The love/sex/relationship thread

[magisme]

We're just lucky if we get out of this life and Miser doesn't have a few murders under his belt. Holy shit.

Why would I murder people?

I don't know, man. You seem harmless enough at the moment, but that post with the chat quotes? Holy fuck, dude. If that's the shit your life has been into you're simply not right in the head. You must know that. That's some far gone, fantasy world, rabbit boiling in a pot shit. I wish you'd listen to some of the advice you get around here. We know you won't.

Those quotes were her talking though, not me. I just never really had the objective lenses to realize how damaged she was and how crazy she sounded in retrospect. Honestly, I'm an asshole. I was staying with her toward the end more of moral obligation and not wanting to be an asshole and dump her when things were going good, and then she goes and of course I wanted her back.

So why the whole narrative attempting to romanticize the relationship? Why isn't your discussion about, hey, I'm obsessed with this fucking lunatic girl who I didn't even like when I was with her, and how do I stop that shit? Why are we talking about her family and who's on whose side and all that nonsense?

The part of Len's earlier post that sticks out to me the the "dispassionate" part. He's right on the money there. As much care and attention as so many people here have given you, what have you given back? Anything? Real question.

Edited January 13, 2015 by magisme

[Dr. Who]

I suppose in the sense that anything that is outside of the prescribed natural order that has an effect that has a reasonable effect on a persons ability to function properly could be construed as an illness but, entertain this idea for a second. A person has a normal level of social anxiety or slightly above average level. He gets it into his head that its a mental illness and remains indoors and finds himself exacerbating a condition that probably wasn't anything that couldn't be solved by a few social experiences and embarassments.

I guess it's flippant of me to write that shit off without being subject to it first. Do you think anything you've been subjected to by way of psychiatry or treatment has been helpful?

I would say no, honestly. I find talks with friends or people on here much more helpful than therapy. Therapy listens and tries to have you guide yourself to the right decision or frame of mind, but I need something more personal than that, with actual feedback. Rather than just "uh huh" and "how do you feel about that?"

[ZoSoRose]

You're very mistaken, Miser.

I have a degree in Psychology, and have attended therapy sessions myself. If you have a good therapist, one you build a relationship with, than it is immensely rewarding and helpful- way moreso than MYGNR (as much as I love this place).

A good therapist does not simply say, "uh huh" and "how do you feel about that?"

[magisme]

The part of Len's earlier post that sticks out to me the the "dispassionate" part. He's right on the money there. As much care and attention as so many people here have given you, what have you given back? Anything? Real question.

Met with conspicuous silence.

[tomfriend]

I'm fucking hacked off at the moment to be frank. Women, why do you have to be so indecisive? Either like someone and follow through on it or just don't fuck people around in the first place. Sick of this 'oh yeah, I like you! Let's get together!' and then radio silence bullshit. You're not Batman, stop being so enigmatic and just say what's going on.

Indecisive = she doesn't like you.

If you're not important enough to her to follow through on shit with, you already know the answer. Tell her to fuck off and try for a different one.

Yeah, you're probably right there. Twice in a row this has happened with women I was really into. It's a kick in the balls, and as you said, probably not worth dealing with or getting hung up on.

[Dr. Who]

Here's an example of who the ex is, how he talks: "i would like to thank you very muchly for both taking this pic(which i dont remember you doing) and putting it on my profile, since i still have no idea how to do that. you can go back to your "lives" now."

[tomfriend]

I'm fucking hacked off at the moment to be frank. Women, why do you have to be so indecisive? Either like someone and follow through on it or just don't fuck people around in the first place. Sick of this 'oh yeah, I like you! Let's get together!' and then radio silence bullshit. You're not Batman, stop being so enigmatic and just say what's going on.

Indecisive = she doesn't like you.

If you're not important enough to her to follow through on shit with, you already know the answer. Tell her to fuck off and try for a different one.

I'm so glad I learned not to deal with flakey bitches.

You and Miser are like two peas in a pod!

