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Wankers In Popular Music & Film (thread to take the piss out of 'artists' you think are tossers)


Len Cnut

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Eric Clapton. Cunt.

Loves the blues but wouldn't want it living next door to him. The reason Rock Against Racism was formed. "This is a white country. I don't want fucking wogs living next door to me".....and he blamed that speech on drink, though still reveres Enoch Powell. Now maybe I've been drinking the wrong stuff lo these many years but I've yet to find the brand of bourbon that turns me into a KKK member.

Stole his best friend's wife. Takes credit for Layla even though Duane Allman plays lead guitar on it. Too many shit covers - again, of mostly black artists. 'Wonderful Tonight' is one of the worst turds ever shat. A 'romantic' song that basically revolves around a dissatisfied housewife being placated with half arsed compliments after her husband gets drunk at a party and she has to drive him home and put him to bed. 'Tears In Heaven' is saccharine, wishy-washy shite regardless of how tragic the circumstances of it's story are.

And just look at him. That face has fetid cunt oozing from every pore. He also looks just like my stepdad, which begs the question, is every person with that face doomed to be a steaming great twat? Some people are born into cuntiness, others have cuntiness thrust upon them.

Slowhand. The most ironic nickname imaginable for a wanker of such furious intensity.

Edited by tomfriend
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Cheers Towelie ;)

OK, next up in this cavalcade of cuntery, this myriad of motherfuckers, presenting for your extreme displeasure, Sir Elton Hercules John, not his real name of course, his real name registers high on the Cunt-O-Meter, it's...Reginald Kenneth Dwight. Enough said.

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First of all, what is he famous for exactly? Daniel? Crocodile Rock? If being small and odious and having a couple of little hairs growing out the top of you is grounds enough for fame then why isn't my big toe a superstar too? Lets face it, this guy is a thoroughly useless sack of shit. 'But Len, he's a good songwriter!' yeah, well, that may be, but a good song in the writing of it really isn't worth a fuck if the performance makes it a load of fuckin' bollocks.

Seriously, what IS this bloke famous for? Being a little fat bald poof that spends a lot of money and is gay. The fact that this man has in fact sold 100s of millions of records just goes to show what I've suspected about society at large for a great portion of my life...that we're all a massive bunch of wankers.

Young Reginald was raised in that ghastly provincial shithole known as Pinner. Thats how unexciting even his history is, Pinner. Oh, and until 1987 he used to own Watford football club, clearly his influence took them from strength to strength eh? Every time a blonde kicks the bucket, you can rely on Reginald Christie...uh, Dwight to be on hand, wheeled out glued to a piano, having just had the last remnants of cocaine snorted off the top of it, making weird stroke victim facial expressions as he explains that it seemed to him that said blonde lived her life like a candle in the wind...which is to say, she fuckin' snuffed it, boohoo, top of the charts and Reginald guffaws his way to the bank.

In short, he is nothing more than a chubby bald-headed homosexual pub pianist called Reginald, his songs are the most depressing biege crap every committed to record and he rides on and exploits this awful stereotype that everyone from England is some sort of cuddely middle class eccentric. The only way to retrieve this mans career is to go out and collect every record, CD, cassette with him on it, make a big pile with them in a clearing, strap Reginald to a missile and shooting him at them, thereby doing us all a favour and making it so no one has to hear this mans cum-sodden vocal chords polluting the airwaves ever again. Tosser.

Edited by Len B'stard
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Yes, he does have a tendency to have these odd little bitch-fits out of nowhere, doesn't he? Remember him having a bit of a drunken barney with Lily Allen at some award show or another, a little back and forth over who can snort who under the table.

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He has a diva reputation. The British love him though. 'National Treasure' - like Cliff. I think he is also one of those people Guardian readers like to cite to prove they are not homophobic: ''Look, I'm not anti-poofta mate. I have the remastered edition of Goodbye Yellow Road in my Volvo''.

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Volvos are the blue chip prat-mobiles of the English middle class, anywhere you have rows of three bed semi's on Avenues or Crescents instead of Roads and privet hedges with passive aggressive neighbours squating behind them peeking over at the bastard at number 14 and his new bird-bath, the idea of which he stole from number 16, you will find at least 3 of those awful fuckin' cunt cars.

In my minds eye they are almost always grey or else that awful off eggey colour.

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It's Bernie Taupin I feel sorry for. What a kicking his self esteem must have taken as a kid that he feels the need to enlist a swollen bewigged goblin to sing his compositions to save face. Come on, Bernie. You're not that fucking hideous. If Billy Joel is allowed to step on a stage without anyone recoiling in disgust, fainting or being sick in the aisles I'm sure you could too.

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  • 3 months later...

This thread is disgusting. It's just Len and DieselDaisy shouting obnoxious British slang about talented people and believing they're proving points.

