History Channel: The Bible

[Georgy Zhukov]

I love that, scripture in the modern vernacular:

"Lo, Jesus and his boys were chillin' in his M3 parked up just outside Damascus blazin' a zoot when this next crippled geezer came along and Jesus was like *sucks teeth* "bumboclaat, throw away your crutches" and next thing you know next man was walkin' and that and Jesus's boys were like 'naaaah, siiiiick'"

See that's my big problem with the Bible. It's a terribly outdated piece of literature that only seems to have endured in the current state due to some pretty sensational marketing by those church leaders. It also bores the shit out of most Gen Xers. Len, I think you've found your calling in life: to interpret the Bible in today's youth vernacular. I love it!! I'd read that!!!!

Historians don't just invent characters, their job is to tell the truth as accurate as they can.

ockquote>Um............to the best of my knowledge they don't INVENT any characters at all. The characters are all real people. Correct me if I'm wrong though.

If you're reading the stories in the Bible, forget the prophets, psalms and all that, and you're bored you might have something wrong with you. You'd be hard pressed to find a juicier read.

"Characters" imply fictional people. I just assume you meant the common everyday people often ignored in ancient texts. The farmers, the scribes, the builders, the soldiers (often farmers and city dwellers called to arms), ancient records mostly talk about the rulers. The religious texts gives you an idea what the common people were like.

The Bible gives us an idea what common people were like back in those ancient times. What a certain group and other groups of people like during the dominion of Egypt, Babylon, Assryia and later the Seleucids and Romans.

It even compliments and adds to historical accounts at the time. Such as Sennacherib and his failed attempt to capture Jerusalem. Assyrian kings write their own history and they never admit to defeat. He writes how he destroys the Israelite forces and marched away seeing as they got the point. The Bible says his army becomes decimated by plague and he marched away unable to take the city.

[PappyTron]

I love that, scripture in the modern vernacular:

"Lo, Jesus and his boys were chillin' in his M3 parked up just outside Damascus blazin' a zoot when this next crippled geezer came along and Jesus was like *sucks teeth* "bumboclaat, throw away your crutches" and next thing you know next man was walkin' and that and Jesus's boys were like 'naaaah, siiiiick'"

Funny that you should say that. Len:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16285462

Some of the translations make me chuckle.

[DirtyDeeds]

I thought the Creole translations were beautiful. It wouldn't mean as much for me, but worshiping in one's mother tongue gives special meaning, especially when you've been unable to do so for a while. It's a great thing for the people of Jamaica.

[Graeme]

Never underestimate Americans' capacity for ignorance...

[magisme]

Never underestimate Americans' capacity for ignorance...

I'm American, so you can go fuck yourself!!!

On the other hand, I agree.

[Georgy Zhukov]

Ten secular ways to appreciate the Bible.

http://listverse.com/2013/02/21/10-secular-ways-to-appreciate-the-bible/

[izzygirl]

Ten secular ways to appreciate the Bible.

http://listverse.com/2013/02/21/10-secular-ways-to-appreciate-the-bible/

The reason number 4, archaeological locations, make it worthwhile by itself. it's one of the most interesting things in the Bible.I already knew the theories about the place where the Israelites crossed the Red Sea; apparently it's physically possible in some part (I don't remember exactly the whole story cos I read that several years ago). But archeologically the Bible is an incredibly good source.

Btw, I had no idea that the Ark of the Covenant was a capacitor!

Really good link!

Edited April 3, 2013 by izzygirl

[Georgy Zhukov]

It is one of my favorite websites ever. But yeah a lot of events in the Bible had some truth in them. The ones you wouldn't think would be true like the Great Flood. Though it wasn't the entire world, just probably alludes to glaciers melting and low points being flooded. Such as what is now the Black Sea.

[PappyTron]

Oh, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt....lol.

[Georgy Zhukov]

Oh, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt....lol.

Haha...no they weren't.

[Johnny Drama]

I'm confused. Stop acting like galahs.

[PappyTron]

Oh, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt....lol.

Haha...no they weren't.

The thing is though, that that is taught as fact in many, many schools around the globe despite there being not a single shred of evidence.

[Guest Len B'stard]

*gasp* Charlton Heston has been lying to me?!?!

[Georgy Zhukov]

Oh, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt....lol.

Haha...no they weren't.

The thing is though, that that is taught as fact in many, many schools around the globe despite there being not a single shred of evidence.

Yeah, its such bullshit.

[31illusions]

Oh, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt....lol.

