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What were you like at age eleven?


alfierose

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A question for the guys on the forum.

My son went missing earlier today, he has previous form for this but this time he went further than usual. He was last seen by his friend at 5.30 pm and finally turned up at 9.15pm, he had on impulse decided to walk to his elder sisters house and back (she wasn't in) which is a six mile round trip. I've learned not to panic unduly when he does a disappearing act but got fairly close to it this evening after driving round for an hour visiting every friend I could think of.

He's on the autistic spectrum but is high functioning and it wouldn't be too obvious unless you spent a bit of time with him, I'm struggling at the moment to work out the overlap between his condition and typical boy behaviour.

How many of you wandered all over the place at that age? Did you tell anyone where you were?

I can't get him to understand that I don't know where he is or that we worry when he disappears. He has a phone but can only tolerate the feeling of carrying it in one particular pair of trousers and even when I think he has it with him he often sneaks back and posts it through the mailbox. I think because he can't see why we need to know where he is he doesn't see why he needs it.

On the plus side his sense of geography is unparalleled and he has a photographic memory for places, he has only been to his sisters new house once in a car but seriously I have no idea how to best tackle this wanderlust, he's been doing it progressively since he was 3 and I can see a future of him fecking off for a few days at a time and telling no one.

Was anyone here a bit like this? What the hell do I do? I can't keep him locked in, he's an outdoors type and has been known just to escape through windows and via the roof anyway.

If he makes it to adulthood will he just be the next Bear Grylls or something????

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Seems normal to me, especially if you're bored and there's fuck all doin'. There a commitment to logic there usually and that logic is better out than sitting around indoors doing fuck all, especially at that age, sometimes if there was no one about you just went to the park and started fuckin' about with whoevers there. But I've always walked a lot too, at his age sometimes when there was fuck all doin' I'd just walk to my cousins sometimes, dunno how many miles it is but it took 45 mins getting there and I've always walked very fast, its was a good excuse for a cheeky spliff actually cuz then you'd get there and chill out a bit, smoke some more, watch some films and then come home not looking too bright red eyed to get a bollocking off the parents. Sorry, thats probably not very reassuring, is it? :lol:

But yeah, probably just getting to that age that he'd like to come and go when he pleases, don't hound the boy, it tends to get on our tits. Obviously have a word with him if it takes the piss, I mean disappearing for ages when you're 11 is kinda odd. Don't give him all that patronising bollocks about 'I'm your guardian, you're my responsibility', just be like 'i ain't treating you like a baby or anything, it's something that applies to grown ups, anyone, people don't go missing for long periods, like days without calling, thats like 'missing persons report' level'.

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He is a person.

A person who'll no doubt lie to you in these coming years all in the pursuit of his own sexual awakening and experimentation of drug abuse, all perfectly normal and nothing to be afraid of... The next 10 years will see what your boy will be like come 21, after his transition. 11, he'll soon reach life's parties and meet and be of the sociology that of his peers and with that also come his rites of passage.. But a 3 mile walk/6 mile round trip... Perfectly normal, perhaps you can look into getting him some wheels? A bike, some skates, a skateboard etc... Hopefully something that'll make him look & feel cool as he's doing it...

And who knows, when's old enough to drive within this coming decade, first car etc... But he's 11 so let's stick to 11, I doubt he's out doing drugs and having sex, yet, IDK, give him a phone or even smartphone and download an app that lets you somehow know where he is, or a simple/probably social no-no regular phone, that you can ring him on, again and again, even if he's trying to get his cool on at school..

But also with smartphone comes FB, so, get him that, get FB (if you haven't already) add each other and set it to only your friends and his can see his FB in the privacy setting then spy on your kid like any other parent.

Edited by Snake-Pit
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Hmm. ..I've been googling gps watches, maybe i can get him to wear one instead of a phone.

Yeah, social circles!

Alright, unless he wants to, I think the only watch he'd want is that new Apple one, if he wants one, he probably doesn't even want that, smartphones are much cooler, and remember, he's still 11, he's too young to know it but come 13 which is just a 12th birthday party away, and he'd be a terror at home if there is any hint of any problems with fitting in at school and dating... But don't tell him that, slowly but surely subtly get him prepared... Buy him the right kind of coat, the right kind of phone etc... and with these smartphones, are like little computers basically, you can, if you want, gps that thing in so many different ways, it'll be like your gps watch, but funner, even on my phone I have an app called RunKeeper that tracks my running activity I do when I open the app and press start and run.. So getting him a smartphone'll be like the gps watches you were looking into, only more socially acceptable at a age where it's vital for his happiness and future success - of course mould him into your own image or let him choose and be behind him 110%, whatever you want to do... But phones like smartphones with FB and everything, is a great way to keep track of your kid.

