The Real McCoy's life issues and style advice thread

[Guest NGOG]

I skyped Pappy. He ate horse girl with some fava beans a few weeks ago.

Edited May 19, 2014 by NGOG

[Thin White Duke]

I think McCoy should ask Pappy why he disappeared.

[Lithium]

Well, me and Pappy did joke about McCoy being a serial killer. Pappy getting murdered by a serial killer, that would be ironic.

Saucy 'Coy.

[Apollo]

Asking her is an incredibly bad idea unless you want to be known as "that whiney bitch who got ditched and wouldn't let it go".

I respectfully disagree!

It's all in how he handles it.

I had this same exact situation happen in one of my last relationships before getting married.

I had a bad breakup with this girl and it ended up with us not being friends. I ended it.

About a month later she asked me to lunch - I reluctantly went.

At lunch she said "be brutally honest."

We had a great talk, I told her the things she was doing that would drive normal men away. Simple things like showering me with gifts - she saw it as her showing me how much she liked me. I explained that it seemed a bit desperate and crazy since we'd only been dating a couple months. She thought she was being nice, I told her I'd cringe when she handed me wrapped gifts. She never thought the guy would look at gifts as a bad thing. Now she knows.

It was a great conversation and she took a lot out of it. And I didn't think "whiny crazy ex" for a second. I respected the fact that she had the courage to come meet with me.

We probably wouldn't have spoken again after the break-up, but now we are good friends.

*********

And I think some of you guys have the opposite of reality when you think that friends are going to be more honest than an ex.

Good friends (especially of the opposite sex) are the ones who are going to tell McCoy how great he is and how some girl is going to be lucky to have him. His good female friends aren't going to be brutally honest and say things that will hurt his feelings. Why would an ex worry about hurting his feelings? They are broken up.

Go to a friend to get heartwarming "you are awesome, those girls are stupid" comments.

Go to an ex or a date that didn't work out and you'll get an honest response.

(And of course, this isn't 100% of the time. But the majority of the time).

Just look at how it goes on this forum. Think of the people who are in YOUR friend's group. The amount of ass kissing that goes on in here is funny. P4A and Red could post the same exact comment/situation and the way you all would react would solely depend on which one of the two you liked. Let's say the DMV worker was rude to them. Here are your responses.

"Well only a miserable douche would work for DMV. He just has a miserable life and took it out on you. Don't worry about it."

or

"With your personality and the way you treat people, I don't blame the guy for being rude to you."

Who gets what response? Depends on which of the two people you like.

[Thin White Duke]

First: Hey, once it worked for me, that means it will always work.

Second: relationship vs. we had a "date" at a horse stable.

Third: If your friends are not honest with you if you especially ask them to be honest, then they are not friends.

Fourth: lol Internet friends.

Fifth: Everybody likes Patience.

Edited May 19, 2014 by Thin White Duke

[Dazey]

Asking her is an incredibly bad idea unless you want to be known as "that whiney bitch who got ditched and wouldn't let it go".

I respectfully disagree!

It's all in how he handles it.

I had this same exact situation happen in one of my last relationships before getting married.

I had a bad breakup with this girl and it ended up with us not being friends. I ended it.

About a month later she asked me to lunch - I reluctantly went.

At lunch she said "be brutally honest."

We had a great talk, I told her the things she was doing that would drive normal men away. Simple things like showering me with gifts - she saw it as her showing me how much she liked me. I explained that it seemed a bit desperate and crazy since we'd only been dating a couple months. She thought she was being nice, I told her I'd cringe when she handed me wrapped gifts. She never thought the guy would look at gifts as a bad thing. Now she knows.

It was a great conversation and she took a lot out of it. And I didn't think "whiny crazy ex" for a second. I respected the fact that she had the courage to come meet with me.

We probably wouldn't have spoken again after the break-up, but now we are good friends.

*********

And I think some of you guys have the opposite of reality when you think that friends are going to be more honest than an ex.

Good friends (especially of the opposite sex) are the ones who are going to tell McCoy how great he is and how some girl is going to be lucky to have him. His good female friends aren't going to be brutally honest and say things that will hurt his feelings. Why would an ex worry about hurting his feelings? They are broken up.

Go to a friend to get heartwarming "you are awesome, those girls are stupid" comments.

Go to an ex or a date that didn't work out and you'll get an honest response.

(And of course, this isn't 100% of the time. But the majority of the time).

Just look at how it goes on this forum. Think of the people who are in YOUR friend's group. The amount of ass kissing that goes on in here is funny. P4A and Red could post the same exact comment/situation and the way you all would react would solely depend on which one of the two you liked. Let's say the DMV worker was rude to them. Here are your responses.

