The love/sex/relationship thread

[ZoSoRose]

I want to be slow dancing on a Christmas night to this song.

That is the yearning of a 13-year-old girl or somebody who lives their lives through fantasies of movies and TV shows. True love isn't a 3-minute dance on Christmas night, by the way. You should be yearning for something much mores substantial than that.

With a woman who'll always be there.

Duh. That's what everybody wants. Nobody in the world says "I want a spouse who won't be there for me."

Who won't play mind games

You can tell that on the first date. Cut and run at that point. You can tell that within 1-2 online conversations. You keep dating really crazy and needy people, and then wonder why they play mind games?

or have ex baggage.

Then don't date people who have had bad relationships. You say that, but yet you were still obsessed with your last girl. Even going so far as to wanting to meet - and be nice - to her ex. You seek out crazy women for a reason. Everybody has ex-baggage. It's just that some people are mature and intelligent enough to "get over it" and somebody stay focused on their ex's forever, or just use the "ex" thing as an excuse to lure in dudes like you.

Who'll just love me for me

That's what everybody wants.

and I'll give her all the love I have in me.

You don't think that sounds creepy? If a girl I was dating told me that she wanted to give me "all the love I have in me" I'd be out the f*cking door in a matter of minutes. This is a great example of what is so creepy about the way you act on here. This is a statement you make to somebody that you are deciding to marry or make a lifetime commitment to. These words shouldn't be spoken to each other in the first year of dating. And your idea of "all the love I have in me" is different than most people's. Watching somebody paint on Skype for 7 hours or staying with somebody who tells you they love somebody else - that isn't you showing/sharing all your love. Giving all your love doesn't mean "fixing" or proving something to somebody.

But I have a lot of love in me, and I just wish I could have the chance to give it to someone who'd appreciate it.

Again, you just described EVERY person in the history of the world. But the difference is you don't hear normal people speaking those words. Do you see Lithium on here talking about "all" the love he has to give? Again, these are things that 13 year old teenage girls say.

With Erica, I gave her everything. I'd sit for hours watching her paint on Skype...Seven hours straight sometimes...Just to show her I believed in her talent because at the time she didn't.

You didn't give her "everything" - you didn't giver her the things a normal, sane, intelligent man would give her.

If you can't see how CREEPY this is, then I'm not sure you actually know what the word creepy means. If a girl wanted to watch me paint (or write, or do anything) on Skype for 7-hours straight I'd be out of that relationship before our Skype session was over. What you did wasn't "love" Miser, it was what an obsessive stalker does. Doing crazy sh*t doesn't show somebody how much you love them, it just feeds into BOTH of your mental issues. What's next? You want her to point her camera towards her while she is sleeping so you can make sure nothing happens to her during the night? You aren't talking about love here, you are trying to "fix" somebody. That's not what happens in a healthy relationship.

She was in an art class and the professor basically shattered her confidence

Boofrigginhoo. Are you kidding me? I had a college professor tell me I was a terrible writer. So I worked harder and ended up being an editor at several different newspapers and having a book published. Not an e-book or a self-published book on Amazon. But a book that was published and sold to the public. If a college professor had that much of a negative influence where she still hadn't gotten over it, then she needs to start going to professional therapy ASAP. This girl needs help/therapy - but not from YOU or a boyfriend.

and I'd sit and watch her to show her I believed in her, with the selfless hope that she'd perhaps gain back her faith in herself.

Again. Creepy as hell. You sound like you are writing a romance novel. Maybe the girl didn't NEED you to fix her? Maybe your obsessive need to fix her and show her how much and deep your love is is the reason she dumped you for an ex? I would be money that every girl you've ever dated as described you as OVER-BEARING-AS-F*CK.

I sat up with her night after night promising her I'd never leave her when she'd say she was garbage, not worth it and when she begged me to swear I'd never leave.

Again, this entire sentence just screams "I need therapy." There is nothing at all healthy about either person in this conversation. How can you tell a girlfriend that you would never leave her? About 95% of all dating situations end up with a break-up. You were just feeding into her insecurities. She needed TOUGH love, not what you gave her.

And even when she told me she loved Patrick, I still didn't leave, because, Miser though I am, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and break all the promises I'd made and validate all her insecurities that she'd had which I'd helped her to overcome.

And again - you are just completely playing into her mental illness. You think you are doing something special here, but you are actually just feeding into her insecurities and letting her USE you. Don't you have any dignity? Let me ask you this. How can any woman ever give herself to you and trust that you are a stable, confident intelligent guy.....when you are willing to stay with a woman like the ex you just described? If a woman says she loves another man, you need to LEAVE the relationship. The fact you stayed with her is just, well, just creepy. Be a man, a boyfriend - and stop trying to be their bff.

I was willing to stay with her when she gave me the option, knowing she loved another man, because I couldn't give up on her and show her she was right in hating herself as she had had for so long.

Creepy. You somehow equate "your love and dedication" to her as what she needs to FIX herself?????? Think about that. Are you God? Your love is so strong that it can cure crazy? If I was dating a girl and realized I was in love with somebody else, and I told the current girl that.....and she said "I don't care, I'm staying with you. My love will help you become more confident." I'd kick her out the door so fast her head would spin. I don't care if she looked like Kate Upton - she'd be GONE minutes after uttering that phrase.

So...knowing if I stayed that her heart would be torn in two, between he and I, for perhaps months on end, knowing that long term, being with me while loving him would fuck with her head and make her feel horrible...I made the decision easier for her. I got drunk and called her names, the exact thing she asked me not to ever do...Which made her decision making easier and spared her the guilt and pain she might otherwise have had in the long run. I took the blow and took the fall and pushed her away rather than hurt her more by having her stay.

Holy Sh*t. One of the creepiest things I've ever read. Or you could have just said "Babe, you need to go figure out exactly what you want. You need to go fix yourself and become a happy person BEFORE you can be in a loving relationship. If you think you love Patrick, then go spend some time with him and see what happens. But I'm out of here. Good luck, I'll always be your friend, I hope you can find what you need to be happy." That's is what a NORMAL PERSON does in your situation. You are admitting that you MANIPULATED her with your actions. Taking the blow and sparing her feelings by calling her names, etc, etc, etc. You guys are two young people dating, dude. This wasn't a 20 year old marriage. Nobody does what you say that you did. No sane person.

That's who I am at depth and who I want to be...I want to give all of myself to someone else.

Great. Wait until you've been dating somebody a couple years and you decide to get married. Otherwise......you just scream of desperation. Every time you post one of these huge weird rants, NOBODY on this forum ever agrees with you. Not the men, not the women. Nobody ever says "Ya Miser, that makes perfect sense. You are right." Everybody always says that you sound overbearing and crazy. Everybody always says you end up dating crazy people - on purpose. And everybody says t hat you need to STOP dating and figure yourself out. But you completely ignore all that. Remember a couple months ago YOU said you were going to STOP dating and take some time to figure yourself out, find some inner peace, etc. Everybody said "that's exactly what you need to do." LESS THAN 24 HOURS after you posted that, you came back on here and said that just sent out like 30 letters to different women on an online dating site.

I know a lot of you dislike me...Quite rightfully so in many cases...But Miser isn't all there is to who I am.

Again, creepy. Do you see Dazey saying things about "Dazey isn't all there is to who I am." Do you see Lenny saying that? You see yourself as this "character" and nobody in the real world thinks like that.

Creepy is the most overused word in 21st century lingo? I didn't know that. I rarely hear people using it. Maybe you hear it more than the rest of us for a reason?

Creepy describes anything we don't like? No. Maybe that's your definition, but not most people's. I don't like smoking - but I don't call people who smoke creepy.

And internet persona.........again, who in real life says crap like that or thinks of themselves like that? Do you think Bono or Mags or ARQ goes around and talks about their screen names in third person? It's just weird.

People don't think you are a nasty prick. They think you are crazy and obsessive and that you are NEVER going to be happy in a relationship or have a healthy relationship with somebody UNTIL you work on fixing yourself. People get tired of giving you advice on here that you NEVER take. As long as you continue the way you are, without your obsessive/stalkerish crazy talk about how much love you have to give, you will NEVER meet and have a relationship with a normal girl. You will continue to hook-up with crazy unstable girls. And if you do meet a nice, respectful, normal type girl - she will dump you in a matter of days. Because you will scare her off with your desperation and obsessive need to make everything about yourself.

My post wasn't very nice, but you said you wanted specifics.

Your other real problem is that the things you list above as your strengths are things that 99.99% of women would look at as signs to STAY AWAY from you. You start telling girls things on your first or second online dating conversation that shouldn't be told to people until you've been dating for months or years and are deciding to get married. I showed a female co-worker a couple of your posts about a month ago and she said - literally - "that dude sounds f*cking crazy. Stalker alert."

