Gracii Guns Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Parents, would you be offended if you and your partner were invited to a wedding, but your children weren't? My fiancé has several friends who have kids, most of them are babies/toddlers (I've barely met these friends of his, never mind their kids). Everyone knows that we're trying to do as cheap a wedding as possible (because they know we're poor, not just cheap) and inviting kids who aren't close family seems like an unnecessary extra expense. I see it as 'I'm friends with you, not your children'. I don't want anyone holding grudges because they have to find childcare, or that their precious one wasn't loved enough to be invited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyman Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I would think they would be less likely to come if you only invite them.But then again I have no expertise in this area. At all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Val22 Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 It depends on if the wedding is for adults only.Most weddings I've gone to since I've had children, my kids came with us. I would find out why they weren't invited if that was the case and go from there.If my kids were younger and I couldn't get a sitter, then I just wouldn't go either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Len B'stard Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I didn't think children got invited, they just turned up with the old 'uns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetness Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Doubt it. I'm no parent, but I'm willing to bet most parents would much rather NOT have to worry about keeping an eye on their kids at a wedding/reception anyway. My parents never took me to their friends weddings, and I never gave a shit.I mean think about it, is it just me or does the idea of somebody actually being upset that their children weren't invited to a wedding just... really bizarre? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Len B'stard Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Doubt it. I'm no parent, but I'm willing to bet most parents would much rather NOT have to worry about keeping an eye on their kids at a wedding/reception anyway. My parents never took me to their friends weddings, and I never gave a shit.I mean think about it, is it just me or does the idea of somebody actually being upset that their children weren't invited to a wedding just... really bizarre?Yes actually, now you put it like that, why the fuck would that offend them anyway? Good point. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magisme Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I'd say you're looking at this wrong. It's your damn wedding. Do what you want. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracii Guns Posted June 14, 2014 Author Share Posted June 14, 2014 Thanks for your feedback. For more info: the wedding will be in the same city as where the guests live, so they won't be travelling far. In the evening, were just going to the pub, so kids can't go anyway. I doubt anyone's going to ask me why their kids aren't invited, but will have a response prepared anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pestilence Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 lol i like you guys but not your damn brats 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazey Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Do what I did and tell them where and when but they cover their own expenses. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AxlisOld Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I'm getting married in 3 weeks, and I've made it understood that it is not a place to bring kids to. We don't want them there. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulMonster Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Some parents are daft and don't understand they should leave their kids as home, so please don't mind being very clear on this when you invite such obtuse people. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alfierose Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 It tends to be one of those divisive issues ( go search some threads on Mumsnet to see what I mean). I've been invited to more child free weddings than not to be honest but I've also turned down the vast majority because childcare arrangements have been too complicated or expensive especially if distance is involved. It's your wedding therefore it's fine to do what you want. Just don't be offended in return if some people cannot attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arnold layne Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Parents, would you be offended if you and your partner were invited to a wedding, but your children weren't?How is this a problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alfierose Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 Some parents are daft and don't understand they should leave their kids as home, so please don't mind being very clear on this when you invite such obtuse people.Also this. Make it very very clear from the outset to avoid last minute issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redhead74 Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 (edited) First, I'm not a parent, but working in bridal I encounter this issue a lot with my customers throughout conversation, so heres my 2 cents:It's common here not to invite children to weddings. Most functions/events where there is some kind of ceremony involved are generally considered inappropriate for children who have short attention spans. Most people aren't surprised and don't get their knickers in a twist at the fact that they're kids aren't invited. The only ones who do are those obnoxious parents who think their children are 'special' and that the world evolves around them and they can't possibly conceive that their children weren't invited first, before everyone else because of their 'specialness'. A far more common problem here is that weddings have become so expensive that a lot of people planning a wedding have to keep the guest list down to a certain number and as a result relatives or acquaintances that aren't that important to the bride and groom don't get invited. It's STAGGERING how much offence is taken and the vile comments and arguments that arise as a result, from people who fail to remember that it's not THEIR day and THEY are not paying for the whole thing. Honestly