The love/sex/relationship thread

[AxlisOld]

I assure you, if I went off the past, I'd be (very justifiably) more malicious. But you're ignorarant and delusional, that's what that was about.

[AxlisOld]

In other words, let's not pretend that you take advice when you never do.

[ZoSoRose]

I've left you and your wife alone for almost 2 years. Can you not dogpile on me? I've left you be. Can't a mutual sense of, like, leaving each other alone ensue?

You ever think that maybe it's a reaction of disbelief over your current stupidity and ignorance or anyone's helpful advice that has been offered several dozen times?

Let's not pretend there isn't a bias where there is one.

So I have an issue I'm dealing with. I want my ex back - the most recent one- she and I aren't even talking.

Her best friend feels if I do not talk to her for a few months, her anger with me will fade and she'll forgive me. Something she herself doesn't believe right now- has no intent of ever speaking again at present. But said friend believes this will change with time, and that possibly, if I work very hard at it, I can win her back eventually as well. No guarantees given of course.

But in the meantime I've been talking to other girls and I'm resenting them and mistreating them. Not physically, but just being a cunt. I think it's displaced anger with my ex, or displaced frustration that the one person I really want to talk to and hash things out with like adults, I don't mean fighting, just talking about shit, I can't. And it makes me resent not only other girls but people in general. Also, during the relationship with this ex, I had begun drinking to feel good enough for her; to feel confident enough to be good enough for her. It boosted my cockiness and made me genuinely nicer and funnier as alcohol will do. I didn't drink much--every week, we'd have a date, and before the date I'd have around 2-3 or 4 shorts of vodka to get buzzed enough to be amiable but not enough to be drunk or anything. However it got to the point that I had forgotten whole periods of time.

After she left, I binged drank a bit including several nights of being basically in a stumbling stupor.

And I kind of miss alcohol. I feel like, when I'm buzzed or drunk, I'm not only a much nicer person, but that people like me more (my ex certainly was into me more on dates where I was buzzed then when I wasn't), I also deal with things better, and I feel this odd frustration like alcohol is what is missing from my life to make everything alright. I've been told this is a dangerous mindset which could easily lead to alcoholism. But I don't have the call to drinking because I'm deathly afraid of liver failure having watched my mother go through it, it's a slow death. I saw her become confused and have jaundiced skin and that's probably the only thing stopping me from drinking on a daily basis--that and of course the monetary toll alcohol takes.

Yet without alcohol, I don't like myself as much. I don't feel as complete without alcohol or some substance in me.

Miser, I'm legit curious and I hope you answer.

I don't think you have ever described why you like her. What attracts you to her?

You only dated for 6 months, she was still into her ex, she said crazy- ass shit (that whole caleb shit or whatever), she gave you his writings, videos, etc (seriously, WUT?!?!?!?!?!), she seemed to be emotionally distant, etc.

So what the hell, man? 6 months is not enough time to warrant this reaction imo. Maybe if it was some awesome relationship but she seems bonkers and treated you like shit.

Why don't you get some help? That's not an insult or anything, you can really benefit and it'll make you happier in the long run

It's hard to explain a person in simple words. She was witty, she was funny, she was smart, she was amazing in a lot of ways, she was a world unto herself. She saw the world and other people in this utterly different, amazing way, which helps her to be what she is (she's a writer). She's fascinating, more intelligent than I could ever be, she sees depth and sees what I could never see about people and life. When we were together, yes, she had those flaws, and yet somehow we brought out the best in each other. The best, and the worst at the same time. But we connected, we understood each other in a way I've not really found in another person, and she'd only found with him. Even her family (who were actually, genuinely, objectively stable, nice people) were amazed at us together, and saw us as being possibly meant to be.

In some ways, she treated me like shit. But that was also my immaturity in the way I handled some of the ways she acted. She wasn't someone who knowingly or maliciously hurt. What she saw as her attempts to get me to understand someone important to her, I saw as insensitive and hurtful. She couldn't quite grasp it. But I also couldn't quite grasp how I hurt her in the end either, after the break up. We're two people who are very self centered and yet also very empathetic she and I. We were growing together though, as people. Before life got in the way.