The first think you need to do, imo, is stop dating. And work on fixing yourself.

Stop looking at life like you are a movie character.

Start listening to people who give you great advice.

STOP dating people that you think you need to fix.

And asap - tomorrow - start going to therapy.

If you don't do those things..........you will never find the woman/relationship that you so desperately are seeking. Ever. You'll just move from crazy chick to crazy chick. You'll just keep dating really needy chicks that you think you can fix. I'll tell you something homey - a healthy relationship NEVER involves one person needing to fix the other person. Ever.

Good luck.

And f*ck you for making me take the time to type all that out.

Holy fuckkkk. Holy holy fuck fuck fuckasaurus rex that was amazing

Miser, dude, I like talking music with you and stuff. I appreciate you sending me tracks and shit too, and for what its worth, I like the forum more with you on it than without. I think you are an alright dude that just has some pretty bad issues you need to sort out. Grog's post wasn't nice or sugar coated, but everything he said was spot on in a way. The advice everyone (including me) has given you is pretty damn accurate and it will really help if you just listen! Don't tell us you get it, or you will listen, just do it =)

This may sound dumb, but its kind of... infuriating when you go on these huge rants about things like this. I got out of a 4 year long relationship with my best friend, someone I thought I was honestly going to marry and it ended in a terrible way. You were with Erica for what? 6 months? I don't want to say my relationship was more important than yours, but the point is I allowed myself a few months to be sad, then I told myself "whelp, moping about sure is a drag but I needed that, time to get on up!". Attitude is literally all of the battle. The more you wonder "why? how? what happened? she did what? what is she doing? blah blah blah" the more you are held back. You know the truth? NONE of the answers to those questions matter.

Its pretty clear you have a lot of work to do on your own and you NEED to be completely alone. You cannot be in a relationship unless you are capable of being happy alone and independent. Its clear you are not capable of that right now. Believe it or not, being alone can be a wonderful thing and can completely help/change you.

I hope you listen to Apollo's post, it may have sounded mean, but it was all spot on!

I'm 24. It's far too late for me to change any of these things. So, I'll take what I can get and hopefully find it within me to commit suicide at some point like I probably should. If I was 18 or 19 there'd still be time to fix things. I blew that chance at life and having a decent life and a normal relationship a long time ago.

Again, that is kind of insulting. I'm 23, does that mean I can't change? I've been making an effort to better myself and change things I don't like about myself recently. Its tough but I've been making progress. Why should age have anything to do with change? And suicide like you should?! Where the hell do you jump to that conclusion? You are talking about something horrible and absolute, why would you even say something like that, especially when you are actively refusing to even TRY bettering yourself. Surely that is the better thing to do? The more you play the self pitty card, the more you get depressed. It doesn't matter HOW or WHO influenced you and got you to where you are now, because only YOU can take control and change things. Anyone can do it with the right attitude.

And to be fair to me, I haven't exactly had the best examples in terms of love and romantic relationships.

My parents got married on a whim after like 5 months of dating and probably should never have been together.

My one sister got pregnant to trap her (now ex) husband out of desperation to get out of the life she was living and they were married within 2 and a half months of meeting. They lasted 16 years.

My other sister moved out with her (now husband) after 2 months of dating him because she couldn't stand being in our house anymore. He's a nice enough guy, but controlling and possessive and insecure. Bitches if she tries to lose weight because he claims she'll go "fuck other guys"

Other sister is 35, unmarried and lets herself fall into toxic relationships with men who are 10-15 years older than she is, and wants to trap a guy into staying by getting pregnant.

My nephew who is my age has had two abortions and is verbally and emotionally abusive to his girlfriends if not also physically abusive.

Other nephew I don't know his romantic life, he's gone to Florida to get away from the family.

Niece keeps her dating life secret

Other niece is dating a thug who talks lyek dis boi and is promiscuous, she was kicked out of school for being so and put in a special class for emotionally disturbed kids because she'd fucked 5 guys in a month's span or some such thing from what I understand

Their mother, my sister, kicked her husband of 15 years out, who is actually a decent guy, only to hook up with a former flame who is a recovering heroin addict in and out of a halfway house. He comes by on the weekends to fuck her and she sends all of her kids out of the house and then goes home to the halfway house. Her first husband was a crack addict and car thief.

Unfortunate, and I am sorry, but these are still excuses, excuses, and excuses. We all have family problems. I could name a list of mine, as well, or a list of the family crap my ex or my friends have been through/ are going through. As I said before, you have to be the one to take control and change things. Resentment, and the blame game are not tools in your bag of tricks that will help you. The more you wallow in self pity, blaming others, and hopelessness the worse you will be. You think you are "too old" to change? That is a cop out if I ever did hear one. Bollocks, I don't care if you are 15 or 90, anyone can take control if they are determined. You need to learn to love and be happy on your own, you cannot possibly be in a relationship without that, let alone a healthy one.

The problem and the solution are within you and only you.

EDIT- That kind of goes for you too, Nate. Don't accept "whelp, I'm at the age where I'm like this forever" or you really will be. If you are truly unhappy, take the steps to change that. Its not easy, and it takes a while (I'm still trying too), but why stay miserable?

Edited February 16, 2015 by ZoSoRose

[Lithium]

[Graeme]

I want to be slow dancing on a Christmas night to this song.

That is the yearning of a 13-year-old girl or somebody who lives their lives through fantasies of movies and TV shows. True love isn't a 3-minute dance on Christmas night, by the way. You should be yearning for something much mores substantial than that.

With a woman who'll always be there.

Duh. That's what everybody wants. Nobody in the world says "I want a spouse who won't be there for me."

Who won't play mind games

You can tell that on the first date. Cut and run at that point. You can tell that within 1-2 online conversations. You keep dating really crazy and needy people, and then wonder why they play mind games?

or have ex baggage.

Then don't date people who have had bad relationships. You say that, but yet you were still obsessed with your last girl. Even going so far as to wanting to meet - and be nice - to her ex. You seek out crazy women for a reason. Everybody has ex-baggage. It's just that some people are mature and intelligent enough to "get over it" and somebody stay focused on their ex's forever, or just use the "ex" thing as an excuse to lure in dudes like you.

Who'll just love me for me

That's what everybody wants.

and I'll give her all the love I have in me.

You don't think that sounds creepy? If a girl I was dating told me that she wanted to give me "all the love I have in me" I'd be out the f*cking door in a matter of minutes. This is a great example of what is so creepy about the way you act on here. This is a statement you make to somebody that you are deciding to marry or make a lifetime commitment to. These words shouldn't be spoken to each other in the first year of dating. And your idea of "all the love I have in me" is different than most people's. Watching somebody paint on Skype for 7 hours or staying with somebody who tells you they love somebody else - that isn't you showing/sharing all your love. Giving all your love doesn't mean "fixing" or proving something to somebody.

But I have a lot of love in me, and I just wish I could have the chance to give it to someone who'd appreciate it.

Again, you just described EVERY person in the history of the world. But the difference is you don't hear normal people speaking those words. Do you see Lithium on here talking about "all" the love he has to give? Again, these are things that 13 year old teenage girls say.

With Erica, I gave her everything. I'd sit for hours watching her paint on Skype...Seven hours straight sometimes...Just to show her I believed in her talent because at the time she didn't.

You didn't give her "everything" - you didn't giver her the things a normal, sane, intelligent man would give her.

If you can't see how CREEPY this is, then I'm not sure you actually know what the word creepy means. If a girl wanted to watch me paint (or write, or do anything) on Skype for 7-hours straight I'd be out of that relationship before our Skype session was over. What you did wasn't "love" Miser, it was what an obsessive stalker does. Doing crazy sh*t doesn't show somebody how much you love them, it just feeds into BOTH of your mental issues. What's next? You want her to point her camera towards her while she is sleeping so you can make sure nothing happens to her during the night? You aren't talking about love here, you are trying to "fix" somebody. That's not what happens in a healthy relationship.

She was in an art class and the professor basically shattered her confidence

Boofrigginhoo. Are you kidding me? I had a college professor tell me I was a terrible writer. So I worked harder and ended up being an editor at several different newspapers and having a book published. Not an e-book or a self-published book on Amazon. But a book that was published and sold to the public. If a college professor had that much of a negative influence where she still hadn't gotten over it, then she needs to start going to professional therapy ASAP. This girl needs help/therapy - but not from YOU or a boyfriend.

and I'd sit and watch her to show her I believed in her, with the selfless hope that she'd perhaps gain back her faith in herself.

Again. Creepy as hell. You sound like you are writing a romance novel. Maybe the girl didn't NEED you to fix her? Maybe your obsessive need to fix her and show her how much and deep your love is is the reason she dumped you for an ex? I would be money that every girl you've ever dated as described you as OVER-BEARING-AS-F*CK.

