Major Life changes - Anybody experiencing them?

[DirtyDeeds]

Of course Dazey and Gracii are.

After way too fucking long being in and out of college/uni, I'm finally graduating in two weeks, getting a job and home 500 miles away from the town I spent most of my childhood in, continuing the relationship I'm in (she is moving to the same town, too), and looking for a better job than the one I currently have secured. I have two exams and a presentation left and I just cannot bring myself to give a hoot because I am so riddled with anxiety right now. I'm excited but it also kind of sucks. I'm distracting myself with mygnrforum and Star Wars, but my presentation is coming up, and all I can honestly think about is whether or not I have enough money to get by/will I make enough money to get by, will I find a decent job in a decent time frame, do I have enough emergency fund, will my relationship survive this change,do I actually want it to survive the change, should I/can I start saving for retirement at this point, will I hate where I move, etc.?

Is anyone else currently experiencing/has recently experienced a major life change? How are you coping? How are you feeling about it, or how did you feel about it leading up to it? If it already happened, did it turn out to be alright?

Edited November 30, 2014 by DirtyDeeds

[arnold layne]

Of course.

I am the happiest I've been in years. I blame college for it too. I fucking hated college. I never understood the value in it.

Now I'm poor as fuck. I probably am only making a net gain of $200 this month but I'm the happiest I've been since high school.

Mainly because I realize I was chasing a dream based on society's expectations and not my own.

[DirtyDeeds]

I also hate college. It's been a really miserable last few years. I'm not sure if I'll ever go back to school again or not. Right at this moment because I'm so sick of it, I can't imagine myself enrolling somewhere again. I recognize that could change with time. But while I love learning and education in a general sense, I just hated the way college worked. I don't feel like I'm qualified to do much of anything, and in reality I'm not. The job I have where I'm moving could almost be done by a trained monkey. I kind of wonder what the whole point was. Hopefully I will feel different one day. I'd hate to think those miserable years meant nothing.

Edited November 30, 2014 by DirtyDeeds

[Crazyman]

6 months and 6 days ago (since it's after midnight here), I was a drunk whose life was stuck in neutral. I didn't take school or responsibility seriously and wasn't changing my ways anytime soon.

Then my dad passed away on May 25th. That basically jolted my life into one of maturity and responsibility. I stopped drinking (never thought in a million years that would happen), started focusing on school (I raised my GPA to 3.5 and will be graduating soon...ish with a finance degree) and overall became a more responsible person. I'm also generally more appreciative of life. My life is moving forward now, and I can honestly say (not counting grieving) that I'm the happiest I've been in a long, long time.

So basically if you were like I was back then, I would suggest not waiting until a parent dies to get your life going in the right direction.

[AxlisOld]

Of course.

I am the happiest I've been in years. I blame college for it too. I fucking hated college. I never understood the value in it.

Now I'm poor as fuck. I probably am only making a net gain of $200 this month but I'm the happiest I've been since high school.

Mainly because I realize I was chasing a dream based on society's expectations and not my own.

You're only making 2 hundy sticks a month because your parents are overcharging you to make you realize you could move out and pay the same amount of money. SERIOUSLY. MOVE. OUT.

[Rovim]

Yeah.

[arnold layne]

Of course.

I am the happiest I've been in years. I blame college for it too. I fucking hated college. I never understood the value in it.

Now I'm poor as fuck. I probably am only making a net gain of $200 this month but I'm the happiest I've been since high school.

Mainly because I realize I was chasing a dream based on society's expectations and not my own.

You're only making 2 hundy sticks a month because your parents are overcharging you to make you realize you could move out and pay the same amount of money. SERIOUSLY. MOVE. OUT.

I'm working on it.

[Gracii Guns]

Nice to hear what you're up to these days Deeds. That's really exciting, and I'm really, really happy for you. Can I ask, just of out of curiosity, are you staying in the same state? (In the UK, if you move 500 miles, you'll likely end up in France or the North Hebridies) so how much of a cultural change will it be for you?

For me, I moved in with husband in July, so am really settled now and am really. really happy to be living where I do. (Check out the "where you come from" thread in the Use Your Illustion section to see why). Marrying him hasn't been much of a change from just living together (with my long commute, I'm too tired for sex).

