The love/sex/relationship thread

[Len Cnut]

9 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

You need more Celtic passion, G. Harness your inner Robert The Bruce and go storming over to the lady that you desire and ravish her.

And end up doing 6 months bird for sexual assault, good advice boss   

[PappyTron]

15 minutes ago, Len B'stard said:

And end up doing 6 months bird for sexual assault, good advice boss   

She won't remember that it's Graeme; that's what the roofie in the drink is for.

[Len Cnut]

4 hours ago, Graeme said:

Grossed out by a simple medical procedure? What kind of poor excuse for a forum pervert are you? 

Being a jock drinking til you cant remember shit is just an average weekend anyway

[spunko12345]

Just now, PappyTron said:

She won't remember that it's Graeme; that's what the roofie in the drink is for.

You forget that he's from Glasgow. 3 roofies in a tin of paint thinner is considered a cocktail up there.

[PappyTron]

2 minutes ago, spunko12345 said:

You forget that he's from Glasgow. 3 roofies in a tin of paint thinner is considered a cocktail up there.

[SoulMonster]

If shyness is a reason for not meeting girls, then I can only do as Uncle Fred and recommend some booze. More specifically, the coctail The May Queen (full name: "To-morrow'll be of all the year the maddest, merriest day, for I'm to be Queen of the May, mother, I'm to be Queen of the May.") It's a hefty thing but works wonders when it comes to approaching and bedecking gals.

[PappyTron]

12 minutes ago, SoulMonster said:

If shyness is a reason for not meeting girls, then I can only do as Uncle Fred and recommend some booze. More specifically, the coctail The May Queen (full name: "To-morrow'll be of all the year the maddest, merriest day, for I'm to be Queen of the May, mother, I'm to be Queen of the May.") It's a hefty thing but works wonders when it comes to approaching and bedecking gals.

If Graeme ordered one of those in a Scottish pub he'd be lynched and called a poofter.

[SoulMonster]

3 minutes ago, PappyTron said:

If Graeme ordered one of those in a Scottish pub he'd be lynched and called a poofter.

Hmm, yeah, you're probably right, it probably only works in England.

[PappyTron]

1 minute ago, SoulMonster said:

Hmm, yeah, you're probably right, it probably only works in England.

That's because we are all purveyors of class, dignity and refinement. When I say "all" I mean everyone bar the northerners, obviously, as they are ill-mannered oafs.

[Snake-Pit]

13 hours ago, spunko12345 said:

Chuffed for you Snakes. Don't let Gangster B fuck this one up for you mate  eh? you know what happened last time. Correct me if im wrong but isnt Lesbian Sister one of the Ebony Lesbians?  

I might have got my lesbians mixed up but anyway for the love of Emperor Hailie Selassi just keep Gangster B away from ruining your chance at happiness.

Yeah, Lesbian Sister is there, but I quote;

"Everyone likes her, you, D', T' - everyone! So I'm not getting involved, too many people like her."

End quote.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Snake-Pit

[Graeme]

On 15/04/2016 at 10:30 PM, Wagszilla said:

How do you try to meet women, Graeme? What's the problem?

Haha, well certainly not through online dating . I don't really 'try to meet women' at all, I meet people, some of them will be women, some of them will be women I find attractive. So, I guess 'mutual friends' is the answer to your question.

I don't really know what 'the problem' is, to be honest, otherwise I'd have an idea of how to solve it. I just have never had a serious relationship or anything that's gone beyond a few dates despite the fact I'm 25. It does play on your mind a bit, when you start to think 'is there something glaringly wrong with me that no-one's telling me about?' but I have asked this question to multiple people and been told I'm being ridiculous, that I'm a good-looking guy with a great personality (from people that I hope would know better than to lie to me)... I have no problem talking to women and probably as many female friends as I do guys, it's just finding someone I think of as more than a friend who sees me in the same light that's proving elusive. 

