Near Death Experiences

[DR DOOM]

21 hours ago, Dazey said:

My parents bought me my very first copy of Robocop back in 1988. Responsible (awesome) parenting right there!

I loved how there was a kid's Robocop cartoon and toys as well...same goes for Rambo.

[Len Cnut]

2 hours ago, DR DOOM said:

I loved how there was a kid's Robocop cartoon and toys as well...same goes for Rambo.

Lets face it, the films were for kids too.  And thats not an insult or anything, its just you've got to know that that stuff appeals to kids aged 11/12.  They couldntve seriously made Robocop with middle aged men or 30 somethings in mind.

[Gracii Guns]

45 minutes ago, lukepowell1988 said:

 

You know I was going to bring this up at some point today ... not your constipation but why the fuck is it every morning before I head to work I sit there for a good half hour and fucking nothing comes out maybe a few farts but the second I get on the bus and it leaves the station and i'm at the point of no return it feels like someone is twisting my fucking guts and swinging from them I expect to hear my arse hole shout "WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE BABY!!! YOU GONNA DIEEEEEEEEE"

 

 

Every fucking morning .............. 

I'm sorry I lowered the tone.

Hope that you get that sorted, Luke.

[Graeme]

As the forum's resident volcanologist, I have to chip in with this:

I was working on a Doppler Radar station on the south flank of Volcan de Colima in Western Mexico. The volcano erupted multiple times throughout the day and produced several pyroclastic flows.

A pyroclastic flow is the single most deadly phenomenon a volcano can produce, responsible for 33% of the total historical fatalities record from volcanic activity... (To give some perspective, lava flows only account for 0.32% of the volcanic fatalities record). Pyroclastic flows are clouds of ash, gas and pulverised rock which behave like avalanches, moving down the side of volcanoes at speeds of up to 700 km/h, carrying lumps of rock as big as cars like missiles, their internal temperature can be as hot as 1040 degrees celsius. They flatten and incinerate everything in their path.

Over the course of the video, you can see a pyroclastic flow descending and engulfing the side of the volcano in front of us. Things get really interesing about 2 mins and 20 seconds, when you can start to hear a little bit of what it sounded like (like a huge, terrifying train). At that point, the front of the flow was about 700 metres away from us, which is where it stopped. We had no idea if it was going to stop or not, though, and as it kept coming I started to realise "this could be it..." I remember my heart rate went through the roof.

This was taken just over a year later when a big enough pyroclastic flow reached the doppler radar station. The area in the photo is exactly the same place as where we were standing in the video.

[SoulMonster]

That's probably the coolest thing I have seen today, @Graeme. If women don't fancy coming home with you to see your pyroclastic flows then I don't know what to say.

As for the topic. Nah, I don't think I have ever had a near-death experience. I have caused a few, though.

[Len Cnut]

5 minutes ago, SoulMonster said:

That's probably the coolest thing I have seen today, @Graeme. If women don't fancy coming home with you to see your pyroclastic flows then I don't know what to say.

As for the topic. Nah, I don't think I have ever had a near-death experience. I have caused a few, though.

What ones did you cause?

[SoulMonster]

2 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

What ones did you cause?

I once, at dark, tied a rope across a biking path in what I thought was, uhm, throat height. I also once threw piles of planks and stuff onto a highway right after a bend so cars would either crash into it at high speed or have to swerve away into the coming lane. Both of these were before school age, so I guess there is some excuse in that. But I also strongly considered adding large doses of a bovine laxative into the coffee of a hated colleague when I was in my teens, but a friend of mine pussied out and wouldn't bring me some from their farm. The last would surely not have been life-threatening although extremely uncomfortable. (Left without the required laxative I opted for just filling his hard hat with strong industry soap (the one you use to remove grease, oils, and other hard-to-remove stuff from the hands of mechanics) while he was having his lunch break, forgetting that he suffered from extra sensitive skin. I still remember coming back to see the effect of what I thought was an innocent prank and seeing his head, now completely read, under the faucet, trying to wash away the burning soap.)

