The Real McCoy's life issues and style advice thread

[The Real McCoy]

It's not that the dates themselves are awkward (again, as far as I knew, everything went great last night.) My problem has always historically been being able to get dates in the first place.

[ThinkAboutYou]

well you got two dates at once so you must have been doing something right that week

[The Real McCoy]

well you got two dates at once so you must have been doing something right that week

True. I'll call it dumb luck for the time being just in case it never happens again.

[Lithium]

I'll call it hooray for tolerance!ry.

[The Sandman]

Your luck may have changed for the better!

[The Real McCoy]

Your luck may have changed for the better!

I sure hope so, brother.

[The Sandman]

Your luck may have changed for the better!

I sure hope so, brother.

Do you talk like Hulk Hogan regularly? Might be a turnoff...

[The Real McCoy]

Your luck may have changed for the better!

I sure hope so, brother.

Do you talk like Hulk Hogan regularly? Might be a turnoff...

Haha...no I don't. You've heard me on the radio, it's pretty much that.

[Lithium]

Your luck may have changed for the better!

I sure hope so, brother.

It has nothing to do with luck.

[ThinkAboutYou]

You still have time before Valentines McCoy

[The Real McCoy]

You still have time before Valentines McCoy

Like I said, I might just lay low the rest of the week. I have that concert on Saturday, and I found out today that I have to introduce the artist, so I kind of have to be there, date or no date.

I'm in Nashville next week and won't have time to think about anything since I'll be going from one event to another and constantly on the move. I'll be surrounded by friends, so that will be a help.

I'll figure out what to do next when I get back.

[The Real McCoy]

That's the weird thing, the date itself honestly want really well, so I was kind of surprised to get that text this morning.

How is it you can't get a read on all these girls? Honest question ... during dates are you paying attention to what they are verbally saying, their body language, their tone of voice, and their attentiveness? Or are you simply not noticing because you're focusing too much on yourself? It's not like you and your dates are teenagers, you should know how a date is going while it's happening. People who are oblivious to how other people feel about them usually are somewhat self-centered, which is why they don't notice that their date isn't into them.

Think about it ... she already knew what you look like, so it's not looks. She talked to you many times on the phone and the conversations were good, so it's not that you've got nothing in common. It really sounds like there's something you're doing on the dates that is causing them to run from you. If I were you I'd push for feedback, as you're not going to be able to improve if you don't know what the hell it is that's turning them off.

See, that's the thing. It went well! We talked and laughed and generally had a good time enjoying the other's company. I didn't notice any clues that tipped me off that things weren't going as smoothly as I imagined.

[magisme]

You need to get it out of your head that it went well. Clearly it didn't. Now you have to identify why. My guess, you were overly sincere, too available, but, at the same time, not sexual at all. Did you touch her at all? A hand on the upper arm? A quick hand on the waist as you move past? You see, for the most part, girls aren't just turned on and attracted at the drop of a hat. Usually, they need to be put into that mood. And it's your responsibility to create that mood. If you're just sitting there asking about her job and her family and her favorite music and what she likes to eat and has she seen any good movies lately, then you might as well pack it up, cuz she's bored as fuck. And, honestly, did you really have a good time last night? Or were you just happy because you thought a girl liked you? What did you talk about? Were you playful? Did you tease her? You need to start breaking this shit down, man, and you can't wait until you feel differently to act differently. The actions are gonna have to come first. If you're not willing to do some shit that will make you uncomfortable and anxious, it's just gonna be this same song and dance for some time.

[SunnyDRE]

That's the weird thing, the date itself honestly want really well, so I was kind of surprised to get that text this morning.

How is it you can't get a read on all these girls? Honest question ... during dates are you paying attention to what they are verbally saying, their body language, their tone of voice, and their attentiveness? Or are you simply not noticing because you're focusing too much on yourself? It's not like you and your dates are teenagers, you should know how a date is going while it's happening. People who are oblivious to how other people feel about them usually are somewhat self-centered, which is why they don't notice that their date isn't into them.

Think about it ... she already knew what you look like, so it's not looks. She talked to you many times on the phone and the conversations were good, so it's not that you've got nothing in common. It really sounds like there's something you're doing on the dates that is causing them to run from you. If I were you I'd push for feedback, as you're not going to be able to improve if you don't know what the hell it is that's turning them off.

I respectfully disagree with most everything you said.

Again, its a first date. Feeling each other out.

What McCoy probably does is, HE DOESN'T ASK FOR A SECOND ONE. Any guy with a bit of sense, should already have the second date planned going into the first one.

Also,@McCoy - First date, and you made her cook for you? C'mon my man. You needed to take her somewhere. She's telling all her friends (anyone that will listen) how she went on a date with this "big shot" radio DJ and she didn't get to meet anyone famous. And how he couldn't even be bothered to take her somewhere nice to eat. I HAD TO COOK!! She says...

