john lennon

I'm hungover, I've still got the flu, I forgot to buy groceries yesterday, I only have one smoke left, and I feel like shit and like I've done something real bad that is gonna make someone hate me, but I can't figure out what that bad thing would be because I was only thinking all the bad stuff, I never did anything, you know? So now I'm sitting here all anxious and stuff. Gonna go back to bed.

9 minutes ago, Oldest Goat said:

If you can't put it into words then just tell them that you don't know exactly what to say and then they'll no doubt ask you questions and stuff, they will anyway.

P.S. I couldn't sleep at all last night so if I'm rambling and making no sense that'll be why.

Perhaps that's the best idea.

You knwo what? I don't even notice. Despite forcing myself to throw up five times, drinking two glasses of water and one glass of something that's supposed to hudrate you ,I'm gone.

7 minutes ago, Gordon Comstock said:

This thread is stupid

Your friend was probably right that he just wanted to be left alone, but wrong in trying to guilt you. If you'd called him 10 times or something, she might have a point, but you were right to send that one message.

Yeah, but why would I call him more than once? If he doesn't pick up I expect either he doesn't want to talk, or he'll call me when he has the time, you know? 

15 minutes ago, Oldest Goat said:

I would actually go as far to say that your friend is a piece of manipulative trash. What she said is more than just wrong imo, it's an outright mean-spirited lie. Like some sociopath shit. She sounds like the gossipy backstabbing type who takes digs at people, particularly fellow women, to try and get them down and stir shit up.

That's my impression at least but hey I'm a melodramatic grouch haha.

P.S. Good on you for deciding to work on the issues you're having, mate.

Yeah, I just don't know what to say to the psychologist. 

Just now, Silverburst80 said:

It's totally fine, how your friend comes to the conclusion your obsessive is ridiculous. With some people it's better off you don't get them involved in your relationship even if their your friends

Most likely. But that's great, now I know I did nothing wrong and that I'm not an obsessive borerline.

Just now, Silverburst80 said:

No you did nothing wrong, saying you love someone and if they need to talk you are there for them is what you should do for someone you care about. He'd probably just had a long day of speaking to relatives about the situation and was drained and wanted to be left alone for a little bit, i'm the same when i'm sad/pissed off i don't really want to talk about it.

And I realize that, that's why I texted him saying that if he wants something, he can call or text me, because I realize maybe he wants some time to himself, right? And I didn't think I came across as obsessive or anything.

This is exaclty what I worte translated to english, btw:

"Goodnight :* I'm really sorry I couldn't pick up the phone before, but I don't work tomorrow so just call me or whatever anytime if you feel like it. Not gonna bother you anymore, I promise. I know if you want to talk to me, you'll do so. I love you more than anything and I hope you know that :*"

1 minute ago, janrichmond said:

@john lennon Go and see a doctor and get your head sorted, booze ain't gonna solve anything in the long run, it's just a quick fix.

That's what everyone tells me but I actually do have an appointment with a psychologist next month because I finally realized it myself as well. And as they say, you can't get better unless you want to, right? But I'm ready now although I've been brainwashed my whole life. 

4 minutes ago, janrichmond said:

It's weird that you think that 

No, it's not because it's true. I need the booze to make my head slow down. My boyfriend and a friend of ours think I've ADHD, I'm rather suspecting Borderline, unfortunately. Whatever. That was not important right now. Fuck, man, I can't stop myself ha. But this is better than writing to my boyfriend agaim. 

I mean, is telling someone you love them and that you're there for them once even though you tried to call them a couple hours before without success really being an obsessive bitch? 

Because in my mind it went like "alright, so maybe he doesn't have time for me now or maybe he doesn't want to talk to me right now, but if I text him, I get to say what I wanted to say, and when he feels like it, he'll know it too". I woulda understood it if I was calling and texting multiple times, but really? I thought doing what I did was the normal thing to do? Or ain't it? Whenver one of us is away we always text each other good night and that we love each other, so wouldn't it be more stupid if I didn't do just that? Even though he doesn't want to talk, because he can read it when he feels like it, you know? 