The biggest change marriage has made is that I'll sometimes see a cute guy, or think about a friend and wonder if it could have ever worked out with them if circumstances were different. But then I stop myself and realise that I'm married so someone pretty cool, and it will never happen with anyone else. I'm enjoying the security, but am realising how easy it is to mess a relationship up.

I'm still looking for a new job. Whatever job I have, I get 100% commitmed to, so once I find a new job, that will be a massive change. I have two interviews for different jobs this week, both jobs I'll gladly do, but the interview on Wednesday is the job I really want. So I'm really hoping for a change.

Overall, I deal with life changes pretty well. For the last ten years, I've always been about moving on to something new. I've never felt truly settled, but that's ok, because I embrace fresh starts.

Deeds, you're too harsh on yourself. Trust me, it'll be good.

[jekylhyde]

Yes. Stopped drinking six weeks ago (for the time being at least, going on day-by-day), me and my girlfriend of six years might broke up, because I want children and she doesn't, and in general, we want different things from life. Also, my father has stomach cancer and is probably going to pass away soon. So, one positive change and two negative ones. At the moment things suck more than ever, but life will go on eventually, I suppose.

All of this has made me realize how much I love the people around me. And I've started to tell them that on a regular basis.

Edited November 30, 2014 by jekylhyde

[Ace Nova]

As far as college goes, absolutely loved it, best years of my life. (That probably had to do with the Van Wilder/Animal House lifestyle I was living in at the time)....in terms of "studying", if I could go back and put more effort in, I would).

That being said, I'm also really enjoying life now....probably the best job I've ever had, especially in terms of quality of life (I only work around 30 - 35 hours a week, My son and I are the closest we've ever been and I'm totally enjoying being single, in my bachelor pad/man cave.

Edited November 30, 2014 by Kasanova King

[alfierose]

I suppose this year has been quite life changing for me, both myself and my husband lost a parent this year. It sort of draws a line in your life that becomes before and after. It sounds a bit ridiculous considering we are 38 and 47 but it represents the end of childhood security and dependency (not that we weren't fully independent adults but more in a metaphorical sense). Our remaining parents are fairly elderly now and for the first time I'm fully aware of there being a finite amount of time. It does shift your perspective somewhat.

[DirtyDeeds]

I suppose this year has been quite life changing for me, both myself and my husband lost a parent this year. It sort of draws a line in your life that becomes before and after. It sounds a bit ridiculous considering we are 38 and 47 but it represents the end of childhood security and dependency (not that we weren't fully independent adults but more in a metaphorical sense). Our remaining parents are fairly elderly now and for the first time I'm fully aware of there being a finite amount of time. It does shift your perspective somewhat.

Yeah, I've always heard that it doesn't matter whether you're 10 or 75, when you lose your mom and dad, you lose your mom and dad, and you feel lost like a kid would, just the same, in an inner sense.

I'm sorry for your losses

[Val22]

Yes I have and that's all I'm going to say about it.

[Redhead74]

Of course Dazey and Gracii are.

I'm excited but it also kind of sucks. I'm distracting myself with mygnrforum and Star Wars, but my presentation is coming up, and all I can honestly think about is whether or not I have enough money to get by/will I make enough money to get by, will I find a decent job in a decent time frame, do I have enough emergency fund, will my relationship survive this change,do I actually want it to survive the change, should I/can I start saving for retirement at this point, will I hate where I move, etc.?

I've been through a few rough years, first with work and then with my personal life and I was at times so worked up the doctor was prescribing anti depressants and certain drugs for panic attacks. Drinking has at times been a great coping mechanism too when feelings of isolation and not knowing how to resolve a situation overwhelmed me. But it's no answer, just a temporary escape from reality with a price to pay afterwards, every time. It's easy to let the anxiety overwhelm you but for me I felt that it was a case of needing to toughen up and start being the person I really wanted to be and not succumbing to the expectations that others had of me. This forum was actually a great help for me in one of the worst times of my life and I have made some great friends here as a result (anyone who says this place is just a waste of time doesn't understand much about the human psyche and the different ways we relate to one another).