[magisme]

Yeah, never take a girl's word for it at first if she says she's not interested. I mean, don't get rapey, but be persistent. Newsflash: girls change their minds.

[The Real McCoy]

That's the weird thing, the date itself honestly want really well, so I was kind of surprised to get that text this morning.

How is it you can't get a read on all these girls? Honest question ... during dates are you paying attention to what they are verbally saying, their body language, their tone of voice, and their attentiveness? Or are you simply not noticing because you're focusing too much on yourself? It's not like you and your dates are teenagers, you should know how a date is going while it's happening. People who are oblivious to how other people feel about them usually are somewhat self-centered, which is why they don't notice that their date isn't into them.

Think about it ... she already knew what you look like, so it's not looks. She talked to you many times on the phone and the conversations were good, so it's not that you've got nothing in common. It really sounds like there's something you're doing on the dates that is causing them to run from you. If I were you I'd push for feedback, as you're not going to be able to improve if you don't know what the hell it is that's turning them off.

I respectfully disagree with most everything you said.

Again, its a first date. Feeling each other out.

What McCoy probably does is, HE DOESN'T ASK FOR A SECOND ONE. Any guy with a bit of sense, should already have the second date planned going into the first one.

Also,@McCoy - First date, and you made her cook for you? C'mon my man. You needed to take her somewhere. She's telling all her friends (anyone that will listen) how she went on a date with this "big shot" radio DJ and she didn't get to meet anyone famous. And how he couldn't even be bothered to take her somewhere nice to eat. I HAD TO COOK!! She says...

She offered to cook for me. We were going to go out, but she brought that idea up on her own.

And we did have a second date lined up. It was supposed to our first. It was also her idea to go out last night and move the first date up.

[Tater Totts]

That's the weird thing, the date itself honestly want really well, so I was kind of surprised to get that text this morning.

How is it you can't get a read on all these girls? Honest question ... during dates are you paying attention to what they are verbally saying, their body language, their tone of voice, and their attentiveness? Or are you simply not noticing because you're focusing too much on yourself? It's not like you and your dates are teenagers, you should know how a date is going while it's happening. People who are oblivious to how other people feel about them usually are somewhat self-centered, which is why they don't notice that their date isn't into them.

Think about it ... she already knew what you look like, so it's not looks. She talked to you many times on the phone and the conversations were good, so it's not that you've got nothing in common. It really sounds like there's something you're doing on the dates that is causing them to run from you. If I were you I'd push for feedback, as you're not going to be able to improve if you don't know what the hell it is that's turning them off.

I respectfully disagree with most everything you said.

Again, its a first date. Feeling each other out.

What McCoy probably does is, HE DOESN'T ASK FOR A SECOND ONE. Any guy with a bit of sense, should already have the second date planned going into the first one.

Also,@McCoy - First date, and you made her cook for you? C'mon my man. You needed to take her somewhere. She's telling all her friends (anyone that will listen) how she went on a date with this "big shot" radio DJ and she didn't get to meet anyone famous. And how he couldn't even be bothered to take her somewhere nice to eat. I HAD TO COOK!! She says...

Dude, McCoy already has the second date planned, they were going to a concert this weekend.

[The Real McCoy]

You need to get it out of your head that it went well. Clearly it didn't. Now you have to identify why. My guess, you were overly sincere, too available, but, at the same time, not sexual at all. Did you touch her at all? A hand on the upper arm? A quick hand on the waist as you move past? You see, for the most part, girls aren't just turned on and attracted at the drop of a hat. Usually, they need to be put into that mood. And it's your responsibility to create that mood. If you're just sitting there asking about her job and her family and her favorite music and what she likes to eat and has she seen any good movies lately, then you might as well pack it up, cuz she's bored as fuck. And, honestly, did you really have a good time last night? Or were you just happy because you thought a girl liked you? What did you talk about? Were you playful? Did you tease her? You need to start breaking this shit down, man, and you can't wait until you feel differently to act differently. The actions are gonna have to come first. If you're not willing to do some shit that will make you uncomfortable and anxious, it's just gonna be this same song and dance for some time.

We talked about a little bit of everything. Music, family, whatever. One topic flowed pretty naturally to another. It wasn't forced or awkward.

This girl was fairly religious, so any kind of touching, playful or not would most likely not go over well at all.

[magisme]

Let's just establish a rule: No home-cooked meals for first dates.

