Whats the worst fucking song ever written?

[Dory]

fall out dick,

I laughed

[Opax]

What about "ha ha ha he he he, i'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me" Bowie's Laughing Gnome. really pretty dire!

Great choice.

I heard that on one of Bowie's tours, he gave fans a chance to vote for songs they wanted him to play. Some magazine started a campaign and got everyone to vote Laughing Gnome. Bowie abandoned his idea

Thats true brilliance.

Anyway for me that song Icky Thump by the White Stripes, dont know why but it really grinds my gears, Im sure I can think of worse songs if I spend a minute or two.

[Yamisonic]

Eg fall out dick, panic! at the gay bar

[xxAmandaxx]

That "Im too sexy" song. That reeks.

[Estranged Reality]

Limp Bizkit - Rollin', Nookie

Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby

Eddie Murphy - Party All the Time

Toby Keith - Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)

You have to wonder why someone like Toby Keith is allowed to live.

Hey Uncle Sam

Put your name at the top of his list

And the Statue of Liberty

Started shakin' her fist

And the eagle will fly

Man, it's gonna be hell

When you hear Mother Freedom

Start ringin' her bell

And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you

Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Justice will be served

And the battle will rage

This big dog will fight

When you rattle his cage

And you'll be sorry that you messed with

The U.S. of A.

'Cause we'll put a boot in your ass

It's the American way

Hey Uncle Sam

Put your name at the top of his list

And the Statue of Liberty

Started shakin' her fist

And the eagle will fly

Man, it's gonna be hell

When you hear Mother Freedom

Start ringin' her bell

And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you

Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

It just doesn't make sense that he's breathing, to me.

Edited August 7, 2007 by Estranged Reality

[kevdo242]

Chacaron.

[st0n3r]

The Ketchup Song by Las Ketchup

Most...irritating... song...ever.

[Dannebac]

anything by Fergie

[New Rose]

anything by motley crue.

Ditto!

Piano Man is one of the greatest songs ever written imo

Agreed.

Eddie Murphy - Party All the Time

My girl want's to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time...

Dude, that song is hilarious! You can't hate it!

[ffrankwhite]

I hate many of Sonic Youth's earlier songs, like Burning Spear and I Dreamed A Dream from their s/t EP. They are just fucking noise, with Kim's out of tune vocals on top. Their later stuff is Ok though.

confusion is sex along with all that stuff, evol etc was like their finest moment dude

To me it's just plain annoying noise that I feel I could have done much better myself.

didnt and cant are sometimes the same thing. dont you get it??!?! the broke rules, its about sound layers, its about texture, its about mood-building, its music to let go to, to get lost in. all music is noise, just some is well order to suit the defined standards. the further you go from those standards the more you are doing for the art of music. its no mystery why Thurston Moores guitar sound is considered almost as important to the evolution of music as Jimi Hendrixes is.

[swlabr]

Everything that isn't GN'R, yoo!

[duff_mckagan21]

any rap or country

ok, so you're speaking for songs which more that likely the vast majority of you aint even heard? riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigghhtt

Many country singers sing about what they know eg experiences on the farm, just because they dont write about sex, drugs n rock n roll doesnt mean its poorly written, its inteneded for the country folk who can relate to what the singer is imposing. Im a big fan of Johnny Cash and believe his lyrics are great.

duff21

Edited August 8, 2007 by duff_mckagan21

[wasted]

Ever heard Bang by Blur?

It's on their Leisure LP.

Awful.

Not a bad album overall but that song is so...empty? Pointless? almost asinine? I need a dictionary. It's pathetic.

[coolio GNR]

can't decide a song, but...

RAP: R=retards A=attempting P=poetry

lol, good one

[pain cake]

Aerosmith - Walk this way

Sorry, but those lyrics

[Lithium]

The Ketchup Song by Las Ketchup

Most...irritating... song...ever.

Aserehe ha debe deberiduboba and the boogie bibi

[P.A. Guns]

Limp Bizkit - Rollin', Nookie

Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby

Eddie Murphy - Party All the Time

Toby Keith - Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)

You have to wonder why someone like Toby Keith is allowed to live.

