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Words and Wisdom of Noel Gallagher!

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They're fakers. That Gorillaz album - fucking rubbish.

All that, "I'm happy, feeling glad/Got sunshine in a bag?... "

That was beyond comedy. That cunt is like, "Is there a bandwagon passing? Park it outside my house."

He'll be in a heavy metal band next year when it's fashionable.

He's nothing. And it's fitting that he ended up as a cartoon. He always was a cartoon.


"Oh, listen, Radiohead, I actually like their music, it's purely personal," he says.

"I just think they are fuckin' miserable bastards. I think that their attitude leaves a lot to be desired.

They're like, 'Don't interview me, don't photograph me, but please buy our records.'

If ever there was a bad advert for being in a group, it's that lot,

because being in a group should be a celebration."

At the end of the day you can go to a Radiohead show and stroke your fucking beard

and watch the miserable cunt complaining, or come see us,

put your arm round your best mate and have it."


"Starsailor. They're fucking outrageously average.

Daddy was an alcoholic? So fucking what?

My dad beat the shit out of me but I sang about living forever.

You fucking cock."

On S Club Juniors

We were mixing "The Hindu Times" in Olympic Studios in London

and there was all these kids doing their fucking dancing thing,

and Liam and Andy bell walked in and I went,

"Did u see those kids out there?"

"Oh you mean Junior S Club 7?"

And it took me 20 minutes to realize how the fuck did you know what they're called?

I thought they were some kids from a special need school who were

hanging out at a fucking recording studio full day cos they thought

there were free food or something. And Liam & Andy knew their names!"

Christina Aguilera

"She looks like some fucking tart from fucking Newcastle."

Geri Halliwell

In September it was confirmed that former Spice Girl Geri had an eating disorder.

Noel Gallagher was somewhere for comment,

"I have to say that there is no better mental image than Geri going through George Michael's bins,"

said a less than impressed Noel.

"What a loser, you wouldn't admit to shit like that, would you?"

Kylie Minogue

"She refers to herself in the third person. She does these Eurostar ads [in the UK].

Why Kylie Minogue is selling train tickets to people is beyond me.

But anyway, she says something like 'When I need to get away I nip onto the Eurostar to Paris until it's time to be Kylie again'.

You are fucking Kylie Minogue, what are you talking about?"


"The Hives look fucking mega. It's better than that cocksucker from Placebo..."

The Music

"The Music, in my opinion, is the worst English band for the last 25 years, they're shite, I don't get why people get excited bout 'em.

Their look is pitiful and they sound like music shop employees, the singer sings like a cat being strangled.

Otherwise they're nice people, but I don't like when they're being compared to The Stone Roses or The Verve.

They opened for us a couple of times and I have the regret to say they're the worst band that ever opened for Oasis.

They're all hyped in London but in a couple of years no one will remember 'em."

Manic Street Preachers

Did you see that bit on the telly when they met Castro?

Here they were face-to-face with one of the most influential leaders of the 20th Century,

and all Nicky Wire could think to say was, "Noel Gallagher shook hands with Tony Blair and we're meeting Fidel."

I was thinking, "In your crowning moment of glory, you student, you still mentioned my name.

Thank you very much!"

They're living out the university fantasy of Fidel Castro blah blah blah, which doesn't appeal to me one little bit.

The next time I see Nicky, I'm going to say, "Why don't you put your nurse's uniform on and go back to college?"

The Strokes

"There's no fucking excuse for not having your shoes match your jacket. If you start with that criterion, then you'll be all right.

The Strokes would do well to take that advice, 'cause the studded wristbands have already started to creep in.

I noticed one bloke with a painted fingernail. I fucking love them, but I think one of them is six months away from wearing a fedora."

System of a Down

"Do you ever look at the sky and think, I'm glad I'm alive? After I heard System of a Down,

I thought, I'm actually alive to hear the shittiest band of all time.

Which is quite something when you think about it.

Of all the bands that have gone before and all the bands that'll be in the future,

I was around when the worst was around."

"...I think that it's just a pity that there's a lot of nu metal around at the moment.

But hopefully that will die out soon. Maybe someone will put on a nu metal festival and bomb the site.

Take all their fans with them as well."

What do you think about your album being available free on the internet with the MP3?

Noel: "I think it's good for kids who live in Brazil who won't get the album for ages, and it's also dead expensive for them to get.

They probably don't give a shit about the quality. I guess it's supply and demand.

If there wasn't a demand, then there would be nothing to supply.

I'm not quaking in me boots worrying about those five thousand sales that I'm missing.

When we're 45 and not selling any records we'll be glad of the internet! We'll be putting our own albums out on it.

And if it puts fat fuckers like Mick Hucknell (Simply Red) out of business then I'm all for it."

Richard Dunne, Kevin Keegan & Paolo Wanchope

Interviewer: To sporting matters, and one imagines that you're delighted to have the Ronaldo-esque talents of Richard Dunne at Maine Road.

Noel : I saw Richard Dunne play the opening game of the season and, actually, he looked okay.

