Near Death Experiences

[Bumblefeet]

I once nearly choked on a piece of steak at a restaurant while dining with family when I was about 12 years old. Safe to say my appetite was gone for the rest of the day.

[Len Cnut]

3 hours ago, SoulMonster said:

I am a qualified fork driver even though I don't work as one anymore. I got it after a stint as a mechanic at an aluminium plant. I am also a licensed overhead crane operator  

No, I am working as a CEO for a biotech company I co-founded.

Your partners name aint Mathieu Flamini by any chance is it?

[SoulMonster]

1 minute ago, Len B'stard said:

Your partners name aint Mathieu Flamini by any chance is it?

Who is that?

[Graeme]

3 hours ago, SoulMonster said:

I am an eel farmer, too.

Do you have to deal with lots of slippery customers?

[Len Cnut]

Just now, SoulMonster said:

Who is that?

Plays for Arsenal, there's been a lot of news about lately that he's formed a biotech company that are inventing some sort of synthetic fuel that apparentlys gonna change the world and make him a billionaire.  Had your answer been yes my next question would've been 'can you help me finance the purchase of an Aston Martin DBS please?'.

[SoulMonster]

33 minutes ago, Graeme said:

Do you have to deal with lots of slippery customers?

Nothing we couldn't wiggle ourselves out of.

[SoulMonster]

29 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

Plays for Arsenal, there's been a lot of news about lately that he's formed a biotech company that are inventing some sort of synthetic fuel that apparentlys gonna change the world and make him a billionaire.  Had your answer been yes my next question would've been 'can you help me finance the purchase of an Aston Martin DBS please?'.

Ooh, that's brilliant. I wish more rich people would drop their money into start-ups rather than fancy cars. And footballers seems like a great group of largely uneducated and gullible people with more money than sense -- maybe I should look harder at them when we do our next fund raising. You don't have any contacts, do you?

[Len Cnut]

7 minutes ago, SoulMonster said:

Ooh, that's brilliant. I wish more rich people would drop their money into start-ups rather than fancy cars. And footballers seems like a great group of largely uneducated and gullible people with more money than sense -- maybe I should look harder at them when we do our next fund raising. You don't have any contacts, do you?

Funny you should say that, I've got the business card of the Senior Corporate Account Manager at Arsenal.

[SoulMonster]

1 hour ago, Len B'stard said:

Funny you should say that, I've got the business card of the Senior Corporate Account Manager at Arsenal.

He sounds too business savvy.

[PappyTron]

5 hours ago, SoulMonster said:

He sounds too business savvy.

You could drop Snake-Pit a PM.

[SoulMonster]

2 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

You could drop Snake-Pit a PM.

Unfortunately, Snake-Pit exemplifies the truism that most people without business sense don't have much money. Premier League footballers is a nice execption, though.

[PappyTron]

Just now, SoulMonster said:

Unfortunately, Snake-Pit exemplifies the truism that most people without business sense don't have much money. Premier League footballers is a nice execption, though.

Don't let his patchouli oil scent fool you; I happen to know for a fact that Snake-Pit is caked up.

[SoulMonster]

6 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

Don't let his patchouli oil scent fool you; I happen to know for a fact that Snake-Pit is caked up.

More like baked up..

[PappyTron]

14 minutes ago, SoulMonster said:

More like baked up..

The two things might go hand in hand. I've said too much, but Snake-Pit is cakemundo; when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.

[Len Cnut]

It really winds me up that Snakes gets the smoker of the forum title, i been smoking longer, i do it more often, i dont rack up dinky little spliffs, I'd fuckin' smoke that boy under the table   Cunts, all of ya, cunts!

Edited April 21, 2016 by Len B'stard

[Gracii Guns]

31 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

It really winds me up that Snakes gets the smoker of the forum title, i been smoking longer, i do it more often, i dont rack up dinky little spliffs, I'd fuckin' smoke that boy under the table   Cunts, all of ya, cunts!

Len, you had that rep for a long time before snakes did.

You just don't go on about it all the time like a teenager does.

[PappyTron]

37 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

It really winds me up that Snakes gets the smoker of the forum title, i been smoking longer, i do it more often, i dont rack up dinky little spliffs, I'd fuckin' smoke that boy under the table   Cunts, all of ya, cunts!

 

[Len Cnut]

13 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

 

Which Robocop is that from?  Seems so familiar but i dont think its from 1 and I never really saw 2 a billion times like i did with 1.  3 i never even bothered with.

4 hours ago, PappyTron said:

Don't let his patchouli oil scent fool you; I happen to know for a fact that Snake-Pit is caked up.

I bet he fuckin is and all, hes a fuckin middle class job undercover, his old mans a writer for crying out loud

[PappyTron]

8 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

Which Robocop is that from?  Seems so familiar but i dont think its from 1 and I never really saw 2 a billion times like i did with 1.  3 i never even bothered with.

I bet he fuckin is and all, hes a fuckin middle class job undercover, his old mans a writer for crying out loud

It's from the very end of RoboCop 1.

[AdriftatSea]

I don't know if this was a near death experience, or a death experience.  I was in the hospital (not a good one in Texas). I went in and discovered I had kidney stones. I know gross. Anyway they removed them and gave me a massive' pocket infection in my kidney. They continued to load me up IV with every antibiotic known to man and I kept getting worse.  After 6 weeks my dad flew in and had me ambulanced to a teaching hospital where they had specialists in another state. They removed my right kidney within 12 hours and said I would have been dead had he not brought me there.  You see a pocket infection has no blood supply to it so the IV drugs were doing nothing.  I was screwed and needed my kidney taken out right away. 