Hey Uncle Sam

Put your name at the top of his list

And the Statue of Liberty

Started shakin' her fist

And the eagle will fly

Man, it's gonna be hell

When you hear Mother Freedom

Start ringin' her bell

And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you

Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Justice will be served

And the battle will rage

This big dog will fight

When you rattle his cage

And you'll be sorry that you messed with

The U.S. of A.

'Cause we'll put a boot in your ass

It's the American way

Hey Uncle Sam

Put your name at the top of his list

And the Statue of Liberty

Started shakin' her fist

And the eagle will fly

Man, it's gonna be hell

When you hear Mother Freedom

Start ringin' her bell

And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you

Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

It just doesn't make sense that he's breathing, to me.

I think I should be slaughtered for attending one of his concerts when I was 14. It was the most overblown thing ever.

[Angelica]

Trapped in the Closet (Chapters 1-5) - R Kelly. I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves...

(CHAPTER 1)

Seven o'clock in the morning

And the rays from the sun wakes me

I'm stretchin' and yawnin'

In a bed that don't belong to me

And a voice yells, “Good morning, darlinâ€, from the bathroom

Then she comes out and kisses me

And to my surprise, she ain't you

Now I've got this dumb look on my face

Like, what have I done?

How could I be so stupid to be have laid here til the morning sun?

Lost the track of time

Oh, what was on my mind?

From the club, went to her home

Didn't plan to stay that long

Here I am, quickly tryin' to put on my clothes

Searching for my car keys

Tryin' to get on up out the door

Then she streched her hands in front of it

Said, “You can't go this wayâ€

Looked at her, like she was crazy

Said, “Woman move out my wayâ€

Said, “I got a wife at homeâ€

She said, “Please don't go out thereâ€

“Lady, I've got to get homeâ€

She said, her husband was comin' up the stairs

“Shh, shh, quiet

Hurry up and get in the closetâ€

She said, “Don't you make a sound

Or some shit is going downâ€

I said, “Why don't I just go out the window?â€

“Yes, except for one thing, we on the 5th floorâ€

“Shit think, shit think, shit quick, put me in the closetâ€

And now I'm in this darkest closet, tryin' to figure out

Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this house

Then he walks in and yells, “I'm homeâ€

She says, “Honey, I'm in the roomâ€

Walks in there with a smile on his face

Sayin', “Honey, I've been missin' youâ€

She hops all over him

And says, “I've cooked and ran your bath waterâ€

I'm tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an Oscar

throws her in the bed

And start to snatchin' her clothes off

I'm in the closet, like man, what the f**k is going on?

You're not gonna believe it

But things get deeper as the story goes on

Next thing you know, a call comes through on my cell phone

I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate

But from the way he act, I could tell it was too late

He hopped up and said, “There's a mystery going on

And I'm gonna solve itâ€

And I'm like, “God please, don't let this man open this closetâ€

He walks in the bathroom

And looks behind the door

She says, “Baby, come back to bedâ€

He says, “Bitch say no moreâ€

He pulls back the shower curtain

While she's biting her nails

Then he walks back to the room

Right now, I'm sweating like hell

Checks under the bed

Then under the dresser

He looks at the closet

I pull out my Baretta

He walks up to the closet

He goes up to the closet

Now he's at the closet

Damn he's opening the closet…

(CHAPTER 2)

Well...

Now he's staring at me like

As if he was starin in a mirror

She yells honey let me explain

He says you don't have to go no further

I can clearly see what's goin on

Behind my back, in my bed, in my home

Then I said wait a minute now hold on

I said mister we can work this out

She said honey don't lose control

Tried to get him to calm down

He said hoe I should've known

That you would go and do some bogus shit up in my house

But the Christian in me gave you the benefit of the doubt

I said we need to resolve this

Then he stepped to me, I'm like whoa

There's a reason I'm in this closet

He says, yeah like what, are you talkin clothes

I met this girl at the Plagis club

And she told me she didn't have a man

Then he said man please,

I'd kill you if you didn't have that gun in ya hand

And I said but yo chick chose me

He said don't give me that mack shit please

His phone goes off and then things get a little more interesting

He steps a little closer

I point my gun and says I'm not the one you after

He says son I bet you didn't know my man

Did she tell you that I was a pastor

I said well good that's betta right

Why can't we handle this Christian- like

And I started to put the gun down

Til I saw his face still had that frown

She started cryin, sayin baby I'm sorry

Then he said baby not as sorry as you're gonna be

I started inchin out

He says no I want you to see this

Said I gotta get out this house

He said not til I reveal my secret

I'm like what is goin on inside his head

Then he takes his phone and calls somebody up and says

Hello, Baby, turn the car around

Listen I just need for you to get right back here now (Click)