What is the exact amount of time needed for someone to really mean something? Is there a definite exact length of time? You say "it's only 6 months", yeah and? I come from a family where people are usually married within six months of being together.

I mean, that's all well and good but those sound like a lot of buzz words when describing a relationship

how did she bring out the best in you?

how was she smart?

how was she fascinating, saw the world differently, understood you, etc?

It doesn't sound like she just went crazy at the end, it sounds like she was a wacko obsessed with this other weirdo the whole time. That right there is telling. And the number of time is important because no matter what people say, it DOES take a bit of time to really get to know a lot about someone. Clearly 6 months wasn't enough in this case because this girl is clearly unstable, you know?

You try and rationalize her behavior and then even blame yourself. There is zero defense for a person giving you writings and stuff from an ex to "understand" them. That is like all kinds of crazy and fucked, dude. You also say you were growing together and "life got in the way". What does that even mean? Growing together implies its a part of life. It doesn't seem like either of you grew.

And can we see a pic of this chick to get an idea? I need to know what she looked like at this point, its killing me

When with her, I dropped a lot of my insecurities, pretty much all of the things I'd done in the past that destroyed relationships I let go of, even deeply held insecurities, I found easy to toss away.

You literally said an hour ago you felt pressured to drink around her. That is the opposite of what you say and the definition of insecure.

The rest of what you say just sounds like some weird romanticized version of what you think a relationship should be. I honestly think you need to just seek a good therapist, man. You use this place to vent, but don't seem interested in advice.

[Dr. Who]

Tell me what a relationship should be.

I want the legal, 2015 American Pop Culture Approved definition please. Thanks.

[ZoSoRose]

Tell me what a relationship should be.

I want the legal, 2015 American Pop Culture Approved definition please. Thanks.

Alright, man. Its a lot shorter and simpler than you think.

Two people who understand each other, communicate through problems, compromise, love each other, and better each other.

No manipulation, no lies, and no betrayal

[Dr. Who]

Tell me what a relationship should be.

I want the legal, 2015 American Pop Culture Approved definition please. Thanks.

Alright, man. Its a lot shorter and simpler than you think.

Two people who understand each other, communicate through problems, compromise, love each other, and better each other.

No manipulation, no lies, and no betrayal

And that is exactly what I was trying to give.

Of course some will believe because I am me, I'm not capable of any good acts. Hitler reincarnated right here or some shit.

[AxlisOld]

Just...

[Dr. Who]

Just...

From my point of view, it is what I was trying to be from my end of the relationship. But I know, in your view, and in your wife's, I am evil. Evil as Damien. Worse, even. I kill kittens for jollies in yours and your wife's point of view, of course. Nothing I could ever do would be good, it would just wrap right back around to evil.

[ZoSoRose]

Tell me what a relationship should be.

I want the legal, 2015 American Pop Culture Approved definition please. Thanks.

Alright, man. Its a lot shorter and simpler than you think.

Two people who understand each other, communicate through problems, compromise, love each other, and better each other.

No manipulation, no lies, and no betrayal

And that is exactly what I was trying to give.

Of course some will believe because I am me, I'm not capable of any good acts. Hitler reincarnated right here or some shit.

A. You aren't capable of giving someone those things if you cannot give them to yourself first. Help yourself first before committing yourself to someone

B. She didn't give those things back, therefore, the relationship could not and did not work

C. I'm not saying you aren't capable of good acts at all, just incapable of being in a relationship because you haven't "found" yourself and are unstable. These aren't personal attacks, just a very real observation. This is why you NEED to seek therapy. To better yourself.

[Chris1989]

lol I'm glad I escaped the dating batshit crazy girls when I was 17..

[Dr. Who]

Tell me what a relationship should be.

I want the legal, 2015 American Pop Culture Approved definition please. Thanks.

Alright, man. Its a lot shorter and simpler than you think.

Two people who understand each other, communicate through problems, compromise, love each other, and better each other.

