The love/sex/relationship thread

[Facekicker]

Get on Tinder.

[Graeme]

Haha, she actually asked me to go to a dance tonight, but typically of my luck, tickets are sold out.

[Facekicker]

Haha, she actually asked me to go to a dance tonight, but typically of my luck, tickets are sold out.

She's interested then. Think of an alternative place where you can dance and call her back and suggest you go there instead. Don't ask her what time, just say "Would you like to go to XYZ instead tonight say around 9pm?"

[Graeme]

Nevermind. It was only tickets for a meal at the ceilidh that were sold out. Going now.

[arnold layne]

Nevermind.

Good album.

[Len Cnut]

Nevermind the Bollocks.

Greatest album.

Fixed.

[Lithium]

Nevermind. It was only tickets for a meal at the ceilidh that were sold out. Going now.

Good job, tap dat ass.

[arnold layne]

I am in a terrible situation right now.

I want to break up with my girlfriend whom I live with. She doesn't make me happy and is downright mental. The problem lies with how I do it.

This woman I believe is suicidal, and she owns a gun both of us have used at the shooting range.

I am worried that if I decide to break up with her, which I would like to do so, she may do something terrible and the responsibility may point my way.

I don't know what to do. I think I might break up with her while recording the message, tell her friends my concerns, and stay by my family 24/7 for a few weeks.

I am tempted to steal her gun.

I feel trapped. I need a way out.

[Dazey]

Tell her you don't want her because she's fat and you can't think of her in the same way anyway since you nailed her sister who was a right goer and also not fat. Also, do this in Walmart and make sure she has her gun on her at the time. And make sure it's in the vicinity of their CCTV. And let us know at least 24 hours in advance.

[PappyTron]

Tell her you don't want her because she's fat and you can't think of her in the same way anyway since you nailed her sister who was a right goer and also not fat. Also, do this in Walmart and make sure she has her gun on her at the time. And make sure it's in the vicinity of their CCTV. And let us know at least 24 hours in advance.

Also, wait until she has paid next month's rent; that way you'll at least have a grace period of a few weeks before the landlord comes looking for money.

[AxlisOld]

I am in a terrible situation right now.

I want to break up with my girlfriend whom I live with. She doesn't make me happy and is downright mental. The problem lies with how I do it.

This woman I believe is suicidal, and she owns a gun both of us have used at the shooting range.

I am worried that if I decide to break up with her, which I would like to do so, she may do something terrible and the responsibility may point my way.

I don't know what to do. I think I might break up with her while recording the message, tell her friends my concerns, and stay by my family 24/7 for a few weeks.

I am tempted to steal her gun.

I feel trapped. I need a way out.

Just break up with her you crybaby. What, you're supposed to stay miserable with her because she might flip out and someone would blame you? I'd love to see the judge convicting someone of manslaughter for breaking up with someone.

Get a job, get an apartment. Live there without her.

[Dazey]

Tell her you don't want her because she's fat and you can't think of her in the same way anyway since you nailed her sister who was a right goer and also not fat. Also, do this in Walmart and make sure she has her gun on her at the time. And make sure it's in the vicinity of their CCTV. And let us know at least 24 hours in advance.

Also, wait until she has paid next month's rent; that way you'll at least have a grace period of a few weeks before the landlord comes looking for money.

Or shank her in the neck at the same time and you've got plenty of time before people notice the smell.

Too far?

[spunko12345]

Tell her you don't want her because she's fat and you can't think of her in the same way anyway since you nailed her sister who was a right goer and also not fat. Also, do this in Walmart and make sure she has her gun on her at the time. And make sure it's in the vicinity of their CCTV. And let us know at least 24 hours in advance.

Also, wait until she has paid next month's rent; that way you'll at least have a grace period of a few weeks before the landlord comes looking for money.

Or shank her in the neck at the same time and you've got plenty of time before people notice the smell.

Too far?

A touch maybe

But she and this scenario is probably not real so fuck it

[arnold layne]

I am in a terrible situation right now.

I want to break up with my girlfriend whom I live with. She doesn't make me happy and is downright mental. The problem lies with how I do it.