Edited by Snake-Pit
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Seems normal to me, especially if you're bored and there's fuck all doin'. There a commitment to logic there usually and that logic is better out than sitting around indoors doing fuck all, especially at that age, sometimes if there was no one about you just went to the park and started fuckin' about with whoevers there. But I've always walked a lot too, at his age sometimes when there was fuck all doin' I'd just walk to my cousins sometimes, dunno how many miles it is but it took 45 mins getting there and I've always walked very fast, its was a good excuse for a cheeky spliff actually cuz then you'd get there and chill out a bit, smoke some more, watch some films and then come home not looking too bright red eyed to get a bollocking off the parents. Sorry, thats probably not very reassuring, is it? :lol:

But yeah, probably just getting to that age that he'd like to come and go when he pleases, don't hound the boy, it tends to get on our tits. Obviously have a word with him if it takes the piss, I mean disappearing for ages when you're 11 is kinda odd. Don't give him all that patronising bollocks about 'I'm your guardian, you're my responsibility', just be like 'i ain't treating you like a baby or anything, it's something that applies to grown ups, anyone, people don't go missing for long periods, like days without calling, thats like 'missing persons report' level'.

I get what you mean about the logic, he is uber logical and I do give him a lot of physical freedom as he is that sort of person but all his friends seem to get the whole checking in home via a text or a quick call or going home for tea. He's really lacking in this area, he struggles to recognise hunger or thirst too until it's really extreme, he just powers through like a bloody robot until he pretty much collapse then wonders why he's hot, sick and dizzy.

I worry because he's on the spectrum, he's hugely blessed in a lot of useful skills, problem solving, navigation etc...but then massively lacking in empathy, intuition and common sense. His mates are more balanced and I can really see a difference, they do look out for him where they can though, he's lucky to have them to be honest, they've all been friends since primary and know what he's like.

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Sounds like he's got lovely mates, really reassuring, I always go by the presumption that kids are horrible and kinda worries me a bit cuz there's certain kids in my family who are a bit that way, worry they'd get picked on or taken advantage of in school or something.

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Hmm. ..I've been googling gps watches, maybe i can get him to wear one instead of a phone.

Yeah, social circles!

Alright, unless he wants to, I think the only watch he'd want is that new Apple one, if he wants one, he probably doesn't even want that, smartphones are much cooler, and remember, he's still 11, he's too young to know it but come 13 which is just a 12th birthday party away, and he'd be a terror at home if there is any hint of any problems with fitting in at school and dating... But don't tell him that, slowly but surely subtly get him prepared... Buy him the right kind of coat, the right kind of phone etc... and with these smartphones, are like little computers basically, you can, if you want, gps that thing in so many different ways, it'll be like your gps watch, but funner, even on my phone I have an app called RunKeeper that tracks my running activity I do when I open the app and press start and run.. So it'll be like the gps watches you were looking into, only more socially cool.

I would buy him an apple watch, I think he would like it but I don't reckon it will fit. He's 11 but so tiny, the size of an 8 year old with teeny wrists. That's another reason I worry about him roaming the street , he looks nearly half the age he is.

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The boy's brain is always computing, how tidy does he keep his room?

Does he have a place for everything and everything has it's place?

Does he like chess, maths, is he determined by rules that govern his life, such as 1 + 1 = 2 and if the world threw in a 3 (like sometimes it does), it might not compute?

Maybe you're right to think autistic, but.... That don't really mean the end of the world, just depends on your son and his peers.

Edited by Snake-Pit
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Sounds like he's got lovely mates, really reassuring, I always go by the presumption that kids are horrible and kinda worries me a bit cuz there's certain kids in my family who are a bit that way, worry they'd get picked on or taken advantage of in school or something.

It is sweet really, he's starting a massive high school in September, his friends are the only reason I'm hopeful it's going to be okay. Even the smallest blazer drowns him.

At least if he finds himself in bother he can run, he's the smallest kid in the school but can outrun anyone, like a bloody whippet. I'm gonna be a nervous wreck by the time he's 18 though. Thank fuck for gin!

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Even men can be petite... Honestly, he may develop 'little man syndrome' or 'short person syndrome'... When you're short, you live a life with people towering over you, and if backed into a corner, you'd instinctively fight your way out.

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Is it a smartphone? It'll have GPS in it if it is.

Have you warned him about paedos?

Yes, he hates carrying it in his pocket though, I think it's a sensory thing.

