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Your weirdest fans wanted to ask you the weirdest questions ever.

Nobody had the strength to answer to them.

But I know you can do it. To make sense (if there’s any) of that interview I wanted to put them into “big boxes” because every question seems to have some connection.

The 5 boxes are:

“TK and his body”, “HotTodd”, “RealiTodd”, “Holy s**t” & “Dammit in Wonderland”.

Let’s start with the first box.

“TK and his body”

-Why your hair is so perfectly black?

TK-Because Zeus wished this so.

-Since what age are you 6'4"? Talking about that, can you confirm the “L” theory?

TK-I was born 6’3” and grew a full inch in a year. It was one hell of a growth spurt.

If you are referring to L as in LOUD I can neither confirm nor deny that height in any way has anything to do with volume except that yes I am LOUD

-We're all have already known that you're multi-talent musician. And

we wanna know what's the strangest talent you have (outside music-

things plus chewing the gum while sing a song...is not included)

TK-I can spin the Earth in reverse on it’s axis in order to go back in time to fix mistakes of the past. Truth be told I released Borrowing Trouble 3 times before I got it right but none of you remember that.

Next box is about cooking and recipes. (No).


-Sex or coffee?

TK-Sex WITH coffee. I have the burns to prove it.

-Every girl have a girl crush, and every man has a boy crush. Who's yours?

TK-I’ve always had a thing for Olive Oil but I’m afraid of Popeye. I also have a crush on Popeye.

-How many times during a show you stop to check the boobies of some fans?

TK-Only whenever Myles takes his shirt off

-Briefs or Boxers or Commando?

TK-These are all titles of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. I recommend Commando.

-Do you ever get "wood" while playing your guitar/base onstage? (don't shoot the messenger!!!)

TK-Only when Myles takes his shirt off. (did I say that out loud?)

We survived the sexual matters...now we can talk about TK’s World.


-In the music video "It's not you, it's me", there are chicks walking toward you, and then walking away. I took it like symbolizing romantic/intimate relationships, partners that comes and goes on your/our lives. But then there is a dude, too. What this really meant?

TK-It means that actors do as they are told-‘Walk!’ ‘Turn around!’ ‘Walk back!’ ‘Cut! Lunch! I’ll be in my trailer'

-What is something you would never ever ever be able to forgive?

TK-Someone borrowing my Hoobastank collection and not returning it

-Have you ever been mistaken for another rock star, if so, did you go

along with it?

TK-for a whole year Brent Fitz thought I was Pat Benatar. I didn’t have the heart to correct him.

-Who is the weirdest person you know and why?

TK-Me. All of these answers prove that.

-You have always been very polite and respectful about other artists and there are some reports of some musicians not being precisely nice... did you meet anyone who has been kind of a douche? No names, is there some funny episode you can tell?

TK-One time Paul McCartney beat me within an inch of my life and starved me in his basement for a year. He’d purposely play an out of tune guitar and change all the lyrics to Beatles songs and sing them out of key just to torture me. He was more animal than man. Since then we’ve made up and share a love of Hoobastank, coffee sex, Pat Benatar and Myles with his shirt off.

Don’t know why, but a lot of questions poop up...erhm....pop up....erhm....show up about that. Next box is brown...

“Holy S**t”

-What his thought on Ladies passing wind in his company

TK-There is no such thing.

-I noticed at your concerts it moves fast from song to song, no breaks,

no intermissions, no change of clothes. What happens if you really

really need to use the bathroom mid set?

TK-The Conspirators heartily endorse Depends adult undergarments.

-Sticking on the toilet theme - are number 2’s allowed on the tour bus?

TK-Only in Frank’s bunk.

We are a nerd’s family. Let’s follow the white rabbit for the last part of

this weird thing...

“Dammit in Wonderland”

-You woke up with a dead body beside you in the bed. What'd you assume about it and who'd you call to help you hide the body?

TK-I would turn that negative into a positive creating an ventriloquism act that would sweep the nation.

-Would you rather be attacked by Ants or Spiders?

TK-Oddly enough I was once attacked by my Aunt Spider. Go to her for the best cigarettes in prison.

-What would you cook if Debbie Harry comes to a dinner at your place? Also give us recipe, please

TK-The lady will have the linguini with clam sauce and a coke with no ice (Fast Times At Ridgemont High reference featuring Debbie. Watch immediately)

-What you’ll do when world domination will arrive?

TK-Ban all speaking in movie theaters. Punishable by death of the most severe nature.

-What if you must perform onstage one of these things - to crash your

original guitar/bass or to jump into the crowd full of yelling, screaming

and ready to do everything with you female fans - what would you


TK-I do those things every night. There is no compromise to be made!

-If you could time travel to any year past or future which would you

choose and why?

TK-Last year. I lost my Superman watch and I loved that thing.

-Would you rather be a duck that can talk but only by singing country music or a panda that can talk but only out of its butt when it's farting?

TK-I’d rather be a Panda that speaks the universal language of duck.

-Every tv-computer-radio-phone has been hacked by you, and you can say everything you want to everyone in the world. What do you want to say?

TK-Who is this? Along with a picture of my junk

-Judgment day. 7 sins. Which one is the more related to you?

TK-I’ve only ever committed 7 sins and they were all committed while watching Golden Girls. 3 extra times with Bea Arthur.

-You’re at home, your girlfriend wants to see you dance something for her; it doesn’t matter you don’t know how to dance, what’s the first song-genre you put on the stereo to start doing your masterpiece?

TK-I would do the Black Swan from top to bottom flawlessly then weep in the fetal position for days in awe of my own majesty. Then I would fire myself from all further activities.

With this last mental picture of you dancing we want to thank u for all the kindness and the love and the music you give us.

TK-you guys are all crazy. I love you

Seriously. Now stop dancing in our heads, please.

Attila Rock - Todd Kerns Kazakhstan Fans

Thanx to every crazy AA member involved on that project, and thanx to TK for is LOUD involvement on that.

Any resemblance to real events and/or to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental, but for Frank Sidoris, Brent Fitz and Myles Kennedy’s boobs.


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