There's no need for that!

[Apollo]

Here's an example of who the ex is, how he talks: "i would like to thank you very muchly for both taking this pic(which i dont remember you doing) and putting it on my profile, since i still have no idea how to do that. you can go back to your "lives" now."

Why in the hell are you saving facebook posts of your ex girlfriend's new boyfriend? DONT YOU SEE HOW WEIRD that is?????

Soulmonster actually gave you some pretty brilliant advice. And you completely missed the point. Saving the world isn't about what YOU want.....it's about being unselfish and helping other people without receiving any glory for what you are doing. You've even romanticized (made it into your own personal movie) what helping other people is all about.

You need to do some internal examination and external realization that you are not as profound as you think you are. You are not living in a movie. You are not some character in the world. You are a f*cked up young man, who obsesses about the weirdest sh*t, who comes off as being creepy and stalkerish. You are crazy, so you attract crazy girls (and their ex's) but then you are so crazy that you run them off.

A grown man putting critical meaning into facebook likes? A grown man saving conversations he had with a gf and with his gf's bf? A grown man taking a Pintrest like as some deep meaning? These are things that 13 year old girls do. Not grown men.

YOU yourself said that you need to take a break from dating and work on fixing yourself. YOU said that. One day later you are trying to hook up with your ex's friend. Three days later you sent out 30 messages on a dating site.

Five or six of what I consider some of the most intelligent and level-headed posters on here have all given you the SAME advice. STOP dating, stop chasing women and take a year to go fix yourself. First and foremost, disconnect your internet. Get off Facebook and all that other stuff. Go back to the basics.

Go back and re-read Soulmonster's post to you. And then go do it. For a year. Make everything you do for that year be about helping somebody else - and not about "you." I promise you that you'll come back as a better person. A person who can have a normal healthy relationship with a woman who isn't bat-shit crazy.

Here's an example of who the ex is, how he talks: "i would like to thank you very muchly for both taking this pic(which i dont remember you doing) and putting it on my profile, since i still have no idea how to do that. you can go back to your "lives" now."

Who gives a f*ck how he talks?

He is the guy your GF left you for. And a guy that you have said is a real prick in real life.

You should completely eliminate him from your life.

This guy shouldn't occupy ONE SECOND of your brain - ever again.

You aren't a 13-year-old girl FFS.

[Dr. Who]

I feel like even though people feel Patrick is off perhaps and manipulative and whatever, I feel like Patrick's not something I could ever be sadly. Like, as the days pass and I see her all happy and, I'll be honest, thinking back to when we met with him, and looking at his fb and stuff, I feel like a nothing compared to him. Not simply because she chose him over me, but because throughout our relationship, she built him up as this legendary person in her life and described the world they have together. She's writing a whole novel based around him and their relationship, it's an allegory for him and her and what he went through.

She would send me notes he wrote her and she wrote him and for my birthday gave me a box of his writings basically titled "his world", as well as love letters they shared, and poems she wrote about him while they were together.

She sent me videos of him talking to her, sent me videos she sent him when they were together in an effort for me to understand him since her family in her eyes refused to as did many of her friends, and I feel like perhaps in her eyes, I'm nothing and never really was.

After spending six months with her and boosting her self esteem and making her feel loved and doing her homework and having little tender moments, only to turn out that I was just a placeholder for somebody else, or that as soon as he returned, I became nothing to her, it just calls into question for me both my sense of self worth and my self esteem, which has never been all that great, and makes me wonder if anything she ever said in terms of love for me, all the beautiful things she wrote to me and about me, if any of it was true, or really meant anything to her at all in any real way or if the whole time she was writing to me and kissing me if it was he who was in her mind.

I feel like he's some golden god full of mysterious charm and charisma, some aloof Kurt Cobain, and I'm nothing, a nobody. garbage.