[Len Cnut]

Just now, SoulMonster said:

I once, at dark, tied a rope across a biking path in what I thought was, uhm, throat height. I also once threw piles of planks and stuff onto a highway right after a bend so cars would either crash into it at high speed or have to swerve away into the coming lane. Both of these were before school age, so I guess there is some excuse in that. But I also strongly considered adding large doses of a bovine laxative into the coffee of a hated colleague when I was in my teens, but a friend of mine pussied out and wouldn't bring me some from their farm. The last would surely not have been life-threatening although extremely uncomfortable. (Left without the required laxative I opted for just filling his hard hat with strong industry soap (the one you use to remove grease, oils, and other hard-to-remove stuff from the hands of mechanics) while he was having his lunch break, forgetting that he suffered from extra sensitive skin. I still remember coming back to see the effect of what I thought was an innocent prank and seeing his head, now completely read, under the faucet, trying to wash away the burning soap.)

I think I'd've like younger Soulie!

[SoulMonster]

10 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

I think I'd've like younger Soulie!

Not if you got on my wrong side, you wouldn't, then I'd fucking kill you, or just inflict a severe allergic reaction on you.

Nah, it was just a lack of impulse control and unawareness of the consequences of what I thought was harmless pranks. I loved pranks and some of them went a bit too far. That's all. No ill will, just thoughtlessness. Today I am just happy that none of these went as wrong as they could have.

Oh yeah, I also dug a hole in a path in the forest (like, 30 cm deep or so), stucks some sticks with feces in there (from horses, I believe - not mine!), and covered it up with twigs and leaves. I think that was after having seen Rambo. Again, you'd have to fall in head-first to die from it, which would have been uncommonly clumsy, so this wasn't really life-threatening, either; nothing that couldn't have been fixed with intravenous antibiotics, I am sure.

[Len Cnut]

I was of a similar disposition.  A great one round here was sticking a firework in the milk bottles outside the door, lighting it, ringing the doorbell then running away.  You have to time it right but if you can the effect is glorious . I only wish we had had cameraphones in them days!

[SoulMonster]

2 hours ago, Len B'stard said:

I was of a similar disposition.  A great one round here was sticking a firework in the milk bottles outside the door, lighting it, ringing the doorbell then running away.  You have to time it right but if you can the effect is glorious . I only wish we had had cameraphones in them days!

We didn't have much fireworks. They are strictly regulated and only available during New Year's Eve. I did once find a large firecracker lying on the pavement. What luck! A small boy finding the largest firecracker I had ever seen! I couldn't ignite it because it was wet, so naturally I tried to dry it in the microwave . BAD IDEA!

Anyway, we made our own fireworks. Or rather bombs. There was this military exercise in my hometown with all of this soldiers running around playing war. Gresat fun for us kids, we used to follow them around and be generally awed by the weaponry and everything. They were really sloppy and lost enormous amounts of the "fake" ammunition they used. This was dud ammo (no bullet) used in AG3 rifles. Bright red and made of plastic or something similar but with enough black powder to cause a satifying band when fired. My and my friend picked up two large plastic bags full of the stuff. (We also picked up a military spade they had lost but -- and this is astonishing -- it fell out of my friend's backpack just when we were walking through a makeshift military camp, so naturally we had to give it back.) Earlier we had done a little "breaking and entering" at a military shooting and drilling range, and while rampaging through a military garbage dump found a large amount of military grade detonation cord. Detonation cord is immensily cool. But it also had the almost magical property that its diameter fills the metal shell of a used AG3 round pretty perfectly. This allowed us to use the black powder from the dud ammo to fill up the metal shell, and then conceal the opening with the detonation cord. And eureka we had fantastic bombs!

There really wasn't room for very much powder in each shell, but enough to cause a very satisfying explosion when ignited. And enough to rip the metal casing apart and send numerous spiky metal fragments around. Quite dangerous, actually. But we were careful, we only used it to blow mushrooms and tin cans apart. And we never got hurt. Really wholesome, healthy fun, really.

A friend of ours took it in a slightly more sinister direction. He used similar bombs to disintegrate mail boxes of known police officers. He wasn't a very good criminal though, and the police caught him rather quickly. While ransacking his room and questioning him, he, for completely unknown reasons, told them that my friend and I also did simila things. Complete nonsense. He really cracked under interrogation. Anyway, he had the decency to call me after the police left to warn me. My friend and I gathered our stuff and quickly disposed of it under som branches and shit in the forest. I assume it is still there. A wooden box full of military grade detonation cord and a nice pile of black powder. Hopefully some kids will find it.

