Hypothetical Silliness: You're in the Bitchinest Band Ever

[Guest Len B'stard]

OK, hypothetical question for a laugh. You're in a band and they're the bitchinest band in the world, they're the dogs bollocks, by whatever criteria you consider a band to be the dogs bollocks whether that be Beatles-like acclaim and success and historical importance or Pistols-like importance and musical revolutionaryness or, y'know, whatever. What you do with it? I mean obviously make great music, thats a given, you take that one for granted cuz if you didn't make good music you wouldn't be the best band in the world ever, right?

But i mean what would you do with the platform, what kind of music would you make, what sort of a band would you be in/performer would you be, would you use the platform like The Clash did and be this like sloganeering lefty "issues" band with integrity or would you be like The Beatles or a blues based band like The Stones?

What would your albums be like, debut, sophmore, third effort, would you make a go nuts and throw the kitchen sink at it album like Sgt Peppers, what styles intrigue you that you think you might play or explore or use elements of?

Also, what musical styles would you play, what ones are you interested in that you might explore at some later point, would you do drugs, would you not do drugs, what would your reasons be? Would you just be a hedonistic tits and arse band like Motley Crue or would you be reserved and straight-laced, would you use your position like say John Lennon did to highlight issues or try and "change the world", would you make one album and then explode, what would you do, how would it be?

Remember this is like your wildest dreams so it can be as fantastical as you like but has to be grounded in earthly reality, y'know, no bollocks like "i'd discover alien lifeforms and play with them" or something like that So yeah, what you do with this band (or even as a solo performer, depends, it's your dream).

Edited August 17, 2012 by sugaraylen

[Johnny Drama]

OK, hypothetical question for a laugh. You're in a band and they're the bitchinest band in the world, they're the dogs bollocks, by whatever criteria you consider a band to be the dogs bollocks whether that be Beatles-like acclaim and success and historical importance or Pistols-like importance and musical revolutionaryness or, y'know, whatever. What you do with it? I mean obviously make great music, thats a given, you take that one for granted cuz if you didn't make good music you wouldn't be the best band in the world ever, right?

But i mean what would you do with the platform, what kind of music would you make, what sort of a band would you be in/performer would you be, would you use the platform like The Clash did and be this like sloganeering lefty "issues" band with integrity or would you be like The Beatles or a blues based band like The Stones?

What would your albums be like, debut, sophmore, third effort, would you make a go nuts and throw the kitchen sink at it album like Sgt Peppers, what styles intrigue you that you think you might play or explore or use elements of?

Also, what musical styles would you play, what ones are you interested in that you might explore at some later point, would you do drugs, would you not do drugs, what would your reasons be? Would you just be a hedonistic tits and arse band like Motley Crue or would you be reserved and straight-laced, would you use your position like say John Lennon did to highlight issues or try and "change the world", would you make one album and then explode, what would you do, how would it be?

Remember this is like your wildest dreams so it can be as fantastical as you like but has to be grounded in earthly reality, y'know, no bollocks like "i'd discover alien lifeforms and play with them" or something like that So yeah, what you do with this band (or even as a solo performer, depends, it's your dream).

Excellent topic Lenny. But not now. Maybe tomorrow is to your liking, Sir Khan?

[AbominableHoman]

Absolutely no political agenda for me. I might decry the influence popular media has on elections and critical thinking, from time to time, but that's about it. I'd focus at throwing money at philanthropy projects at first. I'd set up some dummy agency to funnel all my donations through. So I could keep my focus on my edgy dun-give-a-fuck image.

As for my albums, I'd keep it to personal experience of the band and I. Maybe some Metallica type-shit if I stumbled upon some quality literature, but I wouldn't plan on it. The first album would be earnest. I'd probably hearken back to some teenage heartbreak, but coat it with some more up-to-date experiences. I wouldn't write as much as I'd criticize the others in my band. If I did write, it'd probably more akin to Slash's early solo albums. So I'd just try to be the muse for some of their lyrics. Instigate debauchery on the road. When that becomes trite, towards the end of the second album, I'll come up with another idea. We'll have an EP where we all participate in writing lyrics, but we're all high on psychedelics. We'll watch a bunch of wacky shit. Like Warlocks and Heavy Metal. Probably throw in some Smurfs too. We'll conjure up all that stuff. And then I'll convince everyone to orchestrate and perform it on speed. Keep it interesting for the time being. People will think "Oh. A modern ode to Rush and Black Sabbath." or maybe some people will give us the benefit of the doubt and think we're sort of being tongue in cheek about things, just having fun. Soon, though, people will start realizing we've run out of inspiration and we're trying too hard.