Anyway to make a long story even longer I was on my hospital bed right after surgery with my dad and who I cansidered an aunt but wasn't leaning over my bed. The doctor walked in and said, "What a lovely family."  I saw this from right over his head. I saw them turn from my bed and look at the doctor and I saw me in the bed.  Crazy right?  I felt so peaceful. And I wasn't on any drugs. They waited for me to wake up in recovery. The guy there said, "Do you want a pain shot or do you want to see your family?"  I said I wanted to see my family. I was in massive pain with surgical staples practically all the way around my side. I was sure I was going to die so wanted to see them before I did. But when the doctor came in and I saw them turn around and saw me, I had the most lovely, peaceful feeling. 

I have trouble with this but I know it happened and can still clearly see it in my mind.  

[Len Cnut]

7 minutes ago, AdriftatSea said:

I don't know if this was a near death experience, or a death experience.  I was in the hospital (not a good one in Texas). I went in and discovered I had kidney stones. I know gross. Anyway they removed them and gave me a massive' pocket infection in my kidney. They continued to load me up IV with every antibiotic known to man and I kept getting worse.  After 6 weeks my dad flew in and had me ambulanced to a teaching hospital where they had specialists in another state. They removed my right kidney within 12 hours and said I would have been dead had he not brought me there.  You see a pocket infection has no blood supply to it so the IV drugs were doing nothing.  I was screwed and needed my kidney taken out right away. 

Anyway to make a long story even longer I was on my hospital bed right after surgery with my dad and who I cansidered an aunt but wasn't leaning over my bed. The doctor walked in and said, "What a lovely family."  I saw this from right over his head. I saw them turn from my bed and look at the doctor and I saw me in the bed.  Crazy right?  I felt so peaceful. And I wasn't on any drugs. They waited for me to wake up in recovery. The guy there said, "Do you want a pain shot or do you want to see your family?"  I said I wanted to see my family. I was in massive pain with surgical staples practically all the way around my side. I was sure I was going to die so wanted to see them before I did. But when the doctor came in and I saw them turn around and saw me, I had the most lovely, peaceful feeling. 

I have trouble with this but I know it happened and can still clearly see it in my mind.  

Fuckin' hell kiddo!  Glad you made it though!

[AdriftatSea]

2 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

Fuckin' hell kiddo!  Glad you made it though!

Thanks Len! The funny thing is I would still wear a two piece bathing suit. Some strangers were rude enough to come up to me and ask what happened. I would tell them either I had been in a magic show that went awry or I was attacked by a shark and it didn't go well for the shark as my first husband is a trial lawyer and I know how to deal with sharks.  You would not believe how they would look at me all wide eyed and say---Really??  Hahaha. Now I just have a scar and it doesn't look like part of me is missing.  That was over 15 years ago. 

[Len Cnut]

9 minutes ago, AdriftatSea said:

Thanks Len! The funny thing is I would still wear a two piece bathing suit. Some strangers were rude enough to come up to me and ask what happened. I would tell them either I had been in a magic show that went awry or I was attacked by a shark and it didn't go well for the shark as my first husband is a trial lawyer and I know how to deal with sharks.  You would not believe how they would look at me all wide eyed and say---Really??  Hahaha. Now I just have a scar and it doesn't look like part of me is missing.  That was over 15 years ago. 

I gotta say i love your answers, particularly the magic show one!

[Silent Jay]

Almost fall asleep on my motorbike, I was like fifteen seconds in the dark high speed.

Edited April 22, 2016 by Silent Jay

[Snake-Pit]

I couldn't sleep after this girl I liked who was pregnant with this other man's kid dumped me for my brother and had that miscarriage... I walked from Upper Norwood to Brixton that night to this other girl's house... Wrote her a letter saying everything, and how I wanted to join the army... Met this guy, shared me heroin for free, smoked it, justified everything, and I was also awake in Brixton working on this movie I was auditioning for the lead role off too (some go no where production company I knew the owner of who said I was perfect to be in this thing he was directing).. So I was doing that each day too; Was awake for 5 days, felt like Jesus  in the end, after 3 days of filming stuff and social life and stuff, lol, but yeah, I got sectioned and sedated and spent a month in a mental hospital when I was 18 (just old enough for the adult ward but still a boy in many respects)... It felt like rehab to me. Had self induced psychosis and got diagnosed as bipolar - Haven't been back since (myself, I've visited friends of mine who found themselves where I was but, I haven't  been back as a patient since).

 

Halloween 2004; 17yrs old joy riding cars that we were given the keys to by the registered owner's teenaged daughter who was one of the ones charged with the responsibility of looking after the house while her parents were out of town - being the only fucker there able to drive stick I was given the role as driver of this (drinking and driving all of us) 90s Ford Fiesta and the other guy, the 00's Smart Car. - Both cars were wrote off... I remember the Smart Car licked me in the head but I lowered my head as the driver window broke from on top of me. 7 people, 5 in the car I drove, 2 in the other two seater Smart Car. - Everyone managed to walk away. My father teaching me how to do an emergency stop on ice was how I kept control of the car after the crash on that wet/leafy/muddy road.

 

I was born dead/well, not breathing. - Had life saving surgery that saved my life, rushed from the hospital I was born in in Croydon (Mayday Hospital) with my mother to this other hospital in Tooting with a dedicated unit at St. George's Hospital.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Snake-Pit