He looks at me and says well since we're all comin out the closet

I'm not about to be the only one that's broken hearted

She said what do you mean

And he said just wait and see

I said somebody betta talk to me

And then his phone rings

He picks up and somebody says sweetheart I'm downstairs

And he's like I'll buzz you up

I'm on the fifth floor, hurry take the stairs

And I'm like who is this mystery lady that you're talking to

He says in time you both will know the shockin truth

Baby this is something I been wanting to get off my chest for a long, long time

Then I said black person Imma shoot you both if you don't say what's on ya mind

He said wait I hear somebody comin up the stairs

And I'm lookin at the door

He says I think you betta sit down in the chair

I says I'm gonna count to four

1, he says mister wait

2, she says please don't shoot

3, he says don't shoot me

4, she screams

Then a knock at the door, the guns in my hands

He opens the door, I'can't believe it it's a man

(CHAPTER 3)

Well,here we are the four of us,

in total shock me and her,

I close my mouth,and swollow spit,

as I'm thinking to myself this is some deep shit,

then I said so your gonna tell me he's the one

you've been talking to,

he says yes, I says no, he says yes, I says no,

he says it's the truth,

I yell "all of ya'll asses crazy,

let me up out this door", cause this is way

more than I bargoned for,

and then she says wait,

I'm sure we can all fix this, then I said i'm late,

'cause I ain't got a damn thing to do with this.....

Then she said wouldn't you like to know

just how it all begin,

then I thought to myself and said quick you got 3 minutes,

then it got real quite,

I said somebody start talkin,then she said

And then she said "My God Ruphus, I got just one question,

HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS I"M SO HURT?!?!"

he looked at her and said bitch please you got

yo nerve, with all yo club hoppin'

lying sayin' you was shoppin',

and now here you are in

our home, and you calling

me wrong, she said ok you busted me,

and that much I agree,

you caught me cheating,

but this is a little extreme,

he said you are my wife,

sleeping behind my back,

and now I come home and you got him in the closet,

how extreme is that?......

She says but she's a he,

then he says please you can't judge me,

she says Ruphus this is crazy,

and I said stop aguing,

I did not stay here to hear yall chew

each other out, so get to the point,

or I swear I'm out, excuse me please,

but I think I can explain what's going in

here, my name is Chuck, and I've been

knowin' Ruphus for bout a year,

at midnight creeping around with him it's been a living hell,

sneaking in and out of hotels,

I said brother spare me

the details, then Ruphus said Chuck please,

don't say nothin' else, then she screams Ruphus

you son of a bitch,

and he says Cathy go to hell,

I said I thought you name was Mary,

that's what you said at the party,

man this is getting scary,

I'm gonna shoot somebody......

Then Ruphus starts yellin' and screaming

saying Cathy this is all yo fault,

she throws a pillow at him

and says you was creepin' too the only difference

is you didn't get caught,

Chuck screams out we're in love

Cathy says love my ass

Ruphus say they gettin' married

then I shoot one in the air,

then I say not another one of

you sons of bitches say a word,

cause all of this shit I'm going through

is unheard, grab my celluar,

sayin' this is so wrong,

call up my home,

and a man picks up the phone......................