Haha...no they weren't.

The thing is though, that that is taught as fact in many, many schools around the globe despite there being not a single shred of evidence.

Yeah, its such bullshit.

Why? where you there? Can you prove they were not? I suposse the pyramids built themselves?. Children read your history books.

Edited April 5, 2013 by 31illusions

[Georgy Zhukov]

Oh, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt....lol.

Haha...no they weren't.

The thing is though, that that is taught as fact in many, many schools around the globe despite there being not a single shred of evidence.

Yeah, its such bullshit.

Why? where you there? Can you prove they were not? I suposse the pyramids built themselves?. Children read your history books.

The Hebrews did not build pyramids. There's evidence that the Hebrews were not slaves. There is also evidence that the people who built pyramids were not slaves but a workforce.

[PappyTron]

Oh, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt....lol.

Haha...no they weren't.

The thing is though, that that is taught as fact in many, many schools around the globe despite there being not a single shred of evidence.

Yeah, its such bullshit.

Why? where you there? Can you prove they were not? I suposse the pyramids built themselves?. Children read your history books.

Oh, ffs.

[izzygirl]

Oh, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt....lol.

Haha...no they weren't.

The thing is though, that that is taught as fact in many, many schools around the globe despite there being not a single shred of evidence.

Yeah, its such bullshit.

Why? where you there? Can you prove they were not? I suposse the pyramids built themselves?. Children read your history books.

The Hebrews did not build pyramids. There's evidence that the Hebrews were not slaves. There is also evidence that the people who built pyramids were not slaves but a workforce.

Aliens. The Pyramids were built by aliens!

[Johnny Drama]

IMO I dont think any of the Bible up to the time of the Judges i'd real. DNA evidence shows that the Jews are most closely related to the Palestinians and Syrians - something that probably wouldn't be the case if Abraham and his lot were immigrants from Iraq.

Also it appears that from archaeological evidence (and the Bible in a somewhat hidden fashion) that the Hebrews simply followed the gods of the land before monotheism became solidified and a belief in El (look for all the Hebrew names with El in there, meaning God, for more evidence) eventually became equal and then one and the same with his son, Yahweh.

What's that all got to do with the bondage in Egypt and exodus? Jacob and his sons would have felt less able obviously to leave Canaan in the first place if it was their own land plus they might have known the land better so that they could have gone looking in Canaan for food instead of going to Egypt. Also in the story of the patriarchs its insinuated that the Hebrews are somewhat nomadic with them living all around the place in Beersheba, Hebron etc.

[Georgy Zhukov]

DNA evidence suggests who they are related too, not exactly where they are from. I believe Abraham was a Semite who's fellow Semites conqueror the Sumerian cities.

[PappyTron]

There is no historic or archeological evidence for the tribes of Israel to have been present in Egypt yet alone as slaves to the Pharaoh. No Egyptian writings, no pots, bones, cloth, metalwork, coins etc have ever been found. It is a complete myth that the Jews were ever in Egypt and it is a myth that is perpetuated by the old testament which people, millennia later, seem to accept as fact.

[31illusions]

There is no historic or archeological evidence for the tribes of Israel to have been present in Egypt yet alone as slaves to the Pharaoh. No Egyptian writings, no pots, bones, cloth, metalwork, coins etc have ever been found. It is a complete myth that the Jews were ever in Egypt and it is a myth that is perpetuated by the old testament which people, millennia later, seem to accept as fact.

Denial. Or perhaps you're just 15 or something.

[Georgy Zhukov]

Egyptians are known to erase entire histories.

[Johnny Drama]

There is no historic or archeological evidence for the tribes of Israel to have been present in Egypt yet alone as slaves to the Pharaoh. No Egyptian writings, no pots, bones, cloth, metalwork, coins etc have ever been found. It is a complete myth that the Jews were ever in Egypt and it is a myth that is perpetuated by the old testament which people, millennia later, seem to accept as fact.

Denial. Or perhaps you're just 15 or something.

Are you trolling?

[PappyTron]

There is no historic or archeological evidence for the tribes of Israel to have been present in Egypt yet alone as slaves to the Pharaoh. No Egyptian writings, no pots, bones, cloth, metalwork, coins etc have ever been found. It is a complete myth that the Jews were ever in Egypt and it is a myth that is perpetuated by the old testament which people, millennia later, seem to accept as fact.

Denial. Or perhaps you're just 15 or something.

Denial? Isn't that a river in Egypt? That's about as fucking close to fact as you'll ever get, my friend.