I guess there are two potential contributing factors of which I am aware: One is that I'm quite picky, and I'd definitely rather be single than just going out with someone for the sake of it. The other is that I've no idea how to 'make a move' or whatever that even means, people say it just sort of happens but it never has for me and I definitely don't want to be getting up in a girl's personal space unless I know she's already cool with it. I hate that sleazy, predatory aspect of human (particularly male) sexuality and whenever I witness it on dancefloors etc. I always think 'I never want to be like those guys'.

So, aye, if there's a way to show intent of going beyond friendship, while still being a gentleman, that would be grand.

In fairness, I have had a bit of bad luck, the one time it looked like I might get a crack at being with a girl properly, I had to move 5000 miles away (but everyone here had to endure me moaning about that back when it happened).

[PappyTron]

5 minutes ago, Graeme said:

Haha, well certainly not through online dating . I don't really 'try to meet women' at all, I meet people, some of them will be women, some of them will be women I find attractive. So, I guess 'mutual friends' is the answer to your question.

I don't really know what 'the problem' is, to be honest, otherwise I'd have an idea of how to solve it. I just have never had a serious relationship or anything that's gone beyond a few dates despite the fact I'm 25. It does play on your mind a bit, when you start to think 'is there something glaringly wrong with me that no-one's telling me about?' but I have asked this question to multiple people and been told I'm being ridiculous, that I'm a good-looking guy with a great personality (from people that I hope would know better than to lie to me)... I have no problem talking to women and probably as many female friends as I do guys, it's just finding someone I think of as more than a friend who sees me in the same light that's proving elusive. 

I guess there are two potential contributing factors of which I am aware: One is that I'm quite picky, and I'd definitely rather be single than just going out with someone for the sake of it. The other is that I've no idea how to 'make a move' or whatever that even means, people say it just sort of happens but it never has for me and I definitely don't want to be getting up in a girl's personal space unless I know she's already cool with it. I hate that sleazy, predatory aspect of human (particularly male) sexuality and whenever I witness it on dancefloors etc. I always think 'I never want to be like those guys'.

So, aye, if there's a way to show intent of going beyond friendship, while still being a gentleman, that would be grand.

In fairness, I have had a bit of bad luck, the one time it looked like I might get a crack at being with a girl properly, I had to move 5000 miles away (but everyone here had to endure me moaning about that back when it happened).

Have you ever considered a pheromone sex spray?

[Graeme]

As in, "60% of the time it works, every time?"

[PappyTron]

1 minute ago, Graeme said:

As in, "60% of the time it works, every time?"

[SoulMonster]

8 hours ago, Graeme said:

Haha, well certainly not through online dating . I don't really 'try to meet women' at all, I meet people, some of them will be women, some of them will be women I find attractive. So, I guess 'mutual friends' is the answer to your question.

I don't really know what 'the problem' is, to be honest, otherwise I'd have an idea of how to solve it. I just have never had a serious relationship or anything that's gone beyond a few dates despite the fact I'm 25. It does play on your mind a bit, when you start to think 'is there something glaringly wrong with me that no-one's telling me about?' but I have asked this question to multiple people and been told I'm being ridiculous, that I'm a good-looking guy with a great personality (from people that I hope would know better than to lie to me)... I have no problem talking to women and probably as many female friends as I do guys, it's just finding someone I think of as more than a friend who sees me in the same light that's proving elusive. 

I guess there are two potential contributing factors of which I am aware: One is that I'm quite picky, and I'd definitely rather be single than just going out with someone for the sake of it. The other is that I've no idea how to 'make a move' or whatever that even means, people say it just sort of happens but it never has for me and I definitely don't want to be getting up in a girl's personal space unless I know she's already cool with it. I hate that sleazy, predatory aspect of human (particularly male) sexuality and whenever I witness it on dancefloors etc. I always think 'I never want to be like those guys'.

So, aye, if there's a way to show intent of going beyond friendship, while still being a gentleman, that would be grand.