(CHAPTER 4)

Now I'm dashin home

Doin 85

Swervin lane to lane

Wit fire in my eyes

I got a million thoughts

goin through my mind

I'm thinkin about what imma do and who I'm gonna do it to when I get home

How could I have been so blind

And then I look in my rear view

I cannot believe this

(Whoo whoo whoo)

Damn, here comes a police man

He drove right up on me and flashed his light

Then I pulled over without thinkin twice

He hopped out the car and walked over to me

And said license and registration please

I looked up at him and said

Officer, is there somethin wrong

He said no, except for you was doin 85 in a 60 mile zone

Then I said officer

Let me explain please

Ya see the truth of the matter is

Is that I got an emergency

He said no excuses

And no exceptions

He flicks his cigarette and then gives me the ticket

Said have a nice day and walked away

I said yeah right and drove away

Then I turned my radio on

And did 55 all the way home

I pulled up in the driveway

Hopped out and slammed the car door

Then go around the back

Bust up in the house pull back the shower door and she screamin

Whats all that for

Then I'm like woman I called this house

And a man picked up my phone

Then she said calm down

Did you forget

My brother Twan came home

Oh...

And thats all I could say was oh

Wit a stupid look on my face

Said I forgot he came home today

And she said thats okay

Because honey I understand

She said you dont have to explain

Then I took her by the hand

I kissed her and then we went to the room

Then I turned some music on

Apologized one more time

Then went down and start gettin it on

And she started bitin her lip

Grabbing me and makin noise

Now we makin love and she's my ear whisperin

It's all yours

I said I love you

And she said I love ya, too

Then a tear fell up out my eye

Then I called her my sunshine

And then she looked at me

And said baby go deeper please

And thats when I start goin crazy

Like I was tryin to give her a baby

The room feel like its spinnin

We keep turnin and turnin

As if we were in a whirlwind

The way our toes are curlin

The next thing ya know, she starts goin real wild

And screamin my name

Then I said baby, we must slow down

Before I bust a vessel in my brain

And she said please no dont stop

And I said I caught a cramp

And she said please keep on goin

I said my leg is about to crack

Then she cries out

Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax

And I said cool

Climax

Just let go of my leg

She says you're the perfect lover

I said I cant go no futher

Then I flip back the cover

Oh my God, a rubber...

(CHAPTER 5)

And now, I'm like

Well, well, well

What the f**k is this

A condom in my bed

Ya better start talkin, bitch

'Fore I take a match and

Burn this muthaf**ka down

I said you better start talkin

And start talkin right god damn now

Then she said baby

I'm so speechless

Then I said my baby

You gone be breathless

If ya dont start talkin quick

Woman, I'm gone have a fit

You dont know what ya f**kin wit

Girl ya better cut the bullshit

Now its obvious somebody has been all up in my home

In my bed, and plus I smell cigarettes

Now and sniffin and lookin around

Suspicious like someone's here

Then I looked in her eyes and in her eyes

There was so much fear

Pull out my gun said is he still here

She shook her head and said no

I'm checkin behind every door

She cried out he left right after you called

I said what the f**k was you thinking

You thought that I wouldnt find this out

Then I said you must be crazy or on crack to have somebody off up in my muthaf**kin house

She hopped up and said thats enough

She said I cant take no more

And then she said you made your point

But now its time to even the score

She said I know all about last night

And where you went when you left the club

Said thats right, black person I was there

Wit this guy in the back of the club

I said I thought you was wit yo girls

She said I thought you was wit yo guys

She said you was at that bitches house

And dont even try to act suprised

Said bab, she said shut up

Dont you say a word

It aint nothin you can say

That I aint already heard

Then I said woman, dont you try to turn it all around

Cause the fact still remains that someone else was in my house

Then she said you're right about that

Somethin did go down, but I dont have to turn it around

Cause what goes around comes back around

I'm movin a little closer to her

She's trippin over the furniture

She said wait first, just let me explain

I said no need to, just give me his name

And then she said uh...uh

I say uh what

She said please sit down in a chair

And I say no, I'm standin up

And she cries out I'm so scared to tell you because of what ya might do

And I screamed look girl you better give me this man's name and I'm not playin wit you

She says okay, wipes her nose and asks me about a girl named Tina

I thought to myself, said it sound familiar

I said I probably know her if I seen her

Then I say anyway girl, what the hell does that got to do with this man

She said he know my girl Roxanne

I said who the hell is Roxanne

Then she says Roxanne's a friend of mine who know with this guy named Chuck

Chuck's cool wit this guy name Rufus

And I'm sittin here like what the f**k

Then she says Rufus wife, Cathy

We both went to high school

She introduced me to

The policeman that stopped you

[Lithium]

Since when did pastors start using words like "bitch" and "hoe"?