Kevin Keegan might be useless at organizing defences, but he's a good man manager and will hopefully get the best out of him.

The one who needs to be off-loaded immediately is Paolo Wanchope.

He put another three million on his price tag by being the leading scorer in the Copa America,

and then comes back to play Watford and is a proper donkey. He's got knees that go both ways!

On supporting Man City and Man United:

Any City fan that has got a child, I would rather kick my daughter out of the house

than let her go and support Arsenal or Manchester United.

She is going to be a City supporter if she likes football."

Of gays

Interviewer: It would be pretty fucking shocking if you announced to the world that you were gay.

Noel: Yeah. The thing that annoys me about those people, like that bloke from Boyzone and George Michael,

suddenly they're very proud to be gay; when they've been cured, they'll be on the telly: 'Thanks for all your support.'

And I always think, 'I wonder what the gay community think of that? 'They must think, 'You fucking bastards.'

It's like George Michael, for instance, from 1981 onwards, or from whenever he was making music,

he could have made it a lot easier for gay people in England, because he was the biggest pop star there was for six or seven years.

But he chose to put the shuttlecock down his trousers and play up to that and deny who he actually is.

I've got a lot of friends who are gay and they just think he's a fucking disgrace.

They're not proud of him, or the geezer from Boyzone, they just think they're pathetic because you should be proud of what you are.

Liam's writing songs

"And the reason me saying he's gonna be the best songwriter in the next 5 years

in England is me just putting pressure on him. Hoping he'll have a breakdown or summat, you know,

fucking crumble under the pressure and give up writing songs. The bastard.

On Liam & Patsy Kensit appearing on Vanity Fair

I thought he looked like an absolute fucking idiot. And ah, cos they wanted me and Liam to do it

and I remember taking the phonecall and somebody said "Well if you don't do it, Blur will do it",

so I just laughed and handed the phone to Liam and he's like "Oh fuck, I'd better do it then...",

and er, yeah, Liam ends up on the cover with a nipple on his head looking like a fucking baby's bottle

with his fucking missus in a Union Jack bed, that's the one, topless....woooo...erm...rubbish..

His account of his visit to 10 Downing Street

"The funniest thing was that the Queen's got her own bog (toilet) at Number Ten, and I've had a shit in it.

One of Tony Blair's schleppers let me in. So only me and the Queen have ever shat in that bog, ever.

Which is great, innit? A big Gallagher turd next to a royal one, floating through the U-bend."

Princess Diana's death and the outpouring of sympathy

I really don't give a flying fuck about, y'knoe...she might have done a lot of work for charity,

but, y'know, what else is she gonna fucking do?

It wasn't an outpouring of sympathy, it was an outpouring of guilt.

It was just another excuse to put her picture on the front of magazines

- same as them ones with her flabby fuccking thighs and all that shit.

Does she shag anything that moves? Is she putting on weight?

Who gives a fuck? I don't give a fuck about that.

Liam says, "Aye, but it's somebody's mother."

I say, "Aye, but it's not our fucking mother!"

I'll tell you another thing that pissed me off

- what about any other funeral that toook place that day?

What about somebody's Mum who's being buried in a fucking

cemetary in fucking Scunthorpe? While all this is going on television?

And the streets are fucking empty and all the shops are fucking closed?

And maybe somebody's grandmother dies and they couldn't buy a bunch of flowers

because some fucking twat who runs the flower shop - some fat old bastard - is sat down crying

because somebody he never know or is ever fucking likely to know

and would never give a fuck about them anyway, is sat sobbing in front of the telly?

And meanwhile somebody up the road whose mother had died of cancer can't even buy a card because all the shops are shut.

What about them?"

You can't drive, can you?

No. I took loads of fucking lessons. Imagine the scene.

I'm learning in this housing estate in Slough rough as a Paddy's arse.

I'm in red Nissan Micra with a big red triangle on the top that says, "Knobhead". On the other side it says "...from Oasis".

So the instructor's going, Do a left here. Three point turn here.

It's a quarter to four in the afternoon and all the kids pile out of this school at the end of the street

- all these top scrubbers from Slough ggoing, Is that the geezer from Oasis?

Second day, there's about seven or eight kids there waiting for me.

Third day, there's about a hundred and fifty people.

I did a forty-five-point turn and kangarooed up the close.

Now I could just about handle the kids watching me on my lesson

but I wasn't gonna fail my fucking driving test in front of two hundred kids.

I'd rather have a chauffeur.

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His account of his visit to 10 Downing Street

"The funniest thing was that the Queen's got her own bog (toilet) at Number Ten, and I've had a shit in it.

One of Tony Blair's schleppers let me in. So only me and the Queen have ever shat in that bog, ever.

Which is great, innit? A big Gallagher turd next to a royal one, floating through the U-bend."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

His account of his visit to 10 Downing Street

"The funniest thing was that the Queen's got her own bog (toilet) at Number Ten, and I've had a shit in it.

One of Tony Blair's schleppers let me in. So only me and the Queen have ever shat in that bog, ever.

Which is great, innit? A big Gallagher turd next to a royal one, floating through the U-bend."


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