Which is kind of ironic because when Erica and I first got together, she would always need me to reassure her that she was "good enough", she claimed that he left her because she wasn't good enough, and she'd need me to tell her she was worthy of love and that I actually loved her. there were so many nights she'd be freaking out emotionally because she felt I'd leave her just like he did and that she didn't deserve to be loved by anyone and I'd tell her I'd never leave and she'd make me promise and swear and then it's like, there's this, mythical fucking Prince Patrick, who she's writing her novel about...

It's a mind fuck. It makes me feel like, nothing. A shadow, standing next to what is in her eyes a god of a man, a legend she made and built. It's like trying to date one of Charles Manson's groupies, like if I was to date one of "The Family." You can never measure up and then that makes you wonder the measure of yourself.

It's kind of destroyed my sense of self. It's made me want to cut my wrists, like he did, because him cutting was what made her fall in love with him in the first place, made her intrigued about him and made her desire to save him which is what launched their friendship into a romance, and then after he left her, she wanted to cut to feel some connection with him and felt if she cut he'd understand she was worth it, that cutting would be a way of reaching him emotionally when he'd seemed to shut the door.

And now I feel the she way about her and myself, that she said he made her feel about herself and him. And yet I'd still take her back. And what hurts the worst is not simply the leaving, but the fact that she doesn't even want to be bothered with me, as if I am some terrible person who she's not allowed to speak to. She would cry about how Patrick wouldn't speak to her in any meaningful way after he left her. That for her that destroyed her and made her feel like everything he told her was a lie. And when she has spoken to me, it's been with contempt, as if I cheated.

She claims I don't understand her and that it irritates her when I act like I do, yet she spent our whole relationship telling me how much I understand her, that I understood her better than anybody.

[Facekicker]

Whats with the change in font size? Did you just copy and paste that or what?

[Guest Sleeping Like An Angel]

Move on!

I honestly don't get why it's so hard to move on from someone you talked to online for a few weeks.

You don't know what you want Miser and that is the problem. If you just spent some time thinking and not trying to get dates with exs/ You're jumping all over the place.

An ex is an ex for a reason, why you're going back to the recycling bin is something I can't understand.

The ONLY thing you can do is what everyone else has said. Stop dating for now. Figure out what you want. And stop talking to your exes. It's not even one ex you are hung up on, it's several. Which makes it really obvious you don't have a clue what you want.

[GivenToFly]

Lol

everybody telling Miser to move on and stop paying attention to her but they can't move on and stop paying attention to him

[Apollo]

Move on!

An ex is an ex for a reason, why you're going back to the recycling bin is something I can't understand.

The ONLY thing you can do is what everyone else has said. Stop dating for now. Figure out what you want. And stop talking to your exes.

Lol

everybody telling Miser to move on and stop paying attention to her but they can't move on and stop paying attention to him

You are correct.

I feel like even though people feel Patrick is off perhaps and manipulative and whatever, I feel like Patrick's not something I could ever be sadly. Like, as the days pass and I see her all happy and, I'll be honest, thinking back to when we met with him, and looking at his fb and stuff, I feel like a nothing compared to him. Not simply because she chose him over me, but because throughout our relationship, she built him up as this legendary person in her life and described the world they have together. She's writing a whole novel based around him and their relationship, it's an allegory for him and her and what he went through.

She would send me notes he wrote her and she wrote him and for my birthday gave me a box of his writings basically titled "his world", as well as love letters they shared, and poems she wrote about him while they were together.

She sent me videos of him talking to her, sent me videos she sent him when they were together in an effort for me to understand him since her family in her eyes refused to as did many of her friends, and I feel like perhaps in her eyes, I'm nothing and never really was.

After spending six months with her and boosting her self esteem and making her feel loved and doing her homework and having little tender moments, only to turn out that I was just a placeholder for somebody else, or that as soon as he returned, I became nothing to her, it just calls into question for me both my sense of self worth and my self esteem, which has never been all that great, and makes me wonder if anything she ever said in terms of love for me, all the beautiful things she wrote to me and about me, if any of it was true, or really meant anything to her at all in any real way or if the whole time she was writing to me and kissing me if it was he who was in her mind.

