The Real McCoy's life issues and style advice thread

[Lithium]

"Hello, I'd like a bride, please"

"Sure thing. That'll be $6000"

"Here's my credit card number..."

"She'll be with you on Tuesday"

"Praise the Lord"

Her name is Svetlana, she has one eyebrow and she can cook a hell of a borscht.

[Guest Len B'stard]

McCoy, something to think about.......and I can't say how relevant it is, because I haven't read this entire thread, just skimmed over pages. And, even though you are getting tons of good advice, the advice is only relevant if it "fits" with you as a person. What is good advice for one person might be the exact opposite of what would be good for another. Anyway, here is my story, and just something to think about for a brief second.

When I was single I was dating every single woman in my town. I was in my late 30s, a single dad, and thought the most important thing I needed was a wife to grow old with. I didn't want to be single and continue the bar scene, the dating scene. I wanted to find a nice woman, get married, have a couple kids and live happily ever after. So I dated a lot of different women in a search for a wife.

But then I started getting tired of it all. The bar and dating scene, hook-ups with random women, three-somes with mother/daughters from the bar, dates with women I didn't really like or have an interest in, etc. It started seeming like more of a chore than a fun thing.

So one night I decided to STOP looking. I declared that I was done. I wasn't going to pursue anybody. I was stopping looking for a GF, a one-night stand, a wife. Done with it all. If a woman was interested in me, then SHE could pursue me. But I was officially done looking. No flirting, no FBing, no texting, etc. I took myself out of the "game." No dating sites. No blind dates. No dates with random girls. Nothing.

And you know what happened?

Literally, the very next day - less than 24 hours later - I met my wife and we were married six months later.

I don't know if it is a confidence thing, or if women can smell desperation on people. And I don't mean "desperation" desperation, but just the vibe you put out subconsciously. A woman can sense if a guy is just looking for fun, a one nighter, or for a wife. I think that a confident woman, who isn't desperately seeking those same things herself, is able to then sense it when she meets a man......and that is when great friendships and relationships start. Ones that last forever.

Because you both met at a time of "strength" between the two of you, instead of the time of one or both of you being "in need."

I don't know if any of that makes sense or not, but something to think about. Tl/dr version - when I stopped looking for a wife, the very next day I met my future wife.

See, i been telling you this boys a fuckin' G since forever but yous wouldn't listen, mother daughter threesomes, shit boy, how'd you manage to blag that you fuckin' legend

[Axls Rocket Queen]

Literally, the very next day - less than 24 hours later - I met my wife and we were married six months later.

I would love to hear the story behind this one.

Oh dear...

Glad it worked out for you Groghan, but please do not promote this as the ideal relationship. You can not possibly know someone after only 6 months, you are incredibly lucky because getting married so fast is just asking for disaster.

[Guest Len B'stard]

Literally, the very next day - less than 24 hours later - I met my wife and we were married six months later.

I would love to hear the story behind this one.

Oh dear...

Glad it worked out for you Groghan, but please do not promote this as the ideal relationship. You can not possibly know someone after only 6 months, you are incredibly lucky because getting married so fast is just asking for disaster.

Why not?

[Lithium]

Literally, the very next day - less than 24 hours later - I met my wife and we were married six months later.

I would love to hear the story behind this one.

Oh dear...

Glad it worked out for you Groghan, but please do not promote this as the ideal relationship. You can not possibly know someone after only 6 months, you are incredibly lucky because getting married so fast is just asking for disaster.

Why not?

inb4 ten page discussion about how well you can really get to know someone in 6 months

[Guest Len B'stard]

On second thoughts, ignore that question

[The Real McCoy]

McCoy, something to think about.......and I can't say how relevant it is, because I haven't read this entire thread, just skimmed over pages. And, even though you are getting tons of good advice, the advice is only relevant if it "fits" with you as a person. What is good advice for one person might be the exact opposite of what would be good for another. Anyway, here is my story, and just something to think about for a brief second.

When I was single I was dating every single woman in my town. I was in my late 30s, a single dad, and thought the most important thing I needed was a wife to grow old with. I didn't want to be single and continue the bar scene, the dating scene. I wanted to find a nice woman, get married, have a couple kids and live happily ever after. So I dated a lot of different women in a search for a wife.

But then I started getting tired of it all. The bar and dating scene, hook-ups with random women, three-somes with mother/daughters from the bar, dates with women I didn't really like or have an interest in, etc. It started seeming like more of a chore than a fun thing.

