A search for old EAT MY SILKWORMS content

[CoolRanchDressing]

This came up in another thread so I thought I'd start a new one. Does anyone have any content from the old EAT MY SILKWORMS site? Interviews, phone calls, poems, songs, etc...

For those who don't know, EMS was a humorous fan site dedicated to Chris Pitman. The site was taken down by one of Axl's lawyers, and it's been a while since I've seen or heard any of that old stuff.

I am most interested in tracking down the first and only EMS podcast. anyone have it?

[Estranged Reality]

This came up in another thread so I thought I'd start a new one. Does anyone have any content from the old EAT MY SILKWORMS site? Interviews, phone calls, poems, songs, etc...

For those who don't know, EMS was a humorous fan site dedicated to Chris Pitman. The site was taken down by one of Axl's lawyers, and it's been a while since I've seen or heard any of that old stuff.

I am most interested in tracking down the first and only EMS podcast. anyone have it?

I would also like to recover my rather lengthy essay on the lyrical prowess of "Silkworms."

There was some great content on that site. Someone PM'd me and suggested the Internet Wayback Machine but I don't even remember the URL of the site.

UPDATE: looky what i found!

An In-Depth Essay of the Sexual Exploration and Orgasmic Pleasantries of Christopher "God" or "Mother Goose" Pit(t)man

by

Estranged Reality

The beautiful multi-layered textures of this piece resonate a feeling of nostalgic mixed with the familiar approach of hazy-eyed wonder and utter amazement. The effervescent lyrics relay a story so dear to the listener that it may, indeed, go down in history with some of the finest compositions ever performed as the defining movement of a band’s widely sweeping array of magnitude.

Beginning with the gravelly roar, “LISTEN MOTHAFUCKAS TO THIS SONG THAT SHOULD BE HEARD,” Pitman has broken the threshold of familiarity and formality and presented the listener with a clear message. One can only imagine a fair choir boy on his way home from the local Catholic church, a Bible nestled firmly in his arm; a speck moves towards him on the horizon, until – oh my! – suddenly it has gained full composure and rears its ugly head. “LISTEN!” it screams with vile energy – pure, unadulterated and vicious. “LISTEN MOTHAFUCKA TO THIS SONG THAT SHOULD BE HEARD!” The choirboy drops his Bible and the beast screams at him with full force. The song continues wistfully.

“Thrown down in the gutter / It’s more than you deserve!” Oh, bliss! Here thy ears this most beautiful segment of the song; the true deliverance of Pitman’s marvelous message conveyed in one swift arch. Pitman has beautifully transcended the sexual stereotypes of females as the weaker of the two sexes. His satire of this generalization – equating inferiority to the stench of the proverbial gutter – may strike falsely with the stupid or infertile, but those of us with a college education will realize Chris is actually saying, “Hey, this isn’t nice behavior. See how nasty it sounds? We shouldn’t talk like this.” By falling victim to his satire, Mr. Pitman is only accentuating his most elaborate of elaborate points. I am sure this song will inspire a plethora of young male teenagers with raging hormones to say, “Hey, mom. Hey, dad. You know what? I look outside and I’m sick of what I see. Enough of this crass stereotypical portrayal of the female sex on the television set. I want to liberate the female sex once and for all.”

And we owe this all to one Mr. Chris Pitman.

The continuing duration of the song represents a pivotal turn. There are orgasmic pitches from lead singer Axl Rose. Some blind critics have accused his voice of simply being “too weak” to pull off the effect that PitMaestro was going for in the song, but alas, these are lies! No more lies than when my Uncle David was arrested for indecent exposure at Chuck E. Cheese’s when I was five years old. It’s a conspiracy by the haters to bring us down.

The orgasmic screams of Mr. Rose are Mr. Pitman’s way of adding a new layer to the song of sexual exploration. Up until now we had thought the singer was a man, but now the question is drawn into mind: Is the singer actually a woman? And is this giving her an orgasm? Unfortunately Mr. Rose did not wear a skirt when performing this song and also did not wear a bra, but no doubt this would add further confusion and bewilderment to the song. On their 2006 tour I suggest he grow two perky breasts (or just stick melons under his shirt) and squeal like a young woman being orally pleasured for thirty minutes straight as Mr. Pitman has a synthetic solo.

