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Something I don't feel the community respect enough


Guest NGOG

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The very important point about this condition is how it cripples the permanency of your feelings. As you can imagine, this can be detrimental in the context of somebody that regards themselves as a 'artist'. One day, when presented with an opportunity to tour the world, you might like the idea. Several days later, when you've already committed to a schedule, you suddenly feel overwhelmed by what you've agreed to. Perhaps you're working on a song. On a certain day, you may feel that a certain song is the best you've ever written. Then, as your condition kicks in, suddenly there are various aspects of the song that need further work. Maybe you're in negotiations with the label and both parties reach an agreement in relation to releasing music. Then suddenly, the plan isn't good enough. Or the music itself lacks quality.

Take my point abouts shows, too. During shows in Canada the artist could be very enthusiastic. Then for no apparent reason, they retreat into themselves during a subbsequent leg. It's very easy for fans to speculate as to why the artist has suddenly become withdrawn. 'They're finished, they don't give a shit, they're in it for the money'. While other factors may be at play to some degree, maybe they're just battling an extremely vicious cycle of emotional turbulence?

Another significant point is that the night environment is more comfortable. There is something about the light of day that is extremely daunting. It has connotations with a very profound sense of anxiety. In many instances, people who are battling with mental issues will come alive at night. Night is when they achieve maximum productivity.

History proves he can function beyond the crippled state of a person suffering from a serious manic depressive disorder.

Nobody said that a person suffering from mental issues aren't capable of functioning. It's just more difficult than for the average person. It's more of a process.

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I think it goes back to that old saying: it's a reason, it's not an excuse. I feel all the compassion in the world for all that Axl has been through, and all of his struggles, including his mental illness - but at the same time it's not a get out of jail free card to justify any and everything negative he's ever done or will do in the future.

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  • 2 months later...

First of all, I will likely be ridiculed for attempting to initiate this discussion. Quite recently, I've been in a position to observe the effects of bi-polar/manic depressive states. I've had the fortune - in an intellectual sense - of seeing these conditions in action and how they affect people.

Before I talk about such states, I would first like to mention the stigma which surrounds such problems. When someone concedes that they are in fact suffering from bipolar, they are strangley discredited as people. They aren't 'normal, functioning' human beings anymore. They're privately regarded, for want of a better expression, as a bit cooky. For that reason, those in the public eye are extremely reluctant to talk about having a mental 'disorder' (disorder by the way, is a phrase they seriously need to review). I'm sure many of you are familiar with the recent revelations by Catherine Zeta Jones. After privately suffering for so long, she finally went public with her experiences. Some of you may also recall that Axl did the same thing (while simultaneously expressing the fear that many wouldn't take his story seriously). In case you didn't notice, it was largely met by the ignorant response of 'he's just a pussy and making excuses for being one'.

But onto the more pressing part of my post; and that is how bi-polar absolutely cripples the possibility of leading a routine life. From what I have seen, some days you feel like conquering the world. On such days the person becomes extremely animated, and they're bursting with an unappeasable sense of energy. Others you just can't face any simple action and would prefer to stay within the comfort of your home for days on end. In order to complete the basic of tasks, you have to gear yourself up as if you were going out to fight 12 rounds with an in-prime Mike Tyson. As I said, it absolutely cripples the permanency of your emotions. It constantly alters how you feel abouts things. One day you may commit yourself to something, the next you're doing everything in your power to cancel such an arrangement. The person is overcome by an extremely illogical sense of dread. To the point that they just can't do it.

My point is, that maybe you shouldn't draw the conclusion that Axl is just a dickhead. That he gets some sort of cheap thrill out of disappointing his fans. Maybe when he's late for a show, or seemingly losing spirit, you should consider the things he talked about as early as 1993. Everyone sees their favourite rockstar as immortal, it's inconcievable that they might be privately dealing with something.

dead on!

