5 people you meet at a metal concert

[st0n3r]

There’s no scene in live music that quite compares to that of a heavy metal concert. The people you meet at a metal show are like no other music fans: they’re die-hard, socially awkward, hard-drinking, willing-to-lose-some-teeth-to-see-this-band kinds of people.

These guys (did I mention metal concert attendees are almost entirely dudes?) are intensely unique individuals. However, if you’ve been to a lot of metal shows, you start to recognize some patterns among members of the community. With every show you attend, the stereotypes you witness in the audience are reinforced in your mind, until you begin actively looking for certain characters at the show just to prove you are right.

Today, I’d like to present you with five of those individuals. These people can be found at nearly every single metal concert you will ever attend, without fail. You just have to look for them. They are The Five People You Meet at a Metal Show.

The "I’m Getting Too Old For This S--t" Guy

This guy has done his fair share of headbanging, to say the least. He’s usually about 20 years older than the average audience member at any given show. He’s been going to metal shows since you were in diapers. This guy’s faded denim vest has so many band patches that he’s started to put patches on his patches. He’s seen Iron Maiden SEVEN HUNDRED times, and can tell you the set list they played at each show. This seasoned veteran of the scene is not easily impressed, and thus he is usually found at the back of the crowd, coolly sipping a beer. He is sometimes found with a few buddies his age, but is more frequently alone - his friends gave up on the scene long ago, started listening to "adult contemporary" music and driving minivans. He looks out over the sea of kids with dyed black hair and skinny jeans with disgust, pining for the days of ripped, dirty denim and faded leather. He’s there to see the band, not update his Facebook and text his friends. He’s getting grumpier with every show he sees. He’s getting too old for this s--t.

The Girlfriend Who Has No Idea What She’s Gotten Herself Into

"Honey, how come you never ask me to come with you to one of those metal shows you’re always going to?" she asked. "You probably wouldn’t like it." he responded. "But I want to do things that you like!" she protested. Two weeks later, in the middle of the sweaty masses at a Slayer show, the girlfriend begins to regret initiating that fateful conversation. She wants to leave soon, and they haven’t even played "War Ensemble" yet. She’s wearing a blue flannel shirt, because that’s what she wore to the Pearl Jam concert four years ago and she fit in pretty well there, even though the music was a bit too heavy for her. She is now freaking the hell out.

When the first song started playing, she was trying to figure out a way to dance to it, and started kinda swaying around awkwardly, out of time with the music. Now she’s standing still, looking around at all the freakish specimens that surround her. She looks to her boyfriend for comfort, but he is entranced by the metal magic that is Slayer and isn’t aware of her suffering. However, she brought this on herself, so she feels guilty about wanting to leave. She’s gonna stick it out. Sometimes, she’ll start to realize that the band she’s seeing is awesome, and really get into it. If this happens, you’ll know that you’ve got yourself a keeper. This is rare. Do not expect this. More often than not, she’ll be texting her friends something along the lines of "I have no idea what I’ve gotten myself into."

The "Out of My Way, I’m Getting to the Front" Guy

This guy has been swilling beer in the way back of the crowd since the first opener took the stage. He’s been planning his move for quite some time now. The lights go down, the headliner takes the stage, and he snaps into action. He’s getting to the front, and he doesn’t care who stands in his way. With much pushing, shoving, and acts of contortion, this champion of rudeness forges forward, refusing to stop until he’s standing in the first row. Never mind that people showed up early to get a good spot on the floor, or there’s a person in a wheelchair in the way, this guy’s getting through, one way or another. The words "excuse me," "pardon me," and "sorry" are not in this man’s vocabulary. The "OMWIGTTF" guy is almost always totally silent as he violently makes his way through the crowd. If you spot one of these characters, don’t hesitate to extend your foot into his path. When he trips, simply move a few feet backwards. This will ensure you stay out of his reach, as he is incapable of moving in any direction but forwards. His condition, unfortunately, can be contagious. People have been killed when large amounts of OMWIGTTF guys create crowd surges. Don’t be this guy.

The Fat, Sweaty, Shirtless Guy in the Mosh Pit

Every mosh pit that has ever existed has featured a big fat sweaty guy who regrettably felt the need to remove his shirt. Moshing can be great fun - you get to run into people, do some good ol fashioned shoving, and release some of that pent up aggression. What’s not so fun is when you go to shove a guy, and your hand disappears into a fold of fat, sweaty flesh, which completely absorbs the push and does nothing to slow the momentum of the moistened mass that is hurtling towards you. Yeah. Everyone who’s ever been in a mosh pit has thought twice about being there after they’ve been flung up against the guy so covered in sweat you wonder if he just got out of a sauna. When your shirt becomes soiled by sweat other than your own, things start to get a little uncomfortable. Everyone silently wishes that this guy would at least just put his shirt back on, but they hope in vain. This guy thinks everyone in the pit is avoiding him because they’re scared of getting knocked down, when in reality, they’re grossed out by his glistening gut.

