The Real McCoy's life issues and style advice thread

[The Real McCoy]

I just don't get it.

We've had the same conversations about the exact same situations happening again, again, and again for the last two years.

May I ask, and no offense intended, what have you done to try and fix this other than trying to set appointments with random women hoping one will magically have a different attitude ?

I've been waiting a bit to text them back - not exactly falling over myself to get right back to them, hardly talking about myself when we go out (not that I did that much to begin with), when I do talk about myself (if she brings it up), it's about something that I'm confident about, which is my job, etc.

You should read about what is called "inner game" ( basically how to control your emotions ) because a lot of what you are doing wrong probably shows up in your subcommunication ( your posture, the way you talk, your body language ) and it is impossible to "appear" confident if your emotions are telling you otherwise.

You must find a way to genuinely feel like YOU are the prize and that getting the girl is just a bonus otherwise it won't work, even if you have all the theory right.

That's the reason why it's pretty easy getting a girl whom you don't really care about wheras it's almost impossible to get what you consider a "perfect 10" : you may say the right words but the way you say them and the way you show up is not congruent with them and they can sense it.

That could very well be it. I've said it before: I have major issues as far as self-confidence goes. I know many have mentioned the "fake it until you make it" approach, but I would like to eventually like myself for real at some point before I check out.

[pestilence]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

[The Real McCoy]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

It moreso stems from being overweight as a chikd and bring bullied mercilessly for most of my childhood. Those days are long behind me now, but still, no matter how much weight I lose, I always feel like I could do more.

The constant rejection doesn't help, either, and I'm extremely self-conscious about my height.

That's really just scratching the surface.

[Chris1989]

McCoy, we're alike in so many ways it's scary.

[SoulMonster]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

It moreso stems from being overweight as a chikd and bring bullied mercilessly for most of my childhood. Those days are long behind me now, but still, no matter how much weight I lose, I always feel like I could do more.

The constant rejection doesn't help, either, and I'm extremely self-conscious about my height.

That's really just scratching the surface.

You should drop some of that vanity, it is not manly at all. You come across as shallow and neurotic. If you can't fix yourself get some professional help or start hanging out with some dudes who's got it right to simply learn from their example (do you even have male friends who you hang out with?). Maybe drinking would make you relax a bit and stop fussing so much about insignificant things like your height and looks. Love will find you if you just stop incessantly focus so much on it and your own appearance. You look good, but vanity really is unbecoming so don't ruin it. Get some hobbies that build you as a person and forget about women until you have accepted who you are.

[The Real McCoy]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

It moreso stems from being overweight as a chikd and bring bullied mercilessly for most of my childhood. Those days are long behind me now, but still, no matter how much weight I lose, I always feel like I could do more.

The constant rejection doesn't help, either, and I'm extremely self-conscious about my height.

That's really just scratching the surface.

You should drop some of that vanity, it is not manly at all. You come across as shallow and neurotic. If you can't fix yourself get some professional help or start hanging out with some dudes who's got it right to simply learn from their example (do you even have male friends who you hang out with?). Maybe drinking would make you relax a bit and stop fussing so much about insignificant things like your height and looks. Love will find you if you just stop incessantly focus so much on it and your own appearance. You look good, but vanity really is unbecoming so don't ruin it. Get some hobbies that build you as a person and forget about women until you have accepted who you are.

My best friend is married with a kid and the other is always off at air shows this time of the year. The two other guys that I hang out with on a regular basis aren't really better off than I am in that regard, although the one is better at the initial approach than I am.

[Redhead74]

Perhaps you shouldn't dress as a country singer then, it must be confusing to those you meet.On topic: Nothing wrong with replying to the girl, she has already signalled she is not interested in you in any romantic way, you might as well just accept being friends with her. Refusing to text her is just immature.

