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Johnny (Comes Marching Home)

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This is the first draft of a song that I wrote durring Econ and band today, only minor revisions so far. Please do let me know what you think.

Here comes Johnny, he comes marchin' home

Back from that great unknown

On the ground he has run, in the choppers he has flown

And now Johnny comes marching home

The plane touches down in the dead of night

He'll be behind closed doors before daylight

No fanfare will he hear, deaf'ning silence on his ear

When Johnny comes marching home

The doctor said Johnny would be just fine

All he needed was a little rest and time

Then he sent him on his way, "It's so great" the shout and say

"To see Johnny come marching home"

And that's the last we'll ever see

Of Johnny, hero of the free

In battle we did support him, or so we did purport

Until Johnny came marching home

And there were no grand parades

For Johnny or the men that he did save

No great signs of respect, but that's what we've come to expect

When we see folks like Johnny march on home

The politicians will draft a bill

Johnny's perscriptions for to full

And as they debate and yell, there'll be more batallions fell

And 50 more Johnnys marching home

[No Johnny is not the only one

Injured by the rebel guns

Though treatment he can't afford, he waits with bated breath for the word

To send his brothers and sisters marching home]<--I'm not too sure whether or not I like this verse. Any thoughts?

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its 3:30 here, so im a little sleepy, but thought it rude to read them and not comment!

i really like it man! i can tell you or offer you suggestions, as all i cna phyiscally think about is sleep right now, but i promise to re-read them and eval them tomotrrow!

first glance over is good =)

have you written the music to it?

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I have the tune in my head, but haven't actually sat down with the guitar and gotten it done yet. I'm hoping to record a different song this weekend, and this one is next on the list after that.

Lookin forward to the feedback n suggestions!

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Right, sorry its a little later than i promised dude! No excuse other than sheer lazyness on my part (and a little drunkness).

i really like the lyrics, they're well structured and flow nicely between verses. I wouldn't keep the last verse though - its well written, but where it is seems out of place with the flow of the story. They're realy mature issues you're talking about, and its great to see that you've refrained from using cliches and really cheesy lines that anyone whos ever tried to write something will know are so, so, easy to fall back on!

Great work man, and i'd love to hear it when its recorded!

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