I feel like he's some golden god full of mysterious charm and charisma, some aloof Kurt Cobain, and I'm nothing, a nobody. garbage.

Which is kind of ironic because when Erica and I first got together, she would always need me to reassure her that she was "good enough", she claimed that he left her because she wasn't good enough, and she'd need me to tell her she was worthy of love and that I actually loved her. there were so many nights she'd be freaking out emotionally because she felt I'd leave her just like he did and that she didn't deserve to be loved by anyone and I'd tell her I'd never leave and she'd make me promise and swear and then it's like, there's this, mythical fucking Prince Patrick, who she's writing her novel about...

It's a mind fuck. It makes me feel like, nothing. A shadow, standing next to what is in her eyes a god of a man, a legend she made and built. It's like trying to date one of Charles Manson's groupies, like if I was to date one of "The Family." You can never measure up and then that makes you wonder the measure of yourself.

It's kind of destroyed my sense of self. It's made me want to cut my wrists, like he did, because him cutting was what made her fall in love with him in the first place, made her intrigued about him and made her desire to save him which is what launched their friendship into a romance, and then after he left her, she wanted to cut to feel some connection with him and felt if she cut he'd understand she was worth it, that cutting would be a way of reaching him emotionally when he'd seemed to shut the door.

And now I feel the she way about her and myself, that she said he made her feel about herself and him. And yet I'd still take her back. And what hurts the worst is not simply the leaving, but the fact that she doesn't even want to be bothered with me, as if I am some terrible person who she's not allowed to speak to. She would cry about how Patrick wouldn't speak to her in any meaningful way after he left her. That for her that destroyed her and made her feel like everything he told her was a lie. And when she has spoken to me, it's been with contempt, as if I cheated.

She claims I don't understand her and that it irritates her when I act like I do, yet she spent our whole relationship telling me how much I understand her, that I understood her better than anybody.

This reads like ramblings from a 13-year-old girl.

Edited January 13, 2015 by Apollo

[Axls Rocket Queen]

5 years with the boyfriend today and 7 weeks until moving-in day!

[Chris1989]

5 years with the boyfriend today and 7 weeks until moving-in day!

Congrats, here's to many more years for you both!

I guess that you will be celebrating by giving your boyfriend a bunch of love letters from your ex a la Misers gf?

[Axls Rocket Queen]

5 years with the boyfriend today and 7 weeks until moving-in day!

Congrats, here's to many more years for you both!

I guess that you will be celebrating by giving your boyfriend a bunch of love letters from your ex a la Misers gf?

Of course, is there any other way?

[arnold layne]

My new personal goal is to chat up as many girls as possible.

I just have nothing to lose anymore. Quite frankly I've already had the experience of my life so I just don't care much anymore. I just like to talk to others and see where there lives are. Today I talked to some chick working at the McDonald's. I just like to learn about their daily lives and I attempt to sympathize with their problems and daily struggles.

Do I care? No, but I think they appreciate it when someone listens.

[Lithium]

Lol

everybody telling Miser to move on and stop paying attention to her but they can't move on and stop paying attention to him

Spot on. The only reason why he's taken over this thread is because people are giving him attention.

[The Sandman]

Always the way... draw attention away from him with shots of muscles.

Where's Pappy when you need him?!

Edited January 13, 2015 by The Sandman

[Apollo]

My new personal goal is to chat up as many girls as possible.

I just like to talk to others and see where there lives are. Today I talked to some chick working at the McDonald's. I just like to learn about their daily lives and I attempt to sympathize with their problems and daily struggles.

Do I care? No, but I think they appreciate it when someone listens.

Bro, you just described 95.6% of the human population.

The rest of us casually chat with people to be nice and polite - with the hope that we'll hit it off with one of them on occasion. Sure, the majority of your conversations might be superficial and not mean anything....but every once in a while BAM, you will hit it off with a cute girl. This how guys meet girls. Smile, be nice and act interested: you will start meeting cool chicks.