Friends? Didn't they 'meet' on a dating site? They hardly know each other and wouldn't have met if they both weren't looking for more. Personally, I think he's wasting his time being friends. He seems to have plenty of women willing to be friends, he needs to focus his energies and his limited time on girls that are interested in him for more than that. A few random text messages doesn't exactly count as 'friendship' and she's probably not going to make a priority of hanging out with a guy she's not interested in romantically given the fact that she's 'looking for love' too.

I'm all for widening your circle of friends as its often through these people you get introduced to others, one of which might end up being 'the one'. But I see a friendship from a few random encounters via a dating site, and some text messages to be pretty hollow in all honesty. Move on and don't look back.

[Redhead74]

You should drop some of that vanity, it is not manly at all. You come across as shallow and neurotic. If you can't fix yourself get some professional help or start hanging out with some dudes who's got it right to simply learn from their example (do you even have male friends who you hang out with?). Maybe drinking would make you relax a bit and stop fussing so much about insignificant things like your height and looks. Love will find you if you just stop incessantly focus so much on it and your own appearance. You look good, but vanity really is unbecoming so don't ruin it. Get some hobbies that build you as a person and forget about women until you have accepted who you are.

+ 1,000.

I can't say how much I find vanity in men a real turn off. It's probably the number one thing that turns me off. And women don't place nearly as much emphasis on looks as guys do. Just looking at GNR, Axl was the shortest but he was by far the most attractive one to me. So height isn't a factor either.

I deal every day with girls/women getting married. They've found THE ONE. A lot of them are not beautiful physically. And when I see the wedding photos they send in to me after the wedding, neither are their husbands. McCoy, look around you. There are married men everywhere in this world who are far less attractive than you are yet they found THE ONE.

You've done plenty of work on yourself physically over the years, now you need to do some work on what's inside. I'm tempted to say personality too, but that would be a bit harsh because I've never actually met you.

The other thing, maybe you need to lower your standards a bit in terms of what you judge to be physically attractive in a woman. Actually realise that people who aren't 'drop dead gorgeous and hot!!!' can actually be beautiful in many other ways. It's about companionship and love, not a trophy to have on your arm.

[pestilence]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

It moreso stems from being overweight as a chikd and bring bullied mercilessly for most of my childhood. Those days are long behind me now, but still, no matter how much weight I lose, I always feel like I could do more.

The constant rejection doesn't help, either, and I'm extremely self-conscious about my height.

That's really just scratching the surface.

if you're actually carrying all that shit around with you still i better get a facebook

an start apologizing to some people....

[arnold layne]

McCoy sounds like an interesting and engaging person.

[Ace Nova]

So any updates? Has she text you at all? Have you text her back?

[magisme]

So any updates?

No.

Has she text you at all?

No.

Have you text her back?

Yes.

Sorry, McCoy.

[The Real McCoy]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

It moreso stems from being overweight as a chikd and bring bullied mercilessly for most of my childhood. Those days are long behind me now, but still, no matter how much weight I lose, I always feel like I could do more.

The constant rejection doesn't help, either, and I'm extremely self-conscious about my height.

That's really just scratching the surface.

if you're actually carrying all that shit around with you still i better get a facebook

an start apologizing to some people....

I've met most of it go over the years. I don't really hold any grudges against people from my past, but the emotional scars are still there to an extent. No matter how much work I've done on my physical appearance over the years, it still never feels like it's quite enough. When I look in the mirror, I still see that chubby overweight kid a good amount of the time. No one liked that guy.

I've had some of my female friends (hell, even attractive country singers) tell me that I'm "good looking" or whatever over the years, especially when I whipped myself in to shape, but I just can't see what they see, whatever that is. I just see someone that can't compete with other people in the looks department.

As Red said, maybe that's not what's important to women, but it's still a mental block that I'd love I find a way to get over for my own personal development. I fear that I'll never really be happy with myself.

