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‘It Was, For, Uh, Medical Reasons,’ Says Doctor To Boris Johnson, Explaining Why They Had To Give Him Haircut

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LONDON—Calling the procedure “a fast, er, effective way” to treat symptoms of the Covid-19 virus, doctors at St. Thomas’ Hospital reportedly told British prime minister Boris Johnson that the haircut he’d received on Friday “was for, uh, medical reasons.” “Well, you see Prime Minister, because of your severe respiratory issues, we, um, actually needed to access that part of your head for a...surgery thing, yes,” said senior clinician Dr. Randal Jensen, taking long, awkward pauses as he looked between his medical charts and Johnson’s new head of short, well-coiffed hair. “Simply put, if we had kept your hairstyle the way it was, you could have risked death or something else, probably. We believe this is because the uh...keratin in your hair is related to your lungs, but don’t worry too much about that right now. We actually do it to all our patients. Right, yes, we definitely do that.” At press time, the prime minister had reportedly informed his medical team that after his emergency lifesaving haircut, he’d never felt better. 

Source: https://politics.theonion.com/it-was-for-uh-medical-reasons-says-doctor-to-bori-1842783204

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28 minutes ago, DieselDaisy said:

Hahaha

Wagging the old dog's tail I see?

St George's Day is nothing but an excuse for fat racists to complain to the Sun that they've been told to take down the 30 foot long wanker flags from the walls of their council houses.  

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20 hours ago, Dazey said:

St George's Day is nothing but an excuse for fat racists to complain to the Sun that they've been told to take down the 30 foot long wanker flags from the walls of their council houses.  

I have never seen anything like this but it is surely a good day to celebrate the Bard given that it is his death day and most probable birthday. Recitals are often put on I know. 

Our original patron saint, until c.1350, was Edward the Confessor.

Edited by DieselDaisy
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1 hour ago, soon said:

Y'alls bacon look weird. Looks like smoked salmon. Fats not rendered. No colour. Weird shapes. Like, wtf is that?? 1.5/10

 

That’s Liberal Democrat bacon. It’s probably fried in cabbage fart juice. 

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4 minutes ago, DieselDaisy said:

This Lib Dem Ramadan scheme is the ultimate version of leaving Bob Marley's Legend in a conspicuous location whilst having dinner guests over. 

What is even the point of the Lib Dems anymore?

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On 26/04/2020 at 4:04 PM, soon said:

Y'alls bacon look weird. Looks like smoked salmon. Fats not rendered. No colour. Weird shapes. Like, wtf is that?? 1.5/10

 

European bacon > North American bacon. Pretty much every visitor I've had from NA agrees. 

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20 minutes ago, Graeme said:

European bacon > North American bacon. Pretty much every visitor I've had from NA agrees. 

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You call it European bacon? I call it English bacon. Our bacon does not look like that. Ours look more like American bacon. And if they tell you yours taste better they are just being polite :)

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14 minutes ago, SoulMonster said:

You call it European bacon? I call it English bacon. Our bacon does not look like that. Ours look more like American bacon. And if they tell you yours taste better they are just being polite :)

That, what Gra just posted, is proper bacon. Those spindly little shitty shards that everyone else calls bacon I can't see the point of. It can't possibly work texture wise in a sandwich surely. It's about 95% fat which just goes crispy. surely you need some chew.

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52 minutes ago, Graeme said:

European bacon > North American bacon. Pretty much every visitor I've had from NA agrees. 

G1290.jpg

See now thats cooked properly. The other was a limp pile of pink with what looked like baby drool on it. 

We can get that at the grocery store and some restaurants here. I like it on a sandwich! Its more toothsome than the crispier strips and has a much more pronounced pork flavour.

 

EDIT: What Spunko said at the same time I posted

Edited by soon
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