I sat up with her night after night promising her I'd never leave her when she'd say she was garbage, not worth it and when she begged me to swear I'd never leave.

Again, this entire sentence just screams "I need therapy." There is nothing at all healthy about either person in this conversation. How can you tell a girlfriend that you would never leave her? About 95% of all dating situations end up with a break-up. You were just feeding into her insecurities. She needed TOUGH love, not what you gave her.

And even when she told me she loved Patrick, I still didn't leave, because, Miser though I am, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and break all the promises I'd made and validate all her insecurities that she'd had which I'd helped her to overcome.

And again - you are just completely playing into her mental illness. You think you are doing something special here, but you are actually just feeding into her insecurities and letting her USE you. Don't you have any dignity? Let me ask you this. How can any woman ever give herself to you and trust that you are a stable, confident intelligent guy.....when you are willing to stay with a woman like the ex you just described? If a woman says she loves another man, you need to LEAVE the relationship. The fact you stayed with her is just, well, just creepy. Be a man, a boyfriend - and stop trying to be their bff.

I was willing to stay with her when she gave me the option, knowing she loved another man, because I couldn't give up on her and show her she was right in hating herself as she had had for so long.

Creepy. You somehow equate "your love and dedication" to her as what she needs to FIX herself?????? Think about that. Are you God? Your love is so strong that it can cure crazy? If I was dating a girl and realized I was in love with somebody else, and I told the current girl that.....and she said "I don't care, I'm staying with you. My love will help you become more confident." I'd kick her out the door so fast her head would spin. I don't care if she looked like Kate Upton - she'd be GONE minutes after uttering that phrase.

So...knowing if I stayed that her heart would be torn in two, between he and I, for perhaps months on end, knowing that long term, being with me while loving him would fuck with her head and make her feel horrible...I made the decision easier for her. I got drunk and called her names, the exact thing she asked me not to ever do...Which made her decision making easier and spared her the guilt and pain she might otherwise have had in the long run. I took the blow and took the fall and pushed her away rather than hurt her more by having her stay.

Holy Sh*t. One of the creepiest things I've ever read. Or you could have just said "Babe, you need to go figure out exactly what you want. You need to go fix yourself and become a happy person BEFORE you can be in a loving relationship. If you think you love Patrick, then go spend some time with him and see what happens. But I'm out of here. Good luck, I'll always be your friend, I hope you can find what you need to be happy." That's is what a NORMAL PERSON does in your situation. You are admitting that you MANIPULATED her with your actions. Taking the blow and sparing her feelings by calling her names, etc, etc, etc. You guys are two young people dating, dude. This wasn't a 20 year old marriage. Nobody does what you say that you did. No sane person.

That's who I am at depth and who I want to be...I want to give all of myself to someone else.

Great. Wait until you've been dating somebody a couple years and you decide to get married. Otherwise......you just scream of desperation. Every time you post one of these huge weird rants, NOBODY on this forum ever agrees with you. Not the men, not the women. Nobody ever says "Ya Miser, that makes perfect sense. You are right." Everybody always says that you sound overbearing and crazy. Everybody always says you end up dating crazy people - on purpose. And everybody says t hat you need to STOP dating and figure yourself out. But you completely ignore all that. Remember a couple months ago YOU said you were going to STOP dating and take some time to figure yourself out, find some inner peace, etc. Everybody said "that's exactly what you need to do." LESS THAN 24 HOURS after you posted that, you came back on here and said that just sent out like 30 letters to different women on an online dating site.

I know a lot of you dislike me...Quite rightfully so in many cases...But Miser isn't all there is to who I am.

Again, creepy. Do you see Dazey saying things about "Dazey isn't all there is to who I am." Do you see Lenny saying that? You see yourself as this "character" and nobody in the real world thinks like that.

Creepy is the most overused word in 21st century lingo? I didn't know that. I rarely hear people using it. Maybe you hear it more than the rest of us for a reason?

Creepy describes anything we don't like? No. Maybe that's your definition, but not most people's. I don't like smoking - but I don't call people who smoke creepy.

And internet persona.........again, who in real life says crap like that or thinks of themselves like that? Do you think Bono or Mags or ARQ goes around and talks about their screen names in third person? It's just weird.

People don't think you are a nasty prick. They think you are crazy and obsessive and that you are NEVER going to be happy in a relationship or have a healthy relationship with somebody UNTIL you work on fixing yourself. People get tired of giving you advice on here that you NEVER take. As long as you continue the way you are, without your obsessive/stalkerish crazy talk about how much love you have to give, you will NEVER meet and have a relationship with a normal girl. You will continue to hook-up with crazy unstable girls. And if you do meet a nice, respectful, normal type girl - she will dump you in a matter of days. Because you will scare her off with your desperation and obsessive need to make everything about yourself.

My post wasn't very nice, but you said you wanted specifics.

Your other real problem is that the things you list above as your strengths are things that 99.99% of women would look at as signs to STAY AWAY from you. You start telling girls things on your first or second online dating conversation that shouldn't be told to people until you've been dating for months or years and are deciding to get married. I showed a female co-worker a couple of your posts about a month ago and she said - literally - "that dude sounds f*cking crazy. Stalker alert."

The first think you need to do, imo, is stop dating. And work on fixing yourself.

Stop looking at life like you are a movie character.

Start listening to people who give you great advice.

STOP dating people that you think you need to fix.

And asap - tomorrow - start going to therapy.

If you don't do those things..........you will never find the woman/relationship that you so desperately are seeking. Ever. You'll just move from crazy chick to crazy chick. You'll just keep dating really needy chicks that you think you can fix. I'll tell you something homey - a healthy relationship NEVER involves one person needing to fix the other person. Ever.

Good luck.

And f*ck you for making me take the time to type all that out.

Holy fuckkkk. Holy holy fuck fuck fuckasaurus rex that was amazing

Miser, dude, I like talking music with you and stuff. I appreciate you sending me tracks and shit too, and for what its worth, I like the forum more with you on it than without. I think you are an alright dude that just has some pretty bad issues you need to sort out. Grog's post wasn't nice or sugar coated, but everything he said was spot on in a way. The advice everyone (including me) has given you is pretty damn accurate and it will really help if you just listen! Don't tell us you get it, or you will listen, just do it =)

This may sound dumb, but its kind of... infuriating when you go on these huge rants about things like this. I got out of a 4 year long relationship with my best friend, someone I thought I was honestly going to marry and it ended in a terrible way. You were with Erica for what? 6 months? I don't want to say my relationship was more important than yours, but the point is I allowed myself a few months to be sad, then I told myself "whelp, moping about sure is a drag but I needed that, time to get on up!". Attitude is literally all of the battle. The more you wonder "why? how? what happened? she did what? what is she doing? blah blah blah" the more you are held back. You know the truth? NONE of the answers to those questions matter.

Its pretty clear you have a lot of work to do on your own and you NEED to be completely alone. You cannot be in a relationship unless you are capable of being happy alone and independent. Its clear you are not capable of that right now. Believe it or not, being alone can be a wonderful thing and can completely help/change you.

I hope you listen to Apollo's post, it may have sounded mean, but it was all spot on!

I'm 24. It's far too late for me to change any of these things. So, I'll take what I can get and hopefully find it within me to commit suicide at some point like I probably should. If I was 18 or 19 there'd still be time to fix things. I blew that chance at life and having a decent life and a normal relationship a long time ago.

Well, then, never fucking complain about it again. Not one post, not one PM. Nothing. If you're going to be presented with a solution and WILFULLY ignore it, then that's it. No-one wants to hear about it anymore.

[Dr. Who]

I want to be slow dancing on a Christmas night to this song.

That is the yearning of a 13-year-old girl or somebody who lives their lives through fantasies of movies and TV shows. True love isn't a 3-minute dance on Christmas night, by the way. You should be yearning for something much mores substantial than that.

With a woman who'll always be there.

Duh. That's what everybody wants. Nobody in the world says "I want a spouse who won't be there for me."

Who won't play mind games

You can tell that on the first date. Cut and run at that point. You can tell that within 1-2 online conversations. You keep dating really crazy and needy people, and then wonder why they play mind games?

or have ex baggage.

Then don't date people who have had bad relationships. You say that, but yet you were still obsessed with your last girl. Even going so far as to wanting to meet - and be nice - to her ex. You seek out crazy women for a reason. Everybody has ex-baggage. It's just that some people are mature and intelligent enough to "get over it" and somebody stay focused on their ex's forever, or just use the "ex" thing as an excuse to lure in dudes like you.

Who'll just love me for me

That's what everybody wants.

and I'll give her all the love I have in me.