[SoulMonster]

Stop obsessing over your appearance. What makes you smile, what interests you, what your hobbies are, what angers you, how good of a friend you are, what charities you support, what your dreams are, when you cry, who you want to become - these are some of the things that define you, not the thin outer layer that is your appearance. You might stop a women with a dazzling smile and some nice clothes but it is what you have on the inside that will make her stay. It simply seems to me you are fussing about the wrong things, it is your personality that is broken not your appearance. You weren't bullied because you were fat, you weren't bullied because you were ugly, you were bullied because of how you responded to being teased about these things. And the reason why you don't have a girlfriend now isn't that you aren't good looking enough, or tall enough, or dress well enough, it is because until you realize you are good enough then few else will. If you come across as so vain, insecure, neurotic and weak as you do here on this forum then it is no wonder girls shy away from you too. So in short, you look good, what needs fixing is your neuroses; accept who you are, work on things with you that you can actually improve and that are important to others, but more than anything else, enjoy yourself and others will too.

[Lithium]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

It moreso stems from being overweight as a chikd and bring bullied mercilessly for most of my childhood. Those days are long behind me now, but still, no matter how much weight I lose, I always feel like I could do more.

The constant rejection doesn't help, either, and I'm extremely self-conscious about my height.

That's really just scratching the surface.

if you're actually carrying all that shit around with you still i better get a facebook

an start apologizing to some people....

I've met most of it go over the years. I don't really hold any grudges against people from my past, but the emotional scars are still there to an extent. No matter how much work I've done on my physical appearance over the years, it still never feels like it's quite enough. When I look in the mirror, I still see that chubby overweight kid a good amount of the time. No one liked that guy.

I've had some of my female friends (hell, even attractive country singers) tell me that I'm "good looking" or whatever over the years, especially when I whipped myself in to shape, but I just can't see what they see, whatever that is. I just see someone that can't compete with other people in the looks department.

As Red said, maybe that's not what's important to women, but it's still a mental block that I'd love I find a way to get over for my own personal development. I fear that I'll never really be happy with myself.

Get over yourself and man up, for fuck's sake. I'm one sadsack post away from deleting this thread.

[netcat]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

It moreso stems from being overweight as a chikd and bring bullied mercilessly for most of my childhood. Those days are long behind me now, but still, no matter how much weight I lose, I always feel like I could do more.

The constant rejection doesn't help, either, and I'm extremely self-conscious about my height.

That's really just scratching the surface.

if you're actually carrying all that shit around with you still i better get a facebook

an start apologizing to some people....

I've met most of it go over the years. I don't really hold any grudges against people from my past, but the emotional scars are still there to an extent. No matter how much work I've done on my physical appearance over the years, it still never feels like it's quite enough. When I look in the mirror, I still see that chubby overweight kid a good amount of the time. No one liked that guy.

I've had some of my female friends (hell, even attractive country singers) tell me that I'm "good looking" or whatever over the years, especially when I whipped myself in to shape, but I just can't see what they see, whatever that is. I just see someone that can't compete with other people in the looks department.

As Red said, maybe that's not what's important to women, but it's still a mental block that I'd love I find a way to get over for my own personal development. I fear that I'll never really be happy with myself.

sorry, but it's just hard to believe this was actually written by 30 years old dude...

Edited June 9, 2014 by netcat

[SR_GR]

What you are experiencing is just normal. You are not the only one for whom it is

difficult to find interesting partners. To find just some company from bars and such

can be easy, but to find someone with a real connection is rare. A lot of people settle

for little in relationships in fear of loneliness - you are smart enough to know there is more.

There are a lot hobby groups filled with women. Join a few and it is unavoidable to get to

know some potential partners, line dancing?

If you really still have a problem with yourself, no need to dwell in it, seek a good place

for some short therapy e.g. 3-6 times. Confidence is not all about looks. I know some

not so attractive persons (no encouragement from home either) who are very confident

and some unusually attractive persons who think there is something wrong with the way

they look.

Just stay active and do interesting things without worrying.

[The Real McCoy]

I try to find girls that are 5'5 or shorter.

Here ya go, she's 4'8" ... guaranteed to look up to you no matter what your real height may be.