So we'll take a sabbatical. Try to recharge the batteries so to speak. One of the band members is falling in love, so he focuses on building a foundation of love and hanging out in tropical locations. Another member is starting to turn into a bit of an artsy person, sort of like Lars Ulrich, so he starts spending a lot of time around art galleries and all that crap. I convince the drummer we need to balance out the whole equation with some darkness. Get a bit radical. So we hitch up with a film crew who is going to do some freelance work for CNN, and trying to get some footage for a documentary in some war torn African country. So the drummer and I head over. The country has been embattled in civil war for decades, and both the US and China have been meddling in the action to try and get a foothold for the natural resources. We get our fill. Six year old manning anti-tank weaponry. Transvestite warlords. Vaginal mutilation. I mean, this is the worse the country, and maybe human-kind, has to offer. Now the drummer he can't cope and he's starting to have some sort of existential break down. Really losing it. I feel for him, so we head to the capitol.

When we get there. The drummer has an epiphany. He really starts getting into some off-shoot Hindu shit. I figure, okay, I need to let him focus so he can re-charge and help charge our batteries. So I leave him be and start hitting the night life with the freelance crew. The coke bars start getting really popular and I start footing the bill for that habit. As we're moving a long, our traffic starts garnering attention. I mean, we're really plowing through the shit. Until one morning some Bruce Willis looking asshole with a Russian accent is standing at the foot of my bed. I'm a bit bewildered so I kick the three local woman out of my bed so I can give this serious matter the proper attention it needs. The Russian dude has no idea who I am. So he tries interrogating me. Why am I buying up all this shit? How come people have seen me all over the country. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Finally I pull out my satellite-GPS-iPhone 7 beta and pull up some youtube vids. Now he gets it. The guy starts singing one of the covers we did for a Japanese afternoon show. He tells me he has the bootleg for the show, and transferred it from betamax-to-VHS-to-cassette and has re-burned it onto CD four times.

We start talking it over, and he's actually an arms dealer for one of Vladimir Putin's ex-KGB henchmen. Now, instead of skinning me alive and feeding me to hippos, he invites me to do some runs to some other African countries and maybe Northern Afghanistan. At this point I'm obliged. So I live it up with these guys for a few months. A bunch of cool shit. I even make eye contact with Putin. Then. Then I receive a phone call from one of the bandmates. He's got no idea what to do. And he's freaking out. Someone withdrew all of the money from the drummer's back account, seized his portion of the royalties, and his house his desolate. I have to get back and figure out what to do. So I give an old roadie a call who knows-a-guy-who-knows-a-guy who used to run opium for the CIA, and he flies me back on an Air Force C-130.

The remaining bandmates, some record executives, and our band manager have an emergency meeting. They start by really putting some heat on me. And I get kind of nervous. They say their lawyers can't do anything because of a tape the drummer left all goofed out in bedsheets, chanting, and declaring all of actions to be taken. I choke. And tell them we took separate flights out of Heathrow. They buy it. Next on the agenda is talking about the need to put out another album. The public is clamoring for it and we need to strike while the iron is hot. So we find some asshole session drummers and hire a couple of ghost writers and get to work. We try to be a diligent as possible but the album flops, from a critic standpoint, and we tour for about half a year.

Now the band disbands again. We've been exposed. Our centerpiece, the drummer, who held the whole band together is gone. And I blame myself. So we decide to part ways, for the time being, and do our own thing. I decide I need to right the wrong to the best of my ability. So I go back to school and finish my degree as a civil service worker. After that, I take control over my dummy agency and really start to drive it home. I start touring underfunded schools around the country, a couple of cancer wards, and even set up a non-profit for-charity festival in my hometown. Time even places me as #78 on the list of Celebrities Most Likely to Initiate World Peace.

I'm happy. The band mates are happy for me. But something isn't quite right. So I go down to Arizona and start spending a lot of time in sweat tents with the natives. Until I finally have a spiritual vision. I see the drummer. I apologize for everything I subjected him to, and explain that the band is his family and we really want him back. Two days later he's back at the record labels headquarters and ready to sort the shit out. THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER. The juice are flowing. We're ready for this great manifestation of the last five or so years of our collective experiences and we're going to put it on the album and we're going to tour the shit out of it. And we do it.

After the drummer's cult realizes their financing is gone, the head honcho orchestrates a mass suicide and they die. Our album receives unanimous critical acclaim, with many announcing that not only is it the best Rock album of all time, but it was surely inspire and revitalize rock itself.

I visit the White House and receive full pardon for all of my transgressions, and even get immunity from all drug and polygamy laws.

[Use Your Delusion 1]

get them to all suck my dick.

[Dazey]

Shag birds, drink beer, take drugs. That is all.

[Guest Len B'stard]

Absolutely no political agenda for me. I might decry the influence popular media has on elections and critical thinking, from time to time, but that's about it. I'd focus at throwing money at philanthropy projects at first. I'd set up some dummy agency to funnel all my donations through. So I could keep my focus on my edgy dun-give-a-fuck image.