weddings bring the best and the WORST out of people. Have a wedding and you learn the true colours of the people in your life. If I was you Grace, I'd be honest and say that expense is a factor and if children are invited it comes at the expense of an adult that you really want to have present with you to enjoy the day. Edited June 15, 2014 by Redhead74 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DangerousCurves Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 I am a parent and I believe weddings are no place for kids. They get bored. The few ceremonies I've been to where children were at the event itself, it was made clear that the reception was adults only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Drama Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 I'd say if you can organise some sort of childcare on the day, at the reception, go for it, otherwise yeah no kids.I just used to go everywhere with my parents as a kid, I wasn't the type to get bored, interrupt conversations, and even when I was 3 I'd stay up until the early hours. I always used to find other kids annoyingly childish even as a kid. I hated how the bastards always insisted on going to sleep. I'd be like "what the fuck for?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
45miles Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 Completely off-topic, but I remember taking my copy of Rolling Stone with Axl on the cover to my aunt's wedding. My parents let me take it along into the church with us since I was a moody 14 year-old. When I hugged my aunt later in the reception line, she gasped and said, "I hope you weren't reading during my ceremony." (I hadn't been, but I had been pondering the possibility of Axl's remembering things that happened to him in utero.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arnold layne Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 wat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracii Guns Posted June 15, 2014 Author Share Posted June 15, 2014 Thanks for all your advice. I discussed this with fiancé last night. He's way more caring than I am and would be mortified if someone couldn't attend as they couldn't find childcare. So we've decided to not invite children, but if the parents say "we can't come because kids weren't invited" we'll allow them to bring the kids. This opens up another can of worms entirely, as other guests sans children may feel "why were their kids invited and not mine?".I remember going to a few weddings as a child, and I found it the most boring thing ever. Even as a churchgoer, the wedding services were always dull, and then at the reception there was absolutely no thought for kids (eg. A table of colas next to the table of champagne would have been nice) or as a very developed 12 year old, being served a kids meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AxlisOld Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 It's much easier with a hardline, "please don't bring kids," approach. People with kids need to, or already know, that their kids are annoying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redhead74 Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 Thanks for all your advice. I discussed this with fiancé last night. He's way more caring than I am and would be mortified if someone couldn't attend as they couldn't find childcare. So we've decided to not invite children, but if the parents say "we can't come because kids weren't invited" we'll allow them to bring the kids. This opens up another can of worms entirely, as other guests sans children may feel "why were their kids invited and not mine?".I remember going to a few weddings as a child, and I found it the most boring thing ever. Even as a churchgoer, the wedding services were always dull, and then at the reception there was absolutely no thought for kids (eg. A table of colas next to the table of champagne would have been nice) or as a very developed 12 year old, being served a kids meal. Be careful there Grace. Some people may be happy (but inconvenienced) to spend money on a babysitter knowing its a wedding. If they see other kids there they could feel slighted or disrespected seeing those kids present. I think it's only fair and reasonable to apply a blanket rule to everyone, especially if people might need to pay for a babysitter for the evening. It's a tough situation but you need to be firm and clear on why you can't have children there. Honestly, it's your WEDDING DAY! Not a birthday party, not a Christmas party. If people are invited to your wedding they should be honoured enough to get a babysitter (and enjoy the evening without children) or perhaps even get the grandparents or a friend to look after them.Honestly, I remember my sister in law the first time she went out for the evening without her 1 yo daughter, who was being looked after by her parents and she fretted because she 'missed her'. All I could think was: "you used to be a well balanced, intelligent woman. Now you're a fucking weirdo". I really think that some people prefer to take their children to any and every event these days because it suits THEM. Well, if they are paying the bill they can do what they want, but since they're not I don't think they get to have an opinion. It's REALLY not that hard to find someone to look after the kids for one evening, considering wedding invitations usually go out a couple or more months before the event. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conor Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 I think the only kids that should be around are family, extended to cousins or so. Tell anyone else to get fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redhead74 Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 I'd say if you can organise some sort of childcare on the day, at the reception, go for it, otherwise yeah no kids.Considering the average wedding here in Australia costs $42,000 I don't think looking after someone's children needs to be at your expense. Anyone invited to a wedding where meal, drinks and entertainment are provided for should be able to find appropriate childcare themselves. Especially since wedding invites (as I said to Gracii) are sent out well in advance. If a babysitter is unaffordable then surely someone can be found with 2-3 months notice to look after them for half a day. And how about "I'd prefer that you didn't bring a present and spent the money on a babysitter, since I'd really appreciate your attendance". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.