Battlehawk Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 For all those of you who always wondered what all the different sub-genres in Metal meant: HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess GRIND METAL: The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves... POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and fucks her....... easy and quick FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves BLACK METAL: The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color INDUSTRIAL METAL: The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards. CHRISTIAN METAL: The protagonist arrives and hands the dragon a leaflet. Rescues the princess. She then asks if they can fuck, but he insists not until they are married. The dragon throws the leaflet in the trash. NEW METAL: The protagonist arrives wearing a backwards baseball cap and a hoodie. He breaks out a mic and begans to bust a rhyme about his childhood issues. The dragon blows fire and the protagonist melts being completely artificial and made of plastic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sekh-met Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 You made my day!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metallica1 Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 (edited) HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and fucks her....... easy and quick BLACK METAL: The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color CHRISTIAN METAL: The protagonist arrives and hands the dragon a leaflet. Rescues the princess. She then asks if they can fuck, but he insists not until they are married. The dragon throws the leaflet in the trash. NEW METAL: The protagonist arrives wearing a backwards baseball cap and a hoodie. He breaks out a mic and begans to bust a rhyme about his childhood issues. The dragon blows fire and the protagonist melts being completely artificial and made of plastic.Best ones there....I've read this somewhere before Edited May 21, 2005 by metallica1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrslash Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White_Mouse Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaughtInAComa Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Great stuff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jochen Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide.... Aren't you thinking of Grunge and Alternative Rock? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wild_Child Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 this has been posted before, it's still funny though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
santana Posted May 21, 2005 Share Posted May 21, 2005 Those were funny.It was so much easier to get into metal back in the day. I remember when there were only two types of metal: Metal, and NOT-Metal. It was so much more simple back then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.b Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Funny, but some people have too much time on their hands... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metallica1 Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....Aren't you thinking of Grunge and Alternative Rock? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nunchuck Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 I like alloys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slashs_servant Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 ahahahah gold !!! Thanks alot for that ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula McKagan Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 this is the first time i can remember this has been done before i like it tought Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bucket13 Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Ive read this before. I hope you DONT take credit for this. :krider: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slaughter Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 oh my fucking god...the poor princess....she gets fucked over in almost every one...like...she loses in every one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobbieGlenn Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 fuck yeah, you "pwn" these thread, congrats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nunchuck Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Stainless steel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock n roll child Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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