Some have ignorantly accused this song of being “stupid,” “immature,” “ugly,” or – my favorite of all – “the stuff that comes out of Paris Hilton’s butt.” However, these are false accusations drawn upon by those with feeble minds who are incapable of comprehending true, absolute power.

This is, by the farthest echelons of space, the best Guns N’ Roses song ever written and ever performed. The lyrics are the deepest and most thought-provoking of any. Silkworms bends Sweet Child O’ Mine over its knee and spanks it on the ass raw with a rubber trout. It’s much better and much more intelligent. It’s for music what Stanley Kubrick’s EYES WIDE SHUT was for the elitist cinema: an exploration of sexual identity and a scathing satire of our own self-perceptions. Is it sex? Is it pleasure? Is it a man? Is it a woman? Are they infertile? Are synths the best instruments in the god-forsaken universe? All pertinent questions raised by Mr. Pitman’s brilliant expose of the modern world.

The ending is a real stunner. “Syphilitic preachers baby I know who you are /

Parasitic demons sucking acid through your heart” Mr. Rose wails to the backing of Mr. Pitman’s orgasmatron synth. These lyrics are, of course, a reference to the Great Wall of China and the Russian murderer Rasputin, whose third member was alleged to be the biggest in history (even more so than John “Give Me More Coke” Holmes, whose penis was over thirteen massive inches). Coincidence that a song about sexual exploration would contain a reference to Rasputin? I THINK NOT! Furthermore, by combining Russian Rasputin with Penis King, we get RRPK, as we all know is a reference to the famous slogan: “Russian Retards Park Knowingly” (which was begun as a chant by a young boy named Alfonso Laurenzo in France in 1834 during the Cesarian revolution, in which a gang of unfortunate retards took over the French parliament and the public led a massive revolt to stop the Russian Retards before they could pass The Law of 1834, which – in its third clause – justified the mass genocide of all non-retards off the face of the earth. Luckily the normal people with intelligence invaded the Russian Retards’ secret fort before they could pass the motion, and they slaughtered them all mercilessly and without remorse).

What does this mean in relation to the song? I have yet to decide. Evidently the song is mentioning this infamous demonstration for a reason, but this critic has blown himself – literally and figuratively – trying to figure out what it means. This is just more proof that those who try to deride the song for its alleged “lack of intelligence” are just a bunch of Russian Retards.

OH MY DEAR GOD. I just figured out the reference! Pit(t)man was using the Russian Retards reference as a metaphor for the pack of stupid retards whom he no doubt KNEW from the very depths of his soul would attack this song baselessly!

Do you all realize what this means? Chris Pitman is a psychic.

Allow me to take five minutes to go masturbate to this great thought.

Okay, I’m back.

As you’re reading this no doubt five minutes have not passed, but let you describe what happened when I finished the dirty deed. With full awareness magical images of Silkworms and Chris Pitmans dazzled before my eyes and I became Aware. Of what, you ask?

Well, everything. The universe. The meaning of life. The meaning of Silkworms. And I now know what Chris Pitman looks like naked.

It’s bliss of the highest form, better than sex and better than donuts.

I recommend you all try to experience this.

The first time this critic listened to the song’s grand finale it caused him to bend over in orgasmic pleasure totally without restrain. It connected with the ears on a cathartic level, representing a turning point in my life. It made me realize I am a woman in my heart. (As a closing note, I’m currently collecting donations for my Sex Change Operation Fund. Personal checks can be made payable to Pit(t)mania, Inc. Thank you.)

God bless and have a pleasant tomorrow and a fertile future!

[ManetsBR]

Jackamo, where are you?

