axlslash Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 This is the first draft of a song that I wrote durring Econ and band today, only minor revisions so far. Please do let me know what you think.Here comes Johnny, he comes marchin' homeBack from that great unknownOn the ground he has run, in the choppers he has flownAnd now Johnny comes marching homeThe plane touches down in the dead of nightHe'll be behind closed doors before daylightNo fanfare will he hear, deaf'ning silence on his earWhen Johnny comes marching homeThe doctor said Johnny would be just fineAll he needed was a little rest and timeThen he sent him on his way, "It's so great" the shout and say"To see Johnny come marching home"And that's the last we'll ever seeOf Johnny, hero of the freeIn battle we did support him, or so we did purportUntil Johnny came marching homeAnd there were no grand paradesFor Johnny or the men that he did saveNo great signs of respect, but that's what we've come to expectWhen we see folks like Johnny march on homeThe politicians will draft a billJohnny's perscriptions for to fullAnd as they debate and yell, there'll be more batallions fellAnd 50 more Johnnys marching home[No Johnny is not the only oneInjured by the rebel gunsThough treatment he can't afford, he waits with bated breath for the wordTo send his brothers and sisters marching home]<--I'm not too sure whether or not I like this verse. Any thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
axlslash Posted March 9, 2007 Author Share Posted March 9, 2007 ...anyone have any thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 its 3:30 here, so im a little sleepy, but thought it rude to read them and not comment!i really like it man! i can tell you or offer you suggestions, as all i cna phyiscally think about is sleep right now, but i promise to re-read them and eval them tomotrrow! first glance over is good =) have you written the music to it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
axlslash Posted March 9, 2007 Author Share Posted March 9, 2007 I have the tune in my head, but haven't actually sat down with the guitar and gotten it done yet. I'm hoping to record a different song this weekend, and this one is next on the list after that.Lookin forward to the feedback n suggestions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Right, sorry its a little later than i promised dude! No excuse other than sheer lazyness on my part (and a little drunkness). i really like the lyrics, they're well structured and flow nicely between verses. I wouldn't keep the last verse though - its well written, but where it is seems out of place with the flow of the story. They're realy mature issues you're talking about, and its great to see that you've refrained from using cliches and really cheesy lines that anyone whos ever tried to write something will know are so, so, easy to fall back on! Great work man, and i'd love to hear it when its recorded! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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