahahaha! That's fucking amazing! Sounds like just the sort of shit me and my mates would pull. I once had to get a train from Cardiff to Darlington after a weekend at Reading Festival back in about 2005 I think it was. Mate of mine had driven down there but was meeting his bird in Wales on the Monday so I had to make my way from there. Anyway in a drunken haze fucknut here jumped on the west coast service by mistake and I was halfway to Scotland before I figured out what was going on. Had to get off at Preston with no fucking money and play hide and seek with the conductor on the transpenine till I could get far enough east to get a Darlo bound train for my connection to Teesside. Once woke up on a bus halfway across Belgium after a heavy sesh too but that's another story.

That journey from reading sounds like a fucking nightmare. I bet you were still feeling a bit pickled from the festival as well.

I also have a story from Belgium. It involved Neil kinnocks wife Glenys motioning for me to nudge my friend who had fallen asleep dribbling and snoring next to me as she was giving a speech to 30 of us in the European parliament buildings. We were on a school trip and had gotten twatted on these weird cherry flavored belgium beers the night before.

[Guest Len B'stard]

Edited July 25, 2012 by sugaraylen

[Guest Len B'stard]

Done alright there cuz according to the copper cuz i'm a fairly big lad and cuz the blood was taken at 4am and i got nicked at 12 i'd had a bit of time to sober up. Still over the fuckin' limit though, just my luck

Got another one at home, failure to provide and abusive behaviour to officers or something Liars, i'm a gentleman

[Johnny Drama]

So bottom line they didn't wanna touch you with a ten foot pole so they got a doctor of your kind to test you.

[Guest Len B'stard]

So bottom line they didn't wanna touch you with a ten foot pole so they got a doctor of your kind to test you.

Bharma, where's Bharma from, Bharma ain't one of my lots names. Could be one of yourses if you bung a singham on the end of it. Dr Bharmasingum Bit close to bummer really innit, i bet his kids had a wonderful academic career up to secondary school

So bottom line they didn't wanna touch you with a ten foot pole so they got a doctor of your kind to test you.

Only if Lenny's a closet Paddy by the look of it!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN DUBLINS FAIR CITTYYYY, WHERE THE GIRLS HAVE SAGGY TITTYYSSS, I FIRST LAID MY EYES ON MOLLY MALONEEEE, AS SHE WHEELED HER WHEELBARROW, THROUGH STREET COLD AND NARROWWWW

[Johnny Drama]

Bum a Singh? Um.

[Guest Len B'stard]

Bum a Singh? Um.

God, who needs the NF eh?

EDIT: Sorry, yes, Martin Webster the Homosexual

Edited July 25, 2012 by sugaraylen

[Johnny Drama]

Haha I dont know about the Uk National Front but for a libtard I fucking love the French National Front.

[Dazey]

Haha I dont know about the Uk National Front but for a libtard I fucking love the French National Front.

Splitters!

[Johnny Drama]

They dont seem as that much of hateful cunts.

[Guest Len B'stard]

back in the 80s when asians and the NF used to have rumbles a friend of my old mans allegedly stuck a broomstick up one of em's arse, held the end up and stamped it with his foot so it snapped

[Dazey]

back in the 80s when asians and the NF used to have rumbles a friend of my old mans allegedly stuck a broomstick up one of em's arse, held the end up and stamped it with his foot so it snapped

Hahahahhaa! Fuck me that's gold! Might wanna clarify to the seppos on here that "Asian" doesn't mean little fellas who are good at maths but always look like they're walking headlong into a force 9 gale.

[Johnny Drama]

back in the 80s when asians and the NF used to have rumbles a friend of my old mans allegedly stuck a broomstick up one of em's arse, held the end up and stamped it with his foot so it snapped

Hahahahhaa! Fuck me that's gold! Might wanna clarify to the seppos on here that "Asian" doesn't mean little fellas who are good at maths but always look like they're walking headlong into a force 9 gale.

Stfu you cunts I'm dying ! fuck you dazey haha

[Dazey]

back in the 80s when asians and the NF used to have rumbles a friend of my old mans allegedly stuck a broomstick up one of em's arse, held the end up and stamped it with his foot so it snapped

Hahahahhaa! Fuck me that's gold! Might wanna clarify to the seppos on here that "Asian" doesn't mean little fellas who are good at maths but always look like they're walking headlong into a force 9 gale.

Stfu you cunts I'm dying ! fuck you dazey haha

*adopts broad Aussie accent* What? What have I said?

Edited July 25, 2012 by Dazey

[Johnny Drama]

back in the 80s when asians and the NF used to have rumbles a friend of my old mans allegedly stuck a broomstick up one of em's arse, held the end up and stamped it with his foot so it snapped

Hahahahhaa! Fuck me that's gold! Might wanna clarify to the seppos on here that "Asian" doesn't mean little fellas who are good at maths but always look like they're walking headlong into a force 9 gale.

Stfu you cunts I'm dying ! fuck you dazey haha

*adopts broad Aussie accent* What? What have I said?

Mein accent snot broad.

[Dazey]

Mein accent snot broad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsCNJgxJv30

[Guest Len B'stard]

ain't he just the spit of Danny Dyer?

[Dazey]

ain't he just the spit of Danny Dyer?

With the fundamental difference that I somehow don't feel an overwhelming compulsion to stove his head in with a fire extinguisher.

[arnold layne]

I want to start my own brewery. It would be successful business-wise because my last name is perfect.

[Projected]

Oh fuck here we go. This is my drunk story.

