arnold layne Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Oh yeah I vaguely remember something like this. As you can see it really had a tremendous impact on my life. I think about it everyday when I take my thirty-five minute shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithium Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 That's a good one, Totts. But your friends were pricks for saying it to everyone they met. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest NGOG Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Tott, didn't you draw a line and floor one of your mates? If any of my mates gave me that kind of sustained guff, not that they ever would, I'd drop them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithium Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 I think about it everyday when I take my thirty-five minute shower.You mean every week? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Len B'stard Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 So i'm out with some mates having a bit of a drink and then off to see this girl i'd met about 3 weeks ago, on a promise and everything right. So it's like 3pm and I'm slightly pissed at the train station and i'm waiting for my train and I see this bloke with this bright purple Jimi Hendrix shirt right in front of me, old fella and that…anyway, when I'm pissed I have a tendency to get chatty and strike up conversations with random people so i strike up a conversation with this bloke about Jimi Hendrix and how he was the fuckin' bollocks right…so anyway, turns out this bloke was at the Isle of Wight and that was it for me, I was off. Being at the Isle of Wight, in Len-land is like having been at the fuckin' sermon on the mount, so i'm talking to this guy, drilling him on Hendrix and that and he's talking about the Isle of Wight and we're talking about Hendrix and the subject turns to like, all the birds he shagged etc etc. So anyway I'm slightly pissed and a bit on a boost and this bloke starts talking about all the fun they had in the 70s with birds etc and I start laying it on myself, talking about the bird i'm gonna go see and how I'm just gonna smash the fuck out of her and how fit she was and how i met her and how she looked a right sort and that I knew I was on that day if I played my cards right and how I had a bit of drink in me and was proper gee'd up to just belt her right out of the fuckin' park and that, just really went on about it right.So anyway my train comes and I go and I see the bird and we're round hers for a while and we get down to it and every thing is good as gold right? Anyway, the next morning me and her are leaving to go link up a couple of her mates and then a couple of mine and go down London way and we're on our way down the stairs and I'm behind her and her Dad shows up in the hallway, now i'm behind her and i'm tall so all i can see is his legs and she's like alright Dad, this is my mate Naz, we're off out…and I walk down the stairs and it's the fuckin' bloke from the station Awkward as fuck right? I'm thinkin' fuck it, front it out but this bloke looks like he's starting to fuckin' boil so i just head straight for the door cutting in front of her and going 'i'll see you outside yeah?' hoping he didn't recognise me through some fuckin' miracle of the Lord but no such luck. I'm outside and I can hear a fucking screaming match going on in there, i'm thinkin' fuck it, I should leg it or I'm gonna get fuckin' turned over here and no fuckin' mistake. And from their front garden I can hear her old man shouting: 'RAG THE FUCK OUT OF HER, THATS WHAT HE SAID, RAG THE FUCK OUT OF HER!!' So she comes out and starts laying into me like 'you meet random fuckin' strangers at train stations and tell em this that and the other' and I'm like look, it sounds a lot fuckin' worse saying it here now in this position than it actually was but she's having none of it and all of a sudden her old man bursts out of the door while we're talking with a massive fuckin' stick that on brief glance looked like an axe handle so needless to say I legged it. So she calls and tells all her mates that she ain't comin' London cuz i'm like this and this and this and then all her mates didn't wanna go and they all called up my mates and nobody went to London that day or got a shag that night so four of us boys just went down the pub and got bladdered and they just gave me stick all night over it. The End.Who the fuck would odds that though eh, how could i have possibly seen that coming? Talk about the luck of 9 bastards. She never spoke to me again It's so funny hearing her old man through the door though, in his little posh accent going 'RAG THE FUCK OUT OF HER, THATS WHAT HE SAID!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arnold layne Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Actually I like showering and taking bubble baths. I am not ashamed of my love for a nice, hot bubble bath. My house's bath tub is shit but when I am at the parents I make sure I fire up the ol' tub and crack a few beers. Used to smoke a lot of pot in the shower too. One of life's greatest pleasures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tater Totts Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Tott, didn't you draw a line and floor one of your mates? If any of my mates gave me that kind of sustained guff, not that they ever would, I'd drop them.Believe me, looking back on it I wish I had. Back then I had a tendency to bottle everything up inside which didn't end up going too well. Thankfully I can now see the funny side and it does give me an interesting story which always ends with a few laughs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DR DOOM Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 my girlfriend Here we go...I'm 19 what the fuck is she supposed to be? My wife? My misstress? Stop with the miser bullshit, mods (plural) have said I'm not him. Alright alright, don't get all Miser about it Seriously though it's starting to get annoying.That's such a Miser thing to say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithium Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 True dat. Showers are great, but they can be the scene of embarrassing moments too, especially the public ones. Does anyone have any embarrassing shower stories? Any of you girls, perhaps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tater Totts Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 True dat. Showers are great, but they can be the scene of embarrassing moments too, especially the public