You don't think that sounds creepy? If a girl I was dating told me that she wanted to give me "all the love I have in me" I'd be out the f*cking door in a matter of minutes. This is a great example of what is so creepy about the way you act on here. This is a statement you make to somebody that you are deciding to marry or make a lifetime commitment to. These words shouldn't be spoken to each other in the first year of dating. And your idea of "all the love I have in me" is different than most people's. Watching somebody paint on Skype for 7 hours or staying with somebody who tells you they love somebody else - that isn't you showing/sharing all your love. Giving all your love doesn't mean "fixing" or proving something to somebody.

But I have a lot of love in me, and I just wish I could have the chance to give it to someone who'd appreciate it.

Again, you just described EVERY person in the history of the world. But the difference is you don't hear normal people speaking those words. Do you see Lithium on here talking about "all" the love he has to give? Again, these are things that 13 year old teenage girls say.

With Erica, I gave her everything. I'd sit for hours watching her paint on Skype...Seven hours straight sometimes...Just to show her I believed in her talent because at the time she didn't.

You didn't give her "everything" - you didn't giver her the things a normal, sane, intelligent man would give her.

If you can't see how CREEPY this is, then I'm not sure you actually know what the word creepy means. If a girl wanted to watch me paint (or write, or do anything) on Skype for 7-hours straight I'd be out of that relationship before our Skype session was over. What you did wasn't "love" Miser, it was what an obsessive stalker does. Doing crazy sh*t doesn't show somebody how much you love them, it just feeds into BOTH of your mental issues. What's next? You want her to point her camera towards her while she is sleeping so you can make sure nothing happens to her during the night? You aren't talking about love here, you are trying to "fix" somebody. That's not what happens in a healthy relationship.

She was in an art class and the professor basically shattered her confidence

Boofrigginhoo. Are you kidding me? I had a college professor tell me I was a terrible writer. So I worked harder and ended up being an editor at several different newspapers and having a book published. Not an e-book or a self-published book on Amazon. But a book that was published and sold to the public. If a college professor had that much of a negative influence where she still hadn't gotten over it, then she needs to start going to professional therapy ASAP. This girl needs help/therapy - but not from YOU or a boyfriend.

and I'd sit and watch her to show her I believed in her, with the selfless hope that she'd perhaps gain back her faith in herself.

Again. Creepy as hell. You sound like you are writing a romance novel. Maybe the girl didn't NEED you to fix her? Maybe your obsessive need to fix her and show her how much and deep your love is is the reason she dumped you for an ex? I would be money that every girl you've ever dated as described you as OVER-BEARING-AS-F*CK.

I sat up with her night after night promising her I'd never leave her when she'd say she was garbage, not worth it and when she begged me to swear I'd never leave.

Again, this entire sentence just screams "I need therapy." There is nothing at all healthy about either person in this conversation. How can you tell a girlfriend that you would never leave her? About 95% of all dating situations end up with a break-up. You were just feeding into her insecurities. She needed TOUGH love, not what you gave her.

And even when she told me she loved Patrick, I still didn't leave, because, Miser though I am, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and break all the promises I'd made and validate all her insecurities that she'd had which I'd helped her to overcome.

And again - you are just completely playing into her mental illness. You think you are doing something special here, but you are actually just feeding into her insecurities and letting her USE you. Don't you have any dignity? Let me ask you this. How can any woman ever give herself to you and trust that you are a stable, confident intelligent guy.....when you are willing to stay with a woman like the ex you just described? If a woman says she loves another man, you need to LEAVE the relationship. The fact you stayed with her is just, well, just creepy. Be a man, a boyfriend - and stop trying to be their bff.

I was willing to stay with her when she gave me the option, knowing she loved another man, because I couldn't give up on her and show her she was right in hating herself as she had had for so long.

Creepy. You somehow equate "your love and dedication" to her as what she needs to FIX herself?????? Think about that. Are you God? Your love is so strong that it can cure crazy? If I was dating a girl and realized I was in love with somebody else, and I told the current girl that.....and she said "I don't care, I'm staying with you. My love will help you become more confident." I'd kick her out the door so fast her head would spin. I don't care if she looked like Kate Upton - she'd be GONE minutes after uttering that phrase.

So...knowing if I stayed that her heart would be torn in two, between he and I, for perhaps months on end, knowing that long term, being with me while loving him would fuck with her head and make her feel horrible...I made the decision easier for her. I got drunk and called her names, the exact thing she asked me not to ever do...Which made her decision making easier and spared her the guilt and pain she might otherwise have had in the long run. I took the blow and took the fall and pushed her away rather than hurt her more by having her stay.

Holy Sh*t. One of the creepiest things I've ever read. Or you could have just said "Babe, you need to go figure out exactly what you want. You need to go fix yourself and become a happy person BEFORE you can be in a loving relationship. If you think you love Patrick, then go spend some time with him and see what happens. But I'm out of here. Good luck, I'll always be your friend, I hope you can find what you need to be happy." That's is what a NORMAL PERSON does in your situation. You are admitting that you MANIPULATED her with your actions. Taking the blow and sparing her feelings by calling her names, etc, etc, etc. You guys are two young people dating, dude. This wasn't a 20 year old marriage. Nobody does what you say that you did. No sane person.

That's who I am at depth and who I want to be...I want to give all of myself to someone else.

Great. Wait until you've been dating somebody a couple years and you decide to get married. Otherwise......you just scream of desperation. Every time you post one of these huge weird rants, NOBODY on this forum ever agrees with you. Not the men, not the women. Nobody ever says "Ya Miser, that makes perfect sense. You are right." Everybody always says that you sound overbearing and crazy. Everybody always says you end up dating crazy people - on purpose. And everybody says t hat you need to STOP dating and figure yourself out. But you completely ignore all that. Remember a couple months ago YOU said you were going to STOP dating and take some time to figure yourself out, find some inner peace, etc. Everybody said "that's exactly what you need to do." LESS THAN 24 HOURS after you posted that, you came back on here and said that just sent out like 30 letters to different women on an online dating site.

I know a lot of you dislike me...Quite rightfully so in many cases...But Miser isn't all there is to who I am.

Again, creepy. Do you see Dazey saying things about "Dazey isn't all there is to who I am." Do you see Lenny saying that? You see yourself as this "character" and nobody in the real world thinks like that.

Creepy is the most overused word in 21st century lingo? I didn't know that. I rarely hear people using it. Maybe you hear it more than the rest of us for a reason?

Creepy describes anything we don't like? No. Maybe that's your definition, but not most people's. I don't like smoking - but I don't call people who smoke creepy.

And internet persona.........again, who in real life says crap like that or thinks of themselves like that? Do you think Bono or Mags or ARQ goes around and talks about their screen names in third person? It's just weird.

People don't think you are a nasty prick. They think you are crazy and obsessive and that you are NEVER going to be happy in a relationship or have a healthy relationship with somebody UNTIL you work on fixing yourself. People get tired of giving you advice on here that you NEVER take. As long as you continue the way you are, without your obsessive/stalkerish crazy talk about how much love you have to give, you will NEVER meet and have a relationship with a normal girl. You will continue to hook-up with crazy unstable girls. And if you do meet a nice, respectful, normal type girl - she will dump you in a matter of days. Because you will scare her off with your desperation and obsessive need to make everything about yourself.

My post wasn't very nice, but you said you wanted specifics.

Your other real problem is that the things you list above as your strengths are things that 99.99% of women would look at as signs to STAY AWAY from you. You start telling girls things on your first or second online dating conversation that shouldn't be told to people until you've been dating for months or years and are deciding to get married. I showed a female co-worker a couple of your posts about a month ago and she said - literally - "that dude sounds f*cking crazy. Stalker alert."

The first think you need to do, imo, is stop dating. And work on fixing yourself.

Stop looking at life like you are a movie character.

Start listening to people who give you great advice.

STOP dating people that you think you need to fix.

And asap - tomorrow - start going to therapy.

If you don't do those things..........you will never find the woman/relationship that you so desperately are seeking. Ever. You'll just move from crazy chick to crazy chick. You'll just keep dating really needy chicks that you think you can fix. I'll tell you something homey - a healthy relationship NEVER involves one person needing to fix the other person. Ever.

Good luck.

And f*ck you for making me take the time to type all that out.