[Len Cnut]

3 minutes ago, SoulMonster said:

We didn't have much fireworks. They are strictly regulated and only available during New Year's Eve. I did once find a large firecracker lying on the pavement. What luck! A small boy finding the largest firecracker I had ever seen! I couldn't ignite it because it was wet, so naturally I tried to dry it in the microwave . BAD IDEA!

Anyway, we made our own fireworks. Or rather bombs. There was this military exercise in my hometown with all of this soldiers running around playing war. Gresat fun for us kids, we used to follow them around and be generally awed by the weaponry and everything. They were really sloppy and lost enormous amounts of the "fake" ammunition they used. This was dud ammo (no bullet) used in AG3 rifles. Bright red and made of plastic or something similar but with enough black powder to cause a satifying band when fired. My and my friend picked up two large plastic bags full of the stuff. (We also picked up a military spade they had lost but -- and this is astonishing -- it fell out of my friend's backpack just when we were walking through a makeshift military camp, so naturally we had to give it back.) Earlier we had done a little "breaking and entering" at a military shooting and drilling range, and while rampaging through a military garbage dump found a large amount of military grade detonation cord. Detonation cord is immensily cool. But it also had the almost magical property that its diameter fills the metal shell of a used AG3 round pretty perfectly. This allowed us to use the black powder from the dud ammo to fill up the metal shell, and then conceal the opening with the detonation cord. And eureka we had fantastic bombs!

There really wasn't room for very much powder in each shell, but enough to cause a very satisfying explosion when ignited. And enough to rip the metal casing apart and send numerous spiky metal fragments around. Quite dangerous, actually. But we were careful, we only used it to blow mushrooms and tin cans apart. And we never got hurt. Really wholesome, healthy fun, really.

A friend of ours took it in a slightly more sinister direction. He used similar bombs to disintegrate mail boxes of known police officers. He wasn't a very good criminal though, and the police caught him rather quickly. While ransacking his room and questioning him, he, for completely unknown reasons, told them that my friend and I also did simila things. Complete nonsense. He really cracked under interrogation. Anyway, he had the decency to call me after the police left to warn me. My friend and I gathered our stuff and quickly disposed of it under som branches and shit in the forest. I assume it is still there. A wooden box full of military grade detonation cord and a nice pile of black powder. Hopefully some kids will find it.

Anders Brevik suddenly makes a shitload of sense  

Nah, I'm just kidding, i totally get it and would probably have done similar as a youth if i'd've had the space and access.  Shit, I'd probably do it now if i was around some woodlands or whatever and i knew no one'd get hurt. 

[PappyTron]

6 hours ago, SoulMonster said:

I once, at dark, tied a rope across a biking path in what I thought was, uhm, throat height. I also once threw piles of planks and stuff onto a highway right after a bend so cars would either crash into it at high speed or have to swerve away into the coming lane. Both of these were before school age, so I guess there is some excuse in that. But I also strongly considered adding large doses of a bovine laxative into the coffee of a hated colleague when I was in my teens, but a friend of mine pussied out and wouldn't bring me some from their farm. The last would surely not have been life-threatening although extremely uncomfortable. (Left without the required laxative I opted for just filling his hard hat with strong industry soap (the one you use to remove grease, oils, and other hard-to-remove stuff from the hands of mechanics) while he was having his lunch break, forgetting that he suffered from extra sensitive skin. I still remember coming back to see the effect of what I thought was an innocent prank and seeing his head, now completely read, under the faucet, trying to wash away the burning soap.)

 

[spunko12345]

6 hours ago, Len B'stard said:

I was of a similar disposition.  A great one round here was sticking a firework in the milk bottles outside the door, lighting it, ringing the doorbell then running away.  You have to time it right but if you can the effect is glorious . I only wish we had had cameraphones in them days!

I used to put bangers in those old red post boxes BOOOOM!

18 hours ago, Graeme said:

As the forum's resident volcanologist, I have to chip in with this:

I was working on a Doppler Radar station on the south flank of Volcan de Colima in Western Mexico. The volcano erupted multiple times throughout the day and produced several pyroclastic flows.

A pyroclastic flow is the single most deadly phenomenon a volcano can produce, responsible for 33% of the total historical fatalities record from volcanic activity... (To give some perspective, lava flows only account for 0.32% of the volcanic fatalities record). Pyroclastic flows are clouds of ash, gas and pulverised rock which behave like avalanches, moving down the side of volcanoes at speeds of up to 700 km/h, carrying lumps of rock as big as cars like missiles, their internal temperature can be as hot as 1040 degrees celsius. They flatten and incinerate everything in their path.