As for my albums, I'd keep it to personal experience of the band and I. Maybe some Metallica type-shit if I stumbled upon some quality literature, but I wouldn't plan on it. The first album would be earnest. I'd probably hearken back to some teenage heartbreak, but coat it with some more up-to-date experiences. I wouldn't write as much as I'd criticize the others in my band. If I did write, it'd probably more akin to Slash's early solo albums. So I'd just try to be the muse for some of their lyrics. Instigate debauchery on the road. When that becomes trite, towards the end of the second album, I'll come up with another idea. We'll have an EP where we all participate in writing lyrics, but we're all high on psychedelics. We'll watch a bunch of wacky shit. Like Warlocks and Heavy Metal. Probably throw in some Smurfs too. We'll conjure up all that stuff. And then I'll convince everyone to orchestrate and perform it on speed. Keep it interesting for the time being. People will think "Oh. A modern ode to Rush and Black Sabbath." or maybe some people will give us the benefit of the doubt and think we're sort of being tongue in cheek about things, just having fun. Soon, though, people will start realizing we've run out of inspiration and we're trying too hard.

So we'll take a sabbatical. Try to recharge the batteries so to speak. One of the band members is falling in love, so he focuses on building a foundation of love and hanging out in tropical locations. Another member is starting to turn into a bit of an artsy person, sort of like Lars Ulrich, so he starts spending a lot of time around art galleries and all that crap. I convince the drummer we need to balance out the whole equation with some darkness. Get a bit radical. So we hitch up with a film crew who is going to do some freelance work for CNN, and trying to get some footage for a documentary in some war torn African country. So the drummer and I head over. The country has been embattled in civil war for decades, and both the US and China have been meddling in the action to try and get a foothold for the natural resources. We get our fill. Six year old manning anti-tank weaponry. Transvestite warlords. Vaginal mutilation. I mean, this is the worse the country, and maybe human-kind, has to offer. Now the drummer he can't cope and he's starting to have some sort of existential break down. Really losing it. I feel for him, so we head to the capitol.

When we get there. The drummer has an epiphany. He really starts getting into some off-shoot Hindu shit. I figure, okay, I need to let him focus so he can re-charge and help charge our batteries. So I leave him be and start hitting the night life with the freelance crew. The coke bars start getting really popular and I start footing the bill for that habit. As we're moving a long, our traffic starts garnering attention. I mean, we're really plowing through the shit. Until one morning some Bruce Willis looking asshole with a Russian accent is standing at the foot of my bed. I'm a bit bewildered so I kick the three local woman out of my bed so I can give this serious matter the proper attention it needs. The Russian dude has no idea who I am. So he tries interrogating me. Why am I buying up all this shit? How come people have seen me all over the country. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Finally I pull out my satellite-GPS-iPhone 7 beta and pull up some youtube vids. Now he gets it. The guy starts singing one of the covers we did for a Japanese afternoon show. He tells me he has the bootleg for the show, and transferred it from betamax-to-VHS-to-cassette and has re-burned it onto CD four times.

We start talking it over, and he's actually an arms dealer for one of Vladimir Putin's ex-KGB henchmen. Now, instead of skinning me alive and feeding me to hippos, he invites me to do some runs to some other African countries and maybe Northern Afghanistan. At this point I'm obliged. So I live it up with these guys for a few months. A bunch of cool shit. I even make eye contact with Putin. Then. Then I receive a phone call from one of the bandmates. He's got no idea what to do. And he's freaking out. Someone withdrew all of the money from the drummer's back account, seized his portion of the royalties, and his house his desolate. I have to get back and figure out what to do. So I give an old roadie a call who knows-a-guy-who-knows-a-guy who used to run opium for the CIA, and he flies me back on an Air Force C-130.

The remaining bandmates, some record executives, and our band manager have an emergency meeting. They start by really putting some heat on me. And I get kind of nervous. They say their lawyers can't do anything because of a tape the drummer left all goofed out in bedsheets, chanting, and declaring all of actions to be taken. I choke. And tell them we took separate flights out of Heathrow. They buy it. Next on the agenda is talking about the need to put out another album. The public is clamoring for it and we need to strike while the iron is hot. So we find some asshole session drummers and hire a couple of ghost writers and get to work. We try to be a diligent as possible but the album flops, from a critic standpoint, and we tour for about half a year.

Now the band disbands again. We've been exposed. Our centerpiece, the drummer, who held the whole band together is gone. And I blame myself. So we decide to part ways, for the time being, and do our own thing. I decide I need to right the wrong to the best of my ability. So I go back to school and finish my degree as a civil service worker. After that, I take control over my dummy agency and really start to drive it home. I start touring underfunded schools around the country, a couple of cancer wards, and even set up a non-profit for-charity festival in my hometown. Time even places me as #78 on the list of Celebrities Most Likely to Initiate World Peace.