[Redhead74]

you don't like yourself...what have you done so horrible in life

not to like yourself....besides not get pussy...fuck man i love myself

and hate everyone else....not really....but kinda

It moreso stems from being overweight as a chikd and bring bullied mercilessly for most of my childhood. Those days are long behind me now, but still, no matter how much weight I lose, I always feel like I could do more.

The constant rejection doesn't help, either, and I'm extremely self-conscious about my height.

That's really just scratching the surface.

if you're actually carrying all that shit around with you still i better get a facebook

an start apologizing to some people....

I've met most of it go over the years. I don't really hold any grudges against people from my past, but the emotional scars are still there to an extent. No matter how much work I've done on my physical appearance over the years, it still never feels like it's quite enough. When I look in the mirror, I still see that chubby overweight kid a good amount of the time. No one liked that guy.

I've had some of my female friends (hell, even attractive country singers) tell me that I'm "good looking" or whatever over the years, especially when I whipped myself in to shape, but I just can't see what they see, whatever that is. I just see someone that can't compete with other people in the looks department.

As Red said, maybe that's not what's important to women, but it's still a mental block that I'd love I find a way to get over for my own personal development. I fear that I'll never really be happy with myself.

You need a new perspective. So you were teased as a kid, so you were chubby and it gave you a complex. Big deal. I think the real measure of a man is how he overcomes the difficulties in life and there are people in this world who have overcome far more than you have and live well functioning lives. It's all in the mind and a belief (or lack of) in yourself.

Read this book: Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic. If you think you've got problems he was born without arms and legs and overcame every problem he had to live a successful life.

And here he is on his wedding day:

No. Fucking. Excuses. Mate.

[The Sandman]

The 'mate' at the end really made you sound more Australian

[Redhead74]

I don't use it often but sometimes it's necessary. Dude needs a huge fucking wake up call.

I should have italicised the 'Mate' because I would have said it with emphasis.

[pestilence]

i think he's hopeless... go back to being the fat kid everyone picked on....

you seem to like it

[The Real McCoy]

I'm trying to think of a hobby that I could use to try to occupy some of my time, but I honestly cannot think of even a single thing that interests me at this point, aside from my job.

[Apollo]

I'm trying to think of a hobby that I could use to try to occupy some of my time, but I honestly cannot think of even a single thing that interests me at this point, aside from my job.

Are you and Arnold related?

Dude, people on here have given you a LOT of advice - some of it really, really great. You seem like you are a bit self-absorbed and you can't get out of your own head. Everybody was picked on as a kid. Everybody has struck out in the dating world. Everybody dated a crazy person. Everybody has gotten burned. Life isn't perfect, we all have troubles and insecurities. Get over it.

How about just getting of social media. Stop self-absorbing. Say "today is a new day" and go out and enjoy yourself. Today you are a fresh and new McCoy. Not the fat kid who people picked on. That was the past. The future is a BLANK canvas that you can paint any way you want.

See a girl you think is cute? Go talk to her. Not as a future potential wife. And who cares if she doesn't return your interest. There are 4 billion other females in the world. See some strangers in a bar, playing volleyball on the beach, etc - just go talk to them. People are people. Nobody is judging you, and if they are - who cares? There are billions of other people out there.

Stop thinking so much. Just go have some fun. Nothing interests you? I could list a million things you could go do for fun. Join a cooking class. Go to a sports bar. Go to a local bar band concert. Comedy club? Get a puppy? Ever paint? Like to write, join a writers club. Go for a hike. Go somewhere you've never been before. Check out a new restaurant, bar, etc. Any local sporting events going on?

The world is an amazing place, full of fascinating and interesting people.

Go out and enjoy it. Get outside your head and comfort zone and go live a little.

[Tater Totts]

I'm trying to think of a hobby that I could use to try to occupy some of my time, but I honestly cannot think of even a single thing that interests me at this point, aside from my job.

No shit, that happens to a lot of people.

You actually need to try something out to know whether you will enjoy it.

Two years ago there was no chance in hell I would have believed that I would love doing Yoga and Ju Jitsu but I tried them, found I liked them and grew to love them.