No manipulation, no lies, and no betrayal

And that is exactly what I was trying to give.

Of course some will believe because I am me, I'm not capable of any good acts. Hitler reincarnated right here or some shit.

A. You aren't capable of giving someone those things if you cannot give them to yourself first. Help yourself first before committing yourself to someone

B. She didn't give those things back, therefore, the relationship could not and did not work

C. I'm not saying you aren't capable of good acts at all, just incapable of being in a relationship because you haven't "found" yourself and are unstable. These aren't personal attacks, just a very real observation. This is why you NEED to seek therapy. To better yourself.

A) I love myself and was bettering myself, and continue to be doing so. I just had my best college semester and work is going well. I intend after this semester is over to transfer schools and dorm.

B) It did work in many ways, until he came back into the picture. It didn't have strong foundations. If we could try again perhaps we'd recognize that.

C) Those were aimed at AxlisOld, his wife and I have a long history. I don't need to pay money to "better myself". Bettering oneself is a never-ending process. I know very well who I am and what I want. As far as unstable, yeah and? No one is the picture of normality. Especially not on this site.

[Dr. Who]

I'm the picture of normality, I'm utterly unspectacular in every part of daily life.

Not one single person on this forum following a dysfunctional, toxic band is "normal" by society's definition. The very act of spending time posting on a message board in general, but especially one dedicated to a pretty much long since defunct and utterly irrelevant rock band, is a sign of some sort of instability.

[estrangedtwat]

BTW guys....for those who are curious.

Miser was kind enough to share a picture of this beautiful special snowflake with me.

Now I won't violate that trust cause it was in private and has no place here without his consent. We all remember that goofy pic of his dad in his tighty-whiteys and the uproar that caused.

But as someone that has witnessed what this girl looks like in a pic sitting alongside the faggy dude she was/is in love with the entire time she was "with" Miser (said dude is actually clutching a rosary in the pic, I shit you not,) I can only depscribe her as doughy as fuck, blotchy, unhealthy skin. Fat humped neck, slouched posture. I wish you guys could see it. At the very very kindest, this girl is a 2.5 out of 10. I can understand seeing the good qualities in an average girl and thinking she's special. But this girl is a fugmo...straight up.

And yes, this sounds harsh as fucking shit and mean as hell, but I didn't hold back when I talked to Miser in private about this too. This girl actually looks as bad on the outside as she is utterly batshit insane on this inside.

Sometimes we stick our dick in crazy cause fuck it....she's hot. But...THIS?? The time, effort, money, anguish he's gone through for this fucking turd of a human being that actually openly admits to HAVING IMAGINARY FRIENDS, when she looks like a wad of fucking uncooked dough???

And he pines for her....he wants her "back?"

WHAT THE FUCK MISER????? SERIOUSLY, WHAT IN THE ASS-FUCKING FUCK????

[Dazey]

POST OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!

[Len Cnut]

The uncooked dough bit did it for me

[Apollo]

Miser you are a joke.

I gave you an extremely long and detailed response to one of your posts - at your request - specifically pointing things out to you - and you completely ignored it. Some people called it the Post of the Year so far. But you ignored it

Several of the most intelligent posters on here have given you tremendous advice. But you continue to ignore it and just keep posting these idiotic drama filled questions/problems that sound like they are coming from a not very intelligent, possibly inbred, 13-year old girl with a meth addiction.

Numerous people have answered your questions and told you what you need to do. Seriously, why do you keep asking questions and posting your problems if you ALWAYS just ignore what people have to say?

[estrangedtwat]

Let's all just tell Miser exactly what he wants to hear all the time and see how long that placates him.

I bet he'd get bored with it in days. Or less. Hours. But hey, should be interesting....

"Miser. This girl is AMAZING. One in a million. She's gorgeous, she's smart, she "gets" you. The REAL you. She gets you COMPLETELY. The two of you share something the rest of us can never understand...never even dream of! Maybe the strongest bond between two people in recorded human history.