So one night I decided to STOP looking. I declared that I was done. I wasn't going to pursue anybody. I was stopping looking for a GF, a one-night stand, a wife. Done with it all. If a woman was interested in me, then SHE could pursue me. But I was officially done looking. No flirting, no FBing, no texting, etc. I took myself out of the "game." No dating sites. No blind dates. No dates with random girls. Nothing.

And you know what happened?

Literally, the very next day - less than 24 hours later - I met my wife and we were married six months later.

I don't know if it is a confidence thing, or if women can smell desperation on people. And I don't mean "desperation" desperation, but just the vibe you put out subconsciously. A woman can sense if a guy is just looking for fun, a one nighter, or for a wife. I think that a confident woman, who isn't desperately seeking those same things herself, is able to then sense it when she meets a man......and that is when great friendships and relationships start. Ones that last forever.

Because you both met at a time of "strength" between the two of you, instead of the time of one or both of you being "in need."

I don't know if any of that makes sense or not, but something to think about. Tl/dr version - when I stopped looking for a wife, the very next day I met my future wife.

I've heard that from quite a few people, actually. It just seems like it's so backwards, even if it works. It just seems like, if you're not looking, how can you find what you're looking for?

I've never quite been able to wrap my head around that. And to be fair, it does sound like you had some fun along the way, it's hard enough for me to just get a date most of the time.

[Axls Rocket Queen]

Oh dear...

Glad it worked out for you Groghan, but please do not promote this as the ideal relationship. You can not possibly know someone after only 6 months, you are incredibly lucky because getting married so fast is just asking for disaster.

Why not?

Seriously?

[PappyTron]

McCoy - that is called "coincidence" and humans ALWAYS confuse it with things such as fate, or think that it is related to cause-and-effect.

[Lithium]

McCoy - that is called "coincidence" and humans ALWAYS confuse it with things such as fate, or think that it is related to cause-and-effect.

I liked it better when you didn't post seriously in this thread.

[Apollo]

Literally, the very next day - less than 24 hours later - I met my wife and we were married six months later.

I would love to hear the story behind this one.

Oh dear...

Glad it worked out for you Groghan, but please do not promote this as the ideal relationship. You can not possibly know someone after only 6 months, you are incredibly lucky because getting married so fast is just asking for disaster.

You should go back and reread my OPENING paragraph where I pretty much explain that.

*******

Not a mail order bride at all. But if that works for somebody, more power to them.

*********

McCoy - bro, you sort of missed my overall point. Women can sense what a man is looking for. And if they know you are desperately searching for a relationship, I don't think they view you as a confident well-versed man. OK, look at this other thing that happens. Married men are always saying this "Now that I'm married, hot chicks hit on me all the time. Where were all these girls when I was single?" It isn't because they want to have an affair with a married man, It's because YOU have changed. They know the married man isn't trying to date or sleep with them. A typical happily married man presents himself differently around a beautiful woman than a single man who is trying desperately to hook up with that beautiful woman.

Can't you tell the difference in a country singer? Two guys with great voices, but one guy is confident on stage and the other guy is timid and shy. Which one are the girls going to swoon over?

I could be wrong though, this is just my own personal opinion based on what I've seen. Girls like a confident guy over a guy who they can tell clearly wants something from them.

[Guest Len B'stard]

Oh dear...

Glad it worked out for you Groghan, but please do not promote this as the ideal relationship. You can not possibly know someone after only 6 months, you are incredibly lucky because getting married so fast is just asking for disaster.

Why not?

Seriously?

I dunno, i think people can click in a shorter time if they're just like, y'know, right for each other.

[Axls Rocket Queen]

I'm very much of the opinion that, if it's truly right and you're going to spend your lives together, then what's the hurry? Better to have patience and be 1000% sure, than to rush into something hoping for the best.

[Forsaken]

I just wanted to hear the backstory. Was it someone new or someone you'd been hooking up with over the course of a few weeks/months, Groghan?

[Patience 4 Axl]

Good overall advice Apollo, but not everyone is that lucky. Deciding you weren't going to look for a partner for a whole 24 hours is pretty easy to do. Sticking with that promise to yourself for months, or years if necessary, would be a much different story. But I agree with the general message of your post. The problem here in this thread however is not that McCoy is trying too hard to find someone. That's just one of the very many problems.

[Lithium]

I just wanted to hear the backstory. Was it someone new or someone you'd been hooking up with over the course of a few weeks/months, Groghan?