Just now, janrichmond said:

I think your friend is the stupid one, i don't see that you did anything wrong. No you're not stupid.

Good, because I thought what I did was the normal thing to do?

Sorry if I'm rambling, I felt really low after coming home from work and also guilty about not being able to pick up the phone, so I drank half a bottle of booze and I'm drunk now. It's weird how I'm a fucking wreck when I'm sober but a normal human being when I'm drunk.

Yeah, fuck it. This thread's gonna stay forever because I can't delete it, but I don't really care right now, because I need to know if I'm being stupid or not.

So, earlier today my boyfriend tried to call me, but I couldn't pick up, because I was working and was having a lot of people in line trying to get their packages. I texted him as soon as it got a bit calmer, apologizing for being busy and so on. He then told me a close relative of his died yesterday, to which I replied that I'm very sorry about that and that I love him (because I always say that I love him). So he read the message but didn't respond, and I didn't think much of it because perhaps he was busy at work or whatever, you know?

I tried calling him when I got off work because he'd called me earlier so obviously he wanted to talk or say something, right? All I got was "this number is not available for the time being". So I thought maybe he's still at work or he's busy or whatever, and didn't bother him anymore, right? I texted him goodnight and that I love him and that if he wants to he can call me whenever because I don't work tomorrow around three hours after trying to call him, and then I spoke to a friend about having done that and she said I was fucking stupid and that he obviously wanted to be left alone.

So the question is, was I stupid for sending that text? I know if I was out of reach for whatever reason, I'd appreciate it because it shows my partner is thinking about me and cares about me. My friend, however, said sending that texts makes me come across as obsessed.

So was I stupid or not? 

12 minutes ago, Len Cnut said:

Thats it, drug the fucker first, that'll work

What? It always work. We get along much better when he's stoned and I'm drunk, probably because I'm drunk and he's so stoned everything seems nice. 

Just now, Len Cnut said:

I'd fuckin' love a bird that sorted me out with fuckin' E's and weed, I always get lumbered with the puritanical teetotallers that end up giving me the elbow cuz 'you smoke to much weeeeed', moaning fuckin' cows   I find myself being glad I've been dumped cuz I can have a fuckin' drink in peace

I'd prefer amphetamines personally, tho. E makes me puke. 

Just now, Oldest Goat said:

Nice one, mate. Good luck, oi oi oi.

I've gotta at least try and make up for being such a bitch? If only a little, it's at least something. 

Just now, Len Cnut said:

Don't leave him alone, use the time to sit with him and like...y'know, have a chat, say you're sorry for snapping or whatever but you've been feeling like this, this and this lately but you wanna make your relationship work cuz you really love him, like you said earlier.  If you're gonna do all that cleaning and takeaway getting then you might as well get something out of that shit   You know what I mean, some progress.  Its better than letting him fuck off out and then sitting around on mygnrforum talking to dickheads like me or perhaps having a drink.

That's true tho lmao

Now I just gotta take the trash out and go buy some smokes. I need my cigarettes. 

Fuck, I shoulda gotten weed. He loves that shit, it would make him instantly love me again. MDMA woulda been even better, but I've a harder time scoring that shit. 

10 minutes ago, Len Cnut said:

How has your relationship been in recent times though?  I mean if you've been so fucked that you've been difficult to talk to over the years perhaps he's developed a tendency to share his woes with other people?  All you've gotta do is claw that back slowly and, hopefully, if he's not a cunt, once you start doing that he'll reciprocate.  I mean if the guy said he wanted to have a kid with you (or was it marriage?  i forget!) then that shows he obviously still has a shitload of feelings for ya, so thats as good a starting point as you could hope for. 

It's only been a year and half. I'm trying to better myself. 