In fairness, I have had a bit of bad luck, the one time it looked like I might get a crack at being with a girl properly, I had to move 5000 miles away (but everyone here had to endure me moaning about that back when it happened).

You really should try "The May Queen", or any other sufficiently potent drink that will make you lose those inhibitions and self-distrust which prevent you from flirting and sending the right signals to those you are interested in. It doesn't mean you will not be a gentleman, think of James Bond now and his ability to remain gentlemanly while still making moves -- it really depends on how much you drink -- just that your flirting sends the right signal of you being (sexually, emotionally) interested in the other person. And just like you, women usually need that confirmation too, so as soon as you send the right signals you might get the right response back. Untill then, they might  think you have no interest in them becaue you are too stand-offish. Again, alcohol is brilliant at this. You might not be elevated to Shakespearean eloquence but through interacting with your primal brain the alcohol will make you, well, more primitive, and thus more flirtatious and with the dare to suggest things you might not have while completely sober and full of inhibitions and low confidence. Just don't get too drunk, it might dispell all your inhibitions and discerning sense.

[mademoiselle aka jessica]

I'm now soon 41.

4 children, loads of emotional baggage, good and bad.

Im single and like it that way.

Sometimes I miss having someone around, but not enough to start all over again.

For the first time in my life, I'm quite alright being on my own.

[SlashisGOD]

I've been single for a little over a year now and the thing I've come to realize is that I am the lone wolf. Sure, I've tried dating in that time period but none of the girls interested me enough to want to go further. Quite frankly, it made me feel depressed when I'd hang out with these women and realize that I wanted to be somewhere else. I was even stabbed in the back by one of them which made me feel even worse. It's not necessarily a bad thing to be alone. Hell, someone has to play that part and maybe you're one of those people. It can suck sometimes, especially when all your friends are either married or have girlfriends/boyfriends, but the thing to realize is that, at least from my experience, things just get boring after a while. It becomes routine, and I hate routine. I was with my last girlfriend for 6 years, and honestly, it was over after probably the third year. We just stuck around each other because 1, we lived together, and 2, she had nowhere else to go. Sad but true, and truth is always painful. 

 

If I'm single for the rest of my life, so be it. I've accepted it and whatever happens, well, happens. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in meeting a good woman who won't fuck you over. They may be few and far between, but they're there somewhere. 

[Chris1989]

Living together is hard, and the routine can be a joykiller. 

[Len Cnut]

Good Morning and welcome to 'slit your wrists Monday', coming to you live and exclusive from mygnrforum!'

[SoulMonster]

4 hours ago, SlashisGOD said:

I was even stabbed in the back by one of them which made me feel even worse.

It did? Really?

[Lithium]

Graeme, you need to avoid that friend zone, hooray for tolerance!. 

[SlashisGOD]

6 hours ago, SoulMonster said:

It did? Really?

Well yeah. Being hurt by someone you thought you could trust is a hard pill to swallow. I was more pissed off than anything, but afterwards was when I realized that a lot of people are scum and I'm better off by myself.

[SoulMonster]

3 minutes ago, SlashisGOD said:

Well yeah. Being hurt by someone you thought you could trust is a hard pill to swallow.

Almost like being stabbed in the back?

[SlashisGOD]

4 hours ago, SoulMonster said:

Almost like being stabbed in the back?

Yeah just like I said in my original post. 

[Graeme]

On 20/04/2016 at 5:35 AM, Wagszilla said:

There's nothing wrong with being picky as long as you realize it's a buyers market and you're the one selling to the buyers and competing with the predators. 

Also being a decent person is good but no one likes the virginal "nice" guy or girl. I know a lot of nice guys and none of them ever get laid. 

Since you're looking for a classy girl, shoot for an intro coffee date, fun activity date, and then make her dinner for the third date. After dinner, sit on your couch, make her laugh, then kiss her facial region. If she's gone out with you three times, she likes you. If she's going to your house alone, she really likes you. If you've known her for some time, just skip to date 2.

