Florida Man Demands Right to Marry his Macbook

[Guest Len B'stard]

Florida man demands right to wed computer Man sues for the right to marry his porn-laden Macbook, arguing that if gays are allowed to marry then so should other sexual minorities

Chris Sevier, a man from Florida, believes he should be allowed to wed his Macbook.

Mr Sevier argues that if gays should be allowed to marry, then so should other sexual minorities.

Mr Sevier states he has fallen in love with a pornography laden computer.

“Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women,” he told a court in Florida.

This appears to be not a passing holiday romance, but a lifelong commitment.

If gays have the right to “marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object”, he said.

Mr Sevier, who describes himself as “a former judge advocate and combat veteran”, is persistent, filing claims not only in Florida but also Utah.

The Utah claim, which in reality is an attempt to throw a spanner in the works of a gay marriage case in the federal court, runs to 50 pages.

Mr Sevier argues that allowing gays to marry but denying him the same right amounts to discrimination.

“We are in different classes of sexual orientation,” he told the court in Utah.

If gays feel as is they are second class citizens, Mr Sevier argues then “those of us in the real minority, who want to marry machines and animals, certainly feel like third class citizens”.

Mr Sevier apparently sought a marriage licence for himself and his “machine spouse”, but for some reason was denied.

“The exclusion from marriage to a machine denies myself a dignity and status of immense import,” he argues in his motion.

Mr Sevier cites legal precedents around the world - including a case where a woman married a dolphin and a Chinese man wed a cardboard cutout of himself.

“Allowing my marriage to go forward will not adversely impact the fertility rate any more or less than a same sex couples.

“If there is a risk that is posed to traditional marriage and children, both man-man couples and man-machine couples pose it equally.

“In considering the equal protection clause, there are no fewer policy reasons for preventing man-machine couples from marrying than there are for same-sex couples.”

Unfortunately for Mr Sevier, the courts in Florida and Utah, found his legal arguments unpersuasive.

But with the gay marriage being tested in courts across the country, more motions are inevitable.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10814098/marriage-gay-marriage-mac-wedding-computer-Florida-Utah.html

What a fuckin' scatty cunt

Edited May 8, 2014 by sugaraylen

[Graeme]

Sit doon and shut up ya fanny.

[Georgy Zhukov]

I bet he was banned from Starbucks.

[kanudo19]

A computer ain't a sexual minority man. I don't find a usb port attractive no matter how drunk or high i am.

[Chewbacca]

Attention whore.

[Redhead74]

I have yet to hear a logical reason why more people can't marry their pets. Since marriage no longer has to be between a man and a woman, why should it have to be between two people? We all know pets, particularly dogs, can be just as loving and devoted and important to it's owner as any person could be.

And this one is not even from the US, she's from the UK ...

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/woman-marries-dog-totally-b-h-article-1.1717772A British woman says she has finally found the true meaning of marriage now that she has divorced her husband and married her dog.

Amanda Rodgers and her dog/wife Sheba appeared on British television's ITV's "This Morning" Tuesday to discuss why she decided to wed her pet in a ceremony attended by 200 people in Croatia last week, reports the Mirror.

"She was two weeks old and she was new to the world — but I fell in love with her," Rodgers, 47, told the show's hosts. "I knew that we were meant to be."

Rodgers, whose Twitter feed uses the name "shebarodgers," told the Metro she got down on one knee to propose and ascertained from Sheba's wagging tail that she said yes.

She said the ceremony, which ended with a kiss, was the perfect way to mark what Sheba means to her. She told the Metro her new life partner was never unkind to her and the dog is always happy.

"Sheba had been in my life for years, making me laugh and comforting me when I was feeling low," she told the Metro. "I couldn't think of anything more I'd need from a life partner."

Did no one feel it necessary to point out that marriage pretty much includes a sexual relationship between the 'married subjects'?

What a fucking weirdo. It's basically the same emotional response that parents have to their children when they are born, the bond that is created and the deep love that comes from that, yet no one is saying they want to marry their newborn son or daughter.

Uuuugh, society! It's fucking mental. What is WRONG with people these days??????

[Redhead74]

Florida man demands right to wed computer Man sues for the right to marry his porn-laden Macbook, arguing that if gays are allowed to marry then so should other sexual minorities

Chris Sevier, a man from Florida, believes he should be allowed to wed his Macbook.

Mr Sevier argues that if gays should be allowed to marry, then so should other sexual minorities.

Mr Sevier states he has fallen in love with a pornography laden computer.

Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women, he told a court in Florida.

This appears to be not a passing holiday romance, but a lifelong commitment.

If gays have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object, he said.

Mr Sevier, who describes himself as a former judge advocate and combat veteran, is persistent, filing claims not only in Florida but also Utah.

The Utah claim, which in reality is an attempt to throw a spanner in the works of a gay marriage case in the federal court, runs to 50 pages.

Mr Sevier argues that allowing gays to marry but denying him the same right amounts to discrimination.

We are in different classes of sexual orientation, he told the court in Utah.

If gays feel as is they are second class citizens, Mr Sevier argues then those of us in the real minority, who want to marry machines and animals, certainly feel like third class citizens.

Mr Sevier apparently sought a marriage licence for himself and his machine spouse, but for some reason was denied.

The exclusion from marriage to a machine denies myself a dignity and status of immense import, he argues in his motion.

Mr Sevier cites legal precedents around the world - including a case where a woman married a dolphin and a Chinese man wed a cardboard cutout of himself.

Allowing my marriage to go forward will not adversely impact the fertility rate any more or less than a same sex couples.

If there is a risk that is posed to traditional marriage and children, both man-man couples and man-machine couples pose it equally.

In considering the equal protection clause, there are no fewer policy reasons for preventing man-machine couples from marrying than there are for same-sex couples.