"Well only a miserable douche would work for DMV. He just has a miserable life and took it out on you. Don't worry about it."

or

"With your personality and the way you treat people, I don't blame the guy for being rude to you."

Who gets what response? Depends on which of the two people you like.

Personally I might agree with you if he'd been dating them for a while and if there'd been some time since AND they were now friends. But for a stranger who he barely knows? Nah, sorry man but that's got restraining order written all over it.

[Facekicker]

McCoy,

You have talked about "Approach anxiety" and anxiety in social settings quite a bit in this thread without ever really going into detail.

1: So what exactly is it that you are afraid of when it comes to talking to a girl that catches your eye?

2: What is it about other people that causes you to get anxious in social settings, such as bars?

[MB.]

McCoy, just stop treating a date as a dentist apointment and you will be fine.

[Dazey]

McCoy, just stop treating a date as a dentist apointment and you will be fine.

Also start drinking.

[MB.]

McCoy, just stop treating a date as a dentist apointment and you will be fine.

Also start drinking.

In his case, probably a good idea

[Redhead74]

McCoy, just stop treating a date as a dentist apointment and you will be fine.

Lol, at first glance I thought you said: "just stop eating a date at a dentist appointment and you will be fine"

[Apollo]

Asking her is an incredibly bad idea unless you want to be known as "that whiney bitch who got ditched and wouldn't let it go".

I respectfully disagree!

It's all in how he handles it.

I had this same exact situation happen in one of my last relationships before getting married.

I had a bad breakup with this girl and it ended up with us not being friends. I ended it.

About a month later she asked me to lunch - I reluctantly went.

At lunch she said "be brutally honest."

We had a great talk, I told her the things she was doing that would drive normal men away. Simple things like showering me with gifts - she saw it as her showing me how much she liked me. I explained that it seemed a bit desperate and crazy since we'd only been dating a couple months. She thought she was being nice, I told her I'd cringe when she handed me wrapped gifts. She never thought the guy would look at gifts as a bad thing. Now she knows.

It was a great conversation and she took a lot out of it. And I didn't think "whiny crazy ex" for a second. I respected the fact that she had the courage to come meet with me.

We probably wouldn't have spoken again after the break-up, but now we are good friends.

*********

And I think some of you guys have the opposite of reality when you think that friends are going to be more honest than an ex.

Good friends (especially of the opposite sex) are the ones who are going to tell McCoy how great he is and how some girl is going to be lucky to have him. His good female friends aren't going to be brutally honest and say things that will hurt his feelings. Why would an ex worry about hurting his feelings? They are broken up.

Go to a friend to get heartwarming "you are awesome, those girls are stupid" comments.

Go to an ex or a date that didn't work out and you'll get an honest response.

(And of course, this isn't 100% of the time. But the majority of the time).

Just look at how it goes on this forum. Think of the people who are in YOUR friend's group. The amount of ass kissing that goes on in here is funny. P4A and Red could post the same exact comment/situation and the way you all would react would solely depend on which one of the two you liked. Let's say the DMV worker was rude to them. Here are your responses.

"Well only a miserable douche would work for DMV. He just has a miserable life and took it out on you. Don't worry about it."

or

"With your personality and the way you treat people, I don't blame the guy for being rude to you."

Who gets what response? Depends on which of the two people you like.

Personally I might agree with you if he'd been dating them for a while and if there'd been some time since AND they were now friends. But for a stranger who he barely knows? Nah, sorry man but that's got restraining order written all over it.

My bad. You are right.

I didn't know this was just a one date person that he barely knew.

(and NGOG agrees with you, so you must be correct!!!)

[AdriftatSea]

If a woman doesn't want to go out with you anymore, chances are it's because she's just not feeling it. It doesn't matter how long you've dated her. It isn't going to be anything she can out right tell you. And if it is, she's most likely not going to tell you because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I veto asking her. What one woman doesn't like about you, another may love about you. What good would it do you to know what one woman doesn't like about you? Would you change this aspect of yourself? Another woman may like it. Why change your personality for some woman that doesn't like you?

Have you seen 'The Birthday Girl' with Nicole Kidman? Mail Order Bride! They really liked each other in the end.

If you've been through this a lot and you live in a small town/city, you may have ruined your credibility and need to go outside the area to date. Nothing will get the attention of the local women more than to bring in another woman from outside the area! I'm not talking mail order bride here. That was a joke. Consider going over to the next town on your night off. Meet someone there? You may find the right woman there anyway.

[Thin White Duke]

Maybe, and only maybe, everything that is said on a conversation isn't meant to be literal. Figures of speech, people. Hyperbole and all that.

[The Real McCoy]

McCoy,

You have talked about "Approach anxiety" and anxiety in social settings quite a bit in this thread without ever really going into detail.