The existence of this thread was for your benefit 'cardi, so you could all continue having deep and meaningful conversations about your favourite 'artists' and not be bothered by anybody commenting along the sorts of lines of what people ACTUALLY think about em, never no more were you to be subjected to a comment that made your eyes all teary and resulted in the comment 'KANYE WEST IS A MUSICAL GENIUS!' :lol:

Also poor Dies' ain't even said nothing! :lol:

This thread is disgusting. It's just Len and DieselDaisy shouting obnoxious British slang about talented people and believing they're proving points.

Johnny Rotten was so talented and PiL is nothing short of amazing. You remember that.

See therein lies the difference, i couldn't give a fuck if anyone slagged off Johnny Rotten, to me he's a fat middle aged pop star with a funny name whoose songs i like...and thats where the relationship ends, i wouldn't go around deleting great swathes of commentary about him from people who thought he was silly because, news flash, all pop stars are fucking silly :lol:

Edited by Len B'stard
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This thread is disgusting. It's just Len and DieselDaisy shouting obnoxious British slang about talented people and believing they're proving points.

The existence of this thread was for your benefit 'cardi, so you could all continue having deep and meaningful conversations about your favourite 'artists' and not be bothered by anybody commenting along the sorts of lines of what people ACTUALLY think about em, never no more were you to be subjected to a comment that made your eyes all teary and resulted in the comment 'KANYE WEST IS A MUSICAL GENIUS!' :lol:

Also poor Dies' ain't even said nothing! :lol:

This thread is disgusting. It's just Len and DieselDaisy shouting obnoxious British slang about talented people and believing they're proving points.

Johnny Rotten was so talented and PiL is nothing short of amazing. You remember that.

See therein lies the difference, i couldn't give a fuck if anyone slagged off Johnny Rotten, to me he's a fat middle aged pop star with a funny name whoose songs i like...and thats where the relationship ends, i wouldn't go around deleting great swathes of commentary about him from people who thought he was silly because, news flash, all pop stars are fucking silly :lol:

I just say I like someone and it's "Oh fucking bullocks I knew you'd like that saggy cunt!! Fucking wankers innit?!" and when the whole thread is nothing but people shitting all over it and saying the guy needs to get caught with child porn, yeah I'm gonna fucking delete shit! :lol:

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This thread is disgusting. It's just Len and DieselDaisy shouting obnoxious British slang about talented people and believing they're proving points.

The existence of this thread was for your benefit 'cardi, so you could all continue having deep and meaningful conversations about your favourite 'artists' and not be bothered by anybody commenting along the sorts of lines of what people ACTUALLY think about em, never no more were you to be subjected to a comment that made your eyes all teary and resulted in the comment 'KANYE WEST IS A MUSICAL GENIUS!' :lol:

Also poor Dies' ain't even said nothing! :lol:

This thread is disgusting. It's just Len and DieselDaisy shouting obnoxious British slang about talented people and believing they're proving points.

Johnny Rotten was so talented and PiL is nothing short of amazing. You remember that.

See therein lies the difference, i couldn't give a fuck if anyone slagged off Johnny Rotten, to me he's a fat middle aged pop star with a funny name whoose songs i like...and thats where the relationship ends, i wouldn't go around deleting great swathes of commentary about him from people who thought he was silly because, news flash, all pop stars are fucking silly :lol:

I just say I like someone and it's "Oh fucking bullocks I knew you'd like that saggy cunt!! Fucking wankers innit?!" and when the whole thread is nothing but people shitting all over it and saying the guy needs to get caught with child porn, yeah I'm gonna fucking delete shit! :lol:

Think of us as the voice of the common man :lol: General opinion...because honestly, get out their in the real world in amongst grown men and i think you'll find the majority of the planet finds popstars as ridiculous as we do...i mean we don't make this shit up, George Michael hanging around toilets in Hampstead and driving his car through the front of a photo printers is something the world laughed at him about, or Elton John, LITERALLY everyone takes the piss out of Elton John, on TV shows, on comedys dating back to the 1960s, EVERYWHERE, these things are not a construct of mine Sabs, I'm just a reflection of the world we live in :D There's a reason why a certain cross-section of the population IMMEDIATELY know what you are talking about when you call Rod Stewart a nobhead :lol:

Grown ups don't laud popstars, they don't think they are these unassailable cultural icons, they are not Lincoln or Churchill, they are generally just egotistical twats with a particular talent, being really precious about pop stars is a leave over from peoples teenage years that some grow out of a little slowly than others, to where people get deeply offended when someone has a go at someone whoose CD you happen to like. (then again, calling people twats and wankers is hardly the occupation of the grown up and mature I suppose :lol:) It's just a bit of laff :)

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I tall about bands and music and artists every day with people but no one's as much of a cunt as some of you lot are :lol:

I don't give a shit honestly. People make fun of Ozzy to me all the fucking time. I always have to get told how much of an asshole Axl is. I know how it is, but I'll sure as fuck delete a whole bunch of derailed posts in a thread I made. :lol: Because I fucking can!! :lol:

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