Unfortunately for Mr Sevier, the courts in Florida and Utah, found his legal arguments unpersuasive.

But with the gay marriage being tested in courts across the country, more motions are inevitable.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10814098/marriage-gay-marriage-mac-wedding-computer-Florida-Utah.html

What a fuckin' scatty cunt

Oh FFS! Did this ACTUALLY happen and ACTUALLY waste real, genuine court time? I'm absolutely appalled that this nonsense could even be entertained by a court of law. I think I'm actually more shocked at that, than the fact that some nutjob who needs to be in medical care thinks he can marry an inanimate object. I'm 100% certain that those resources could have been put to better use. What an insult to every US citizen who actually has some faced some form of unfair treatment and missed out on the opportunity to have their 'genuine' case heard. I suspect a hoax story here.

Oh, and spot on with the 'mong' tag.

[Guest Len B'stard]

I think it's just some cunts way of trying to make a case against gay marriage, i don't think there's someone out there that seriously shags their macbook. Although, having said that, on a quite night, i often find myself getting in a bit of a tizzy at the way that Apple logo at the back lights up when you open it....there's something oddly sensual about it when the lights are out, I can't quite put my finger on it.

Probably because by that point my finger is somewhere else altogether

Edited May 9, 2014 by sugaraylen

[arnold layne]

Honestly, I don't give a shit. Let the man marry his computer. Let the woman marry her dog. It doesn't impact my life, and most likely yours, none whatsoever.

[TeeJay410]

Marriage isn't a real thing. We made it up. Therefore it can be whatever the hell we want it to be.

[SunnyDRE]

I have yet to hear a logical reason why more people can't marry their pets. Since marriage no longer has to be between a man and a woman, why should it have to be between two people? We all know pets, particularly dogs, can be just as loving and devoted and important to it's owner as any person could be.

And this one is not even from the US, she's from the UK ...

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/woman-marries-dog-totally-b-h-article-1.1717772

A British woman says she has finally found the true meaning of marriage now that she has divorced her husband and married her dog.

Amanda Rodgers and her dog/wife Sheba appeared on British television's ITV's "This Morning" Tuesday to discuss why she decided to wed her pet in a ceremony attended by 200 people in Croatia last week, reports the Mirror.

"She was two weeks old and she was new to the world — but I fell in love with her," Rodgers, 47, told the show's hosts. "I knew that we were meant to be."

Rodgers, whose Twitter feed uses the name "shebarodgers," told the Metro she got down on one knee to propose and ascertained from Sheba's wagging tail that she said yes.

She said the ceremony, which ended with a kiss, was the perfect way to mark what Sheba means to her. She told the Metro her new life partner was never unkind to her and the dog is always happy.

"Sheba had been in my life for years, making me laugh and comforting me when I was feeling low," she told the Metro. "I couldn't think of anything more I'd need from a life partner."

How do we know the animals want to marry their captors?

[AxlisOld]

I have yet to hear a logical reason why more people can't marry their pets. Since marriage no longer has to be between a man and a woman, why should it have to be between two people? We all know pets, particularly dogs, can be just as loving and devoted and important to it's owner as any person could be.

And this one is not even from the US, she's from the UK ...

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/woman-marries-dog-totally-b-h-article-1.1717772

A British woman says she has finally found the true meaning of marriage now that she has divorced her husband and married her dog.

Amanda Rodgers and her dog/wife Sheba appeared on British television's ITV's "This Morning" Tuesday to discuss why she decided to wed her pet in a ceremony attended by 200 people in Croatia last week, reports the Mirror.

"She was two weeks old and she was new to the world — but I fell in love with her," Rodgers, 47, told the show's hosts. "I knew that we were meant to be."

Rodgers, whose Twitter feed uses the name "shebarodgers," told the Metro she got down on one knee to propose and ascertained from Sheba's wagging tail that she said yes.

She said the ceremony, which ended with a kiss, was the perfect way to mark what Sheba means to her. She told the Metro her new life partner was never unkind to her and the dog is always happy.

"Sheba had been in my life for years, making me laugh and comforting me when I was feeling low," she told the Metro. "I couldn't think of anything more I'd need from a life partner."

How do we know the animals want to marry their captors?

Peanut butter

[pestilence]

how the fuck do you divorce a dolphin?

[Guest Len B'stard]

Show it a tin of John West and ask him where his mother is?

Edited May 10, 2014 by sugaraylen

[ThinkAboutYou]

Let him do it and look like a fool

[Thin White Duke]

Everybody has the right to call themselves whatever the fuck they like but they can't marry whatever the fuck they want? That's not cool.

[highvoltage]

Sorry, but the computer can't consent to the marriage and neither can the dog.

His logic doesn't hold.

[pestilence]

[GUNSNROSES513]

as much of a nut job he is, he should be able too. They changed the definition of marriage once now, so why can't they change it again?

Its one of those things, i think they should of never messed with, because now where do you draw the line?

[Dazey]

as much of a nut job he is, he should be able too. They changed the definition of marriage once now, so why can't they change it again?

Its one of those things, i think they should of never messed with, because now where do you draw the line?

Are you taking the piss or just not too bright?

[Thin White Duke]

Marriage isn't a real thing. We made it up. Therefore it can be whatever the hell we want it to be.

[Amir]

http://www.reddit.com/r/floridaman

[Johnny Drama]

Who here can honestly and purely say that they haven't humped an inanimate object before. Banana skins, anyone?

[pestilence]

i once fucked two couch cushions...

[Broskirose]

If people want to marry inanimate objects I couldn't care less. Though, it begs the question - does the object give consent to the marriage?

In any case, if you love an object go ahead and marry it. But this guy just hates. He can go stick his "USB" in a woodchipper for all I care.