45miles

You should always worry about a poem that distinctly resembles crap adolescent rock lyrics.

After Dylan Thomas's "And death shall have no dominion" and Yeats "The Second Coming," a bit of fluff was much enjoyed by those of us writing naughty rhymes in our Brit Lit anthologies.

(Edited because I'm still figuring out how this quote thingy works.)

By Philip Larkin

My condolences, Axlinkafayette.

The serious side of me would like Carole King's "Way Over Yonder" played at my funeral... but the other side of me would like to wait until everyone is filing out and then have them play "Anything Goes."

Haiku

Hard, harder, hardest--

Oops, sorry. You thrust too hard.

Didn't mean to bite.

Axl: Self-help "guru." I could see him writing Carlos Castaneda-esque books, getting a sort of Dr. Phil-meets-Sylvia Browne style TV show, then having a Charlie Sheen style melt-down, then rebuilding his brand, and getting another show; lather, rinse, repeat. He would still have crazy groupies, and he would still have conflicting desires to have everyone pay attention to him and for everyone to leave him alone.

Slash: Horror movie set designer who quietly seduces every B-movie starlet that crosses his path.

Izzy: A Hollywood stunt driver that occasionally takes a summer off to do long-haul trucking when he has to escape from California.

Steven: Union job in a factory. He would clock in late, hang out at the water fountain all day, and clock out early, but the bosses wouldn't really care because he's just too friendly for them to stay mad at.

Duff: Oddly enough, I could picture Duff having joined the military in an alternate reality. Still a family man, but a decorated veteran, maybe with a career in politics.

Matt: Biodome engineer.

Gilby: Harley Davidson salesman.

Congratulations! It looked like you and Ron were both having fun!

For rock bands, Def Leppard.

For classics, The Mamas and the Papas.

Squirrel, in squirrel potpie. It's the only "game" I've ever tried that I didn't like.

A classic.

I slightly prefer this version, though.

Cunts.

This has actually become one of my favorite words to use while driving. Pedestrians that won't make up their minds if they want to cross? Cunts. Cars behind me honking because I actually stopped to let a little old lady cross? Cunts. SUV's parked along the road by someone who didn't get them close enough to the curb so that I have to drive halfway into the other lane to avoid knocking their side mirrors off? Cunts. Squirrels that race out in front of me on the backroads, causing me to slam on the brakes? Adorable little gray, fluffy-tailed, too-cute-for-me-to-hit-on-purpose, fucking cunts!

Aw, she's adorable! Congrats, Dazey and Mrs. Dazey, and I agree with the others who said her name is lovely!

Being from Central Pennsylvania, I say things like "The milk's all" (meaning all gone or empty) and I mispronounce "creek" as "crick" unless I'm making a real effort not to sound backwoodsy.

I also say "totally" more often than a Valley Girl.

That scarf is awesome. It manages to be interesting without being... scarfy, for lack of a better word.

Happy Belated Birthday, fellow poet!

Congratulations!

Bring It Back Home is the only one of their unreleased songs that I listen to somewhat regularly. Never understood why it didn't make it on an album.

45 Miles is a Todd Snider song about wrecking a car on an icy road. Last year, I wrecked my car on an icy road.

Congratulations, Gracie!

... and

Snakes, man, you need more self-confidence. In your dreams, you should be moving this girl into your mansion because you made millions in whatever business you're in, not into your parents' house! (DON'T TELL ME WHAT THE MYSTERIOUS BUSINESS IS! I have my fingers in my ears! I would totally sell you down the river if Scotland Yard sent a cute investigator over to ask me questions in a sexy accent, so...LALALALA, let me pretend you are a vacuum cleaner salesman!)

Ah, so that's why I couldn't get the 5th to post.

There's also the mother of modern songwriting:

Carole King

My favorite soprano, Joni Mitchell

Fiona Apple

Natalie Bergman of Wild Belle

Joan Jett

Lzzy Hale

Lissie

Marina Diamandis

Chrysta Bell (definitely not rock, but very sexy)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rmPvzMRZq8

Very nice, Slash.

Axl, now you say something nice about Slash.

We're going to be here a while. I hope recess isn't postponed until Axl comes through!

I know British laws regarding privacy and the press are different from U.S. laws, but if her tweets about the McCanns are protected under the freedom of speech, then the news station's coverage should fall under the freedom of the press, unless it can be proven that they somehow lied about her in their report.

I don't feel particularly bad that she was harassed by the press, seeing as how her own actions caused the press's attention, but I do feel bad for her son.

I agree that suing seems disrespectful to the child. Putting a monetary value on her unexpected skin color seems odd, although in the U.S., we routinely put one on people's lives when their families sue after car wrecks, so it's hardly unprecedented. Life is going to be harder for her as it is, being raised by two white parents. While her parents certainly know what discrimination and prejudice feel like, they probably weren't prepared (and probably can never be) to understand the instant judging by skin color that often goes on. I feel bad for the little girl--in a normal mixed race relationship, the child usually has access to one side of the family that understands what it is to be black.

I have a little sister who was born after my mom had a tubal ligation. Since my parents decided to keep her, they didn't sue the doctor, who had botched several other tubals and was successfully sued by at least one other patient for the same thing. My parents didn't want her thinking she was unwanted after they had her--because she wasn't, at that point. I wish these parents had the same good taste. If their child had been disabled, they probably would have had to drive her to medical facilities much farther away than her hair salon.