Didn't Know Where To Put This (Personal Life Rant, Need Advice)

[RussTCB]

No idea where to put this so I'm just making a thread because holy shit do I have something to get off my chest:

Changing the names, but get this-

On Tuesday morning, I got a call from a a long time friend who sounded somber and said "Have you heard about Steve?". Obviously this was bad and I hadn't heard anything yet, so I got the scoop. Now Steve is one of my oldest friends and part of my original crew of about 7-8 guys that have known each other for around 25-30 years. He moved to a very remote part of the state about 12 years ago and we've seen very little of each since. I think the last time I was in the same room with him was about 8 years ago probably. We kept in constant touch though and through technology, it's always been like he's living near me anyway. Having said all that, check out the following.

Here's what the situation was, which was all true:
Steve had a heart murmur and decided to go get checked out at a tiny regional hospital where he lives far north of me. They decided that "minor surgery" was needed and explained they'd be working on a small part of one half of his heart. When the surgeon went in the do the work, he decided to do things different than normal and attempt going through the other side of the heart. In doing so, he caused a hole in the side of the heart that never had a problem. Over the course of the surgery, he also caused a hole in Steve's esophagus in the process. The surgeon was unware he'd caused all this, closed up and sent Steve to recovery. Almost immediately, Steve suffered a stroke followed by a mild heart attack. He flat lined for 10 minutes and was brought back, then placed in a medically induced coma until the doctors could figure out the best way to proceed.

After 2 days of having no answers, the doctors decided to have him air lifted to a Metro Detroit hospital. Upon arrival, the surgeons at the new hospital figured out everything that was done wrong and said they could fix it but Steve would have to stay in the coma for up to a week to let his body heal before attempting anything. Over the course of Tuesday night and Wednesday, Steve suffered a series of heart attacks & strokes and obviously ended up in even worse shape.

Here comes the part I need advice on-

I travel heavily for work so I was in another state and relying heavily on phone and text updates from friends. Around 5pm, I got a call from another friend who was actually at the hospital who said "Hey, I hate to have to pass this on, but Steve was just declared brain dead. He's on life support but they don't expect him to make it through the night". Needless to say this was devastating. I immediately thought of his wife and 3 small kids, his parents, all of our friends and so on.

I then made calls around the league with every conversation starting with "I assume you've heard" and then of course tears, etc followed. It was decided amongst my friends that I should just stay out on the road since nothing could be done. I might as well stay where I was, come home for the weekend and deal with things then.

I spent all of Wednesday night, Thursday and all day yesterday in mourning. I was livid about the circumstances that led to this, but knew there was nothing I could do. I just mourned the loss of a friend and got myself ready for the coming weeks.

Then last night, I came into the information that my friend who called from the hospital WILDLY over stated the case. Are things bad? Yep. Is Steve on life support? Yep. Did he suffer several heart attacks & strokes on Tuesday? Yep. However, he was NOT declared brain dead at ANY point so far.

I. Am. Beyond. Angry. with my friend who called from the hospital right now. My question is this: Should I be so mad or do I even have a right to be? Maybe he misheard something? I cannot see how that's possible though and to me it just seems like a person way over stated the case. I'm upset because I just spent 2 1/2 days feeling useless to help anyone and mourning the loss of a friend who isn't gone yet which makes me angry. 

Any and all advice is welcomed.

[Len Cnut]

14 minutes ago, RussTCB said:

No idea where to put this so I'm just making a thread because holy shit do I have something to get off my chest:

Changing the names, but get this-

On Tuesday morning, I got a call from a a long time friend who sounded somber and said "Have you heard about Steve?". Obviously this was bad and I hadn't heard anything yet, so I got the scoop. Now Steve is one of my oldest friends and part of my original crew of about 7-8 guys that have known each other for around 25-30 years. He moved to a very remote part of the state about 12 years ago and we've seen very little of each since. I think the last time I was in the same room with him was about 8 years ago probably. We kept in constant touch though and through technology, it's always been like he's living near me anyway. Having said all that, check out the following.

