Near Death Experiences

[Len Cnut]

4 hours ago, PappyTron said:

Was it like this scene?

Kind of looks like Snake-Pit.

That film has the best bad guys ever!  Emile, the legendary Clarence Bodiger, Dick Jones played by the wonderful Ronnie Cox and the one that looks like David Platt.

[PappyTron]

1 minute ago, Len B'stard said:

That film has the best bad guys ever!  Emile, the legendary Clarence Bodiger, Dick Jones played by the wonderful Ronnie Cox and the one that looks like David Platt.

Boddicker is amazing; absolutely smashes it out of the park. Dick Jones is hilarious too - "If anybody tries to stop me...the old geezer gets it!"

[Len Cnut]

3 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

Boddicker is amazing; absolutely smashes it out of the park. Dick Jones is hilarious too - "If anybody tries to stop me...the old geezer gets it!"

'I dont think we're getting through here Sal, i got the connections, i got the sales organisation, i got the muscle to stuff so much of this factory so far up your wide wop ass that you'll be shittin' snow for a year'

[PappyTron]

2 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

'I dont think we're getting through here Sal, i got the connections, i got the sales organisation, i got the muscle to stuff so much of this factory so far up your wide wop ass that you'll be shittin' snow for a year'

I've always intended to use that line on someone, but alas the opportunity has yet to arise. I live in eternal hope though.

"Come on, Sal! The Tigers are playing tonight, and I never miss a game!" *sticks fingers in Sal's wine and snorts them*

Edited April 17, 2016 by PappyTron

[Len Cnut]

1 minute ago, PappyTron said:

I've always intended to use that line on someone, but alas the opportunity has yet to arise. I live in eternal hope though.

"Come on, Sal! The Tigers are playing tonight, and I never miss a game!" *sticks fingers in Sal's wine and snorts them*

Lets face it, without the bad guys that films a load of shite . This is how they ruined films based on comics, id still watch them if they were relentlessly blue and violent.

[PappyTron]

Just now, Len B'stard said:

Lets face it, without the bad guys that films a load of shite . This is how they ruined films based on comics, id still watch them if they were relentlessly blue and violent.

RoboCop is an amazing film; just absolutely brilliant.

"Mind if I.....zip it up?!"

[Len Cnut]

1 minute ago, PappyTron said:

RoboCop is an amazing film; just absolutely brilliant.

"Mind if I.....zip it up?!"

Its in the details though isnt it?  The purient focus on the way ED209 drills that OCP worked to fuck, we need more of that in modern cinema

 

[PappyTron]

3 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

Its in the details though isnt it?  The purient focus on the way ED209 drills that OCP worked to fuck, we need more of that in modern cinema

 

"You call THIS a "glitch", Jones?!!"

I also like Clarence's line "State-of-the-art bangbang" and the immortal "Bitches, leave!"

Edited April 17, 2016 by PappyTron

[Len Cnut]

2 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

"You call THIS a "glitch", Jones?!!"

I also like Clarence's line "State-of-the-art bangbang" and the immortal "Bitches, leave!"

My lifes ambition is to blow up a 6000 SUX with one of them big fuck off shooters

[PappyTron]

1 minute ago, Len B'stard said:

My lifes ambition is to blow up a 6000 SUX with one of them big fuck off shooters

8.6 miles to the gallon!

[Len Cnut]

4 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

8.6 miles to the gallon!

And more importantly, a big fuck off ball of fire when shot at!

[DR DOOM]

1 hour ago, lukepowell1988 said:

That big robot that shoots that bloke at the start of the movie still scares me to this day 

That's the ED-209...love how it makes those animal sounds as it falls down the stairs.

Robocop was and is a fucking awesome movie.

The remake was sort of worth it just to see ED-209 again.

[Dazey]

10 hours ago, Len B'stard said:

A few actually

I fucked my car off the road on, is it Junction 16 or 17, the one for Chorleywood off the M25, anyway I'm fucked my car off the road there taking a corner too fast, i don't really remember what happened but i flipped it and crushed it and tore down a shitload of railings, woke up actually on the fuckin' road going onto the motorway, can remember waking up thinking 'fuck, how did i get here?'  Stood up, not realising i was laying in a fuckload of glass, didn't hurt too either, for some reason, didn't realise i was actually resting my palms on glass as i was getting myself up off the floor, stood up, got off the road and thought 'i should probably call an ambulance', reached into my jeans pocket with the glassy hand and oh boy did that hurt...i left off a scream something like what would probably be heard from a Wall Street banker on his first trip to the prison shower room if the bastards ever got arrested.  Did all right though, had some stitches in my eyelid and broke the ring finger (shut up Pappy :lol:) on my right hand but apart from that alright.