[xxAmandaxx]

Since when did pastors start using words like "bitch" and "hoe"?

around about when they started molesting small orphan boys.

[Lithium]

[Zint]

umber-ella-ella-ella

[oogieboogieman420]

the list could go on forever, but i'll just say anything involving rap

[Forsaken]

Trapped in the Closet (Chapters 1-5) - R Kelly. I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves...

(CHAPTER 1)

Seven o'clock in the morning

And the rays from the sun wakes me

I'm stretchin' and yawnin'

In a bed that don't belong to me

And a voice yells, “Good morning, darlin”, from the bathroom

Then she comes out and kisses me

And to my surprise, she ain't you

Now I've got this dumb look on my face

Like, what have I done?

How could I be so stupid to be have laid here til the morning sun?

Lost the track of time

Oh, what was on my mind?

From the club, went to her home

Didn't plan to stay that long

Here I am, quickly tryin' to put on my clothes

Searching for my car keys

Tryin' to get on up out the door

Then she streched her hands in front of it

Said, “You can't go this way”

Looked at her, like she was crazy

Said, “Woman move out my way”

Said, “I got a wife at home”

She said, “Please don't go out there”

“Lady, I've got to get home”

She said, her husband was comin' up the stairs

“Shh, shh, quiet

Hurry up and get in the closet”

She said, “Don't you make a sound

Or some shit is going down”

I said, “Why don't I just go out the window?”

“Yes, except for one thing, we on the 5th floor”

“Shit think, shit think, shit quick, put me in the closet”

And now I'm in this darkest closet, tryin' to figure out

Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this house

Then he walks in and yells, “I'm home”

She says, “Honey, I'm in the room”

Walks in there with a smile on his face

Sayin', “Honey, I've been missin' you”

She hops all over him

And says, “I've cooked and ran your bath water”

I'm tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an Oscar

throws her in the bed

And start to snatchin' her clothes off

I'm in the closet, like man, what the f**k is going on?

You're not gonna believe it

But things get deeper as the story goes on

Next thing you know, a call comes through on my cell phone

I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate

But from the way he act, I could tell it was too late

He hopped up and said, “There's a mystery going on

And I'm gonna solve it”

And I'm like, “God please, don't let this man open this closet”

He walks in the bathroom

And looks behind the door

She says, “Baby, come back to bed”

He says, “Bitch say no more”

He pulls back the shower curtain

While she's biting her nails

Then he walks back to the room

Right now, I'm sweating like hell

Checks under the bed

Then under the dresser

He looks at the closet

I pull out my Baretta

He walks up to the closet

He goes up to the closet

Now he's at the closet

Damn he's opening the closet…

(CHAPTER 2)

Well...

Now he's staring at me like

As if he was starin in a mirror

She yells honey let me explain

He says you don't have to go no further

I can clearly see what's goin on

Behind my back, in my bed, in my home

Then I said wait a minute now hold on

I said mister we can work this out

She said honey don't lose control

Tried to get him to calm down

He said hoe I should've known

That you would go and do some bogus shit up in my house

But the Christian in me gave you the benefit of the doubt

I said we need to resolve this

Then he stepped to me, I'm like whoa

There's a reason I'm in this closet

He says, yeah like what, are you talkin clothes

I met this girl at the Plagis club

And she told me she didn't have a man

Then he said man please,

I'd kill you if you didn't have that gun in ya hand

And I said but yo chick chose me

He said don't give me that mack shit please

His phone goes off and then things get a little more interesting

He steps a little closer

I point my gun and says I'm not the one you after

He says son I bet you didn't know my man

Did she tell you that I was a pastor

I said well good that's betta right

Why can't we handle this Christian- like

And I started to put the gun down

Til I saw his face still had that frown

She started cryin, sayin baby I'm sorry

Then he said baby not as sorry as you're gonna be

I started inchin out

He says no I want you to see this

Said I gotta get out this house

He said not til I reveal my secret

I'm like what is goin on inside his head

Then he takes his phone and calls somebody up and says

Hello, Baby, turn the car around

Listen I just need for you to get right back here now (Click)