Yes, we've discussed stranger danger many times, he doesn't see the relevance to him, he finds cause and effect difficult, it's hard to explain but imagination isn't something he can do easily.

Even men can be petite... Honestly, he may develop 'little man syndrome' or 'short person syndrome'... When you're short, you live a life with people towering over you, and if backed into a corner, you'd instinctively fight your way out.

That's interesting, I'd never thought of it like that. Makes a lot of sense (never thought I'd be saying that to you Snakes!)

The boy's brain is always computing, how tidy does he keep his room?

Does he have a place for everything and everything has it's place?

Does he like chess, maths, is he determined by rules that govern his life, such as 1 + 1 = 2 and if the world threw in a 3 (like sometimes it does), it might not compute?

Maybe you're right to think autistic, but.... That don't really mean the end of the world, just depends on your son and his peers.

He has a diagnosis already but yes he is like this. His room is tidy but by default really because he barely owns any stuff, he doesn't like stuff.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts so far, it's interesting to think about different perspectives especially because I've never been an eleven year old boy.

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When I was in middle school it was pretty common to go somewhere other than straight home, but I'd usually let one of my parents know once I got to a friends house or wherever (I didn't have a cell phone). It wasn't unusual to decide 'fuck it, I feel like spending the evening at the lake/fields/playing hockey/etc'. Probably nothing to worry about. My parents always just liked me to let them know if I'd be missing dinner.

Edited by Gordon Comstock
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How many of you wandered all over the place at that age? Did you tell anyone where you were?

I'd have to ask my mother, but as far as I can remember me and my buddies used to wander off in the forests all the time. I always managed somehow to get back in time for dinner og supper, which is strange since we deliberately tried to get lost. I don't think they were ever worried about me, probably because it was such a carefree time and the forests weren't that large. But maybe they were worried about me, it just never penetrated my dense 11 year old brain.

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So basically no point worrying because it will be all sex and drugs soon anyway. :max:

Hmm. ..I've been googling gps watches, maybe i can get him to wear one instead of a phone.

It doesn't have to be. Try and lead him towards Jesus Christ.
Nate, it's cute that you're experimenting with new screen personas, and it seems that you're really into pretending to be a born-again God botherer, there are many clichés, stereotypes and tropes which make it a fun and effortless persona to have. But can you just not do it in this thread, have some respect! Alfie is wanting helpful and intelligent responses. All you're doing is trying to attract attention to yourself. I suggest you go read St. Theresa of Avila's writing on humility as a godly virtue and come back if you ever finish her books. Edited by Gracii Guns
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How many of you wandered all over the place at that age? Did you tell anyone where you were?

I'd have to ask my mother, but as far as I can remember me and my buddies used to wander off in the forests all the time. I always managed somehow to get back in time for dinner og supper, which is strange since we deliberately tried to get lost. I don't think they were ever worried about me, probably because it was such a carefree time and the forests weren't that large. But maybe they were worried about me, it just never penetrated my dense 11 year old brain.

So what I'm taking from this thread so far is...wandering around all over the place is fairly standard for youngish boys however I need to work on communication skills. I'm going to look into the gps watch, there are some good kids ones but they all seem to be sold in the US and not here.

Soulmonster, I can guarantee your mother regularly tried to ignore perilous thoughts whilst you clambered carefree around the forest.

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So basically no point worrying because it will be all sex and drugs soon anyway. :max:

Hmm. ..I've been googling gps watches, maybe i can get him to wear one instead of a phone.

It doesn't have to be. Try and lead him towards Jesus Christ.
Nate, it's cute that you're experimenting with new screen personas, and it seems that you're really into pretending to be a born-again God botherer, there are many clichés, stereotypes and tropes which make it a fun and effortless persona to have. But can you just not do it in this thread, have some respect! Alfie is wanting helpful and intelligent responses. All you're doing is trying to attract attention to yourself. I suggest you go read St. Theresa of Avila's writing on humility as a godly virtue and come back if you ever finish her books.

Translation: Shut your fuckin' mouth you little fraggle :D

How many of you wandered all over the place at that age? Did you tell anyone where you were?

I'd have to ask my mother, but as far as I can remember me and my buddies used to wander off in the forests all the time. I always managed somehow to get back in time for dinner og supper, which is strange since we deliberately tried to get lost. I don't think they were ever worried about me, probably because it was such a carefree time and the forests weren't that large. But maybe they were worried about me, it just never penetrated my dense 11 year old brain.

Yeah but you live out in the middle of nowhere, there's no one to hurt you anyway :lol: I envy your life man, all them idyllic snowy places dotted around your place, beats the smell of urine and the sound of tramps puking up in doorways at 2am.

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