Another time i got hit by a car crossing the road, like it mowed me down, right outside my school this was, the lady was actually my Mums best friends daughter, anyway she rammed right into me, i basically got off the school bus, crossed the road and then this girl called me from the other side of the road and i just kinda turned on reflex and ran back, not realising a motor was coming, anyway it crashed into my legs and sent the rest of me into the windscreen then i just kinda rolled off the bonnet and plopped onto the floor (shut up Pappy :lol:).  I remember waking up and just looking into the sky and these girls were crying and the headmistresses was going 'omg, his parents are gonna sue'.  I was more worried about the ten deck of B&H and bag of skunk in my schoolbag and where it'd go cuz the ambulance people cut it off me (these things concern you when you're 13 :lol:)  Was actually completely alright though, again, which is weird cuz they all thought i was dead, even told my parents before they got to the hospital to prepare for the worst cuz from what they'd seen i was pretty badly damaged, when my folks got there i was sitting up in bed reading an issue of Womans Own (it's all that was there in the hospital!) and Dad was like 'you fucking cunt, i thought you were dead!'.

In fact i think i even caused a near death experience, or an actual death   I know nothing about this particular story, i was just told it second hand so i can't verify any of this but apparently right, I'm a kid, 4 or 5, in Kashmir and there was some old lady there, 80 something or 70 something, was on her last knockings basically, sick and all that, and i was just a baby crawling around and she tried to like, play with me, pick me up, but being a proper old dragon and like...look at it from a kids point of view, this orange haired (they dye their hair with Henna) moustachioed lady with no teeth and a wrinkley face reaches out to you, i kinda reacted by cracking her over the head with a stool   Anyway it fucked her right up and everybody tripped like 'look what he's done, look what he's done!' and Mum, being a Mum, kinda scooped me up and went 'don't you blame him, it's not his fault, he's just a kid'.  Anyway, 6 days later she died   I don't think i was the cause of it or anything, as i say she was on her way out and i think it's just one of those things my old man told me to take the piss out of me 'you was always a bad 'un, you little granny killer!'

Didn't you also bump off some old dear with fireworks in the cinema or something?

[Len Cnut]

3 minutes ago, Dazey said:

Didn't you also bump off some old dear with fireworks in the cinema or something?

No i did not!! . That one was alright in the end, just had a bit of a shock.  Fuckin hell, never thought of that, thats two grannys I've come close to ironing out!

It is ever thus in my life, harmless mischief or misadventure leads to these happenstances but like, my intentions are always good!

Edited April 18, 2016 by Len B'stard

[Len Cnut]

15 minutes ago, lukepowell1988 said:

 

ED-209 DROP YOUR WEAPON BOOOMMMMM shoots that bloke to shit still haunts me to this day.

You have 15 seconds to comply! . I thought it was fantastic!

[Dazey]

6 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

You have 15 seconds to comply! . I thought it was fantastic!

My parents bought me my very first copy of Robocop back in 1988. Responsible (awesome) parenting right there!

[Len Cnut]

19 minutes ago, Dazey said:

My parents bought me my very first copy of Robocop back in 1988. Responsible (awesome) parenting right there!

My old man got me Commando when i was 6 . Last fuckin film he ever bought me as well, i still had it until a couple years back when i slung all my VHSes in a skip.  To be fair though he was a good influence cinematically, had me watched The Ten Commandments, Chisum, One Eyed Jacks, lots of Clint Eastwood stuff but then modern stuff too like Predator, Beverly Hills Cop.  

And d'ya know, for all the blood and gore i saw as a kid i never once thought about shooting, raping or blowing anyone up   Not once.  

[Dazey]

14 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

My old man got me Commando when i was 6 . Last fuckin film he ever bought me as well, i still had it until a couple years back when i slung all my VHSes in a skip.  To be fair though he was a good influence cinematically, had me watched The Ten Commandments, Chisum, One Eyed Jacks, lots of Clint Eastwood stuff but then modern stuff too like Predator, Beverly Hills Cop.  

And d'ya know, for all the blood and gore i saw as a kid i never once thought about shooting, raping or blowing anyone up   Not once.  

Just the granny killing then?

[Len Cnut]

Just add me to the list of the all time great granny shaggers Len, Harold Shipman, Wayne Rooney

[Gunner55]

I was a really shitty swimmer as a child and teen and in grade 8 someone who's dad was a cop and loaded hosted a grad party forfor the whole class. He had a pool, I ventured into the deep end, and some kid decided it would be a great idea to jump on my back and basically hold me underwater while I desperately tried to keep my head above water. Coughed up water for a good 10 minutes after that. At the time for sure thought I was done. 

Lately, a few near misses while driving that definitely could have been fatal. Luckily all just close calls. 

[Gracii Guns]

I just ate a whole bag of Haribo Tangfastics. 

[swlabr]

Almost died at birth -- umbilical cord tied around my neck. Not fun.

[PappyTron]

4 minutes ago, swlabr said:

Almost died at birth -- umbilical cord tied around my neck. Not fun.

When your dad said he hoped his son was well hung, that is not what he meant.

[swlabr]

2 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

When your dad said he hoped his son was well hung, that is not what he meant.

Or maybe it was.

[Gracii Guns]

1 hour ago, lukepowell1988 said:

Did you get tangfastic face?

No, but mild constipation.