He looks at me and says well since we're all comin out the closet

I'm not about to be the only one that's broken hearted

She said what do you mean

And he said just wait and see

I said somebody betta talk to me

And then his phone rings

He picks up and somebody says sweetheart I'm downstairs

And he's like I'll buzz you up

I'm on the fifth floor, hurry take the stairs

And I'm like who is this mystery lady that you're talking to

He says in time you both will know the shockin truth

Baby this is something I been wanting to get off my chest for a long, long time

Then I said black person Imma shoot you both if you don't say what's on ya mind

He said wait I hear somebody comin up the stairs

And I'm lookin at the door

He says I think you betta sit down in the chair

I says I'm gonna count to four

1, he says mister wait

2, she says please don't shoot

3, he says don't shoot me

4, she screams

Then a knock at the door, the guns in my hands

He opens the door, I'can't believe it it's a man

(CHAPTER 3)

Well,here we are the four of us,

in total shock me and her,

I close my mouth,and swollow spit,

as I'm thinking to myself this is some deep shit,

then I said so your gonna tell me he's the one

you've been talking to,

he says yes, I says no, he says yes, I says no,

he says it's the truth,

I yell "all of ya'll asses crazy,

let me up out this door", cause this is way

more than I bargoned for,

and then she says wait,

I'm sure we can all fix this, then I said i'm late,

'cause I ain't got a damn thing to do with this.....

Then she said wouldn't you like to know

just how it all begin,

then I thought to myself and said quick you got 3 minutes,

then it got real quite,

I said somebody start talkin,then she said

And then she said "My God Ruphus, I got just one question,

HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS I"M SO HURT?!?!"

he looked at her and said bitch please you got

yo nerve, with all yo club hoppin'

lying sayin' you was shoppin',

and now here you are in

our home, and you calling

me wrong, she said ok you busted me,

and that much I agree,

you caught me cheating,

but this is a little extreme,

he said you are my wife,

sleeping behind my back,

and now I come home and you got him in the closet,

how extreme is that?......

She says but she's a he,

then he says please you can't judge me,

she says Ruphus this is crazy,

and I said stop aguing,

I did not stay here to hear yall chew

each other out, so get to the point,

or I swear I'm out, excuse me please,

but I think I can explain what's going in

here, my name is Chuck, and I've been

knowin' Ruphus for bout a year,

at midnight creeping around with him it's been a living hell,

sneaking in and out of hotels,

I said brother spare me

the details, then Ruphus said Chuck please,

don't say nothin' else, then she screams Ruphus

you son of a bitch,

and he says Cathy go to hell,

I said I thought you name was Mary,

that's what you said at the party,

man this is getting scary,

I'm gonna shoot somebody......

Then Ruphus starts yellin' and screaming

saying Cathy this is all yo fault,

she throws a pillow at him

and says you was creepin' too the only difference

is you didn't get caught,

Chuck screams out we're in love

Cathy says love my ass

Ruphus say they gettin' married

then I shoot one in the air,

then I say not another one of

you sons of bitches say a word,

cause all of this shit I'm going through

is unheard, grab my celluar,

sayin' this is so wrong,

call up my home,

and a man picks up the phone......................

(CHAPTER 4)

Now I'm dashin home

Doin 85

Swervin lane to lane

Wit fire in my eyes

I got a million thoughts

goin through my mind

I'm thinkin about what imma do and who I'm gonna do it to when I get home

How could I have been so blind

And then I look in my rear view

I cannot believe this

(Whoo whoo whoo)

Damn, here comes a police man

He drove right up on me and flashed his light

Then I pulled over without thinkin twice

He hopped out the car and walked over to me

And said license and registration please

I looked up at him and said

Officer, is there somethin wrong

He said no, except for you was doin 85 in a 60 mile zone

Then I said officer

Let me explain please

Ya see the truth of the matter is

Is that I got an emergency

He said no excuses

And no exceptions

He flicks his cigarette and then gives me the ticket

Said have a nice day and walked away

I said yeah right and drove away

Then I turned my radio on

And did 55 all the way home

I pulled up in the driveway

Hopped out and slammed the car door

Then go around the back

Bust up in the house pull back the shower door and she screamin

Whats all that for

Then I'm like woman I called this house

And a man picked up my phone

Then she said calm down

Did you forget

My brother Twan came home

Oh...