ones. Does anyone have any embarrassing shower stories? Any of you girls, perhaps?I was hoping you had some embarrassing gym shower stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Len B'stard Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 my girlfriend Here we go...I'm 19 what the fuck is she supposed to be? My wife? My misstress? Stop with the miser bullshit, mods (plural) have said I'm not him. Alright alright, don't get all Miser about it Seriously though it's starting to get annoying.In my defence I'm pretty much doing it solely to annoy you 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithium Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 True dat. Showers are great, but they can be the scene of embarrassing moments too, especially the public ones. Does anyone have any embarrassing shower stories? Any of you girls, perhaps?I was hoping you had some embarrassing gym shower stories.Nah, I guess the closest I can think of are creepy old guys staring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wfuckinga Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 my girlfriend Here we go...I'm 19 what the fuck is she supposed to be? My wife? My misstress? Stop with the miser bullshit, mods (plural) have said I'm not him. Alright alright, don't get all Miser about it Seriously though it's starting to get annoying. In my defence I'm pretty much doing it solely to annoy you Asshole nah I know you and Dazey are just fuckin' around with me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DR DOOM Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Come on mate, leave Miser alone.I once got really fucked up drinking (lots of) beer glasses of wine at a mates place.End of the night I was taking a shit and puked in my ankled trousers...got naked and tried to wash them in the shower and with my fading strength attempted to clean the floor.My mate found me (asleep) standing naked in the next room in the morning-I had been trying to clean up the mess with a whole (unrolled) roll of TP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest NGOG Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 (edited) I did judo for years and had a bit of a reputation as being accomplished. I'm a former Irish champion. Usually in the very early stages of a competition you get a few jobbers. They're basically judokas with no real ability that you beat fairly quickly. Anyway, I'm up against this guy that I can only describe as being shaped like a barrel. Small and fat, I'm absolutely delighted that this is the guy I'm fighting first. 'No more than ten seconds' I'm thinking. So we'red lined up and I'm psyching this kid out with deadpan stares and guess what he does? Starts balling his eyes out. This convinces me even further that I'm going to take the guy out very quickly. I'm grinning from ear to ear going into the first grapple. I'm pissing about and showing off throwing him around then I lose my balance and his weight kind of brings me to my knees. The ref gives a koka and I'm mentally like fuck!! I look over at my trainer who is evidently appalled at the notion of me getting beaten by a breathing barrel so I desperately up the ante trying to put this farce to bed. Anyway he spent the rest of the fight rolling around and avoiding any attempt at grappling and I had to endure the idignity of being an Irish champion beaten by the epitome underdog. I'll always be haunted by the shocked joy on his face. Edited December 17, 2013 by NGOG 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithium Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithium Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 One time I was at the mall and saw my best friend walking a few metres ahead of me. So I walk up to him and go "sup hooray for tolerance!". Turns out it wasn't my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PappyTron Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 The most embarrassed I've ever been is for another person, not myself. When I was at school, in Berkshire, one of the teachers told me a story about how he'd been at a dinner party and told a bawdy joke only for nobody to laugh and one of the women to burst into tears.The joke was:Q - "How can you tell when your sister is on her period?"A - "Because your dad's cock tastes funny"Turns out that she had been molested by her father for many years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithium Posted December 18, 2013 Author Share Posted December 18, 2013 Was he your primary school teacher? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PappyTron Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 Was he your primary school teacher?No, my boarding school teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Len B'stard Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 I did judo for years and had a bit of a reputation as being accomplished. I'm a former Irish champion. Serious?!?! Thats pretty sick man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazey Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 I did judo for years and had a bit of a reputation as being accomplished. I'm a former Irish champion. Serious?!?! Thats pretty sick man My friend Rob was a former French champion. I think he took one too many blows to the head to be honest. Last time I saw him he was pulling his teeth out with pliers for beer money! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Use Your Delusion 1 Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 (edited) I was fucking this bitch when the babes husband walks in. He stops stares and goes "you're cock is way bigger than mine"embarrassing, for himI kept pounding the motherfuckers whore Edited December 19, 2013 by Use Your Delusion 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Drama Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 I did judo for years and had a bit of a reputation as being accomplished. I'm a former Irish champion. Serious?!?! Thats pretty sick man My friend Rob was a former French champion. I think he took one too many blows to the head to be honest. Last time I saw him he was pulling his teeth out with pliers for beer money! Wait. YOU have a French friend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest NGOG Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 I did judo for years and had a bit of a reputation as being accomplished. I'm a former Irish champion. Serious?!?! Thats pretty sick man Yeah, trained for our national squad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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