1: So what exactly is it that you are afraid of when it comes to talking to a girl that catches your eye?

2: What is it about other people that causes you to get anxious in social settings, such as bars?

1. Rejection is a huge part of it. I just assume that she's not going to be interested and that I'll be completely humiliated. I'm nothing special. Huge potential for public embarrassment.

2. I always feel like everyone is judging me, talking about me, etc. I can rarely even go to a sit down restaurant by myself because I tend to feel as though people are judging me for not being with anyone.

[AxlisOld]

Alcohol solves literally every problem you've mentioned here.

[Lithium]

McCoy,

You have talked about "Approach anxiety" and anxiety in social settings quite a bit in this thread without ever really going into detail.

1: So what exactly is it that you are afraid of when it comes to talking to a girl that catches your eye?

2: What is it about other people that causes you to get anxious in social settings, such as bars?

1. Rejection is a huge part of it. I just assume that she's not going to be interested and that I'll be completely humiliated. I'm nothing special. Huge potential for public embarrassment.

2. I always feel like everyone is judging me, talking about me, etc. I can rarely even go to a sit down restaurant by myself because I tend to feel as though people are judging me for not being with anyone.

FFS, grow some balls.

[estrangedtwat]

McCoy,

You have talked about "Approach anxiety" and anxiety in social settings quite a bit in this thread without ever really going into detail.

1: So what exactly is it that you are afraid of when it comes to talking to a girl that catches your eye?

2: What is it about other people that causes you to get anxious in social settings, such as bars?

1. Rejection is a huge part of it. I just assume that she's not going to be interested and that I'll be completely humiliated. I'm nothing special. Huge potential for public embarrassment.

2. I always feel like everyone is judging me, talking about me, etc. I can rarely even go to a sit down restaurant by myself because I tend to feel as though people are judging me for not being with anyone.

You're nothing special, yet everywhere you go, everyone is looking at you and noticing you and judging you?

[Axls Rocket Queen]

McCoy, GO AND SEE A COUNSELLOR.

Seriously, if you genuinely have the social anxiety issues you describe there, that is not normal and neither talking to people on the internet nor chasing after girls is going to solve your problems. You need professional help.

[netcat]

At lunch she said "be brutally honest."

We had a great talk, I told her the things she was doing that would drive normal men away. Simple things like showering me with gifts - she saw it as her showing me how much she liked me. I explained that it seemed a bit desperate and crazy since we'd only been dating a couple months. She thought she was being nice, I told her I'd cringe when she handed me wrapped gifts. She never thought the guy would look at gifts as a bad thing. Now she knows.

doesn't sound like a brutal truth to me. more like a neat excuse

there's no point asking people what's wrong with you.

if you get on their nerves properly, they'll tell you everything on their own accord and you will have no idea how to shut them up. but if they don't want to go there, you will only make things even more awkward than they already are

[Dazey]

Contacting her via e-mail or whatever wouldn't get him restraining order or being known as "that whiney bitch who got ditched and wouldn't let it go" unless it was a town with the population of 200 people.. But yeah I suppose after one date, what could she even tell her ..

Anyway, how small a village you gotta live in to get known as whatever by how you interact with one person?! I live in a small country, have lived in small towns and never thought about getting any kind of bad or good reputation.. It's not like people actually talk about shit to everyone they know and everyone they know would talk to everyone they know.. I don't know, maybe I just haven't lived in a town that small .

Nah, I'm sorry but it's just fuckin' weird man. I mean in the type of scenario that Groghan described it's fine in that you actually have some form of relationship with the person. I have a lot of exes who I'd happily ask those kinda questions to if I thought I needed to but that's only because the dust has long since settled and I now consider them friends.

It's a whole different ball game to somebody you've been out on one or two dates with and who clearly wants to take things no further. It's not their responsibility to "fix" him and it's just plain odd to even ask them to.

If I had to put my finger on why McCoy's having so much trouble it's simply that he's too fussy and refuses to put himself out there. The guy's got a fucking laundry list of do's and don'ts that he's unwilling to compromise on and (no offence McCoy) a massive stick up his arse.

He needs to loosen up and ditch the "no bars" rule because newsflash, that's where people go out to socialise 90% of the time in this society. He could even decide to enjoy the occasional social beer here and there and might be pleasantly surprised that neither he nor many many other people turns into raving loonies after a couple of bottles of lager.

The thing I don't understand about this whole "no bars" thing is how it's any different to attending any number of gigs that I assume he does all the time as part of his job.