I just texted him asking when he's coming home from work and he said in about an hour so I'm gonna get takeout because I suck at cooking and he shouldn't have to come home after a 12 hour workday having to cook. Also I cleaned the apartment, so he can't be pissed at me because it's not clean. And I put beers in the fridge. And if he wants to, I'll leave him alone and go out with my friends. I just hope today isn't the day when he dumps me.

1 minute ago, Len Cnut said:

Well then there's your answer presh.  Don't have to change necessary, nobody expects you to form like Voltron, it's probably just minor shit, like yourself I'm quite snappy like that too but...how can i put this?  Sometimes it ain't all about you y'know?  It took me a long fuckin' time to learn that and believe me you suffer for it, so little things like putting the leftovers in the fridge or whatever, perhaps try and not to cause a big kick off over it?  It ain't cool to be tripping all the time.  You might think it's like...y'know, following through on your feelings but some people in this world needs to work to contain or else manage their feelings properly.  Not act on impulse and all that, y'know?  Sometimes its better to just say nothing than say something you're gonna regret 10 mins later.  Its not an overnight process and it doesn't necessarily mean compromising yourself or being some other person, he obviously likes who you are or you wouldn't be together right now, right?  And thats what lifes about innit, growing, changing, getting better everyday, working to maintain the cunty side of your personality (which we all have, not being rude to you personally) and accentuate the nice side.

You'll be alright kiddo, don't stress so much, you kinda know what needs to be done so just set about doing it. 

I mean, you're right. You're definitely right. I just get pissed because it's never about me, you know? If some major shit happens in my life, I'm just supposed to suck it up, whatever it is, and at the same time he can sit and talk to my friend for an hour because she's crying in the kitchen and obviously needs someone to listen to her and tell her things are gonna be alright. If I do that, it's just "stop being such a pain in the ass for fucks sake". 

I'm talking big things now, by the way, like me not having a job anymore because there are not enough hours and they've too many people and I was the last one to be hired. 

3 minutes ago, Oldest Goat said:

Tell him "You put the fucking leftovers in the fridge!" seems like not a big deal at all imo, that's something he could have easily made light of or at least let it go the next day and reading the rest of this he sounds like a mean little cunt tbh. Assuming this is how things actually went down and isn't just your point of view, then I think Len may be right and you're probably better off without him.

I mean it's most likely biased, but that's what went down. From his point of view, I was probably just being a bitch over nothing and then crying because I didn't get my way and definitely not because I was having the anxiety from fucking hell.

1 minute ago, Len Cnut said:

Whats bothering you? 

If yous two don't get along maybe you're better off splitting up?

Or maybe I need to try harder to change and become a better person. I love this guy so much it hurts.

5 minutes ago, Oldest Goat said:

Is it possible that the anxiety and stuff is making you overthink this and worry? I thought I saw somewhere you saying your bf was wanting to marry you and have kids?

Sorry if I'm butting in, hope it works out.

Things change, man. I've really been a drag for the past month and a half. Don't know what to do with myself, really. Drinking doesn't work anymore, so I don't do it unless I'm with friends and we're doing it to have fun. 

I mean, last night I god pissed off because he wanted me to put the leftover food in the fridge because he was exhausted from having worked for over 12 hours and was gonna go to sleep, and I just fucking lost it and told him to fucking do it, because I cooked it, and I'm not gonna do anything more with it, and then I stormed out for a smoke. I apologized later, but he was still mad at me this morning when he left for work. You know, it's like... I feel like I don't have the right to feel, you know? I don't have the right to be exhausted, I don't have the right to be sad, I don't have the right to feel any emotions at all aside from happiness, right? And I've been doing that, I've been walking around holding everything in until I just couldn't take it anymore, had some weird breakdown when I was drunk, and now everything upsets me. Like, a couple hours later when I went to bed he told me to please turn off the tv and stop fucking twirling around (I was trying to fix the duvet) and he was the one who left the tv on and I was watching something, so I said "sure, but I don't fucking want to" or something along those lines, and he was all like "fuck you, you can leave and go sleep somewhere else" and I started crying, and you know how your breathing gets all shaky when you cry? That was extremely annoying to him. He's probably still mad at me for that.