[jman2000]

http://web.archive.org/web/20070501000000*/http://eatmysilkworms.com

http://web.archive.org/web/20070107175753/http://eatmysilkworms.com/

[Estranged Reality]

i'm a little embarrassed by the references to "retards" i put in there along with a few other things, but hey, i was like 17 years old and thought it was hilarious at the time.

i actually got a little chuckle out of some of that. i hadn't read it in many years!

[themadcaplaughs]

So what was the lawyer's reason for taking down a Chris Pitman fan site?

[Estranged Reality]

So what was the lawyer's reason for taking down a Chris Pitman fan site?

can't make this shit up.

look what else i found:

http://www.last.fm/group/Eat+My+Silkworms/forum/50547/_/237499

[ManetsBR]

Oh my God! This is GOLD!

[Powerage5]

elsewhere.

[ManetsBR]

What was that about again?

[Estranged Reality]

the phrase "eat my silkworms" was added to the forum filter and auto-changed to "elsewhere," so people began jokingly referring to the site as Elsewhere since everyone knew what it really meant.

sort of like the whole hooray for tolerance thing, i guess.

[ManetsBR]

Oh, that's right! Man, this forum has some stories. Someone should write a book

[Estranged Reality]

this was one of jackamo's creations from back around the EMS era:

[ManetsBR]

How did Axl take this down? It was a gold mine.

[highvoltage]

the phrase "eat my silkworms" was added to the forum filter and auto-changed to "elsewhere," so people began jokingly referring to the site as Elsewhere since everyone knew what it really meant.

sort of like the whole hooray for tolerance thing, i guess.

It was still on the forum word filter when we took over!

[highvoltage]

http://www.fiql.com/playlists/eatmysilkworms/

EDIT: Damn, the HRS files don't play.

[highvoltage]

Mick Wall Interview:

10 QUESTIONS WITH MICK WALL

1. Do you remember the first time you heard Guns N’Roses?

Yes, I was at home in my apartment in London, smoking dope. In other words, a normal day for me back then. I remember listening to ‘It’s So Easy’ and thinking it sounded like Iggy and the Stooges. As the Stooges recorded one of my favourite albums, Funhouse (1970) I took this as a good sign. I also saw it as a sign that they weren’t very original, which of course they weren’t. It was only later, after seeing them live, that I got that it wasn’t about being original, it was about being authentic. For me, Guns N’ Roses was the only truly authentic rock band of the 1980s.

2. Do you remember the first time you heard Chris Pitman?

On a bootleg GN’R live recording where they were doing ‘Silkworms’. I thought he sounded interesting.

3. Would you describe his Pitman’s sound as “Funky Techno Beats” or “Super Funky Techno Beats?”

Neither. I would describe his sound as “sadly invisible”. It must be very frustrating being in a band that doesn’t know how to make an album and release it.

4. You’ve come up with some notorious nicknames for Axl. But what do you call Chris Pitman? Mother Goose, Poppa Synth, or something with more zing?

I call him Chris Pitman. Until we hear the Chinese Democracy album, it’s hard to give him a nickname or have any really intimate feelings about who he is or what he’s capable of as a musician.

5. Axl considered Phil Lynott to be a major creative influence and proudly sported a Thin Lizzy tattoo on his shoulder. Sadly, Lynott died before Axl ever had the chance to show him the tattoo. Do you have any tattoos you’d like to tell Axl about before it’s too late?

I knew Philip – as all his friends called him – very well. I do have tattoos and the one I would refer Axl to is the one representing yin-yang / fire-water / black-white. It’s there to remind me that in every black spot there is always a tiny speck of white and vice versa, and to try and keep in mind that balance is what life is all about. In Chinese philosophy, Axl is like the unbending tree that will eventually break (or has already broken). Only dead wood doesn’t bend with the wind.

6. Do you and Andy Secher and Bob Guccione Jr. have a picnic every year and reminisce about the good ol’days?

Yes. We have it in the grounds of Axl’s Malibu mansion, beneath one of the giant crucifixes he is so fond of. After we’ve finished we nail him up there for a couple of hours and try and make up some more “lies” about him. He absolutely loves it.