Over the course of the video, you can see a pyroclastic flow descending and engulfing the side of the volcano in front of us. Things get really interesing about 2 mins and 20 seconds, when you can start to hear a little bit of what it sounded like (like a huge, terrifying train). At that point, the front of the flow was about 700 metres away from us, which is where it stopped. We had no idea if it was going to stop or not, though, and as it kept coming I started to realise "this could be it..." I remember my heart rate went through the roof.

This was taken just over a year later when a big enough pyroclastic flow reached the doppler radar station. The area in the photo is exactly the same place as where we were standing in the video.

Bloody hell Gray you seemed surprisingly relaxed I would have been scrambling away at the first sign of the smoke. Fuck that, drop the camera let's get away from it to the nearest town or village. 

[Graeme]

36 minutes ago, spunko12345 said:

I used to put bangers in those old red post boxes BOOOOM!

Bloody hell Gray you seemed surprisingly relaxed I would have been scrambling away at the first sign of the smoke. Fuck that, drop the camera let's get away from it to the nearest town or village. 

Well, we're standing on a ridge between two deep gulleys (called Barranca San Antonio on the right and Barranca Montegrande on the left), you can see more of the one on the left, but the path back down would take us down into Barranca Montegrande. Given that Pyroclastic flows are driven by gravity, they tend to follow the lowest point in the topography, so if the flow had kept coming there's a greater chance that it would have gone down into one of the gulleys. The sheer speed of the flow meant that if it had kept coming, by climbing back down we would have just increased our chances of dying.

Basically we were powerless and we knew it, so we just kinda stood back and enjoyed the show. I kinda had that "oh well, this is a bit of a bummer" feeling that Amir talked about earlier in the thread. But at the same time, it was a pretty amazing sight, if you're gonnae go then it may as well be from something like that.

[PappyTron]

8 minutes ago, Graeme said:

if you're gonnae go then it may as well be from something like that.

I'd prefer my heart giving out on my 100th birthday as two fit young models bounce up and down on my liver spotted todger, personally.

[Len Cnut]

2 hours ago, spunko12345 said:

I used to put bangers in those old red post boxes BOOOOM!

Bloody hell Gray you seemed surprisingly relaxed I would have been scrambling away at the first sign of the smoke. Fuck that, drop the camera let's get away from it to the nearest town or village. 

Yeah, i'd've been over the hill quicker than a contientious objector!

[DieselDaisy]

Graeme, the Pliny the Elder of mygnr

[SoulMonster]

I am actually a fork lift driver.

[PappyTron]

14 minutes ago, SoulMonster said:

I am actually a fork lift driver.

No you are not. You are a pharmaceuticals salesman, right?

[SoulMonster]

Just now, PappyTron said:

No you are not. You are a pharmaceuticals salesman, right?

I am a qualified fork driver even though I don't work as one anymore. I got it after a stint as a mechanic at an aluminium plant. I am also a licensed overhead crane operator  

No, I am working as a CEO for a biotech company I co-founded.

[PappyTron]

Just now, SoulMonster said:

I am a qualified fork driver even though I don't work as one anymore. I got it after a stint as a mechanic at an aluminium plant. I am also a licensed overhead crane operator  

No, I am working as a CEO for a biotech company I co-founded.

I knew it was something drugs related, just wasn't sure what so plumped for the obvious guess.

That video with Klaus the forklift driver is one of my all-time favourite sketches. I've loved it since I first saw it about 10 or more years ago.

Overhead cranes and forklifts, eh? You are a man of many mysteries and talents.

[SoulMonster]

1 minute ago, PappyTron said:

I knew it was something drugs related, just wasn't sure what so plumped for the obvious guess.

That video with Klaus the forklift driver is one of my all-time favourite sketches. I've loved it since I first saw it about 10 or more years ago.

Overhead cranes and forklifts, eh? You are a man of many mysteries and talents.

I am an eel farmer, too.

[PappyTron]

14 minutes ago, SoulMonster said:

I am an eel farmer, too.

Now, that does sound fishy.

[Graeme]

11 hours ago, DieselDaisy said:

Graeme, the Pliny the Elder of mygnr

Pliny the Younger, surely? I survived to tell the tale  .