Win her back. DO NOT GIVE UP. If you just keep trying to contact her and talk to her friends and family a lot, she'll respect that. She'll get the message and stop fighting her feelings for you. She can't deny them. It's destiny. She'll come crawling back in no time, you'll see.

Send lots of facebook messages; she'll really respond to that and see how much you care. And make sure to buy lots of gifts and mail them to her unsolicited....girls LOVE THAT. You'll be back together in a week. Probably married a few months later. Go get her champ!!"

[netcat]

I'm the picture of normality, I'm utterly unspectacular in every part of daily life.

Not one single person on this forum following a dysfunctional, toxic band is "normal" by society's definition. The very act of spending time posting on a message board in general, but especially one dedicated to a pretty much long since defunct and utterly irrelevant rock band, is a sign of some sort of instability.

many people have been posting on this forum for 5-10 years, if that's not the very definition of stability then i don't know what is

instability is when somebody is acting like a singer of a certain "toxic band", trying to replicate his unhealthy obsession with a bitchy girlfriend who dumped him

Edited March 4, 2015 by netcat

[Len Cnut]

There you go Miser, that saved you a trip to the therapist eh?

[Dazey]

I've been on here since 2002.

[ZoSoRose]

Tell me what a relationship should be.

I want the legal, 2015 American Pop Culture Approved definition please. Thanks.

Alright, man. Its a lot shorter and simpler than you think.

Two people who understand each other, communicate through problems, compromise, love each other, and better each other.

No manipulation, no lies, and no betrayal

And that is exactly what I was trying to give.

Of course some will believe because I am me, I'm not capable of any good acts. Hitler reincarnated right here or some shit.

A. You aren't capable of giving someone those things if you cannot give them to yourself first. Help yourself first before committing yourself to someone

B. She didn't give those things back, therefore, the relationship could not and did not work

C. I'm not saying you aren't capable of good acts at all, just incapable of being in a relationship because you haven't "found" yourself and are unstable. These aren't personal attacks, just a very real observation. This is why you NEED to seek therapy. To better yourself.

A) I love myself and was bettering myself, and continue to be doing so. I just had my best college semester and work is going well. I intend after this semester is over to transfer schools and dorm.

B) It did work in many ways, until he came back into the picture. It didn't have strong foundations. If we could try again perhaps we'd recognize that.

C) Those were aimed at AxlisOld, his wife and I have a long history. I don't need to pay money to "better myself". Bettering oneself is a never-ending process. I know very well who I am and what I want. As far as unstable, yeah and? No one is the picture of normality. Especially not on this site.

A. Great to hear you are doing better in that way, but you clearly still have emotional problems. It happens, don't be embarrassed or hide from them.

B. So it didn't work. There are no "many ways". It didn't work

C. You clearly are full of denial, and your rants on here and expectations for life indicate you are not happy and you DO need help. Therapy is not shameful, I have a degree in psychology. Our mental health is the same as our physical health. When something is wrong you see a doctor, don't you? It is abundantly clear you should seek mental help of some sort. That doesn't mean you are "different" or "crazy", it is simply a tool and resource towards getting better. Normality has nothing to do with it.

[DR DOOM]

Miser you need to recognise your self detrimental behaviour when it rears it's head and fight the urge to follow through with it, and also stop romanticising the notion you seem to have that you're a doomed, mystic poet.

[Len Cnut]

Miser you need to recognise your self detrimental behaviour when it rears it's head and fight the urge to follow through with it, and also stop romanticising the notion you seem to have that you're a doomed, mystic poet when you're really just a total quim.

Fixed!

[ZoSoRose]

I dug up the thread I made a few months back for you, Miser

I went through a really, REALLY hard breakup. It wasn't on good terms and she did some terrible things. I was with her over 4 years and knew her for 5. The advice Len and everyone else (for the most part) gave me was simply stellar. All completely spot on.

I know a lot of it has been repeated here, but its worth a look for you

http://www.mygnrforum.com/index.php?/topic/209651-i-need-help/

[DR DOOM]

I didn't want to be mean

Just don't give in to yourself Miser.