Holy fuckkkk. Holy holy fuck fuck fuckasaurus rex that was amazing

Miser, dude, I like talking music with you and stuff. I appreciate you sending me tracks and shit too, and for what its worth, I like the forum more with you on it than without. I think you are an alright dude that just has some pretty bad issues you need to sort out. Grog's post wasn't nice or sugar coated, but everything he said was spot on in a way. The advice everyone (including me) has given you is pretty damn accurate and it will really help if you just listen! Don't tell us you get it, or you will listen, just do it =)

This may sound dumb, but its kind of... infuriating when you go on these huge rants about things like this. I got out of a 4 year long relationship with my best friend, someone I thought I was honestly going to marry and it ended in a terrible way. You were with Erica for what? 6 months? I don't want to say my relationship was more important than yours, but the point is I allowed myself a few months to be sad, then I told myself "whelp, moping about sure is a drag but I needed that, time to get on up!". Attitude is literally all of the battle. The more you wonder "why? how? what happened? she did what? what is she doing? blah blah blah" the more you are held back. You know the truth? NONE of the answers to those questions matter.

Its pretty clear you have a lot of work to do on your own and you NEED to be completely alone. You cannot be in a relationship unless you are capable of being happy alone and independent. Its clear you are not capable of that right now. Believe it or not, being alone can be a wonderful thing and can completely help/change you.

I hope you listen to Apollo's post, it may have sounded mean, but it was all spot on!

I'm 24. It's far too late for me to change any of these things. So, I'll take what I can get and hopefully find it within me to commit suicide at some point like I probably should. If I was 18 or 19 there'd still be time to fix things. I blew that chance at life and having a decent life and a normal relationship a long time ago.

Again, that is kind of insulting. I'm 23, does that mean I can't change? I've been making an effort to better myself and change things I don't like about myself recently. Its tough but I've been making progress. Why should age have anything to do with change? And suicide like you should?! Where the hell do you jump to that conclusion? You are talking about something horrible and absolute, why would you even say something like that, especially when you are actively refusing to even TRY bettering yourself. Surely that is the better thing to do? The more you play the self pitty card, the more you get depressed. It doesn't matter HOW or WHO influenced you and got you to where you are now, because only YOU can take control and change things. Anyone can do it with the right attitude.

And to be fair to me, I haven't exactly had the best examples in terms of love and romantic relationships.

My parents got married on a whim after like 5 months of dating and probably should never have been together.

My one sister got pregnant to trap her (now ex) husband out of desperation to get out of the life she was living and they were married within 2 and a half months of meeting. They lasted 16 years.

My other sister moved out with her (now husband) after 2 months of dating him because she couldn't stand being in our house anymore. He's a nice enough guy, but controlling and possessive and insecure. Bitches if she tries to lose weight because he claims she'll go "fuck other guys"

Other sister is 35, unmarried and lets herself fall into toxic relationships with men who are 10-15 years older than she is, and wants to trap a guy into staying by getting pregnant.

My nephew who is my age has had two abortions and is verbally and emotionally abusive to his girlfriends if not also physically abusive.

Other nephew I don't know his romantic life, he's gone to Florida to get away from the family.

Niece keeps her dating life secret

Other niece is dating a thug who talks lyek dis boi and is promiscuous, she was kicked out of school for being so and put in a special class for emotionally disturbed kids because she'd fucked 5 guys in a month's span or some such thing from what I understand

Their mother, my sister, kicked her husband of 15 years out, who is actually a decent guy, only to hook up with a former flame who is a recovering heroin addict in and out of a halfway house. He comes by on the weekends to fuck her and she sends all of her kids out of the house and then goes home to the halfway house. Her first husband was a crack addict and car thief.

Unfortunate, and I am sorry, but these are still excuses, excuses, and excuses. We all have family problems. I could name a list of mine, as well, or a list of the family crap my ex or my friends have been through/ are going through. As I said before, you have to be the one to take control and change things. Resentment, and the blame game are not tools in your bag of tricks that will help you. The more you wallow in self pity, blaming others, and hopelessness the worse you will be. You think you are "too old" to change? That is a cop out if I ever did hear one. Bollocks, I don't care if you are 15 or 90, anyone can take control if they are determined. You need to learn to love and be happy on your own, you cannot possibly be in a relationship without that, let alone a healthy one.

The problem and the solution are within you and only you.

EDIT- That kind of goes for you too, Nate. Don't accept "whelp, I'm at the age where I'm like this forever" or you really will be. If you are truly unhappy, take the steps to change that. Its not easy, and it takes a while (I'm still trying too), but why stay miserable?

I'm at the age where any real change isn't possible. I am who I am at this point. What I do not understand is how people like my relatives can have toxic relationships that last and I can't. I'd take a toxic lasting relationship over none at all. I do not like being alone. Being alone means dealing with myself. It is lonely and loneliness only embitters me further. I cannot deal with being alone without there being some kind of distraction (lately that distraction has been alcohol). I have an addictive personality. I need something to constantly distract me from myself. Relationships are a good way of doing that because when you're in a relationship it's not all about you. Whereas when you're "working on yourself" it is, the whole thing is about you looking at yourself and maybe I don't want to because all I see is pissed away potential, missed opportunities, burned bridges and regrets. I don't see a future. Only things I fucked up along the way to now.

I led a very sheltered life, I was a fat kid at school, I never had success with ladies, then when I finally met one at 17 she treated me like crap and messed my head up so badly that I am still insecure now. I slimmed down, then put on 4 stone when I was having 3 years of chemo and a social outcast because I couldn't mix in public due to my immune system.

Did I blame any of that for my failings with women after the chemo?

No, I got on with it, lost that weight again, worked hard to integrate socially again, worked hard at who I am and what I can offer. I'm now in a relationship that provides me with everything I ever wanted - that perfect mix of intelligence, attractiveness and all round chemistry.

I had to work fucking hard to get to this point, and guess what. I'm 25, and I still changed.

Stop pussying about and making excuses for being a little bitch and either make that change or stop complaining.

You're 25 now. You worked toward changing when you were 17 to now. I'm going to be 25 this year.

I never had a life. I never went to any parties or did wild crazy things. Never really had any real group of friends. Never did anything overly risque. I suffered from agoraphobia for about 2 years from 18 to 20 and lost out on a lot of things. I didn't get my first job as a result of both the agoraphobia and an addiction to Xanax until age 23. I have about 3 years of college left hanging. Basically, I have a lot of I want and have to do and won't probably get finished with until I am 40. My life's over. I fucked it up. Done. Finished. There's no way past this. I'm too old to finish what I've started and still have a meaningful life and make friends and make memories and have a career.

[Dr. Who]

The only life I can hope for at this point is that of a workman with a low class woman. I won't be able to ever have a house or have a scrapbook of wild parties and memories and say I actually lived. I can only hope to go down south or someplace, hopefully survive homelessness, and fall in with a girl who is just as damaged and make a life out of that. I'll never be able to have the upper middle class life I knew growing up. It's too late for me.

My father didn't finish college until age 34 but at the same time, he'd lived a life. He'd been working since he was 15, done some time in jail, did a year in the army, had fist fights, had fun, had lots of girls along the way, has a lot of wild stories to tell. He didn't get married until he was 36 and didn't buy a house until age 42. But the thing is, before he turned his life around, he had a lot of LIFE in the process-- good and bad. I'll never have that part even if I do turn my life around academically and career wise.

Hell even my mother's first husband. The fucker died at 34 from alcoholism but he was in the mercant marines before age 20, in and out of juvie homes. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a pussy and actually done the stupid shit I wanted to do when I was a teen. But before I was agoraphobic I felt the need to be the good child because I was criticized for pretty much anything I did and because (in her own words) my mother placed all her hopes and dreams of the life she never got to have on to me. I couldn't go out and come home drunk while my mother was dealing with my father being zonked out on meds at home.

[Jakey Styley]

The only life I can hope for at this point is that of a workman with a low class woman. I won't be able to ever have a house or have a scrapbook of wild parties and memories and say I actually lived. I can only hope to go down south or someplace, hopefully survive homelessness, and fall in with a girl who is just as damaged and make a life out of that. I'll never be able to have the upper middle class life I knew growing up. It's too late for me.

My father didn't finish college until age 34 but at the same time, he'd lived a life. He'd been working since he was 15, done some time in jail, did a year in the army, had fist fights, had fun, had lots of girls along the way, has a lot of wild stories to tell. He didn't get married until he was 36 and didn't buy a house until age 42. But the thing is, before he turned his life around, he had a lot of LIFE in the process-- good and bad. I'll never have that part even if I do turn my life around academically and career wise.

Hell even my mother's first husband. The fucker died at 34 from alcoholism but he was in the mercant marines before age 20, in and out of juvie homes. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a pussy and actually done the stupid shit I wanted to do when I was a teen. But before I was agoraphobic I felt the need to be the good child because I was criticized for pretty much anything I did and because (in her own words) my mother placed all her hopes and dreams of the life she never got to have on to me. I couldn't go out and come home drunk while my mother was dealing with my father being zonked out on meds at home.