The "I’m Here to Get In a Fight" Guy

Some people go to shows with the intention of listening to some good music, having a few drinks, and having a good time. Not this guy. This guy paid sixty dollars in Ticketmaster service fees so he could get kicked out for fighting. This guy patrols the first few rows, looking for someone to give him a reason to swing at them. When someone accidentally bumps into him from behind, that’s all the provocation he needs to start brawlin’. He ignores that little part of his brain that’s telling him "please don’t do this again, they’ll just kick you out again and I’m really enjoying the music" and starts punching some faces. He lands about half a punch before security has picked him up and started to carry him towards the exit.

The truly funny part about this individual is that he never fails to be begging with security to put him down and let him stay as they drag him to the door, as if it never had occurred to him that fighting would get him kicked out. This provides wonderful entertainment for the more reasonable and courteous members of the audience, who get to watch a cretin get forcefully removed from the premises. It’s even more fun when the band gets involved. The frontman points out the fight to security, says "get that guy outta here," and everyone cheers for swift justice. You’d hope the guy would learn from the experience and never get into a fight at a show, but luckily for those of us that are fans of watching idiots make dumb decisions, the "I’m Here to Get In a Fight" guy is not a fast learner.

So there you have it, the five people you’ll see at any given metal show. Keep your eyes open the next time you’re at a concert, and see how many you can spot. Maybe you can even identify a few more frequently appearing characters in your local metal scene. If so, feel free to share them with this future "I’m Getting Too Old For This S--t" Guy in the comments. Keep it loud, keep it heavy, and keep supporting live music.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/news/entertainment/5_people_you_meet_at_metal_concert.html

So true.

Edited June 23, 2011 by st0n3r

[ZoSoRose]

haha "get that guy outta here"

lulzaxl

[Chewbacca]

I found one of those fat, sweaty, shirtless guys at MetallicA's. He was bothering everybody nearby trying to start a mosh pit. We managed to hit him a few times and then get him out of the show (thanks to the security too).

Edited June 23, 2011 by Chewbacca

[Shooting Star]

I found one of those fat, sweaty, shirtless guys at MetallicA's. He was bothering everybody nearby trying to start a mosh pit. We managed to hit him a few times and then get him out of the show (thanks to the security too).

LOL

It was the first memory that came to my mind when I read this thread too!

But it was the first time I saw a mosh pit wearing flip-flops

[tat2d1]

Article pretty much nailed it

[P.A. Guns]

lol the awkward girlfriends are always fun

[dalsh327]

What about the awkward girlfriend 2 songs in begging for security to bring her over the barrier?

And the get to the front guy - if you know or recognize everyone in your circle before the show starts, that guy is going to be in the hurt locker trying to get past your group.

[Zint]

Number 6 is definitely "SO DRUNK I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS CONCERT" guy.

Tends to show up in his suit from the office...tickets were probably a perk.Or he's a "beautiful people" guy...designer jeans,token white designer shirt not tucked in,shades perched on his head.Tends to prefer cowboy boots.Beer in each hand from the moment he steps in the door.

Ignores the opening band to focus on his drinks.

Forehead gets sweaty,face flushed.

Starts raising his arms over his head for a round of "wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" while facing the audience (beers in hand,splashing wildly)..at this point he thinks everyone in the arena is his buddy and will answer his call of woooooooooo (they don't).

By the time the band hits the stage he's standing there wobbling,head lilting a bit.He forces himself to pay attention,nods his head to the music in a lethargic,sporadic manner...mumbles to his friend after a few songs then disappears.20 minutes later (sometimes longer) he comes back with two more beers.

Raises the drinks over his head spilling the beer on those around him...doesn't give a fuck...and isn't really aware that he's doing it.

Then comes the magic part...the zone out.

He can't concentrate on the band or the music anymore.

He's tuned out and bored.

The people around him cease to exist..except his buddy...or buddies...or don't wanna be there girlfriend.

He then proceeds to continually shout and scream into their ear.

Random topics that have nothing to do with being at a concert,nothing related to the band or music.

Just drunk,rambling babble.

If lucky,someone tells him to shut the fuck up.

At this point he staggers around with a dazed look like "what's the problem??"...then he ditches any remaining shreds of cognizant participation completely,sits down in his chair,lowers his head,broods...while never releasing his grip on those plastic beer cups.

[Guest Len B'stard]

I think there should be an entry for the honest and earnest music fan who wants to jump up and down and lose his mind and dance but can't because he might disturb the chin stroking scorecard brigade, of which there are a great deal in attendance in gigs these days. It's really weird but i always end up in this situation where i, initially, go there to go all out but when you get there it's such a fuckin bring down. Perhaps a Paul McCartney gig ain't the best place to start pogo-ing Live music has a weird effect on me, i just fuckin go nuts, even if it's a band i don't like, as long as they're loud (which they invariably are at gigs) i can dig it. I was the only guy at the Guns gig, well me and this other drunk too, who eventually got dragged out by security at the Hammersmith gigs who was actually going nuts to Avenged Sevenfold...and i don't even like A7X or the music they play I suppose i ain't been to no sit on a stool and strum gigs so it's probably a different atmos. Also i'm about 6'4 so i tend to get in peoples way.

I mean you put your fuckin money down and you wanna have a bit of a time, don't you?

[moreblack]

It's all so true