I am pretty much straight edge now. I drink VERY rarely and on very specific circumstance. But I used to drink when I was younger, so this story takes place like maybe 4-5 years ago.

Anyway so me and some mates were having this get together on the beach one evening. Well it quickly turned into an all out drinking extravaganza. Lots of shit happened, pillows were set on fire, I fell asleep on a swing talking to a girl and woke up half an hour later to find myself all alone, some dude decided it was cool to swim fully clothed... I don't remember it all but anyway it was funny shit.

So anyway there's this tent on that beach with a dude living there, like permanently he has electricity connected and shit.

So just hang around drunkenly and then this dude unscrews a light bulb from outside of this tent, yeah? Some shit went down, then all of a sudden I'm making a bet with my mates that I can out the light bulb in my mouth. They're like fuck no that shit is too big and all that. So we put money on the table and I push the bulb into my mouth. It doesn't fit etc, everybody's laughing their asses off. Then I kind of put it as far as it can go, with my mouth fully opened and just hit the bottom part of the bulb and it jumps complete into my mouth, it fucking hurt like the devil himself came up from hell and rage fucked my mouth. Anyway everybody's amazed, on the floor laughing etc. Only problem is... I can't get this thing out. It is fucking stuck and hurts like a motherfucker.

Took a while for their drunk asses to realize I'm in severe pain here and stop laughing long enough to call a cab and take me to the hospital. We arrive at ER, the nurses are holding back their laughs, I'm drooling like a fucking basset hound all over the place. So they put these two things on my jaws that they just screw and it slowly opens my jaw. Oh my god that shit was painful. So they take the bulb out and give it to me as a souvenir.

Our drunk asses stumble like three zombies outside and call a cab. I'm sitting at the back with my friend, holding the fucking bulb. The driver gets fucking curious and asks what's with the bulb. Cause he sees we're talking about it. My friend tells him they had to remove it from my mouth. Driver doesn't believe him. He says there is no fucking chance in hell I put that into my mouth. I fucking put the bulb in my mouth and smack it in again, screaming and drooling like an idiot once again. The amount of laughter in the cab was over 9000, we nearly hit a truck. Driver makes a U-turn, takes me back to the hospital. I enter ER, nurses ON THE FUCKING FLOOR with laughter. I am just mumbling like the fucking idiot I am, shirt wet from all the drool etc. They remove the bulb again and pop it in the trash so I can not do that shit again.

Mind you, I didn't remember parts of the story (like what happened in the cab) and my friends had to tell me, each one told me some parts he remembered and we put it all together.

[spunko12345]

Oh fuck here we go. This is my drunk story.

I am pretty much straight edge now. I drink VERY rarely and on very specific circumstance. But I used to drink when I was younger, so this story takes place like maybe 4-5 years ago.

Anyway so me and some mates were having this get together on the beach one evening. Well it quickly turned into an all out drinking extravaganza. Lots of shit happened, pillows were set on fire, I fell asleep on a swing talking to a girl and woke up half an hour later to find myself all alone, some dude decided it was cool to swim fully clothed... I don't remember it all but anyway it was funny shit.

So anyway there's this tent on that beach with a dude living there, like permanently he has electricity connected and shit.

So just hang around drunkenly and then this dude unscrews a light bulb from outside of this tent, yeah? Some shit went down, then all of a sudden I'm making a bet with my mates that I can out the light bulb in my mouth. They're like fuck no that shit is too big and all that. So we put money on the table and I push the bulb into my mouth. It doesn't fit etc, everybody's laughing their asses off. Then I kind of put it as far as it can go, with my mouth fully opened and just hit the bottom part of the bulb and it jumps complete into my mouth, it fucking hurt like the devil himself came up from hell and rage fucked my mouth. Anyway everybody's amazed, on the floor laughing etc. Only problem is... I can't get this thing out. It is fucking stuck and hurts like a motherfucker.

Took a while for their drunk asses to realize I'm in severe pain here and stop laughing long enough to call a cab and take me to the hospital. We arrive at ER, the nurses are holding back their laughs, I'm drooling like a fucking basset hound all over the place. So they put these two things on my jaws that they just screw and it slowly opens my jaw. Oh my god that shit was painful. So they take the bulb out and give it to me as a souvenir.

Our drunk asses stumble like three zombies outside and call a cab. I'm sitting at the back with my friend, holding the fucking bulb. The driver gets fucking curious and asks what's with the bulb. Cause he sees we're talking about it. My friend tells him they had to remove it from my mouth. Driver doesn't believe him. He says there is no fucking chance in hell I put that into my mouth. I fucking put the bulb in my mouth and smack it in again, screaming and drooling like an idiot once again. The amount of laughter in the cab was over 9000, we nearly hit a truck. Driver makes a U-turn, takes me back to the hospital. I enter ER, nurses ON THE FUCKING FLOOR with laughter. I am just mumbling like the fucking idiot I am, shirt wet from all the drool etc. They remove the bulb again and pop it in the trash so I can not do that shit again.

Mind you, I didn't remember parts of the story (like what happened in the cab) and my friends had to tell me, each one told me some parts he remembered and we put it all together.

Gloriously idiotic but also fucking brilliant.

[Guest Sleeping Like An Angel]

Some of you are nuts. How are you still alive? If I even attempted anything like that I'd end up dead.

Long ass story about sticking a giant bulb in his mouth resulting in an embarrassing trip to the hospital.

Was anyone else reminded of the dinky car scene in the first Jackass film when they read this story?

[AxlisOld]

Some of you are nuts. How are you still alive? If I even attempted anything like that I'd end up dead.

People that are as awesome as most of us can't die.