I'm happy. The band mates are happy for me. But something isn't quite right. So I go down to Arizona and start spending a lot of time in sweat tents with the natives. Until I finally have a spiritual vision. I see the drummer. I apologize for everything I subjected him to, and explain that the band is his family and we really want him back. Two days later he's back at the record labels headquarters and ready to sort the shit out. THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER. The juice are flowing. We're ready for this great manifestation of the last five or so years of our collective experiences and we're going to put it on the album and we're going to tour the shit out of it. And we do it.

After the drummer's cult realizes their financing is gone, the head honcho orchestrates a mass suicide and they die. Our album receives unanimous critical acclaim, with many announcing that not only is it the best Rock album of all time, but it was surely inspire and revitalize rock itself.

I visit the White House and receive full pardon for all of my transgressions, and even get immunity from all drug and polygamy laws.

I think i just shat myself :rofl-lol:

[GivenToFly]

Absolutely no political agenda for me. I might decry the influence popular media has on elections and critical thinking, from time to time, but that's about it. I'd focus at throwing money at philanthropy projects at first. I'd set up some dummy agency to funnel all my donations through. So I could keep my focus on my edgy dun-give-a-fuck image.

As for my albums, I'd keep it to personal experience of the band and I. Maybe some Metallica type-shit if I stumbled upon some quality literature, but I wouldn't plan on it. The first album would be earnest. I'd probably hearken back to some teenage heartbreak, but coat it with some more up-to-date experiences. I wouldn't write as much as I'd criticize the others in my band. If I did write, it'd probably more akin to Slash's early solo albums. So I'd just try to be the muse for some of their lyrics. Instigate debauchery on the road. When that becomes trite, towards the end of the second album, I'll come up with another idea. We'll have an EP where we all participate in writing lyrics, but we're all high on psychedelics. We'll watch a bunch of wacky shit. Like Warlocks and Heavy Metal. Probably throw in some Smurfs too. We'll conjure up all that stuff. And then I'll convince everyone to orchestrate and perform it on speed. Keep it interesting for the time being. People will think "Oh. A modern ode to Rush and Black Sabbath." or maybe some people will give us the benefit of the doubt and think we're sort of being tongue in cheek about things, just having fun. Soon, though, people will start realizing we've run out of inspiration and we're trying too hard.

So we'll take a sabbatical. Try to recharge the batteries so to speak. One of the band members is falling in love, so he focuses on building a foundation of love and hanging out in tropical locations. Another member is starting to turn into a bit of an artsy person, sort of like Lars Ulrich, so he starts spending a lot of time around art galleries and all that crap. I convince the drummer we need to balance out the whole equation with some darkness. Get a bit radical. So we hitch up with a film crew who is going to do some freelance work for CNN, and trying to get some footage for a documentary in some war torn African country. So the drummer and I head over. The country has been embattled in civil war for decades, and both the US and China have been meddling in the action to try and get a foothold for the natural resources. We get our fill. Six year old manning anti-tank weaponry. Transvestite warlords. Vaginal mutilation. I mean, this is the worse the country, and maybe human-kind, has to offer. Now the drummer he can't cope and he's starting to have some sort of existential break down. Really losing it. I feel for him, so we head to the capitol.

When we get there. The drummer has an epiphany. He really starts getting into some off-shoot Hindu shit. I figure, okay, I need to let him focus so he can re-charge and help charge our batteries. So I leave him be and start hitting the night life with the freelance crew. The coke bars start getting really popular and I start footing the bill for that habit. As we're moving a long, our traffic starts garnering attention. I mean, we're really plowing through the shit. Until one morning some Bruce Willis looking asshole with a Russian accent is standing at the foot of my bed. I'm a bit bewildered so I kick the three local woman out of my bed so I can give this serious matter the proper attention it needs. The Russian dude has no idea who I am. So he tries interrogating me. Why am I buying up all this shit? How come people have seen me all over the country. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Finally I pull out my satellite-GPS-iPhone 7 beta and pull up some youtube vids. Now he gets it. The guy starts singing one of the covers we did for a Japanese afternoon show. He tells me he has the bootleg for the show, and transferred it from betamax-to-VHS-to-cassette and has re-burned it onto CD four times.