Since Apollo's post. you've been doing the thing where you look at life through some weird cinematic lens again. You are not a movie character. You are not that important. You're just a person with your share of problems that most people have. You seem to believe that your unstable upbringing is totally unique and makes you some kind of special flower, but it's not. I think coming to terms with all this would help a lot.

[Graeme]

This has all happened before, multiple times. Insanity is doing exactly the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

[Dr. Who]

The only life I can hope for at this point is that of a workman with a low class woman. I won't be able to ever have a house or have a scrapbook of wild parties and memories and say I actually lived. I can only hope to go down south or someplace, hopefully survive homelessness, and fall in with a girl who is just as damaged and make a life out of that. I'll never be able to have the upper middle class life I knew growing up. It's too late for me.

My father didn't finish college until age 34 but at the same time, he'd lived a life. He'd been working since he was 15, done some time in jail, did a year in the army, had fist fights, had fun, had lots of girls along the way, has a lot of wild stories to tell. He didn't get married until he was 36 and didn't buy a house until age 42. But the thing is, before he turned his life around, he had a lot of LIFE in the process-- good and bad. I'll never have that part even if I do turn my life around academically and career wise.

Hell even my mother's first husband. The fucker died at 34 from alcoholism but he was in the mercant marines before age 20, in and out of juvie homes. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a pussy and actually done the stupid shit I wanted to do when I was a teen. But before I was agoraphobic I felt the need to be the good child because I was criticized for pretty much anything I did and because (in her own words) my mother placed all her hopes and dreams of the life she never got to have on to me. I couldn't go out and come home drunk while my mother was dealing with my father being zonked out on meds at home.

Since Apollo's post. you've been doing the thing where you look at life through some weird cinematic lens again. You are not a movie character. You are not that important. You're just a person with your share of problems that most people have. You seem to believe that your unstable upbringing is totally unique and makes you some kind of special flower, but it's not. I think coming to terms with all this would help a lot.

How is it a cinematic lens? These aren't fictional characters I'm talking about. They're real people I wish I could be like. I wish I could've struggled, done wild shit, gotten in trouble. Maybe I resent being so infantilized and sheltered from everything. I don't think my unstable upbringing makes me unique or special. I'm actually not very special at all. I just wish that I'd had the good part of the instability. The wild life.

[Lithium]

I had intercourse with another girl from Tinder today.

[AxlisOld]

I had intercourse with another girl from Tinder today.

MISER C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!

[arnold layne]

I want to be slow dancing on a Christmas night to this song.

That is the yearning of a 13-year-old girl or somebody who lives their lives through fantasies of movies and TV shows. True love isn't a 3-minute dance on Christmas night, by the way. You should be yearning for something much mores substantial than that.

With a woman who'll always be there.

Duh. That's what everybody wants. Nobody in the world says "I want a spouse who won't be there for me."

Who won't play mind games

You can tell that on the first date. Cut and run at that point. You can tell that within 1-2 online conversations. You keep dating really crazy and needy people, and then wonder why they play mind games?

or have ex baggage.

Then don't date people who have had bad relationships. You say that, but yet you were still obsessed with your last girl. Even going so far as to wanting to meet - and be nice - to her ex. You seek out crazy women for a reason. Everybody has ex-baggage. It's just that some people are mature and intelligent enough to "get over it" and somebody stay focused on their ex's forever, or just use the "ex" thing as an excuse to lure in dudes like you.

Who'll just love me for me

That's what everybody wants.

and I'll give her all the love I have in me.

You don't think that sounds creepy? If a girl I was dating told me that she wanted to give me "all the love I have in me" I'd be out the f*cking door in a matter of minutes. This is a great example of what is so creepy about the way you act on here. This is a statement you make to somebody that you are deciding to marry or make a lifetime commitment to. These words shouldn't be spoken to each other in the first year of dating. And your idea of "all the love I have in me" is different than most people's. Watching somebody paint on Skype for 7 hours or staying with somebody who tells you they love somebody else - that isn't you showing/sharing all your love. Giving all your love doesn't mean "fixing" or proving something to somebody.

But I have a lot of love in me, and I just wish I could have the chance to give it to someone who'd appreciate it.

Again, you just described EVERY person in the history of the world. But the difference is you don't hear normal people speaking those words. Do you see Lithium on here talking about "all" the love he has to give? Again, these are things that 13 year old teenage girls say.

With Erica, I gave her everything. I'd sit for hours watching her paint on Skype...Seven hours straight sometimes...Just to show her I believed in her talent because at the time she didn't.

You didn't give her "everything" - you didn't giver her the things a normal, sane, intelligent man would give her.

If you can't see how CREEPY this is, then I'm not sure you actually know what the word creepy means. If a girl wanted to watch me paint (or write, or do anything) on Skype for 7-hours straight I'd be out of that relationship before our Skype session was over. What you did wasn't "love" Miser, it was what an obsessive stalker does. Doing crazy sh*t doesn't show somebody how much you love them, it just feeds into BOTH of your mental issues. What's next? You want her to point her camera towards her while she is sleeping so you can make sure nothing happens to her during the night? You aren't talking about love here, you are trying to "fix" somebody. That's not what happens in a healthy relationship.

She was in an art class and the professor basically shattered her confidence

Boofrigginhoo. Are you kidding me? I had a college professor tell me I was a terrible writer. So I worked harder and ended up being an editor at several different newspapers and having a book published. Not an e-book or a self-published book on Amazon. But a book that was published and sold to the public. If a college professor had that much of a negative influence where she still hadn't gotten over it, then she needs to start going to professional therapy ASAP. This girl needs help/therapy - but not from YOU or a boyfriend.

and I'd sit and watch her to show her I believed in her, with the selfless hope that she'd perhaps gain back her faith in herself.

Again. Creepy as hell. You sound like you are writing a romance novel. Maybe the girl didn't NEED you to fix her? Maybe your obsessive need to fix her and show her how much and deep your love is is the reason she dumped you for an ex? I would be money that every girl you've ever dated as described you as OVER-BEARING-AS-F*CK.

I sat up with her night after night promising her I'd never leave her when she'd say she was garbage, not worth it and when she begged me to swear I'd never leave.

Again, this entire sentence just screams "I need therapy." There is nothing at all healthy about either person in this conversation. How can you tell a girlfriend that you would never leave her? About 95% of all dating situations end up with a break-up. You were just feeding into her insecurities. She needed TOUGH love, not what you gave her.

And even when she told me she loved Patrick, I still didn't leave, because, Miser though I am, I didn't want to hurt her feelings and break all the promises I'd made and validate all her insecurities that she'd had which I'd helped her to overcome.

And again - you are just completely playing into her mental illness. You think you are doing something special here, but you are actually just feeding into her insecurities and letting her USE you. Don't you have any dignity? Let me ask you this. How can any woman ever give herself to you and trust that you are a stable, confident intelligent guy.....when you are willing to stay with a woman like the ex you just described? If a woman says she loves another man, you need to LEAVE the relationship. The fact you stayed with her is just, well, just creepy. Be a man, a boyfriend - and stop trying to be their bff.

I was willing to stay with her when she gave me the option, knowing she loved another man, because I couldn't give up on her and show her she was right in hating herself as she had had for so long.

Creepy. You somehow equate "your love and dedication" to her as what she needs to FIX herself?????? Think about that. Are you God? Your love is so strong that it can cure crazy? If I was dating a girl and realized I was in love with somebody else, and I told the current girl that.....and she said "I don't care, I'm staying with you. My love will help you become more confident." I'd kick her out the door so fast her head would spin. I don't care if she looked like Kate Upton - she'd be GONE minutes after uttering that phrase.

So...knowing if I stayed that her heart would be torn in two, between he and I, for perhaps months on end, knowing that long term, being with me while loving him would fuck with her head and make her feel horrible...I made the decision easier for her. I got drunk and called her names, the exact thing she asked me not to ever do...Which made her decision making easier and spared her the guilt and pain she might otherwise have had in the long run. I took the blow and took the fall and pushed her away rather than hurt her more by having her stay.

Holy Sh*t. One of the creepiest things I've ever read. Or you could have just said "Babe, you need to go figure out exactly what you want. You need to go fix yourself and become a happy person BEFORE you can be in a loving relationship. If you think you love Patrick, then go spend some time with him and see what happens. But I'm out of here. Good luck, I'll always be your friend, I hope you can find what you need to be happy." That's is what a NORMAL PERSON does in your situation. You are admitting that you MANIPULATED her with your actions. Taking the blow and sparing her feelings by calling her names, etc, etc, etc. You guys are two young people dating, dude. This wasn't a 20 year old marriage. Nobody does what you say that you did. No sane person.

That's who I am at depth and who I want to be...I want to give all of myself to someone else.