He was a New York City cop, she was his waitress at a diner.

[Tater Totts]

I just wanted to hear the backstory. Was it someone new or someone you'd been hooking up with over the course of a few weeks/months, Groghan?

He was a New York City cop, she was his waitress at a diner.

And she was heavily pregnant, hence the threesome.

[Apollo]

I just wanted to hear the backstory. Was it someone new or someone you'd been hooking up with over the course of a few weeks/months, Groghan?

He was a New York City cop, she was his waitress at a diner.

And what if it was the mother/sister of one of your best friends from high school!!!! Imagine that added wrinkle the next time you were hanging out with your good buddy.

*******

ARQ if you know it is truly right and you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person.....why wait?

We didn't "rush" and we weren't "hoping" for the best. We both knew.

I agree, it won't work for everybody. And I'd agree that people should wait as long as they think they need.

I think the important thing is to share our lives experiences with others, instead of trying to pass our own personal judgments/opinions off as something that everybody MUST follow.

I hope McCoy find a good partner. And that route he takes hopefully will be the route that is best for him. I just shared my experience. He can do with it as he likes.

Edited April 21, 2014 by Groghan

[Ace Nova]

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South New York
He took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere

[Lithium]

I just wanted to hear the backstory. Was it someone new or someone you'd been hooking up with over the course of a few weeks/months, Groghan?

He was a New York City cop, she was his waitress at a diner.

And what if it was the mother/sister of one of your best friends from high school!!!! Imagine that added wrinkle the next time you were hanging out with your good buddy.

I still need pics, Groghan. You're not going to do something like that without taking any pics.

[Forsaken]

I'm very much of the opinion that, if it's truly right and you're going to spend your lives together, then what's the hurry? Better to have patience and be 1000% sure, than to rush into something hoping for the best.

Yup, especially if the two meet when they are in their early-mid 20's ... people change a LOT over those years, it's easy to grow apart going from 20's to 30's. As long as you're together and happy, why rush into marriage? Too many people do, and that's a big reason why the divorce rate is so high and single parents are so common.

Exactly why I haven't married yet, me and my GF have been together for 3 years now and i've been engaged to someone else before that. We're both happy and living together and aren't rushing any thing. Happiness is all that matters, marriage is just a title.

[Apollo]

I just wanted to hear the backstory. Was it someone new or someone you'd been hooking up with over the course of a few weeks/months, Groghan?

He was a New York City cop, she was his waitress at a diner.

And what if it was the mother/sister of one of your best friends from high school!!!! Imagine that added wrinkle the next time you were hanging out with your good buddy.

I still need pics, Groghan. You're not going to do something like that without taking any pics.

Well..........it started off like this...........

[Axls Rocket Queen]

I'm very much of the opinion that, if it's truly right and you're going to spend your lives together, then what's the hurry? Better to have patience and be 1000% sure, than to rush into something hoping for the best.

Yup, especially if the two meet when they are in their early-mid 20's ... people change a LOT over those years, it's easy to grow apart going from 20's to 30's. As long as you're together and happy, why rush into marriage? Too many people do, and that's a big reason why the divorce rate is so high and single parents are so common.

Exactly why I haven't married yet, me and my GF have been together for 3 years now and i've been engaged to someone else before that. We're both happy and living together and aren't rushing any thing. Happiness is all that matters, marriage is just a title.

Same, people keep asking when me and my boyfriend (4 years) are getting engaged etc, and it really gets old...like we know it's going to happen eventually, why rush? Might as well at least wait until we have the time and money to plan a decent wedding for a start

[arnold layne]

McCoy can go fuck himself.

The real champion-underdog is estranged twat. Not only does is he addicted to roofies, but he's funny as hell.

[AxlisOld]

Oh I completely agree about college, in some ways it's total bullshit ... being forced to memorize a bunch of stuff that will soon be forgotten because it will be absolutely useless in the real world. Does learning how to cut up a frog help an accounting major become an accountant? Of course not. But that's a whole 'nother subject.

I suppose that would beg the question as to why the hell would anybody studying accountancy be cutting up frogs?

Not sure how it is in the UK, but in the states you're required to take a bunch of "General Education" courses that have nothing to do with your major ... they say it's to make you "well rounded" ... I say it's a bullshit excuse to turn 2 years of tuition into 4 years. If a student knows what they want to do for a living, why force them to take courses that have absolutely no usefulness in their chosen field?

Raaaaawr capitalism bad!