We start talking it over, and he's actually an arms dealer for one of Vladimir Putin's ex-KGB henchmen. Now, instead of skinning me alive and feeding me to hippos, he invites me to do some runs to some other African countries and maybe Northern Afghanistan. At this point I'm obliged. So I live it up with these guys for a few months. A bunch of cool shit. I even make eye contact with Putin. Then. Then I receive a phone call from one of the bandmates. He's got no idea what to do. And he's freaking out. Someone withdrew all of the money from the drummer's back account, seized his portion of the royalties, and his house his desolate. I have to get back and figure out what to do. So I give an old roadie a call who knows-a-guy-who-knows-a-guy who used to run opium for the CIA, and he flies me back on an Air Force C-130.

The remaining bandmates, some record executives, and our band manager have an emergency meeting. They start by really putting some heat on me. And I get kind of nervous. They say their lawyers can't do anything because of a tape the drummer left all goofed out in bedsheets, chanting, and declaring all of actions to be taken. I choke. And tell them we took separate flights out of Heathrow. They buy it. Next on the agenda is talking about the need to put out another album. The public is clamoring for it and we need to strike while the iron is hot. So we find some asshole session drummers and hire a couple of ghost writers and get to work. We try to be a diligent as possible but the album flops, from a critic standpoint, and we tour for about half a year.

Now the band disbands again. We've been exposed. Our centerpiece, the drummer, who held the whole band together is gone. And I blame myself. So we decide to part ways, for the time being, and do our own thing. I decide I need to right the wrong to the best of my ability. So I go back to school and finish my degree as a civil service worker. After that, I take control over my dummy agency and really start to drive it home. I start touring underfunded schools around the country, a couple of cancer wards, and even set up a non-profit for-charity festival in my hometown. Time even places me as #78 on the list of Celebrities Most Likely to Initiate World Peace.

I'm happy. The band mates are happy for me. But something isn't quite right. So I go down to Arizona and start spending a lot of time in sweat tents with the natives. Until I finally have a spiritual vision. I see the drummer. I apologize for everything I subjected him to, and explain that the band is his family and we really want him back. Two days later he's back at the record labels headquarters and ready to sort the shit out. THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER. The juice are flowing. We're ready for this great manifestation of the last five or so years of our collective experiences and we're going to put it on the album and we're going to tour the shit out of it. And we do it.

After the drummer's cult realizes their financing is gone, the head honcho orchestrates a mass suicide and they die. Our album receives unanimous critical acclaim, with many announcing that not only is it the best Rock album of all time, but it was surely inspire and revitalize rock itself.

I visit the White House and receive full pardon for all of my transgressions, and even get immunity from all drug and polygamy laws.

Too long; read anyway. Worth it. Make it a novel.

[AbominableHoman]

Haha. Ive dreamt this situation up a time or two.

Needless to say, awesome idea for a thread

[GivenToFly]

OK, hypothetical question for a laugh. You're in a band and they're the bitchinest band in the world, they're the dogs bollocks, by whatever criteria you consider a band to be the dogs bollocks whether that be Beatles-like acclaim and success and historical importance or Pistols-like importance and musical revolutionaryness or, y'know, whatever. What you do with it? I mean obviously make great music, thats a given, you take that one for granted cuz if you didn't make good music you wouldn't be the best band in the world ever, right?

But i mean what would you do with the platform, what kind of music would you make, what sort of a band would you be in/performer would you be, would you use the platform like The Clash did and be this like sloganeering lefty "issues" band with integrity or would you be like The Beatles or a blues based band like The Stones?

What would your albums be like, debut, sophmore, third effort, would you make a go nuts and throw the kitchen sink at it album like Sgt Peppers, what styles intrigue you that you think you might play or explore or use elements of?

Also, what musical styles would you play, what ones are you interested in that you might explore at some later point, would you do drugs, would you not do drugs, what would your reasons be? Would you just be a hedonistic tits and arse band like Motley Crue or would you be reserved and straight-laced, would you use your position like say John Lennon did to highlight issues or try and "change the world", would you make one album and then explode, what would you do, how would it be?

Remember this is like your wildest dreams so it can be as fantastical as you like but has to be grounded in earthly reality, y'know, no bollocks like "i'd discover alien lifeforms and play with them" or something like that So yeah, what you do with this band (or even as a solo performer, depends, it's your dream).

Good question. I will attempt to answer it, but keep in mind that I don't play any instrument, I've never written music, never been in band etc so I don't know exactly how this works in real life.

Band: 5 people: drummer, bassist, 3 guitarists. Every guitarist can sing (sharing vocal duties both on albums and live) and play other instruments as well (keys, blowing instruments). Slightly different backgrounds (one old school rocker, one blues enthusiast, one artsy David Bowie type, one metalhead and one into jazz or classical music; or something along those lines). Guitarists: one Slash type with the coolness and shredding while striking a pose (but not tacky), one doing the slower stuff, one mostly rhythm (kind of like the GNR or Iron Maiden dynamic). Vocalists: one 60/70 hard rocker Paul Rodgers type, one clean and powerful like Mercury or Cornell, one Knopfler/Chris Rea type.