Great. Wait until you've been dating somebody a couple years and you decide to get married. Otherwise......you just scream of desperation. Every time you post one of these huge weird rants, NOBODY on this forum ever agrees with you. Not the men, not the women. Nobody ever says "Ya Miser, that makes perfect sense. You are right." Everybody always says that you sound overbearing and crazy. Everybody always says you end up dating crazy people - on purpose. And everybody says t hat you need to STOP dating and figure yourself out. But you completely ignore all that. Remember a couple months ago YOU said you were going to STOP dating and take some time to figure yourself out, find some inner peace, etc. Everybody said "that's exactly what you need to do." LESS THAN 24 HOURS after you posted that, you came back on here and said that just sent out like 30 letters to different women on an online dating site.

I know a lot of you dislike me...Quite rightfully so in many cases...But Miser isn't all there is to who I am.I'm

Again, creepy. Do you see Dazey saying things about "Dazey isn't all there is to who I am." Do you see Lenny saying that? You see yourself as this "character" and nobody in the real world thinks like that.

Creepy is the most overused word in 21st century lingo? I didn't know that. I rarely hear people using it. Maybe you hear it more than the rest of us for a reason?

Creepy describes anything we don't like? No. Maybe that's your definition, but not most people's. I don't like smoking - but I don't call people who smoke creepy.

And internet persona.........again, who in real life says crap like that or thinks of themselves like that? Do you think Bono or Mags or ARQ goes around and talks about their screen names in third person? It's just weird.

People don't think you are a nasty prick. They think you are crazy and obsessive and that you are NEVER going to be happy in a relationship or have a healthy relationship with somebody UNTIL you work on fixing yourself. People get tired of giving you advice on here that you NEVER take. As long as you continue the way you are, without your obsessive/stalkerish crazy talk about how much love you have to give, you will NEVER meet and have a relationship with a normal girl. You will continue to hook-up with crazy unstable girls. And if you do meet a nice, respectful, normal type girl - she will dump you in a matter of days. Because you will scare her off with your desperation and obsessive need to make everything about yourself.

My post wasn't very nice, but you said you wanted specifics.

Your other real problem is that the things you list above as your strengths are things that 99.99% of women would look at as signs to STAY AWAY from you. You start telling girls things on your first or second online dating conversation that shouldn't be told to people until you've been dating for months or years and are deciding to get married. I showed a female co-worker a couple of your posts about a month ago and she said - literally - "that dude sounds f*cking crazy. Stalker alert."

The first think you need to do, imo, is stop dating. And work on fixing yourself.

Stop looking at life like you are a movie character.

Start listening to people who give you great advice.

STOP dating people that you think you need to fix.

And asap - tomorrow - start going to therapy.

If you don't do those things..........you will never find the woman/relationship that you so desperately are seeking. Ever. You'll just move from crazy chick to crazy chick. You'll just keep dating really needy chicks that you think you can fix. I'll tell you something homey - a healthy relationship NEVER involves one person needing to fix the other person. Ever.

Good luck.

And f*ck you for making me take the time to type all that out.

Holy fuckkkk. Holy holy fuck fuck fuckasaurus rex that was amazing

Miser, dude, I like talking music with you and stuff. I appreciate you sending me tracks and shit too, and for what its worth, I like the forum more with you on it than without. I think you are an alright dude that just has some pretty bad issues you need to sort out. Grog's post wasn't nice or sugar coated, but everything he said was spot on in a way. The advice everyone (including me) has given you is pretty damn accurate and it will really help if you just listen! Don't tell us you get it, or you will listen, just do it =)

This may sound dumb, but its kind of... infuriating when you go on these huge rants about things like this. I got out of a 4 year long relationship with my best friend, someone I thought I was honestly going to marry and it ended in a terrible way. You were with Erica for what? 6 months? I don't want to say my relationship was more important than yours, but the point is I allowed myself a few months to be sad, then I told myself "whelp, moping about sure is a drag but I needed that, time to get on up!". Attitude is literally all of the battle. The more you wonder "why? how? what happened? she did what? what is she doing? blah blah blah" the more you are held back. You know the truth? NONE of the answers to those questions matter.

Its pretty clear you have a lot of work to do on your own and you NEED to be completely alone. You cannot be in a relationship unless you are capable of being happy alone and independent. Its clear you are not capable of that right now. Believe it or not, being alone can be a wonderful thing and can completely help/change you.

I hope you listen to Apollo's post, it may have sounded mean, but it was all spot on!

I'm 24. It's far too late for me to change any of these things. So, I'll take what I can get and hopefully find it within me to commit suicide at some point like I probably should. If I was 18 or 19 there'd still be time to fix things. I blew that chance at life and having a decent life and a normal relationship a long time ago.

Again, that is kind of insulting. I'm 23, does that mean I can't change? I've been making an effort to better myself and change things I don't like about myself recently. Its tough but I've been making progress. Why should age have anything to do with change? And suicide like you should?! Where the hell do you jump to that conclusion? You are talking about something horrible and absolute, why would you even say something like that, especially when you are actively refusing to even TRY bettering yourself. Surely that is the better thing to do? The more you play the self pitty card, the more you get depressed. It doesn't matter HOW or WHO influenced you and got you to where you are now, because only YOU can take control and change things. Anyone can do it with the right attitude.

And to be fair to me, I haven't exactly had the best examples in terms of love and romantic relationships.

My parents got married on a whim after like 5 months of dating and probably should never have been together.

My one sister got pregnant to trap her (now ex) husband out of desperation to get out of the life she was living and they were married within 2 and a half months of meeting. They lasted 16 years.

My other sister moved out with her (now husband) after 2 months of dating him because she couldn't stand being in our house anymore. He's a nice enough guy, but controlling and possessive and insecure. Bitches if she tries to lose weight because he claims she'll go "fuck other guys"

Other sister is 35, unmarried and lets herself fall into toxic relationships with men who are 10-15 years older than she is, and wants to trap a guy into staying by getting pregnant.

My nephew who is my age has had two abortions and is verbally and emotionally abusive to his girlfriends if not also physically abusive.

Other nephew I don't know his romantic life, he's gone to Florida to get away from the family.

Niece keeps her dating life secret

Other niece is dating a thug who talks lyek dis boi and is promiscuous, she was kicked out of school for being so and put in a special class for emotionally disturbed kids because she'd fucked 5 guys in a month's span or some such thing from what I understand

Their mother, my sister, kicked her husband of 15 years out, who is actually a decent guy, only to hook up with a former flame who is a recovering heroin addict in and out of a halfway house. He comes by on the weekends to fuck her and she sends all of her kids out of the house and then goes home to the halfway house. Her first husband was a crack addict and car thief.

Unfortunate, and I am sorry, but these are still excuses, excuses, and excuses. We all have family problems. I could name a list of mine, as well, or a list of the family crap my ex or my friends have been through/ are going through. As I said before, you have to be the one to take control and change things. Resentment, and the blame game are not tools in your bag of tricks that will help you. The more you wallow in self pity, blaming others, and hopelessness the worse you will be. You think you are "too old" to change? That is a cop out if I ever did hear one. Bollocks, I don't care if you are 15 or 90, anyone can take control if they are determined. You need to learn to love and be happy on your own, you cannot possibly be in a relationship without that, let alone a healthy one.

The problem and the solution are within you and only you.

EDIT- That kind of goes for you too, Nate. Don't accept "whelp, I'm at the age where I'm like this forever" or you really will be. If you are truly unhappy, take the steps to change that. Its not easy, and it takes a while (I'm still trying too), but why stay miserable?

I don't know man.

My life is pretty awesome. I get laid frequently and I have access to all the weed and uppers my little heart desires yet I still hate myself and everyone.

Searching for answers that never appear.

Oh well.

[Dazey]

The only life I can hope for at this point is that of a workman with a low class woman. I won't be able to ever have a house or have a scrapbook of wild parties and memories and say I actually lived. I can only hope to go down south or someplace, hopefully survive homelessness, and fall in with a girl who is just as damaged and make a life out of that. I'll never be able to have the upper middle class life I knew growing up. It's too late for me.

My father didn't finish college until age 34 but at the same time, he'd lived a life. He'd been working since he was 15, done some time in jail, did a year in the army, had fist fights, had fun, had lots of girls along the way, has a lot of wild stories to tell. He didn't get married until he was 36 and didn't buy a house until age 42. But the thing is, before he turned his life around, he had a lot of LIFE in the process-- good and bad. I'll never have that part even if I do turn my life around academically and career wise.

Hell even my mother's first husband. The fucker died at 34 from alcoholism but he was in the mercant marines before age 20, in and out of juvie homes. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a pussy and actually done the stupid shit I wanted to do when I was a teen. But before I was agoraphobic I felt the need to be the good child because I was criticized for pretty much anything I did and because (in her own words) my mother placed all her hopes and dreams of the life she never got to have on to me. I couldn't go out and come home drunk while my mother was dealing with my father being zonked out on meds at home.

