Len Cnut Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 5 minutes ago, AslatIE said: In the old days the Arabic muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. The British refined the idea many years later by taking it out of the goat first. Following on from this theme, man goes out to Arabia in the desert as a trader, he's living out there will all these bedouins and on the first day this Arab bloke is showing him around the tents and the bloke goes to him 'so what do you do for a shag out here?' and he goes, well, it goes get kinda rough so for those occasions, when you really can't bear it we have this camel. So anyway a couple of weeks pass and the guy ain't had none in ages and he wakes up one night with the ol' blue balls, pops outside, can't hack it anymore and goes fuck it and starts doing this camel, laying into it, gettin' all those weeks of sexual frustration out suddenly the lantern lights come on and the Arabs see him there aghast. They go 'what the fuck are you doing?' and he goes 'well you did say that this is how you dealt with your urges!' and he's goes 'nah mate, i meant you ride the camel into town and sort yourself out a brass' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazey Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 35 minutes ago, Len Cnut said: Following on from this theme, man goes out to Arabia in the desert as a trader, he's living out there will all these bedouins and on the first day this Arab bloke is showing him around the tents and the bloke goes to him 'so what do you do for a shag out here?' and he goes, well, it goes get kinda rough so for those occasions, when you really can't bear it we have this camel. So anyway a couple of weeks pass and the guy ain't had none in ages and he wakes up one night with the ol' blue balls, pops outside, can't hack it anymore and goes fuck it and starts doing this camel, laying into it, gettin' all those weeks of sexual frustration out suddenly the lantern lights come on and the Arabs see him there aghast. They go 'what the fuck are you doing?' and he goes 'well you did say that this is how you dealt with your urges!' and he's goes 'nah mate, i meant you ride the camel into town and sort yourself out a brass' That was you when you went off the grid a few weeks ago weren't it? Go on! Admit it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len Cnut Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Just now, Dazey said: That was you when you went off the grid a few weeks ago weren't it? Go on! Admit it! By the time i was done shooting that backlog up his arse his hump got bigger 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazey Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 3 minutes ago, Len Cnut said: By the time i was done shooting that backlog up his arse his hump got bigger Since the day I fired that AK-47 I feel like I can read your mind. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len Cnut Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Just now, Dazey said: Since the day I fired that AK-47 I feel like I can read your mind. It's like fuckin' Beano in there innit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazey Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 2 minutes ago, Len Cnut said: It's like fuckin' Beano in there innit? If only there was a paki in the Bash Street Kids eh? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len Cnut Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 2 minutes ago, Dazey said: If only there was a paki in the Bash Street Kids eh? 'Erbet, Fatty, Cuthbert, Smiffy...and Ranjit Somehow i don't think he'd catch on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wasted Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 What's the most important part of a joke about ISIS? The execution. Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children’s hospital?A: I dunno, I just fly the drone… 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len Cnut Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 25 minutes ago, wasted said: What's the most important part of a joke about ISIS? The execution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cantona Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 1 hour ago, Len Cnut said: Following on from this theme, man goes out to Arabia in the desert as a trader, he's living out there will all these bedouins and on the first day this Arab bloke is showing him around the tents and the bloke goes to him 'so what do you do for a shag out here?' and he goes, well, it goes get kinda rough so for those occasions, when you really can't bear it we have this camel. So anyway a couple of weeks pass and the guy ain't had none in ages and he wakes up one night with the ol' blue balls, pops outside, can't hack it anymore and goes fuck it and starts doing this camel, laying into it, gettin' all those weeks of sexual frustration out suddenly the lantern lights come on and the Arabs see him there aghast. They go 'what the fuck are you doing?' and he goes 'well you did say that this is how you dealt with your urges!' and he's goes 'nah mate, i meant you ride the camel into town and sort yourself out a brass' I swear I've heard a much longer and slightly different version of this joke involving Sámis and reindeer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spunko12345 Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 2 hours ago, Dazey said: That was you when you went off the grid a few weeks ago weren't it? Go on! Admit it! Dammit I was just about to say that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wasted Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 We like our beer like we like our violence. Domestic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xBrownstonex Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 "Mom, mom. I got an F in math." "Fuck it, you got cancer anyway." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Jaro- Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joeypeeps Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 On April 21, 2017 at 11:00 AM, AslatIE said: I asked a Chinese girl for her number once, then she turned to me and said ''Sex, sex, sex! Free sex tonight!''. I was shocked, but my friend told me ''Relax, she means 666-3629''. What did God say when he made the first black man? ''Oh crap, I burnt one'' What's the difference between Jews and boy scouts? Boy scouts come home from camp. What do Nike and the KKK have in common? They make black people run fast. Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take a bubble bath in the evening. Why did Mr. Obama get two terms? Because black men always get a longer sentence. Why can't Mexicans play Uno? They always steal the green card. What do you call white people running down a hill? An avalanche. What do you call Mexicans running down a hill? A mudslide. What do you call black people running down a hill? A jail break. I'm going to hell Bravo, man. I just spilled my morning coffee because I was cryin' laughing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joeypeeps Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 I got one, courtesy of comedian, Rich Vos. "Did you know Jesus was Mexican? Yeah, in the bible, Jesus says when he comes back, he'll come back like a thief in the night" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cantona Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 You know how to reunite The Beatles? Two more bullets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gnfnrs1972 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) A guy walks in to the bedroom and sees his wife naked standing in front of a full length mirror. She says to him, honey I look so old fat and ugly, I sure could use a compliment from you. He says, your eyesight is damn near perfect. A blonde is sitting in a boat in her front yard casting and reeling back in over and over again. Another blonde driving by stops and yells at her, you dumb bitch, people like you are what gives us blondes a bad name. Your lucky I can't swim or I would come out there and kick your ass. 2 coon hunters were walking back to the truck and when they arrived they found the dog sitting on the tailgate licking his dick and balls. One guy said MAN I wish I could do that! His buddy replied, you better not he might bite you! Charlie Sheen can't wait to hit rock bottom. So he can smoke them all......dedicated to wasted. Edited June 18, 2017 by gnfnrs1972 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spunko12345 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Did you know that when chickens have sex they die? Well all the ones I fuck do anyway. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cantona Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 32 minutes ago, spunko12345 said: Did you know that when chickens have sex they die? Well all the ones I fuck do anyway. If I had a penny for everytime I said that one to a friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibson87 Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Why don't black people go on cruise ships? They're not falling for that one again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zurimor Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 On 20.2.2016 at 7:36 PM, Dazey said: Nice one. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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