Ive had patients( as well as myself) that did absolutely amazing things, made huge successes of their lives in a manic surges only to crash and crash hard and then retreat into a depressive recluse modalities of expressing their lives. No amount of coaxing, goading or even application of mood stabilizers can motivate them from that position. Try to guilt them , shame them or even reason with them and that just further isolates them into withdrawal. Push to hard and something snaps and you get rage..you get defiance, you get fear disquised as anger and bitterness. As I understand "bi polar" the highs are highs and the lows are lows. THere is a feeling of invincibility and thus many many report that substence abuse in its many forms was present in both the highs and the lows. In the lows ..there is a feeling of isolation, misunderstood, and extreme vulnerability ..that vulnerbility comes out as paranoia ... and often friends and family get driven away in those episodes... I know that is a broad generality of a malady that is really not that well understood.

Ah hell.. it might help someone out there to tell you about myself.

I recognize some of those symptoms in myself...perhaps thats why I related to Axl and his position much more than any of the other members.

I pushed like hell to get through college with 24/7 energy as well as grad school..i played in a band, worked a job, had a business,got married and traveled the world achieved and accomplished a huge amount in a very short period of time all at the same time. I pushed like hell to get away from the shit things that had happened in my childhood but no matter how hard Id run the past was as real and present even though years had gone by. Who I thought I had to be was someone that was not from where i was from.

What was fear or panic usually was expressed as anger and intensity...symptoms that were diagnosed as ADD...socially unaaceptable responses and behaviors etc with the honus being .."take your meds and shut the fuck up" I did not take my meds.. the meds made me far worse emotionally and mentally. This was during the 90's and 2000's always pushing .. planning schemeing, doing..dreaming.

Then one day.. and it was extremely sudden..like overnight sudden... I just didnt give a shit. Didnt care at all.. even though I knew I should.. even though I had a million obligations to meet. A ton of things to get accomplished in any given day and I just didnt fucken care. At first I thought maybe I had a virus, thought maybe I had been working to hard..thought I was just going through burnout.. but it was beyond that. I though maybe after all I had done that maybe it wasnt enough.. and I had made the wrong choices.. married the wrong woman, sang the wrong words, picked the wrong career etc.. completely irrational thinking. Bizzar Pressures that i used to thrill in dealing with suddenly became completely overwhelming.. and i started putting things off more and more and avoiding dealing with them.

It was as if something had reached inside of me and turned my soul off. Beyond depression..beyond sadness..beyond feeling tired and worn out.

Id sit down to the piano or pick up my guitar and could not pull anything out.. could barely remember any of the songs that I had been playing for years. And I stopped planning, stopped dreaming..stopped wanting or needing.

For six months I barely made it through my day. Just went on autopilot from there. Stopped going out, stopped writing and singing, stopped going to see friends. Social settings were hell... pure hell for me. I couldnt relate to conversations or motivations of people . I became extremely anxious and panic ridden when I thrust into places where I felt like I had absolutely no control. I came across as an alloof badass and even cocky to some.. but duing this phase I just wanted to retreat and get the fuck away from anything and everyone. Just couldnt deal with anything. Couldnt commit to anything and I couldnt follow through on things I had given my word to. I had a huge circle of collegues, family and friends as well as a thriving growing practice and I just didnt give a rats ass about any of that. I was on course to make 200,000 in 2007 and I barely made 25,000.

I moved into my clinic and just hung out watching movies , smoking 2 packs of cigs a day and drinking coffee by the gallon. Id see just enough patients to pay the bills but didnt recruit new ones or keep up with the literature. Stopped going to continuing ed classes. Id sleep 12-15 hours a day and still feel exhausted. I started allowing people that were basically leeches and parasites dominate my time and resouces. Odd thing was I had no sense of time.. And the private conversations with myself were fucking brutal. Not voices in my head kind of thing. Just having the same conversation over and over againg. just finding no focus, no joy, no inspiration in anything or anyone. Conversations with people just became blah blah blah..I was glad I was in a position and awareness enough to take a few months off of work.