Women are attracted to status, stability, confidence, appearance, and sense of humor. Anything else is a post-hoc rationalization.

I'm taking a sabbatical from dating personally until I get my career on track and move to a new state but I've been around ye olde block.

Sorry for taking a while to reply, I've had a busy week and I needed some time to think about this. Your advice is probably all excellent, based off your own observations and experiences, which are admittedly probably waaay more extensive than mine (though there are definitely 16-year-olds whose experience is much more extensive than mine)...

But is viewing the whole process as a market not a bit cynical? If there was a step-by-step formula for success you could follow, like some sort of market transaction, then wouldn't everybody just do more-or-less the same thing and achieve the same results? The difficulty comes from the fact that individuals are actually attracted to a variety of different things... Fair play, if you're desperate to just get a lay of any sort then you can try and play the law of averages and force yourself into a mould which you believe will appeal to as many girls as possible; perhaps to try and conform to those parameters you listed, for example.

How many guys are going to embody all of those traits simultaneously?

Status? I'm a 1st year PhD student, not a fucking CEO, but I know plenty of other PhD students who managed to find love, so it can't be an deal-breaker and if a lassie's predominantly concerned with social status then she kinda sounds like a terrible person that I probably wouldn't want anything to do with anyway.

Stability? Not really a guarantee when you're a student, particularly one whose research requires long-term international travel, but again I know other people who are in the same position and managed to have successful relationships either in the countries they went to or at home while they travelled, so not a deal-breaker again.

Confidence? True confidence surely has to be rooted in experience, and I'm awful at lying... A lot of what I've read on here suggests to me that this is the main thing which is apparently holding me back but I just don't really know how to change that. Like some sort of vicious cycle of "I don't have confidence because I don't have experience because I don't have confidence because I don't have experience... etc." At what point do you have to start pretending you're something you're not? Is it naive and idealistic to say that I was really just hoping to meet an attractive, awesome lass who would think me as I am is good enough? (As I say, it has happened before, but then I had to relocate 8000 km).

Appearance? I do my best to look after myself, other people say I'm apparently a good-looking guy... I've no idea myself really.

Sense of humour? I am a hilarious cunt. Sometimes. Occasionally.

What's the difference between being a 'virginal nice guy' and being a 'decent person'? In your opinion it purely a matter of having got laid at least once and the confidence thing?

 

Sorry if I'm being frustrating, I'm really not trying to pick holes in everything you're saying for the sake of it. I'm just a bit of a romantic who can't be bothered with the 'cut-throat' aspects of searching for a lover or with playing mind games I don't understand. I'm quite simple really despite not having the 'every hole's a goal' laddish outlook on life.

On 20/04/2016 at 0:16 PM, SoulMonster said:

You really should try "The May Queen", or any other sufficiently potent drink that will make you lose those inhibitions and self-distrust which prevent you from flirting and sending the right signals to those you are interested in. It doesn't mean you will not be a gentleman, think of James Bond now and his ability to remain gentlemanly while still making moves -- it really depends on how much you drink -- just that your flirting sends the right signal of you being (sexually, emotionally) interested in the other person. And just like you, women usually need that confirmation too, so as soon as you send the right signals you might get the right response back. Untill then, they might  think you have no interest in them becaue you are too stand-offish. Again, alcohol is brilliant at this. You might not be elevated to Shakespearean eloquence but through interacting with your primal brain the alcohol will make you, well, more primitive, and thus more flirtatious and with the dare to suggest things you might not have while completely sober and full of inhibitions and low confidence. Just don't get too drunk, it might dispell all your inhibitions and discerning sense.

You think I have inhibitions and self-distrust? Is this related to the confidence thing?

Also, James Bond is a terrible example  he's not a gentleman, he's a total cad! His treatment of women is appalling!