You need to get it out of your head that it went well. Clearly it didn't. Now you have to identify why. My guess, you were overly sincere, too available, but, at the same time, not sexual at all. Did you touch her at all? A hand on the upper arm? A quick hand on the waist as you move past? You see, for the most part, girls aren't just turned on and attracted at the drop of a hat. Usually, they need to be put into that mood. And it's your responsibility to create that mood. If you're just sitting there asking about her job and her family and her favorite music and what she likes to eat and has she seen any good movies lately, then you might as well pack it up, cuz she's bored as fuck. And, honestly, did you really have a good time last night? Or were you just happy because you thought a girl liked you? What did you talk about? Were you playful? Did you tease her? You need to start breaking this shit down, man, and you can't wait until you feel differently to act differently. The actions are gonna have to come first. If you're not willing to do some shit that will make you uncomfortable and anxious, it's just gonna be this same song and dance for some time.

We talked about a little bit of everything. Music, family, whatever. One topic flowed pretty naturally to another. It wasn't forced or awkward.

This girl was fairly religious, so any kind of touching, playful or not would most likely not go over well at all.

Never go out with a girl you think will freak out if you touch her arm. Fuck that. Life's too short and such.

[Gia]

Let's just establish a rule: No home-cooked meals for first dates.

How come?

[ThinkAboutYou]

I agree girls want to be spoiled on dates so take them out best way to relax them

[The Real McCoy]

You need to get it out of your head that it went well. Clearly it didn't. Now you have to identify why. My guess, you were overly sincere, too available, but, at the same time, not sexual at all. Did you touch her at all? A hand on the upper arm? A quick hand on the waist as you move past? You see, for the most part, girls aren't just turned on and attracted at the drop of a hat. Usually, they need to be put into that mood. And it's your responsibility to create that mood. If you're just sitting there asking about her job and her family and her favorite music and what she likes to eat and has she seen any good movies lately, then you might as well pack it up, cuz she's bored as fuck. And, honestly, did you really have a good time last night? Or were you just happy because you thought a girl liked you? What did you talk about? Were you playful? Did you tease her? You need to start breaking this shit down, man, and you can't wait until you feel differently to act differently. The actions are gonna have to come first. If you're not willing to do some shit that will make you uncomfortable and anxious, it's just gonna be this same song and dance for some time.

Agreed! And the date was in her own apartment, which means the environment was much easier to create that mood. Just the two of them, in a place where she obviously feels comfortable, music of her choice playing, comfortable sofa right there, etc.

And without a doubt, if a girl invites you over her place for a first date that means she WANTS to get romantic.

Public place = She isn't totally comfortable with you yet

Her place = She wants to make out, at the very least

It was made very clear from what our mutual friend told me, and from her mentioning her morals and values, that getting romantic was not an option.

[magisme]

Let's just establish a rule: No home-cooked meals for first dates.

How come?

A first date should fun and playful and light and non-committal. A home-cooked first date screams, "Hey, let me figure out if I wanna marry you right quick."

[SunnyDRE]

That's the weird thing, the date itself honestly want really well, so I was kind of surprised to get that text this morning.

How is it you can't get a read on all these girls? Honest question ... during dates are you paying attention to what they are verbally saying, their body language, their tone of voice, and their attentiveness? Or are you simply not noticing because you're focusing too much on yourself? It's not like you and your dates are teenagers, you should know how a date is going while it's happening. People who are oblivious to how other people feel about them usually are somewhat self-centered, which is why they don't notice that their date isn't into them.

Think about it ... she already knew what you look like, so it's not looks. She talked to you many times on the phone and the conversations were good, so it's not that you've got nothing in common. It really sounds like there's something you're doing on the dates that is causing them to run from you. If I were you I'd push for feedback, as you're not going to be able to improve if you don't know what the hell it is that's turning them off.

I respectfully disagree with most everything you said.

Again, its a first date. Feeling each other out.

What McCoy probably does is, HE DOESN'T ASK FOR A SECOND ONE. Any guy with a bit of sense, should already have the second date planned going into the first one.

Also,@McCoy - First date, and you made her cook for you? C'mon my man. You needed to take her somewhere. She's telling all her friends (anyone that will listen) how she went on a date with this "big shot" radio DJ and she didn't get to meet anyone famous. And how he couldn't even be bothered to take her somewhere nice to eat. I HAD TO COOK!! She says...

She offered to cook for me. We were going to go out, but she brought that idea up on her own.

And we did have a second date lined up. It was supposed to our first. It was also her idea to go out last night and move the first date up.

Dude, please listen to me.

Girls say the craziest things. As a man you have to learn to decipher.

"I don't care what movie we go see", doesn't mean they want see the latest Jean Claude Van Damme flick..

"I don't want anything for Valentine's Day", means they want a whole bunch of sh*t on Valentines Day.

First date, as a rule, unless she was coming over to my house, I would never make the girl cook, and I would always try and make it so she got to do something she never has or doesn't get to do often.

Stupid stuff - play pool, putt putt golf, golf carts, karokee, etc.

I would want her out of her house.

[PappyTron]

I agree girls want to be spoiled on dates so take them out best way to relax them

I find the best way to relax them is to choke them until I smell shit.