7. In your book Star Trippin’, you have juicy back-stage stories about GnR, Crue, Metallica and Poison. If you ever write Star Trippin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, will you include a chapter about Pitman?

Only if he writes a nice song about me – fingers crossed.

8. Why is Axl so angry?

According to Duff, speaking in 1999, Axl’s main problem is “too many people around him confusing his mind. To be honest, he probably doesn’t live in the same world as you and me.” Duff added that too many people have simply “kept telling him he was right. Some of them feared him cos they were scared they were gonna lose their job. It’s as simple as that… In this story, the real losers are Guns N’ Roses fans, unfortunately.”

9. What would you say to your critics on the GnR community who consider you a punk from the press who likes to start sh*t by printing lies?

Nothing. The only thing fans ever want to hear is how great their heroes are. I’ve been in the music business for 30 years and have actually gotten to know these so-called heroes, including some of my own, and it’s just a lot of bullshit. Most of them are so pathetic it’s hard to get your head round it. Telling that to fans though is like telling a kid there is no Santa Clause. Either they’re old enough to get it or they’re not and you’re just going to upset them.

10. Obviously, all the Pitmaniacs are eagerly awaiting your new biography of Axl, as there will surely be many sexy anecdotes about Mother Goose. But do you have any other books you’d like to tell our readers about?

The next book I write is going to be on Led Zeppelin and it is going to sh*t all over any other book you’ve ever read about them. I might even try and squeeze in a reference to Chris Pitman…

[CoolRanchDressing]

Hahahaha. Thanks HV! That mick wall interview cracked me up!

For whoever asked, here's the story I posted in another tread about why EMS got taken down...

Hahaha. Actually Axl's lawyer shutting us down wasn't related to the Axl pic at the party. After interviewing Merck and the people at Geffen, I wanted to interview Axl's lawyer. This was during one of the silly nuisance lawsuits they were filing against godknowswho. I thought it would be amusing to interview Axl's team about their hotly anticipated unreleased next lawsuit, goofing on their unreleased album.

The lawyer guy recognized my voice immediately and got all pissed off, yelling about how it was against the law to record his voice. I made fun of him and he made fun of me and after a while I pointed out how he could have just hung up 20 minutes ago, so either his job was miserably boring or he actually had fun talking to me. He said it was both, and strangely enough, we kinda hit it off. we agreed to meet up that night at a bar in Hollywood and continue taking about Axl. We actually got kinda chummy on the phone. But later, I ended up getting the bar we were going to meet at mixed up with another bar. So he thought I no showed and was trying to fuck with him and embarrass him by standing him up.

When I got home, he'd left me some angry message and posted all over EMS's chat box about how we were losers and assholes and by morning he'd taken all our stuff down. So it actually had nothing to do with Axl and everything to do with the various soulless corporate attorneys who make a living suing people in his name.

[Estranged Reality]

"6. Do you and Andy Secher and Bob Guccione Jr. have a picnic every year and reminisce about the good ol’days?

Yes. We have it in the grounds of Axl’s Malibu mansion, beneath one of the giant crucifixes he is so fond of. After we’ve finished we nail him up there for a couple of hours and try and make up some more “lies” about him. He absolutely loves it. "

[CoolRanchDressing]

EXCLUSIVE elsewhere INTERVIEW WITH SEBASTIAN BACH:

1. HOW DOES IT FEEL PERFORMING THE "MY MICHELLE" DUET WITH AXL ROSE??

Oh Man, words just CANNOT describe the pure energy up there, and the coolest part is that it is mostly improvised!!

We don't sit down and pick who sings what line, we get up on stage and just do it. It's rock n' roll, it's fun.

That's what we do up there with Michelle we have FUN and by the applause I say it's working! I almost fainted when Ax himself asked me if i'd like to go up on stage!! It's like so surreal, and the fans dig it, that's what I care about. Some door-knobs are on the internet complaining that I'm washed-up and I'm "ruining" the show, we'll I got a 2 words for ya: SCREW and OFF!! If you don't like it well that's too bad.