and two years passed before I even began to fully realize what the fuck I was doing and more so what I had not done. It sucked to have to confront that...People would try to discuss it with me and I was absolutely the most hypersensitive person and I would fucking destroy them. Id come at them as if they had held a gun to my head or threatend me personally and many of them..just sadly left my life. Odd thing was though.. I knew something wasnt right but denied it. And just as weird as it came on ..it went. Started running, working out.. writting and singing again. Eating good food and going out . Started seeing 20 plus patients a day and got back into the groove but without the manic energy that had driven me before. Absolutely odd.

kind of sounds like someone we know. be interesting to know.

i respect you for sharing this story, and it must have been a hell for you man geez, now i recocnize myself in lighter terms in your story like i used to be driven for school for work and for friends and everything as well, and i did everything in the house used to be a coach for a kids football team and i was all dedicated and all that, i had a girlfriend and i was happy, and now i can't really live up to anything anymore, my school i just can't push myself anymore and i disconnected myself from lots of friends, i stopped doing things in the house, and all i do is smoke a lot, follow updates around GN'R 24/7 and drink alcohol pretty often like i feel stucked in a stupid circle and lost the energy and motivation to get myself back together and i can't really think positive anymore and i don't know how to get it back, also mood swings kick in pretty often like one moment i am all happy and crazy and want to make jokes and stuff and then i am silent, sad, deep thinking want to be alone it's a struggle

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I agree with you that no matter what Axl says or does, some people on this board just constantly complain about it and blame Axl for not doing what they want him to do.

Just don't let it bother you. It doesn't seem to bother Axl.

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I agree with you that no matter what Axl says or does, some people on this board just constantly complain about it and blame Axl for not doing what they want him to do.

Just don't let it bother you. It doesn't seem to bother Axl.

The funny thing is Axl nutters always comes up with this shit :rolleyes:

Despite this post NGOG's OP was somewhat enjoyable

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As someone who lives with bipolar disorder and has successfully killed himself twice, once with carbon monoxide and once with a drug overdose, I can say from experience, that you have two choices. You can let the illness run your life, fuck up and blame it on being bipolar or you can find medication that works and make a conscious effort to get better. Because it does take effort. There isn't just a happy pill you can take that fixes everything. You still have to deal with the various stressors that life throws at you and be able to handle them. You have to find a combination of meds that work for you. We're all different and meds affect us differently. But at its core, it is a chemical imbalance and it does take meds to get things balanced. Yes, it sucks that I have to take meds for the rest of my life, but if it helps make my moods more manageable, it's worth it. Sure, you have to make lifestyle changes and realize it is okay to be happy and sad and feel normal emotions.

I get so sick and tired of celebrities acting out and then blaming their illness. Take some accountability and get the illness under control, do not let it control you. One thing I always say is that I live with bipolar disorder, I don't suffer from it, because I don't allow myself to suffer. Sure, some days are much harder than others, but you need to know how to recognize a mood swing and have a plan in place to deal with it, both manic and depressive as the manic highs can be just as destructive.

Oh and the comment that how bi-polar absolutely cripples the possibility of leading a routine life could not be further from the truth. Since being diagnosed, I have gotten married and had a beautiful baby girl. I've been at my job 13 years now. My life before the diagnosis was a mess. A bad marriage, lost jobs etc. Please don't paint us as victims.

Edited by fantomas
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Would you consider yourself a manic-depressive?

I'm very sensitive and emotional, and things upset me and make me feel like not functioning or not dealing with people, the band or anything. I went to a clinic, thinking it would help my moods. The only thing I did was take one 500-question test - ya know, filling in the little black dots. All of sudden I'm diagnosed manic-depressive. "Let's put Axl on medication". Well, the medication doesn't help me deal with stress. The only thing it does is help keep people off my back because they figure I'm on medication.

- Axl

Edit: think this was his original remark, not sure....

His sensitivity has prevented him from wanting to do any more of those incredible interviews he did in the early 90s where he really opened up about everything. I understand some of the reasons for that but if he did open up and tell us what was really going on with everything i'd be less inclined to be so hard on him.

But instead he's recently given us hardcore supporters of NewGNR the finger in various ways so it's hard to be sympathetic.

I adore that guy from the early 90s who did those interviews. It just seems like such a fucking long time since we've seen him. Maybe since the 2001 Loder interview.

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