Not all bars are loud, rowdy dens of iniquity if you know where to look. P4A made a very good point about trying out somewhere like an Appleby's or something similar where it's a nice social atmosphere without being too loud. In fact, McCoy, didn't you say that one of the things you really enjoy is pub quizzes? How do you manage that if you won't go to a pub?

Sorry to say but most women enjoy the occasional drink here and there but that doesn't mean they're going to be raging alcoholics or anything. Thing is McCoy, and I'm being brutally honest here, you just don't seem to be a lot of fun to be around based on the content of this thread.

You might want to go out with a girl for coffee or dinner but what else really? Where's the third date or the fourth? Coffee and a movie is fun once or twice but unless the girl's a fuckin' nun she's probably going to want a little variety once in a while. A night at the casino perhaps? I still have an inkling that you probably would have gotten an invitation to join that bird that night if you hadn't siad something to stick a spanner in the works.

I'm not saying you have to start drinking but you do need to realise that you're effectively withdrawing yourself from the primary social arena by ruling out bars in general. Also I think it would make a lot of women uncomfortable to be out with you enjoying a glass of wine while you're nursing your tap water.

Edited May 20, 2014 by Dazey

[SoulMonster]

It's a whole different ball game to somebody you've been out on one or two dates with and who clearly wants to take things no further. It's not their responsibility to "fix" him and it's just plain odd to even ask them to.

He won't be asking them to fix him, just some honest hints that might help a newbie like him on the dating scene, and why should he care about appearing odd to a girl he won't be talking to again? Temporary oddness is a small price to pay if he actually gets some more grip on how he appear to girls he like.

He is obviously clueless himself as to what should be done. I see no reason why he should remain clueless if there is a quick solution to the problem. He might not like what the girls will say, he might not be able to fix his problems, but at least he can then accept his fate and start hoarding cats.

[Dazey]

He won't be asking them to fix him, just some honest hints that might help a newbie like him on the dating scene, and why should he care about appearing odd to a girl he won't be talking to again? Temporary oddness is a small price to pay if he actually gets some more grip on how he appear to girls he like.

He is obviously clueless himself as to what should be done. I see no reason why he should remain clueless if there is a quick solution to the problem. He might not like what the girls will say, he might not be able to fix his problems, but at least he can then accept his fate and start hoarding cats.

Because she won't tell him the truth and therefore it will be pointless. Also women talk to other women and word get around believe me. Basically he's going to get the whole "it's not you it's me" or "I'm just not at that place in my life right now" or some other such cookie cutter cobblers.

To tell him the actual truth is going to require some level of effort on her part and if she's a decent person she's going to do the best she can within reason to avoid upsetting him. I think it's a fool's errand where at best he's going to get misleading information and at worst he's going to get fuckin' tazered!

[Lio]

Contacting her via e-mail or whatever wouldn't get him restraining order or being known as "that whiney bitch who got ditched and wouldn't let it go" unless it was a town with the population of 200 people.. But yeah I suppose after one date, what could she even tell her ..

Anyway, how small a village you gotta live in to get known as whatever by how you interact with one person?! I live in a small country, have lived in small towns and never thought about getting any kind of bad or good reputation.. It's not like people actually talk about shit to everyone they know and everyone they know would talk to everyone they know.. I don't know, maybe I just haven't lived in a town that small .

I'm not saying you have to start drinking but you do need to realise that you're effectively withdrawing yourself from the primary social arena by ruling out bars in general. Also I think it would make a lot of women uncomfortable to be out with you enjoying a glass of wine while you're nursing your tap water.

I know a guy who doesn't drink and it's actually no problem at all. He doesn't make a big deal out of it, but he has his reasons not to drink. The first time it's a bit strange if you offer him a whole range of drinks and he chooses orange juice, but that's it. He doesn't mind going to bars and he doesn't mind his friends or gf drinking. He's just not uptight with it and imo then it's not a problem. In fact, they're the only couple that doesn't have to debate about who'll be the designated driver

[Dazey]

I know a guy who doesn't drink and it's actually no problem at all. He doesn't make a big deal out of it, but he has his reasons not to drink. The first time it's a bit strange if you offer him a whole range of drinks and he chooses orange juice, but that's it. He doesn't mind going to bars and he doesn't mind his friends or gf drinking. He's just not uptight with it and imo then it's not a problem. In fact, they're the only couple that doesn't have to debate about who'll be the designated driver

You do make a good point but I'm thinking about this in terms of how I've heard McCoy describe his attitude. He seems to have a real problem with it and I'm sure that's fairly noticable to other people. If people don't care it's one thing and good luck to 'em but when you're sitting there nursing a brew and the other fucker's looking at you like you've just shat on their kids it's something else all together. I thing that kind of attitude is going to make a lot of people uncomfortable because nobody likes to think that they're being judged.