The one thing I know for certain though is that wanting and needing some kind of guarantee that everything will be OK and knowing EXACTLY how that is going to eventuate is an impossible expectation. We all make plans and want them to resolve precisely as we imagined them but that rarely happens, if ever. Not one of us knows what's around the corner tomorrow, be it good or bad. But I do also know that unless you're participating in really self destructive behaviour and you're taking every day in a positive step, TRYING to succeed and make your life better, then you will be FINE!

If you make genuine efforts to have stability, you'll have it. If you make efforts to nurture and respect the relationships you value, they will grow. You pretty much get back based on how much you put in. Just don't waste any of your precious time with worrying about it.

[Satanisk_Slakt]

I don't know about recently. I started studying again, upgrading my high school grades now to get in to university (or perhaps something else) in the future. I had been thinking about doing it for years, it just seemed like such a waste to start so late again, but now I'm glad I have. It feels kind of weird though, most people in my class are around 20 and several of them haven't worked a day in their life and they don't seem to realise how easy school is. They're complaining about how much home work they have even though it's fairly easy and they could have it all done in less than two hours a week - if they are slow. I usually manage to do my home work in class even. Many of them seem to come and go and have an attendance of like 60%. It's kind of funny, because they're not even good in class or on the tests, so they'll fail the course and have study loans for nothing.

[ZoSoRose]

Yes

[sweetness]

My life is awesome

[Orsys]

The last 18 months have been nothing but major life changes. I am hoping for a year of major life inactivity. But on Saturday I am going down to Florida to visit my great niece and continue the discussions on whether she should come to live with me, and other options.

Can't wait to see her.

[Ace Nova]

The last 18 months have been nothing but major life changes. I am hoping for a year of major life inactivity. But on Saturday I am going down to Florida to visit my great niece and continue the discussions on whether she should come to live with me, and other options.

Can't wait to see her.

Your strength and endurance shall be rewarded.

[wasted]

Its all pretty monotonous.

[Dan H.]

Yes, I've started to get understand the value of taking better care of myself. Cut back massively on drinking, starting a new job that's going to be making me 50K a year, planning a huge move out to the West coast, and I've been having huge waves of productivity that I've never experienced before.

I think I'm just starting to hit a stride into running my life more conservatively and thinking more heavily about the future and the the things that will make me truly happy.

Quitting smoking cigarettes in the next month hear. To quench my constant drug related vices I've started taking anti-anxiety medications and they seem to have a huge effect at slowing everything down and allowing me to look at things in a bigger picture, managing my finances, not going to parties or bars as frequently, and making a lot of progress on my book and other independent scientific research that will hopefully get me back in school this semester for a journalism degree.

I think I've just given up on the Bukowski esque way of living in self descruction and angst, and am starting to turn into a square. And it doesn't really feel that bad.

Edited December 2, 2014 by LiveFromNormal

[Shooting Star]

Yes. It changed a bit too much for my taste

[DR DOOM]

Yes, I had a whole heap of things happen a couple of years ago that absolutely turned my life upside down, kicked the shit out of me and took the shine off everything.

Some of it was unavoidable life stuff ( deaths) and some of it could have been prevented/avoided if I had handled things better.

[arnold layne]

Yes, I've started to get understand the value of taking better care of myself. Cut back massively on drinking, starting a new job that's going to be making me 50K a year, planning a huge move out to the West coast, and I've been having huge waves of productivity that I've never experienced before.

I think I'm just starting to hit a stride into running my life more conservatively and thinking more heavily about the future and the the things that will make me truly happy.

Quitting smoking cigarettes in the next month hear. To quench my constant drug related vices I've started taking anti-anxiety medications and they seem to have a huge effect at slowing everything down and allowing me to look at things in a bigger picture, managing my finances, not going to parties or bars as frequently, and making a lot of progress on my book and other independent scientific research that will hopefully get me back in school this semester for a journalism degree.

I think I've just given up on the Bukowski esque way of living in self descruction and angst, and am starting to turn into a square. And it doesn't really feel that bad.

I fucking hear you.

The only way to get through this madness is to be partaking in something; whether Prozac or Amazon shopping deals.

[sweetness]

To quench my constant drug related vices I've started taking anti-anxiety medications

You guys all sound like you're settling down in your mid 20's

What a bunch of wusses