Exposure: Big, but not U2 big or Rolling Stones big. Too much exposure. Ideally like Pearl Jam, with lots of fans but little media attention.

Music: Rock music, but mid tempo and with elaborate orchestration. 70s Pink Floyd + 80s Dire Straits + 70s Led Zeppelin + 90s Black Crowes + 90s GNR + 70s Rolling Stones. Carefully crafted songs, at least one >8 min. on each album. Some big epics. But still essentially grounded in blues-rock. Later on, some 'genre' albums. Well, not exactly. More like 'geographic' albums. Tour an area, or have the entire band spend some time there like on a long road trip, take in the local music and make an album heavy on local influences. E.g. tour Southern USA and make and americana album, or spend a few weeks in say India and make an album out of that. Not a genre album because that would just sound forced and tacky and probably shit; just the previously mentioned genre but with strong local influence. An album of traditional English drinking songs and folk Scottish and Irish songs recorded during or soon after an extensive tour of the British Isles called "Battle for Britain" (because get it?). An album where every song has guest a vocalist (no band vocals) and they're all women. A concept albums following mathematical rules, like Tool does. One ACDC album (just straight up blues and rocknroll with the volume turned up). No more than two years between albums.

Themes: Strong on the socio-political analysis. Must get boring just writing about women all the time. But not too obvious on one political side, just general cynicism, with a strong touch of humour. Like

. Or Dylan in the 60s on and after H61R.

Live: I'd just go full blown Led Zeppelin. 3h+ shows, super extended songs, long ass solos by everyone. Intro for every other song, like GNR do. Lots of covers. And most importantly, a lot of improvisation. In my fantasy every one in the band is a world class player so it's all doable. Massive setlist changes between shows. Every song would be basically improvised so no two performances would sound like each other. Many songs would be rearranged for live settings so concert goers would get a completely different experience from listening to the albums. Players would trade parts (e.g. two of the guitarists would do each other's parts, or one would play piano at a show, or something like that). Just make it so that every person leaving a show has some stories to tell. Problem is, there's a trade off between improvisation and elaborate visuals and I like those, but you can't have everything I guess. I'd also like an E-Street type band with back up singers, and a sax player, and horns and a million guitarists and so on, but that also makes improvisation hard so it would have to go. But I like how Queen and Led Zeppelin and Black Crowes manage(d) to sound big without back up, so that's fine.

Touring: Occasionally. I'd like the band to play together all the time to maintain chemistry and come up with new stuff and test it. I'd base in London or New York and play at least three times a week in a bar or something. Tour from time to time, but I'd be careful about it. It's what pretty much every musician says is the worst part of being a musician. I'd just do the big cities and spend a lot of time in each (instead of playing one big venue of 15000 I'd play 7 dates in small venues of 2000 each and keep the shows simple so there's no need for a big crew) to avoid fatigue. No world tours. No tour longer than four months.

Other interests: Everybody in the band would maintain other interests and activities that reveal a world outside show business. Maybe a 'day job'. Like one would be a freelance photographer, one would be a writer, one would be like a mathematician, one a businessman etc.

Edited August 17, 2012 by GivenToFly

[Redhead74]

Absolutely no political agenda for me. I might decry the influence popular media has on elections and critical thinking, from time to time, but that's about it. I'd focus at throwing money at philanthropy projects at first. I'd set up some dummy agency to funnel all my donations through. So I could keep my focus on my edgy dun-give-a-fuck image.

As for my albums, I'd keep it to personal experience of the band and I. Maybe some Metallica type-shit if I stumbled upon some quality literature, but I wouldn't plan on it. The first album would be earnest. I'd probably hearken back to some teenage heartbreak, but coat it with some more up-to-date experiences. I wouldn't write as much as I'd criticize the others in my band. If I did write, it'd probably more akin to Slash's early solo albums. So I'd just try to be the muse for some of their lyrics. Instigate debauchery on the road. When that becomes trite, towards the end of the second album, I'll come up with another idea. We'll have an EP where we all participate in writing lyrics, but we're all high on psychedelics. We'll watch a bunch of wacky shit. Like Warlocks and Heavy Metal. Probably throw in some Smurfs too. We'll conjure up all that stuff. And then I'll convince everyone to orchestrate and perform it on speed. Keep it interesting for the time being. People will think "Oh. A modern ode to Rush and Black Sabbath." or maybe some people will give us the benefit of the doubt and think we're sort of being tongue in cheek about things, just having fun. Soon, though, people will start realizing we've run out of inspiration and we're trying too hard.