And thats all I could say was oh

Wit a stupid look on my face

Said I forgot he came home today

And she said thats okay

Because honey I understand

She said you dont have to explain

Then I took her by the hand

I kissed her and then we went to the room

Then I turned some music on

Apologized one more time

Then went down and start gettin it on

And she started bitin her lip

Grabbing me and makin noise

Now we makin love and she's my ear whisperin

It's all yours

I said I love you

And she said I love ya, too

Then a tear fell up out my eye

Then I called her my sunshine

And then she looked at me

And said baby go deeper please

And thats when I start goin crazy

Like I was tryin to give her a baby

The room feel like its spinnin

We keep turnin and turnin

As if we were in a whirlwind

The way our toes are curlin

The next thing ya know, she starts goin real wild

And screamin my name

Then I said baby, we must slow down

Before I bust a vessel in my brain

And she said please no dont stop

And I said I caught a cramp

And she said please keep on goin

I said my leg is about to crack

Then she cries out

Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax

And I said cool

Climax

Just let go of my leg

She says you're the perfect lover

I said I cant go no futher

Then I flip back the cover

Oh my God, a rubber...

(CHAPTER 5)

And now, I'm like

Well, well, well

What the f**k is this

A condom in my bed

Ya better start talkin, bitch

'Fore I take a match and

Burn this muthaf**ka down

I said you better start talkin

And start talkin right god damn now

Then she said baby

I'm so speechless

Then I said my baby

You gone be breathless

If ya dont start talkin quick

Woman, I'm gone have a fit

You dont know what ya f**kin wit

Girl ya better cut the bullshit

Now its obvious somebody has been all up in my home

In my bed, and plus I smell cigarettes

Now and sniffin and lookin around

Suspicious like someone's here

Then I looked in her eyes and in her eyes

There was so much fear

Pull out my gun said is he still here

She shook her head and said no

I'm checkin behind every door

She cried out he left right after you called

I said what the f**k was you thinking

You thought that I wouldnt find this out

Then I said you must be crazy or on crack to have somebody off up in my muthaf**kin house

She hopped up and said thats enough

She said I cant take no more

And then she said you made your point

But now its time to even the score

She said I know all about last night

And where you went when you left the club

Said thats right, black person I was there

Wit this guy in the back of the club

I said I thought you was wit yo girls

She said I thought you was wit yo guys

She said you was at that bitches house

And dont even try to act suprised

Said bab, she said shut up

Dont you say a word

It aint nothin you can say

That I aint already heard

Then I said woman, dont you try to turn it all around

Cause the fact still remains that someone else was in my house

Then she said you're right about that

Somethin did go down, but I dont have to turn it around

Cause what goes around comes back around

I'm movin a little closer to her

She's trippin over the furniture

She said wait first, just let me explain

I said no need to, just give me his name

And then she said uh...uh

I say uh what

She said please sit down in a chair

And I say no, I'm standin up

And she cries out I'm so scared to tell you because of what ya might do

And I screamed look girl you better give me this man's name and I'm not playin wit you

She says okay, wipes her nose and asks me about a girl named Tina

I thought to myself, said it sound familiar

I said I probably know her if I seen her

Then I say anyway girl, what the hell does that got to do with this man

She said he know my girl Roxanne

I said who the hell is Roxanne

Then she says Roxanne's a friend of mine who know with this guy named Chuck

Chuck's cool wit this guy name Rufus

And I'm sittin here like what the f**k

Then she says Rufus wife, Cathy

We both went to high school

She introduced me to

The policeman that stopped you

Did you ever watch the episodes on VH1? I thought they were amusing

[Spoon87]

Thanks for quoting that shit text!