2 minutes ago, Len Cnut said:

Not to state the bleedin' obvious dearie but perhaps it's time to stop drinking.  Or at least stop drinking for no reason.  Drink when you go out or something.  And don't drink to get fucked up, drink as part of an occasion.  It's worth bearing in mind y'know that everybody ain't built for everything, some people just can't drink every day and keep things on an even keel.  If you drink and it makes you act fucked up to where you start messing up relationships and keep puking up or what have you its a good sign that you can't really hack it. 

Also, no offence but sitting around on your own drinking to you're fucked every day is kinda tragic.

It ain't the drinking tho, and I've actually really cut down on that. I don't drink alone anymore, or every day. I don't get wasted, you know? Not anymore.

The reason I've been a pain in the ass is because I feel so fucking bad all the time. Like, the constant emptiness and anxiety, you know? It's like... I don't know, but it sucks, and it makes me easily annoyed and when I'm always walking around being annoyed, I lose it and the first person I see gets it all taken out on them. I know it's wrong and I'm trying not to, but it just doesn't always work for me. 

I think my guy's gonna dump me when he gets back from work cos I've been such a pain in the fucking ass for the past month and a half or so. I can't breathe and I feel so sick I think I might have to go puke. Fuck, I wish I wasn't like this. 

19 hours ago, Gordon Comstock said:

 

But what were you drinking? I'll drink a case of beer and be sloppy af but I can drink a bottle of Jack and be relatively fine. Some of my friends are the same way, one's the same but with tequila, so I guess it just depends on your drink of choice.

That's so true tho. I'm always worse on wine or beer, but I can easily down a bottle of minttu (basically mint flavored vodka??) without getting too off. 

I'm outta wine and I didn't go to the liquor store cos I slept and now it's closed. I got booze but I don't feel like it. 

16 hours ago, arnold layne said:

I tried being a genuine alcoholic this weekend. Ended up passing out midday Sunday. I was drinking Gatorade too so no hangover. 

Too exhausting. Don't know how people do it. 

It's not that hard, really. You just gotta learn your limits, you know? Might take a while and you might puke a lot and be a fucking zombie for a week or so, but then you're gonna get into it, I swear. I just got home from work and realized I'm out of wine. Good thing I've beer. Gotta get my ass down to the liquor store tomorrow. 

My boyfriend's been working away all week and he comes home tomorrow and I'm both happy and sad about it, because on one hand I really miss him, but then on the other hand I also enjoy being alone and doing whatever the fuck I want to whenever the fuck I want to. 

On 2017-09-08 at 0:30 AM, Dazey said:

It's a great way of dealing with sobriety. 

I can totally agree on that one. Still not sure dealing with sobriety is such a good thing though, I mean after all I'll eventually really damage my body ha. 

Hi I'm drunk and my boyfriend's pissed off because I didn't wanna come with him to bed because I was just gonna be annoying as fuck anyway since I'm not tired, I'm really fucking restless, and I'm drunk. I work evenings n nights now and for me personally that's great because it means I can go hardcore with the booze and stuff and still be up and ok when it's time to go to work the next day. I don't work tomorrow tho so I'm considering just not going to bed at all tonight and just sit around and drink and then sleep some while my boyfriend's at work tomorrow so that I'm fresh and ready to hit the bars tomorrow night. 

Also texted a friend of mine I haven't really talked to in two years and it felt good. 

We talked some and this person's moved to another country and all that and I might go visit during winter I think. 

I drink, but I doubt that's a good way of dealing with things.

Yah I haven't watched one in a long, long time so now I'm thinking maybe anyone on here knows a good one, you know? 

Uh, I liked "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974), "Deranged" (1974), "Tourist Trap" (1979?), "The Brood" (1979), "Mama" (2013), and "Don't Deliver us from Evil" (1971) (why that one counts as a horror, I can't tell, but I guess the french are just odd in that aspect) and a bunch of other ones.