So we'll take a sabbatical. Try to recharge the batteries so to speak. One of the band members is falling in love, so he focuses on building a foundation of love and hanging out in tropical locations. Another member is starting to turn into a bit of an artsy person, sort of like Lars Ulrich, so he starts spending a lot of time around art galleries and all that crap. I convince the drummer we need to balance out the whole equation with some darkness. Get a bit radical. So we hitch up with a film crew who is going to do some freelance work for CNN, and trying to get some footage for a documentary in some war torn African country. So the drummer and I head over. The country has been embattled in civil war for decades, and both the US and China have been meddling in the action to try and get a foothold for the natural resources. We get our fill. Six year old manning anti-tank weaponry. Transvestite warlords. Vaginal mutilation. I mean, this is the worse the country, and maybe human-kind, has to offer. Now the drummer he can't cope and he's starting to have some sort of existential break down. Really losing it. I feel for him, so we head to the capitol.

When we get there. The drummer has an epiphany. He really starts getting into some off-shoot Hindu shit. I figure, okay, I need to let him focus so he can re-charge and help charge our batteries. So I leave him be and start hitting the night life with the freelance crew. The coke bars start getting really popular and I start footing the bill for that habit. As we're moving a long, our traffic starts garnering attention. I mean, we're really plowing through the shit. Until one morning some Bruce Willis looking asshole with a Russian accent is standing at the foot of my bed. I'm a bit bewildered so I kick the three local woman out of my bed so I can give this serious matter the proper attention it needs. The Russian dude has no idea who I am. So he tries interrogating me. Why am I buying up all this shit? How come people have seen me all over the country. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Finally I pull out my satellite-GPS-iPhone 7 beta and pull up some youtube vids. Now he gets it. The guy starts singing one of the covers we did for a Japanese afternoon show. He tells me he has the bootleg for the show, and transferred it from betamax-to-VHS-to-cassette and has re-burned it onto CD four times.

We start talking it over, and he's actually an arms dealer for one of Vladimir Putin's ex-KGB henchmen. Now, instead of skinning me alive and feeding me to hippos, he invites me to do some runs to some other African countries and maybe Northern Afghanistan. At this point I'm obliged. So I live it up with these guys for a few months. A bunch of cool shit. I even make eye contact with Putin. Then. Then I receive a phone call from one of the bandmates. He's got no idea what to do. And he's freaking out. Someone withdrew all of the money from the drummer's back account, seized his portion of the royalties, and his house his desolate. I have to get back and figure out what to do. So I give an old roadie a call who knows-a-guy-who-knows-a-guy who used to run opium for the CIA, and he flies me back on an Air Force C-130.

The remaining bandmates, some record executives, and our band manager have an emergency meeting. They start by really putting some heat on me. And I get kind of nervous. They say their lawyers can't do anything because of a tape the drummer left all goofed out in bedsheets, chanting, and declaring all of actions to be taken. I choke. And tell them we took separate flights out of Heathrow. They buy it. Next on the agenda is talking about the need to put out another album. The public is clamoring for it and we need to strike while the iron is hot. So we find some asshole session drummers and hire a couple of ghost writers and get to work. We try to be a diligent as possible but the album flops, from a critic standpoint, and we tour for about half a year.

Now the band disbands again. We've been exposed. Our centerpiece, the drummer, who held the whole band together is gone. And I blame myself. So we decide to part ways, for the time being, and do our own thing. I decide I need to right the wrong to the best of my ability. So I go back to school and finish my degree as a civil service worker. After that, I take control over my dummy agency and really start to drive it home. I start touring underfunded schools around the country, a couple of cancer wards, and even set up a non-profit for-charity festival in my hometown. Time even places me as #78 on the list of Celebrities Most Likely to Initiate World Peace.

I'm happy. The band mates are happy for me. But something isn't quite right. So I go down to Arizona and start spending a lot of time in sweat tents with the natives. Until I finally have a spiritual vision. I see the drummer. I apologize for everything I subjected him to, and explain that the band is his family and we really want him back. Two days later he's back at the record labels headquarters and ready to sort the shit out. THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER. The juice are flowing. We're ready for this great manifestation of the last five or so years of our collective experiences and we're going to put it on the album and we're going to tour the shit out of it. And we do it.

After the drummer's cult realizes their financing is gone, the head honcho orchestrates a mass suicide and they die. Our album receives unanimous critical acclaim, with many announcing that not only is it the best Rock album of all time, but it was surely inspire and revitalize rock itself.

I visit the White House and receive full pardon for all of my transgressions, and even get immunity from all drug and polygamy laws.

STANDING OVATION!

That was great. Do you suffer from maladaptive daydreaming too? Loved it, just bloody loved it!

[Redhead74]

In answer to the question, I'd be like Tori Amos. No, actually not even 'like' Tori Amos, I just wanna be Tori Amos. She's amazing and I love everything about her from her musical style to the lyrical content of her songs to the way she looks to EVERYTHING! I'd get to have long curly red hair too instead of the wiry, bristly crap I was born with.