[arnold layne]

Tinder is such a fucking joke.

No reasonable woman is going to meet you on Tinder. Yet I'll keep trying. Some chick chatted me up about Mario Kart and challenged me. So therefore I accepted her challenge and told her to set up a time and I'll play her in kart, and she freaked out and unmatched me.

Fucking hilarious.

[arnold layne]

Most girls are batshit insane.

Rejection doesn't hurt that bad when you understand this.

[AdriftatSea]

Im only messing about man, I'm sure you're fine, you cant build a psychological profile based on an internet forum, you could be the Peter Stringfellow of New Jersey for all i know, just friendly ribbing

(You know im right tho! )

You are right in me being a narcisst. My self diagnosis is mainly a codependent personality disorder, mixed with traits of high functioning autism, NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), borderline personality disorder, OCD and chronic depression, as well as elements of being bi-polar. I've been diagnosed officially with situational depression, PTSD, and social anxiety.

You don't have high functioning autism Miser. That's your borderline personality and manipulative behavior telling the forum and yourself that. And really, you shouldn't do that because that's a disease that people truly suffer from. You say you have this because you think it makes you sound like the smartest person in the room, hence your narcissism. You know that's why you said it.

I'll tell you why you don't have it. People with high functioning autism don't discuss their feelings because they don't recognize them. They don't want to be touched and they don't like other people to touch them. They certainly would never obsess over women or other men. Maybe they would obsess over how many tiles are on the kitchen floor or how many stairs it takes to get from the bottom of the subway to the street, but not over people. For you to tell us you have high functioning autism, you are saying that because you think it makes you sound smart. That's not right. Why would you think it sounds attractive? It isn't an attractive illness. No one thinks you're dumb.

I agree with what Soulie said, you need some help exiting that maze in your brain. That and helping others is the only answer to getting out of your brain that you are all wound up in. You aren't going to find answers to your questions. Stop asking yourself the same questions. Look outside yourself and ask how you can help others. Stop asking how you can help yourself. You keep saying how you helped her. You were only helping her so you could help yourself. I'm sorry to put it that way, but that's the way it was. Straight up, that's what it was, you were helping her, so that you could have her.

Go help someone. Volunteer at a nursing home, an animal shelter; pick up garbage on the side of the street; find an orphanage and be a big brother to some children that don't have a family. Do something, but get out of yourself. That's the way to happiness. When you do that, you may find life will level out for you.

Edit: When I say go help someone, I mean go help someone without an ulterior motive. Go help someone without a desire for anything in return. And don't tell us you helped her out of the goodness of your heart. If that were the case, you wouldn't feel this way now.

Edited January 14, 2015 by AdriftatSea

[arnold layne]

My new personal goal is to chat up as many girls as possible.

I just like to talk to others and see where there lives are. Today I talked to some chick working at the McDonald's. I just like to learn about their daily lives and I attempt to sympathize with their problems and daily struggles.

Do I care? No, but I think they appreciate it when someone listens.

Bro, you just described 95.6% of the human population.

The rest of us casually chat with people to be nice and polite - with the hope that we'll hit it off with one of them on occasion. Sure, the majority of your conversations might be superficial and not mean anything....but every once in a while BAM, you will hit it off with a cute girl. This how guys meet girls. Smile, be nice and act interested: you will start meeting cool chicks.

Yeah but I wasn't like the rest of you. That's my fucking point.

After I got through my first hump my perception on this shit really changed.

Sex ain't that big of a deal but it's super fucking fun.

If it never happens again at least I can say I've tried it.

May as well pursue it further though because I can't fail being a virgin twice.

[spunko12345]

Most fun way of striking up conversations is to get blind drunk and lie through your teeth. When I've been between real relationships over the years I've told people I'm a professional cricket player, a lion tamer, farmer etc etc. About 2 years ago it got out of hand and led me to move to north London for 4 months.