Here's what the situation was, which was all true:
Steve had a heart murmur and decided to go get checked out at a tiny regional hospital where he lives far north of me. They decided that "minor surgery" was needed and explained they'd be working on a small part of one half of his heart. When the surgeon went in the do the work, he decided to do things different than normal and attempt going through the other side of the heart. In doing so, he caused a hole in the side of the heart that never had a problem. Over the course of the surgery, he also caused a hole in Steve's esophagus in the process. The surgeon was unware he'd caused all this, closed up and sent Steve to recovery. Almost immediately, Steve suffered a stroke followed by a mild heart attack. He flat lined for 10 minutes and was brought back, then placed in a medically induced coma until the doctors could figure out the best way to proceed.

After 2 days of having no answers, the doctors decided to have him air lifted to a Metro Detroit hospital. Upon arrival, the surgeons at the new hospital figured out everything that was done wrong and said they could fix it but Steve would have to stay in the coma for up to a week to let his body heal before attempting anything. Over the course of Tuesday night and Wednesday, Steve suffered a series of heart attacks & strokes and obviously ended up in even worse shape.

Here comes the part I need advice on-

I travel heavily for work so I was in another state and relying heavily on phone and text updates from friends. Around 5pm, I got a call from another friend who was actually at the hospital who said "Hey, I hate to have to pass this on, but Steve was just declared brain dead. He's on life support but they don't expect him to make it through the night". Needless to say this was devastating. I immediately thought of his wife and 3 small kids, his parents, all of our friends and so on.

I then made calls around the league with every conversation starting with "I assume you've heard" and then of course tears, etc followed. It was decided amongst my friends that I should just stay out on the road since nothing could be done. I might as well stay where I was, come home for the weekend and deal with things then.

I spent all of Wednesday night, Thursday and all day yesterday in mourning. I was livid about the circumstances that led to this, but knew there was nothing I could do. I just mourned the loss of a friend and got myself ready for the coming weeks.

Then last night, I came into the information that my friend who called from the hospital WILDLY over stated the case. Are things bad? Yep. Is Steve on life support? Yep. Did he suffer several heart attacks & strokes on Tuesday? Yep. However, he was NOT declared brain dead at ANY point so far.

I. Am. Beyond. Angry. with my friend who called from the hospital right now. My question is this: Should I be so mad or do I even have a right to be? Maybe he misheard something? I cannot see how that's possible though and to me it just seems like a person way over stated the case. I'm upset because I just spent 2 1/2 days feeling useless to help anyone and mourning the loss of a friend who isn't gone yet which makes me angry. 

Any and all advice is welcomed.

nah man, if there's one thing shit like this teaches you it's to value people right?  Whether you misheard or someone overstated the case who cares, be thankful for the mercy that your friend ain't as bad as you first thought and don't go kicking off over it, it's pointless, what does it achieve, i know you have emotional responses to shit but you don't wanna go making shit about you and your feelings at a time like this.  Don't make a big thing of it.  Maybe bring it up later well after the fact but at worst like...what moral crimes been committed here?  What, that someone chatted shit?  Just leave it, focus on the fella whoose in hospital.  And if you really wanna direct your energies in some direction maybe make a point about that cunt of a doctor.  Your mates gonna need some looking after if he pulls through and that twat is responsible for it.  Or maybe even leave that out at this tentative stage, just something to bear in mind, at this moment focus on your mate who ain't well.

Sorry about your mate by the way, for what its worth.

Edited May 6, 2017 by Len Cnut

[RussTCB]

6 minutes ago, Len Cnut said:

nah man, if there's one thing shit like this teaches you it's to value people right?  Whether you misheard or someone overstated the case who cares, be thankful for the mercy that your friend ain't as bad as you first thought and don't go kicking off over it, it's pointless, what does it achieve, i know you have emotional responses to shit but you don't wanna go making shit about you and your feelings at a time like this.  Don't make a big thing of it.  Maybe bring it up later well after the fact but at worst like...what moral crimes been committed here?  What, that someone chatted shit?  Just leave it, focus on the fella whoose in hospital.  And if you really wanna direct your energies in some direction maybe make a point about that cunt of a doctor.  Your mates gonna need some looking after if he pulls through and that twat is responsible for it.  Or maybe even leave that out at this tentative stage, just something to bear in mind, at this moment focus on your mate who ain't well.