[bran]

this is a pretty cool thread

my topics would be about depression, melancholy and death, i would like to play some doom/atmospheric type of stuff in the vein of agalloch and woods of ypres.

i would also like to throw in some melodic death metal elements with doom as well.

my songs would be 7-20+ minutes in length alot of acoustic passages but also alot of doom riffing with clean and black metal vocals, maybe even some spoken passage stuff and some piano

i would like to make an album every 3-4 years with an EP in between of 4-6 songs, i would like to experiment on these EP's though i would like to keep things fresh and would like to try different things maybe make an all acoustic EP hell even do a thrash song or two lol

band wise i would like to be a one man band, more about making music than touring, but i would also get some studio musicians to due some festivals in europe and maybe some dates in the states.

i wouldnt do drugs i may smoke some weed if im having writers block but thats about it.

my first album would probably be mostly a raw blackened doom album but i would add more and more to every album my second album would be where my sound really took shape.

[Dazey]

In answer to the question, I'd be like Tori Amos. No, actually not even 'like' Tori Amos, I just wanna be Tori Amos. She's amazing and I love everything about her from her musical style to the lyrical content of her songs to the way she looks to EVERYTHING! I'd get to have long curly red hair too instead of the wiry, bristly crap I was born with.

Tori Amos can suck my balls!

[Redhead74]

Nothing wrong with Tori Amos my friend! Patti Smith is good, she seems to me like the 70s guitar version of Tori. Tori's more piano. You couldn't possibly hear her play 'Sugar' or 'Cooling' and not think she's good.

Edited August 17, 2012 by Redhead74

[Dazey]

Nothing wrong with Tori Amos my friend! Patti Smith is good, she seems to me like the 70s guitar version of Tori. Tori's more piano. You couldn't possibly hear her play 'Sugar' or 'Cooling' and not think she's good.

Gloria! [/thread]

[Johnny Drama]

My band would probably start off as some Let It Bleed/GN'R kinda band for the first couple of albums. I'd be the lead guitarist of course. But then I'd probably get sick of being pigeonholed into one genre so then every album after that would be a mish mash, true to my own musical tastes, of psychedelia, stoner metal, thrash metal, punk, hard rock, blues, soul, folk, pop, hardstyle, golden era hip-hop/G-funk, noise rock, grunge and alternative metal all occurring within the same song.

Of course to achieve this end we would dabble in lots of low quality drugs, often self made in our recording studio to help pay the rent for it. After we make it big we'd just get like a plane for each of us. There's only be five of us in the band. No band needs more than 5 people. If it does, its gay. A singer who can double as a pianist, me, the rhythm/lead guy, bassist and drummer (essentially GN'R). We'd have big parties, roll with the Bloods and Crips, shoot cunts that fuck with us, viciously attack our opponents on the mic and physically.

Then we'd probably get sick of each other, the drummer kills the bassist after it's found out they've each been fucking each other's wives, but the drummer got his gat out first. Oh, only guys. No bitches. Bitches ain't shit. We get a new bassist and haze him like Jason Newkid and mix him out, have him molested by our 6 huge black security guards after which time he leaves the band opting to focus on his porno directing career and laying down bass tracks for said films. The films are a success and we invite him back to be our live show porno director whereby we have live sex on stage at all of our shows. During the shows however we forget to mention its 18+ only and we get taken down by one of those gay groups like Tipper Gore shit and we court controversy again., We're out of arenas into stadiums. The kids love us, that is until I decide to retire from music. I'm just like fuck this shit. I'm giving up the game n***a. Fuck y'all! Um, I haven't decided on the rest of this yet but I will.

[Guest Len B'stard]

Nothing wrong with Tori Amos my friend! Patti Smith is good, she seems to me like the 70s guitar version of Tori. Tori's more piano. You couldn't possibly hear her play 'Sugar' or 'Cooling' and not think she's good.

Gloria! [/thread]

A brief review of The Patti Smith Band right at the very beginning of the video

[Guest Broskirose]

People actually took the time to read the OP?

[Johnny Drama]

People actually took the time to read the OP?

Took 1 minute of my time. I think I could have afforded to waste 1 minute.

[Redhead74]

Nothing wrong with Tori Amos my friend! Patti Smith is good, she seems to me like the 70s guitar version of Tori. Tori's more piano. You couldn't possibly hear her play 'Sugar' or 'Cooling' and not think she's good.

Gloria! [/thread]

A brief review of The Patti Smith Band right at the very beginning of the video

That was great! Can someone show this to Axl please? A whole album recorded in half an hour on 500 quid!

Love John Lydon, he seems really interesting. Can't believe he's still performing Lenny!