This woman I believe is suicidal, and she owns a gun both of us have used at the shooting range.

I am worried that if I decide to break up with her, which I would like to do so, she may do something terrible and the responsibility may point my way.

I don't know what to do. I think I might break up with her while recording the message, tell her friends my concerns, and stay by my family 24/7 for a few weeks.

I am tempted to steal her gun.

I feel trapped. I need a way out.

Just break up with her you crybaby. What, you're supposed to stay miserable with her because she might flip out and someone would blame you? I'd love to see the judge convicting someone of manslaughter for breaking up with someone.

Get a job, get an apartment. Live there without her.

Thanks man.

[Snake-Pit]

I liken me & Kirsty to...

The Zombie Couple from this

I can't seem to escape her grip

Or her presence

Or....

She's some arsehole celelbrity doing a cameo in the Truman Show of my life

A cosmic thorn in my side, a thing that is me, and I am bound to it and it is bound to me.

ARGHH!!!!!!

[Len Cnut]

Who the fuck is Kirsty?

[Snake-Pit]

Gangster B'

[spunko12345]

Ah dear old Gangster Bitch, how is she? Keeping well I hope. And Lesbian Sister? Send them my regards won't you.

[Graeme]

"Kirsty" doesn't sound very Gangster...sounds like a Bank of Scotland cashier .

[Gracii Guns]

"Kirsty" doesn't sound very Gangster...sounds like a Bank of Scotland cashier .

I actually have a friend called Kirsty who worked at RBS in Kelso. (Side note, she's in Paisley now).

[Snake-Pit]

Yeah, as much as I've spoke about her, I've never really cared to use her name (since she's offline, irl) etc... no one on this forum need know her name...

That's why I've always called her Gangster B'; because as far as you're all concerned, that may aswell be her name, but it's not; It's Kirsty.

Ah dear old Gangster Bitch, how is she? Keeping well I hope. And Lesbian Sister? Send them my regards won't you.

Lesbian Sister introduced me to Gangster B' but because of Gangster B's volatile nature, Lesbian Sister hates Gangster B'.

So much so that she warns me about her and says she washes her hands off it.

When I told Lesbian Sister that Gangster B' could come to class, Lesbian Sister playfully threatened to disown me. (This was before Gangster B' surprised me and came to class, my class)!

Alas, is what it is.

Lesbian Sister & Gangster B' don't talk anymore and Gangster B's still bitter about change (like £20) and I'm bitter about bigger things (like £200).

But that's life.

I worked out though, that as much as I love them, hate them; they're still a part of life, it seems, and if I'm to pass the course, I'm to leave all that ghetto B/S at the door, but Gangster B' like an Ex wife is... Coming to me for help, but also, bugging me too and is still volatile (but I can handle it).

For real it is insane!

Day 1 she came (which was like 2 days in)... She walks in like 5/10 minutes after me, to my surprise, sits down in the front row (I was in the back), then as I leave for break, she stops me to talk to me, because she know's me, that's cool, then on my break she takes the piss and I get a call from her saying

'I've taken your seat' and the only seat left (with a computer) was the seat next to the one she took that I had, so I had to sit next to her... Trying to do my work she's bugging, bugging, bugging me, for stupid shit. - I'm there to learn right and to do my work and pass.... She's there to... I actually got tired of her bugging me and by the end of that first day, I snapped/quietly but surely, snapped at her and genuinely accused her of coming into class for the sole purpose of fucking it up for me - she distracted me that much!

The next day, we arrived at the same time, I found a nice seat next to someone else....

.... She's calling me on my phone from the back row bugging me, bugging me, bugging me.

I lock off the phone, she calls across the class.

The 2 days she came in this week felt like 2 years!

Edited January 22, 2016 by Snake-Pit

[ZoSoRose]

Uh oh, snakes

You better run

[Dazey]

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[GivenToFly]

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Yeah! We should have another 5 pages of you guys' crap instead!

[Len Cnut]

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Yeah! We should have another 5 pages of you guys' crap instead!

Fuck off you little norman or I'll slap your glasses off your face