Since Apollo's post. you've been doing the thing where you look at life through some weird cinematic lens again. You are not a movie character. You are not that important. You're just a person with your share of problems that most people have. You seem to believe that your unstable upbringing is totally unique and makes you some kind of special flower, but it's not. I think coming to terms with all this would help a lot.

How is it a cinematic lens? These aren't fictional characters I'm talking about. They're real people I wish I could be like. I wish I could've struggled, done wild shit, gotten in trouble. Maybe I resent being so infantilized and sheltered from everything. I don't think my unstable upbringing makes me unique or special. I'm actually not very special at all. I just wish that I'd had the good part of the instability. The wild life.

You're just making excuses Miser. I didn't graduate college until I was 27 which is also when I got my first proper graduate job. You said you have 3 years college left and you're 24 now so that would make you the same age as I was at the same stage. Should I have just given up at the time?

[arnold layne]

But that's depression.

[Dr. Who]

The only life I can hope for at this point is that of a workman with a low class woman. I won't be able to ever have a house or have a scrapbook of wild parties and memories and say I actually lived. I can only hope to go down south or someplace, hopefully survive homelessness, and fall in with a girl who is just as damaged and make a life out of that. I'll never be able to have the upper middle class life I knew growing up. It's too late for me.

My father didn't finish college until age 34 but at the same time, he'd lived a life. He'd been working since he was 15, done some time in jail, did a year in the army, had fist fights, had fun, had lots of girls along the way, has a lot of wild stories to tell. He didn't get married until he was 36 and didn't buy a house until age 42. But the thing is, before he turned his life around, he had a lot of LIFE in the process-- good and bad. I'll never have that part even if I do turn my life around academically and career wise.

Hell even my mother's first husband. The fucker died at 34 from alcoholism but he was in the mercant marines before age 20, in and out of juvie homes. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a pussy and actually done the stupid shit I wanted to do when I was a teen. But before I was agoraphobic I felt the need to be the good child because I was criticized for pretty much anything I did and because (in her own words) my mother placed all her hopes and dreams of the life she never got to have on to me. I couldn't go out and come home drunk while my mother was dealing with my father being zonked out on meds at home.

Since Apollo's post. you've been doing the thing where you look at life through some weird cinematic lens again. You are not a movie character. You are not that important. You're just a person with your share of problems that most people have. You seem to believe that your unstable upbringing is totally unique and makes you some kind of special flower, but it's not. I think coming to terms with all this would help a lot.

How is it a cinematic lens? These aren't fictional characters I'm talking about. They're real people I wish I could be like. I wish I could've struggled, done wild shit, gotten in trouble. Maybe I resent being so infantilized and sheltered from everything. I don't think my unstable upbringing makes me unique or special. I'm actually not very special at all. I just wish that I'd had the good part of the instability. The wild life.

You're just making excuses Miser. I didn't graduate college until I was 27 which is also when I got my first proper graduate job. You said you have 3 years college left and you're 24 now so that would make you the same age as I was at the same stage. Should I have just given up at the time?

It's different though, I'm sure you had plenty of bullshit jobs before age 27. I only got my first bullshit job at 23. Yeah I worked my way through high school but I was never paid for it, it simply paid in part for my education, so I don't think that counts as anything.

[Dazey]

The only life I can hope for at this point is that of a workman with a low class woman. I won't be able to ever have a house or have a scrapbook of wild parties and memories and say I actually lived. I can only hope to go down south or someplace, hopefully survive homelessness, and fall in with a girl who is just as damaged and make a life out of that. I'll never be able to have the upper middle class life I knew growing up. It's too late for me.

My father didn't finish college until age 34 but at the same time, he'd lived a life. He'd been working since he was 15, done some time in jail, did a year in the army, had fist fights, had fun, had lots of girls along the way, has a lot of wild stories to tell. He didn't get married until he was 36 and didn't buy a house until age 42. But the thing is, before he turned his life around, he had a lot of LIFE in the process-- good and bad. I'll never have that part even if I do turn my life around academically and career wise.

Hell even my mother's first husband. The fucker died at 34 from alcoholism but he was in the mercant marines before age 20, in and out of juvie homes. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a pussy and actually done the stupid shit I wanted to do when I was a teen. But before I was agoraphobic I felt the need to be the good child because I was criticized for pretty much anything I did and because (in her own words) my mother placed all her hopes and dreams of the life she never got to have on to me. I couldn't go out and come home drunk while my mother was dealing with my father being zonked out on meds at home.

Since Apollo's post. you've been doing the thing where you look at life through some weird cinematic lens again. You are not a movie character. You are not that important. You're just a person with your share of problems that most people have. You seem to believe that your unstable upbringing is totally unique and makes you some kind of special flower, but it's not. I think coming to terms with all this would help a lot.

How is it a cinematic lens? These aren't fictional characters I'm talking about. They're real people I wish I could be like. I wish I could've struggled, done wild shit, gotten in trouble. Maybe I resent being so infantilized and sheltered from everything. I don't think my unstable upbringing makes me unique or special. I'm actually not very special at all. I just wish that I'd had the good part of the instability. The wild life.

You're just making excuses Miser. I didn't graduate college until I was 27 which is also when I got my first proper graduate job. You said you have 3 years college left and you're 24 now so that would make you the same age as I was at the same stage. Should I have just given up at the time?

It's different though, I'm sure you had plenty of bullshit jobs before age 27. I only got my first bullshit job at 23. Yeah I worked my way through high school but I was never paid for it, it simply paid in part for my education, so I don't think that counts as anything.

That's completely irrelevant. You have three years of college left so you can complete that course and have a degree by the age of 27 or you can do nothing and be back here in three years complaining about how you're too old at 27 to make any changes.

[Len Cnut]

Too old, fuck me, i'm 31 and doing my A Levels, what type of cunt does that make me?

[Axls Rocket Queen]

Too old, fuck me, i'm 31 and doing my A Levels, what type of cunt does that make me?

You're 31?!

[Len Cnut]

Too old, fuck me, i'm 31 and doing my A Levels, what type of cunt does that make me?

You're 31?!

Well don't say it like that for fuckssake 28th June 1983.

Edited February 16, 2015 by Len B'stard

[Axls Rocket Queen]

Too old, fuck me, i'm 31 and doing my A Levels, what type of cunt does that make me?

You're 31?!

Well don't say it like that for fuckssake 28th June 1983.

Sorry Just figured you were younger for some reason. But then I had someone say they thought I was 19/20 the other day so I can't talk...

[Lithium]

Too old, fuck me, i'm 31 and doing my A Levels, what type of cunt does that make me?

You're 31?!

You don't have to shout it at him, 31 isn't that old.

Edited February 16, 2015 by Lithium

[Len Cnut]

*cleans his ear out* hows that again?

[ZoSoRose]

You know what, Miser? Its hard to set me off but here it goes,

"Boooo hoooo, you're 25 and can't change because... of what again? Because you're 25?" What the fuck?!

Chris literally went through chemo and is offering you advice and you are acting like his changing and growing is harder than yours? Fuck off, man. Seriously...

All you do is make excuses for yourself. Shit isn't hard-

Go to therapy, DO NOT DATE, and fucking change your piss poor attitude. Afraid to "look at yourself and be alone?" Gee, who the fuck isn't? Your problems aren't any worse or better than anyone else. As I said YOU are the problem and only YOU can be the solution.

Don't look at this post like "oh no, ZoSo doesn't like me" cause that ain't true. Look at this (and everything on here) as help because sugar coating just ain't getting past your thick skull.

EDIT- And you're the same age as me. Get real... saying change isn't possible at out age. I (and many, many others) beg do differ. Don't insult us.

The only life I can hope for at this point is that of a workman with a low class woman. I won't be able to ever have a house or have a scrapbook of wild parties and memories and say I actually lived. I can only hope to go down south or someplace, hopefully survive homelessness, and fall in with a girl who is just as damaged and make a life out of that. I'll never be able to have the upper middle class life I knew growing up. It's too late for me.

What the fuck?

Scrapbook of wild parties? Only hope of a "workman with low class woman"? Homelessness? LOOKING FOR A DAMAGED RELATIONSHIP?!

Edited February 16, 2015 by ZoSoRose

[magisme]

It's a well known fact that everything about you is permanent once you turn 23.

[Lithium]

It's a well known fact that everything about you is permanent once you turn 23.

hooray for tolerance! you bout to hit dat 12k post mark

[magisme]

It's a well known fact that everything about you is permanent once you turn 23.

hooray for tolerance! you bout to hit dat 12k post mark

I hope I come up with something good.