2. BESIDES "MY MICHELLE", WHICH SONG WOULD YOU LIKE TO PERFORM WITH AXL & CREW INSTEAD??

I'd like to sing every song lol. But lately I've been trying to convince Axl to play AINT IT FUN which is my favortite track on the spaghetty cd. It's fucking killer,

and I could play the role of Michael Monroe, and Axl could be well... Axl. Man, I just love blaring the hell outta that track on the road and it would be so killer live.

3. IN ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE, YOU CLAIMED TO OF HEARD SOME TRACKS OFF "CHINESE DEMOCRACY", AND SPECIFICALLY COMMENTED ON A TRACK

TITLED "SORRY", COULD YOU PLEASE GIVE A BIT MORE DETAIL TO THE DESCRIPTION??

Sorry dude, but I was asked not to comment more on those types of questions. All I can say is that it is killer! and won't be a disappointment!

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CHRIS PITMAN, THE MASTER OF THE SYNTHS??

Chris who?? I'm just fucking wit ya, I love him. A nice, friendly guy with a killer sense of humour. He should do stand-up the dude is like the kareoke of comedy.

This for a pitman fan club, right? well I should give you guys some "inside dish".... haha. Did you guys know he has a tail? It's a birth deffect, it's like 2 inches long and makes his ass

look like a dog's ass. KIDDING!! KIDDING!! ha ha. He truly is the "Master Of The Synths" though, perfect description. Job well done (please don't mixx up the tail comment, it was just a joke)

5. WOULD YOU DESCRIBE PITMAN'S SOUND AS "FUNKY TECHNO BEATS" OR "SUPER FUNKY TECHNO BEATS"??

what a question..... so far this is the greatest "interview" I have ever done lol

6. ON THE LAST GIG OF THE EUROPEAN TOUR DO YOU REMEMBER PERFORMING "PARADISE CITY" WITH THE DANCING MIDGETS, ANY COMMENTS ??

It was a completely surreal experience, and I had a blast doing so despite how nervous I was.

7. CAN YOU CONFIRM THAT CHRIS PITMAN DOES A VERY ACCURATE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN IMPRESSION BACKSTAGE??

What kind of drug are you on? ha!

8. WILL YOU BUY "CHINESE DEMOCRACY" OR ARE YOU A "DOWNLOADING MOTHERFUCKER"??

take a guess....

9. I HAVE TO THROW THIS INTO HERE SOMEWHERE, BUT MAN YOU'RE GIRL IS SO FINE. I WATCHED SUPERGROUP & THAT NUDE PHOTOSHOOT WAS SO HOT. CONGRATS.

Uh... thanks. lol. Maria is the one girl for me.

10. NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO PROMOTE ANYTHING, WE GET MORE HITS THAN GOOGLE, SO TAKE OPPORTUNITY.

More hits than Google? Well I better promote my new album Angel Down which comes out this year, I've been road-testing some new songs off it during the Guns tour, and it sounds fucking great, check it out. And for the canadians, I will be making a special appearence with Ricky, Julian, Bubbles & the gang on Trailor Park Boys. Rock on you pitman freaks! Consider it eaten.

[Estranged Reality]

haha baz loved us.

that's why he was so happy to hold up the sign with axl when hrs met him.

to think, that interview was almost lost to the sands of time... thank god for the internets.

[ManetsBR]

8. Why is Axl so angry?

According to Duff, speaking in 1999, Axl’s main problem is “too many people around him confusing his mind. To be honest, he probably doesn’t live in the same world as you and me.” Duff added that too many people have simply “kept telling him he was right. Some of them feared him cos they were scared they were gonna lose their job. It’s as simple as that… In this story, the real losers are Guns N’ Roses fans, unfortunately.”

This is so prophetic that's it's actually little bit scary.

[Uncle Bob]

*your

[T.wa.T]

this was one of jackamo's creations from back around the EMS era:

I once used this as a wallpaper on my old laptop.

[Tyler Drama]

Check it, this was my creation:

http://web.archive.org/web/20070116064638/http://z8.invisionfree.com/Chris_Pitman_Fans