Sorry about your mate by the way, for what its worth.

Really good points, thank you.

[J Dog]

Don't study it too hard man. I just went through the death of a family member who had cancer. The last week things were bad. All the information that got passed back and forth from this nurse and this doctor to this family member and that friend, who none of us are doctors and don't understand half of it anyway, it's very easy for something to get misheard or exaggerated or missed. And add in the stress and all of the situation, it happens.

[BlueJean Baby]

Len is right, focus on your friend and his family. That is what is important right now. ?

[Len Cnut]

11 minutes ago, RussTCB said:

Really good points, thank you.

Maybe have a word with his family and that, let em know you're there for em if there's anything you can do, maybe even go over there and help em, get em stuff, shuttle em back n forth if they need it, depending on the situation and that.  Maybe even have a word with the hospital folks yourself if that's not too presumptuous, about his condition and that, whats the best way forward, what can be done, where cases like this tend to end up, y'know, something proactive.  

[Jane M.]

I assume your friend was as upset as you and maybe misheard something or maybe he was getting different info from different people. I would say it's not worth getting angry over that, focus your energy and good vibes on your other friend who is not as bad as you thought. If you have the chance go visit him and reconnect. It's been 8 years right? He's going to be very happy to see you. 

My best wishes to him. I hope he recovers soon. 

[wasted]

Must of misheard it or something. It would be poor form to make anything out of it. 

[RussTCB]

Thanks everyone. That makes the most sense, I kinda just needed to hear it. 

[alfierose]

Sorry to hear about your friend Russ, what a horrible ordeal for everyone. As everyone else pretty much said it's okay and understandable to be pissed off at the guy who got the information wrong but it's probably one of those things you just have to let go of. I think I would feel as you do in this situation.

I hope he makes a full recovery soon.

[Mendez]

As everyone else said, I don't think you should be mad at your friend. The game of telephone always gets things mixed up. He probably heard it wrong/misunderstood it, or even in the worst case, made a false assumption based on vague information.

 

I know this is beside the point, but holy fuck man, that fucking "surgeon". This isn't a car, you can't just "try something new" to fix it.

[janrichmond]

This is a terrible event for all concerned and I totally get why you were so angry at your 'phone friend' but you've had that anger now.Let it pass. Len said some really good points which I agree with. I don't understand why the Doctor operated in the first place, I thought a heart murmur was something that you lived a normal life with and it's like the Doctor was experimenting on your friend. I wish a speedy recovery for him and I hope his family get the answers they so deserve.Love to all of you.

 

[spunko12345]

Doctors don't normally use terms like Brain dead. 

[RussTCB]

15 hours ago, spunko12345 said:

Doctors don't normally use terms like Brain dead. 

To clarify: The phone call I received went like this "I'm here at the hospital. I just talked to Steve's mom and she said Steve has been declared brain dead". So my friend didn't hear that term from the doctor himself, he was saying that's the term our friends mom was using.

In any case:
I am still home through tomorrow, so I'm going to go down to the hospital this afternoon I think. As everyone already rightfully said; I'm just moving past what happened with my friend on the phone. There's MUCH to celebrate if the last update I heard is still holding true today. Yesterday morning I was told they were able to take him off the respirator for the greater majority of the day. In addition to that, I'm told that his eyes were open for a lot of the day and he was reacting to stimulus tests. 

Not sure if I want to try to actually go into his room today, but I at least want to stop by and talk to any or all family that's around the hospital. 

[Gibson87]

I've never experienced a close friend almost dying so I can't really say much, but I really hope he continues to get better. Like everyone has been saying, one step at a time.