Dine Like Royalty

[Facekicker]

Etiquette at the Dinner Table

I was raised in a home where dinner was a formal, sit-down, family affair every night. Proper table manners were taught early and reinforced regularly. Then I went to university and was shocked to see the dining habits of some of my fellow students. It was like a Neanderthal emerging from a time machine.

As bad as my classmates were the worst offenders have always been American's. Good heavens, have they no cutlery in their homes? Watching an American eating is like observing a hyena in the Serengeti. Absolute savages.

So my fellow posters, don't be mistaken for a dumb animal when you are dining in company. What follows is a guide that even a simpleton oik can follow:

Pump The Brakes

Eat slowly. No one wants to share a table with an open-mouthed shoveler. Take a manageable bite and finish it before adding another. Chew with your mouth closed and leave room for conversation between swallows. After all, that is presumably why you've been invited for dinner.

Napkin Norms

Your napkin should be folded on your lap shortly after you sit down. Use your napkin regularly throughout your meal, even if you don't think you need to. Wipe your mouth before taking a drink to avoid leaving food residue on your glass. When excusing yourself from the table, a napkin should be folded clean side up and placed to the left of your plate.

Silverware Signals

A knife and fork placed apart and pointing towards the top of the plate in a triangle indicate that you're still eating. When you're finished, signal that your plate is ready to be cleared by placing your knife and fork diagonally together on your plate approximately where the number four is on a clock face

Cutlery Competance

Both the American style (in which the fork is held in the left hand for cutting and switched to the right for eating) and Continental style (in which the fork is kept in the left hand for both cutting and eating) are completely acceptable. (Personally I find the American style to be ghastly but each to their own)

However, don't cut food into more than three pieces at a time - you are not a toddler in danger of choking. Spoon soup away from you, and if you need to tilt the bowl, amgle it away from you. Used silverware should never touch the table, even when resting half on a plate or bowl.

Should you find the above confusing you might find this excellent instructional video more helpful:

Edited January 15, 2016 by Jackie Treehorn

[OmarBradley]

Thank you.

[Facekicker]

Thank you.

You are most welcome.

[Gracii Guns]

I'm told that my generation of Brits are eating more like Americans with the fork in the left hand. Some research was carried out and they concluded that we're not copying the Americans, our generation are just forgetting how to use knives decently.

[Facekicker]

I'm always fascinated whenever I am dining with an American. The way they grab their food off the plate with their hands like a greedy toddler. I don't understand it but I guess it accounts for their love of things like hamburgers, pizza and hotdogs, this holding of ones food directly like a monkey with a banana.

I was most amused by an American friends reaction to my eating of a pizza with a knife and fork. You'd swear I had stabbed their grandmother.

Edited January 15, 2016 by Jackie Treehorn

[DieselDaisy]

Americans eat by switching the cutlery between hands, don't they? They will cut the food up then switch the folk to the opposite hand, putting down the knife, in order to skewer the food and eat it; you keep seeing this switch thing happening as they eat.

[Facekicker]

Americans eat by switching the cutlery between hands, don't they? They will cut the food up then switch the folk to the opposite hand, putting down the knife, in order to skewer the food and eat it; you keep seeing this switch thing happening as they eat.

Juggle, cut, juggle, cut. Yes, it is most annoying. I sometimes ask them if they ever worked in a circus but they just look at me confused.

[DieselDaisy]

Americans usually adopt things for ease of comfort yet, to me it appears a more unwieldy way to eat!

[Facekicker]

Yes like trackpants instead of a good pair of slacks.

Though I was delighted to see a fellow in jeans thrown out of a clubhouse over there once.

Edited January 15, 2016 by Jackie Treehorn

[AxlisOld]

Americans eat by switching the cutlery between hands, don't they? They will cut the food up then switch the folk to the opposite hand, putting down the knife, in order to skewer the food and eat it; you keep seeing this switch thing happening as they eat.

Never once have I done that. Fork on the left, stays on the left.

[Len Cnut]

Shit, i hold the fork in my right hand, is that wrong? Fuck it, I'll just eat with my hands!

[Dazey]

I've always eaten with the fork in the left hand.

[classicrawker]

Interesting read and thanks for sharing but eating Pizza with a knife and fork?! well that is just un-American............

I can't say I abide by all your etiquette suggestions but I do agree it is disgusting seeing people eating with their mouths open.............

[Len Cnut]

I cant be having pizza with a knife and fork either to be honest! My brother does that, don't half get on my tits.

[Dazey]

Hang on! Sorry, I meant I always keep the fork in my right hand.

[Len Cnut]

Yay, i was right then! Follow the white man, thats what i always say

[classicrawker]

Shit, i hold the fork in my right hand, is that wrong? Fuck it, I'll just eat with my hands!

Your well on your way to becoming a "real america"................

[Len Cnut]

Shit, i hold the fork in my right hand, is that wrong? Fuck it, I'll just eat with my hands!

Your well on your way to becoming a "real america"................

Or Americans are on their way to becoming muslims, it's actually an Islamic thing, to eat with your hands That'd change the American view on it a bit lively eh?

[classicrawker]

I cant be having pizza with a knife and fork either to be honest! My brother does that, don't half get on my tits.

Some food is just meant to be eaten with your hands for full enjoyment.............

[Dazey]

Yay, i was right then! Follow the white man, thats what i always say

Until you're down a dark alley and nobody's looking?

[classicrawker]

Shit, i hold the fork in my right hand, is that wrong? Fuck it, I'll just eat with my hands!

Your well on your way to becoming a "real america"................

Or Americans are on their way to becoming muslims, it's actually an Islamic thing, to eat with your hands That'd change the American view on it a bit lively eh?

I think you just made the Republicans on this forum's heads explode Len.............

[Len Cnut]

Yay, i was right then! Follow the white man, thats what i always say

Until you're down a dark alley and nobody's looking?

Then out comes the D lock Nah, it's more of a natural South Asian genetic impulse, everytime i see a whiteman i have this overwhelming desire to fan him and serve him food

Edited January 15, 2016 by Len B'stard

[wasted]

I've seen people eating burgers with knife and fork. That's what you get when you go to Burger Bistro.

[wasted]

I've seen people eating burgers with knife and fork. That's what you get when you go to Burger Bistro.

[AxlsFavoriteRose]

On 1/15/2016 at 8:50 PM, wasted said:

I've seen people eating burgers with knife and fork. That's what you get when you go to Burger Bistro.

 reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where people started eating things like cookies and candy bars w/a knife and fork.